Justin was all alone in the shower downstairs in Ringside. It was another hour before the place opened, giving him lots of time to collect his thoughts. Of which he had many spinning about in his brain. All of them pertaining to Finn.
He hadn’t spoken to Finn since he’d left his apartment Saturday night. It hadn’t felt right after he’d found out about Leo’s offer of a second date. Not that he knew if Finn had agreed to see him again or not; it wasn’t any of Justin’s business.
Why he’d given in to his feelings and slept with Finn, Justin still wasn’t certain. Weakness? Loneliness? Maybe he’d simply been horny and it had stopped his brain from working. Regardless, it had been a horrible idea to insert himself into Finn’s personal life when there was no room for him.
Finn had been beyond upfront and honest about what he wanted from the beginning. And while Justin had become his friend, and maybe a bit more, that didn’t give him the right to feel upset when Finn did what he’d set out to do—have a relationship with Leo.
Still, it had pissed him off, the timing of Leo’s call. For an hour, Justin had felt like he and Finn had bonded in a way he’d never experienced before. Not even with Grady. It served him right, letting his guard down like that, opening himself up to a possibility of being with someone when he’d known it wasn’t going to work.
The hot water stung his skin but helped sooth his sore muscles. His mattress sucked, the springs poking into him and making sleep all the more difficult. He also needed to wash his sheets. They still smelled of Finn, sweat, and sex. Not the sort of thing he wanted to be reminded of.
This entire Finn situation needed to be put behind him, and he was doing exactly that. Yesterday, he’d spent most of the day on the phone with contractors, electricians, and the plumber. The apartment was going to get ripped apart this week, which meant he didn’t have time for shy nerds and their desire to hook up with a cocky fighter. Justin snapped the shower off and grabbed his towel.
He stepped out into the locker room and came to a screeching halt when he saw Grady sitting on the bench. “Why are you here?”
“And good morning to you too.” Grady gave him a once-over, then turned his body around so his back was to Justin. “I wanted to catch you before you went off to do whatever it is Zack has you doing these days.”
“So generous.” Justin got dressed as quickly as he could, his clothing sticking to his damp skin. “What’s going on?”
“I haven’t seen you since our run-in at Frantic, and it’s not like you’re answering my texts. I wanted to make sure that we’re still okay.”
Justin abandoned his efforts to put his socks on and walked over to stand in front of Grady. “Why wouldn’t we be?”
“I don’t know. Your boyfriend had a panic attack that I was pretty much the cause of, and then you haven’t spoken to me since.”
“He’s not my boyfriend. Just a regular old friend I was helping out.” He didn’t even know if they qualified as that anymore. “He’s fine, by the way.”
“Awesome. I was worried. And for the record, only friends don’t react the way you did. I honestly thought you were going to hit me for what I did—”
“Have you ever known me to be violent?” He rolled his eyes for good measure.
Grady stood up, shoving his hands deep into his pockets. “Regardless, I came by to apologize.”
In all the years they’d known each other, Justin had only been on the receiving end of a Grady apology a handful of times. This one was by far the sincerest in tone. Justin nodded and offered a small smile. “Accepted.”
“I’m not used to you being . . .” Grady waved his hands around, before eventually shrugging, “normal. You’re just a normal guy, doing normal things, and that’s really fucking weird for me.”
“It’s a fairly new experience for me as well.” Instead of his world being the Barnes family home and the Barnes family business, it was now Ringside Gym. He’d traded one city and set of barriers for another. That didn’t say much for him. “I was considering taking a few days off to explore the city. I’ll have to be out of the apartment once the work starts, and the contractors won’t want me constantly underfoot.”
“That’s a good idea.” Grady’s megawatt grin was back. “I can’t believe you haven’t done that yet. How long have you been here?”
“Three weeks tomorrow.” It was strange how quickly his world had changed in such a short period of time.
“You should take your friend with you.” Grady winked. “He seems like a nice guy.”
Justin couldn’t stop his eyes from rolling. “Don’t push.”
“What, he is! Max even said. Where did the two of you meet anyway? I hardly ever see you down here.”
“The speed dating event.” He slipped barefoot into his shoes and gathered his things.
“What?” Grady started laughing. “Have you gone on a date with him? Please tell me yes.”
Yeah, Justin didn’t like the sound of this. “You and Max made another bet.”
“After the other night, we sure as shit did.” Grady threw his arm around Justin’s shoulders and led him out into the hallway. “I said you met at the speed dating thing. He thought you’d met in the gym working out. Max doesn’t know you the way I do.”
“I don’t know if I should be offended or not.”
Grady snorted. “Please. And I need to know: date or not? And if yes, have you slept together?”
Justin stepped away from him, needing the space as much as the air. “You know, my personal life isn’t for your amusement.”
Grady stopped following him and simply stared. “Wow.”
“What?” God, Justin really didn’t miss this part of Grady’s personality. While Justin had been the only person who’d been able to keep Grady mostly in line, Grady had been one of the few people who could get under Justin’s skin. He’d dig and poke, question and tease until Justin either lost his temper or walked away. Either way, Grady got what he wanted.
“I’m doing it again.” Grady’s frown changed his face, making him appear his age, rather than the troubled teen Justin still sometimes saw him as.
“It’s fine. I’m used to it.”
“But you shouldn’t be.” Grady looked away, blinking. “Sorry.”
Justin turned back and came over to stand in front of him. “We’re both adjusting. Our previous relationship wasn’t healthy. Part of that was your father’s fault for putting me in the position he did. But most of it was on me.”
“Come on, don’t do that.”
“It’s true. I’m not an easy person to like. I’m not warm and comforting in my words. I’ll never be that man. People need joy and laughter in their lives. They are drawn to light. If I’d been more like that, I wouldn’t have driven you away.” Or driven Finn away.
“Jesus, Justin.” Grady pulled him in for a hug. He didn’t let go when Justin tried to move. “You make yourself sound like you’re untouchable. Unlovable.”
The physical contact soothed the growing pain in Justin’s chest. For a moment, he sank against Grady, accepting his touch for what it was. He missed him, missed being a part of a family, no matter how dysfunctional it was. While the Barnes fought like the best of them, they also laughed, ate together, talked, and teased one another.
He had his parents, but the three of them weren’t particularly close. Justin had always felt like a third wheel in their lives. He’d been tended after, educated, but wasn’t integral to their lives the way most children were.
Justin patted his back as Grady finally let him go. “I’m not a man who inspires love. I wasn’t raised in that environment, so it’s not something I miss.”
“I love you.”
Justin stopped and looked hard at him. Those were the words he’d longed to hear from Grady. A lifetime ago, he would have seized upon them, hoping they were romantic. But that wasn’t what Grady had meant by them. “You’re in love with Max. He’s the best thing that could have happened to you.”
“Don’t be dense. You’re smarter than that. I love you. While I yelled and screamed at you when you were obviously doing Father’s bidding, a part of me always knew that I needed you. You were there for me after my mother died and brother left for university overseas. You were there for me when my father pushed me away. You were the one who stood by me, no matter what mess I’d gotten myself into. It might have taken me some time to realize it, but you’re important to me.”
Unshed tears squeezed at his throat, making it difficult to swallow. “I . . . Grady.”
“You were my big brother, my father, and my protector. Of course I love you. I want you to be happy. I want you to let yourself be happy.” Grady wiped away a tear that had spilled onto his cheek. “And if Finn makes you happy, then you need to go out there and get him.”
Finn.
A single laugh burst from Justin. “Finn doesn’t care for me. He’s obsessed with Leo Hayes. That’s what I’ve been doing. Trying to help him get over his shyness so he could go out on a date with Leo. He doesn’t want me at all.”
“I don’t believe that for a second.”
“It’s true.” The sound of the front door being opened was followed by Zack’s and Nolan’s voices. “I better head upstairs. I have a busy day today, and I still need to check my email.” He didn’t have a single thing planned, but he wasn’t going to sit around wondering what Finn was up to either.
Grady looked past him to where the others were. “Fine. I won’t press you on this, but I want you to know that I’m here for you. I’ll always be here for you, no matter what.”
Justin nodded, not trusting his voice.
“How about I go talk to those two and let you head upstairs?”
“Thanks.”
Grady shot him a grin and walked toward the office.
The entire conversation played over and over in Justin’s mind as he climbed the too-dark stairs to his place. Grady had considered him a part of his family, someone he cared for. Justin felt the same, though it had taken him a while after his ill-advised kiss with Grady to come to the realization. He’d never imagined that Grady would agree.
He had at least one person in this world who cared for him. That was more than he’d ever thought he’d have—since whatever Grady thought, Justin knew that Finn wasn’t meant for him. Maybe he should put himself out there, try to find someone who might be interested in a single-minded, slightly irritable man who liked to be right and have the final word in most matters. He was quite the catch!
Justin had gotten to the top step when he heard his cell phone ringing from the apartment. He quickly unlocked the door, raced inside, and snatched it from the kitchen counter. “Hello. Justin McCormick.”
“Hello, son.”
“Mother?” Justin’s legs buckled, and he leaned against the counter. He could count on one hand the number of times she’d called him. Each one of those instances had preceded bad news. “What’s wrong?”
“We need to talk.”
Finn had been useless at work all morning. His second date with Leo was tonight, and he was in no way ready for it. He’d tried using the conversation techniques Justin had taught him early on, but it wasn’t the same. Justin had a way of cutting through Finn’s mental chatter, helping him focus on the heart of the problem. He wasn’t either self-aware enough or prepared enough to do this on his own.
But the last thing he was going to do was to call Justin and ask for help.
Once he’d left Justin’s place Saturday night, he’d felt horrible about the entire situation. They’d had sex—and damn good sex at that—and Finn had then proceeded to fuck it up immediately. He could have left his phone alone and not answered the message, or he could have lied and said it was his parents calling, or his neighbor complaining about King barking again. Justin hadn’t deserved to have his date with Leo thrown in his face considering what they’d just finished doing.
If Finn was being honest with himself, it hadn’t been until the second time he’d kissed Justin that he’d finally been able to admit to himself that what he felt for Justin was more than simple friendship. Though it wasn’t the same as his obsession with Leo. His feelings were calmer, quieter. Like a trickle of warm water across his skin.
And if he was being really, perfectly, all-the-way honest with himself, Finn had known for a while that his feelings for Justin were maybe, kind of, a bit closer to love.
Even thinking the word made Finn’s chest tighten and his palms sweat, which only confirmed it for him. Justin: stern and focused, caring and steadfast—of course, Finn had fallen for him.
Which meant he needed to end things with Leo.
He was heading over to the Pear Tree in two hours to meet with Leo and break things off. Leo was under the impression they were going on their second date, but that was because Leo had barely let him get a word in when Finn had returned his call.
Finn and Justin hadn’t known each other long, but when you talk to someone every day for two weeks, they became a part of your life. In Finn’s case, having Justin around had filled in a blank he hadn’t realized was there. And sure, the sex had been fucking amazing, but his needs were more about having someone in his life who got him. Someone who was there for him, and didn’t seem to mind his awkwardness. Finn missed Justin when he wasn’t around. Like his-soul-ached-for-his-company sort of missed. Not to mention being able to casually caress him, or even the occasional accidental touch. Those little things that let Finn know he wasn’t alone.
Well . . . and he totally wanted to sleep with Justin again.
Like whoa.
Finn looked at his computer and noticed that he’d made at least three typos in the line of code he’d been editing. That didn’t bode well for the rest of his work over the past hour. Groaning, he dropped his mouse hard onto the keyboard tray and stood up.
His phone rang, offering him a welcome distraction. “Hello?”
“Hi.”
“Justin?” Finn sat on the couch. “Are you okay?”
“Not really.” There was a pause, and Finn couldn’t quite make out what Justin was doing. “I’ve been speaking with my mother. Apparently, my dad’s had a heart attack.”
Finn jumped to his feet and grabbed his keys. “I’ll be right over.”
“No, I don’t—”
“Twenty minutes. I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”
Justin swallowed, his breath catching on a sigh. “Okay.”