Finn was not normally one to lie. It had been drilled into him from a very young age that above all things, you should always tell the truth, even if it was uncomfortable. That had been part of the reason he hadn’t been talkative as a child; he’d been terrified that he was going to accidently tell a lie and get in trouble. So why he’d lied to Justin and told him that Leo was coming over to his place, was a complete mystery to him.
Well . . .
It’d had something to do with the way Justin had looked—not sad exactly, but disappointed—when Finn had walked back from his brief conversation with Leo. He didn’t know Justin well, but it didn’t take a genius to know that he was probably lonely. The least Finn could do was help Justin out by giving him an evening of company and food.
It had been a while since he’d had the pleasure of making dinner for anyone, so really it was win-win.
Or he hoped it would be. Three days later, he was stuck on a conference call with the head office in Sunnyvale, trying to explain to a bunch of nontechnical people why they couldn’t simply move a computer lab to the second floor of a building without getting an engineer to check the structural integrity of the building—basic fucking physics, people—while trying to cut salad and get his tuna steaks ready to pan sear.
“I’m sorry, but do you have any idea how much a server rack weighs? That’s not including the equipment, cables, or power bus. And has anyone considered where we’re going to put the air-conditioning units?”
The knock on his door was nearly swallowed up by the muttering coming through his headset. When he opened the door, Finn stopped breathing for a moment at the sight of Justin standing there.
He’d clearly just shaved, his face free of even the hint of a beard. The dark-blue dress shirt did something crazy to his complexion, somehow making the angles of his face seem more defined than before. And his eyes—they were perfectly framed by his dark-rimmed glasses, highlighting the intelligence Finn knew he had.
Giving his head a shake, Finn beckoned Justin in, while pointing at his headset. “We’re going to need at least three units for the amount of equipment going in there. Yes, I’m certain. We have a similar setup here in Toronto. You need at minimum one fail-safe unit.”
Justin set a bottle of wine on his countertop, before stopping and taking a quick look around the condo. King padded over to check out the newcomer, and gave Justin a sniff before finding his ball. He sat down and placed it at Justin’s feet, waiting expectantly for the inevitable game of fetch.
Finn put his phone on mute. “Justin, meet King. Just a warning, if you throw it, you’re committed for a solid fifteen minutes. And please make yourself at home. This is taking longer than I thought.”
Justin nodded and proceeded to open the wine before making his way out into the living room. Finn stood in the kitchen and proceeded to watch as King picked up his ball and followed, placing it back at Justin’s feet the second he stopped moving. Justin cocked an eyebrow, and gently toed the ball away. King immediately retrieved it, returned it to his feet, and gave Justin a small growl.
Finn put his call on mute again. “You have to throw it. He’ll keep bugging you until you give in.”
“Really?”
“He’s spoiled.”
Justin finally threw the ball down the hall, King barked happily and raced after it. The delight on Justin’s face as he continued to play fetch with King made the rest of the call more than bearable.
Thankfully, it only took ten minutes for the project team to realize that they were nowhere ready to book the move of the computer lab to the new facility. One less nightmare for Finn to worry about. Still, his ear ached when he finally took the headset off. “I’m sorry about that.”
Justin waved him away. “I’ve spent enough time in a boardroom to know how that goes. You handled yourself quite well.”
Finn’s face heated at the compliment. “It’s my job. Easy to talk when I know what I’m doing.”
“That reminds me.” Justin dropped the magazine he’d been looking at and strode over to Finn. When he got close enough for Finn to get another whiff of his cologne, Justin stuck out his hand. “Hello, I’m Justin McCormick.”
Finn couldn’t help but smile as he took his hand. “Hi, I’m Finn Miller. Pleasure to meet you.”
Justin nodded. “So, you’re a tech guy. What’s that like?”
The change of phrasing threw Finn off a bit, and his practiced words caught in his throat. But Justin gave his hand a small squeeze and surprisingly, the tension faded away. “I like it. I work with servers and help my customers on the phone. Plus, I get to work from home, so that’s a bonus.”
Justin nodded. “Good job.”
It should have been strange standing there holding Justin’s hand for as long as he was, but it was just the opposite. There was something comforting about the contact, reassuring. Hell, it was almost arousing, though who’d ever heard of getting turned on by a handshake before?
Stupid.
Finn let his hand fall away, and turned from Justin to head into the kitchen. “I hope you like tuna.”
“I hope you like red wine. Though it doesn’t exactly go with fish, I think we’ll make do.” Justin leaned against the edge of the counter. “You did well with that exchange.”
“You almost got me with how you asked. I’d practiced the other way so much . . .” Finn shook his head. “I’m trained to look for patterns in problems, but small talk was something I could never figure out.”
“Why?”
Finn froze. “Pardon?”
“Why could you never figure this out?” Justin’s arms were crossed, making his dress shirt pull tight across his chest. “It’s been my experience that this sort of problem is rooted in a particular event, or how a person was raised. Given that you’re an intelligent man, I would assume you’d know what your problem stemmed from. Once you confront that, everything else will get easier.”
The kitchen timer went off, causing Finn to jump and King to let out a bark. “That explanation will need a glass of wine.” He hid King’s ball in the bedroom, and filled his dish with food. With any luck that would keep him out of trouble long enough for them to enjoy their meal.
“Fine. You plate the food and I’ll pour.” Justin moved into the kitchen space and grabbed two wineglasses from the hanging rack beneath Finn’s cupboards. “Talking about it will be good practice for you.”
A sudden onslaught of nerves made Finn question that assessment. “Ah. Okay.”
It was fortunate that Justin gave him space and silence, because Finn’s brain began to play every negative incident from his teen years on a loop. Every heckle, harsh word, physical attack, no matter how large or small, cycled like a demonic carousel. It took every ounce of concentration to make sure he didn’t fuck up the tuna.
He was so focused internally that he didn’t realize Justin had taken the cutlery he’d placed on the counter, and set the table. “Oh. Thanks for that.”
“The least I can do.” Justin sat down opposite him at the table, his gaze focusing on him as he lifted the wineglass to his lips. “That smells amazing.”
“Thanks. I made the wasabi aioli myself.”
Sitting helped him regain a little of his earlier confidence. He waited for Justin to take his first bite of the tuna. There were many things he’d been hoping for, but the small moan of pleasure was a pleasant surprise. “You missed your calling.”
“Can you picture me working as a chef? I can’t even watch an episode of anything with Gordon Ramsay in it, let alone work with someone like that. I actually get anxious when Ramsay starts yelling.”
Justin took that moment to lick his lips. Finn couldn’t help but be fascinated by the tip of his tongue and the moistened trail it left behind on his skin. In a flash, he had a mental image of Justin licking other things. Shit, what the hell’s the matter with me?
“I imagine you could do just about anything you wanted. With enough proper encouragement and enough time.”
“Encouragement was never the issue.” His parents had been ecstatic when he’d been selected to be his graduating class’s valedictorian. They’d worked with him for weeks on his speech, rehearsing every phrase. Not that it had helped. He rubbed the back of his neck. “Do I have to talk about this?” When he met Justin’s gaze once again, he was surprised to see that Justin had been focused on his movements.
Justin’s gaze slid back to his, but there was no indication of anything beyond casual friendship. “Of course you don’t need to speak about it. I’m not here to pressure you into anything. You asked for help. It’s your decision whether or not you want to take it. You can do all or none of what I suggest.”
This wasn’t something Finn spoke to anyone about. His parents had tried to get him to go to therapy over the years, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. But this back-and-forth wasn’t that, right? He was only talking to a friend, someone who wouldn’t judge him. He could do this.
Yup, he could.
Finn pushed bits of his tuna around his plate. Anticipation raced through him, like a drug agitating his body. What did it matter if he vocalized these thoughts to Justin? They weren’t dating; he barely even knew the man. If Justin walked out of Finn’s condo and never came back, it wouldn’t disrupt the flow of Finn’s life. Screw it.
“I’m smart.” And wasn’t that a conceited thing to say out loud? “I was always above the curve when it came to math and science throughout school. I got bullied as a result.”
Justin made a noise that could only be described as disgusted. “Children can be monsters.”
“I didn’t make it any easier for myself. The teachers would ask a question, and the answer would just pop out of my mouth. I aced every test I took. The better I did, the more I got bullied.”
The words got bullied barely scratched the surface. They didn’t describe the horror he’d felt at having three kids hold him down and punch him in the stomach until he couldn’t breathe. The terror of having a knife pulled on him, its wielder demanding what little money his parents had given him for lunch. He was thankful daily that he hadn’t been in school when Instagram and other social media were a thing. He might not have made it.
Justin had put down his glass and fork and was laser focused on him. “I’m sorry.”
Finn couldn’t help but laugh. “You didn’t do it.”
“Still.” Justin began to finger the side of his plate. “Something else happened. Didn’t it?”
Like when he’d spilled everything to Justin about Leo, the torrent of words flowed from Finn unimpeded. “The school had nominations for valedictorian. There were three of us, the top academic students, and the graduating class had to vote for who they wanted. I didn’t really want to do the speech, didn’t think I had a chance at it, but somehow I won.”
He still remembered the joy he’d had that day coming home from school. His parents had been relieved, thrilled for him. It was as though the hell of his four high school years had been washed away with that simple act of acceptance.
If he’d only known.
Justin got up from his chair and moved it around the table so they sat side by side. “What happened?”
Finn no longer had tears left to spill for the boy he’d once been. The words came out steady as the memories unfolded.
“The speech was supposed to be no longer than seven minutes. I’d written out this perfectly timed script; I’d even managed to make a few jokes about being picked on over the years. I’d practiced in front of a mirror and then my parents. I didn’t want to risk screwing something up. What I hadn’t counted on was the group of assholes in the front row, or their laser pointer. I didn’t realize what was happening at first. I couldn’t see, then I stumbled over my words, which drew some snickers. When a teacher confiscated the device, I thought I was okay. Until another one shone on my face. I found out later that there were probably ten or more spread throughout the group. I froze, which drew heckles, then insults and finally laughter. I nearly threw up. Thought I would. So I ran. I didn’t even go back to get my diploma. I walked home.”
After that, every single time a situation would arise where he’d need to speak to a group, Finn would freeze. As he got older, conversations had become increasingly difficult. By the time he’d graduated from university and had gotten a job, he’d pretty much isolated himself. Being with people, putting himself out there was hard work, and in the end, more painful than being alone.
The slide of Justin’s hand on his thigh made him jump. He looked up and into Justin’s brown eyes. “No one should have done that to you. You didn’t deserve that treatment.”
He’d been told the same thing by his parents, the school principal, and someone from the school board. Still, hearing someone who wasn’t invested in what had happened repeat the words took some of the pain away. “Thank you.”
“I’m determined to help you with this. We’ll have you win Leo’s heart in no time.” Justin swayed closer, and for a moment, Finn thought they might kiss.
Finn’s heart was pounding, not out of fear, but from a mix of anticipation and lust. “Leo better appreciate what you’re doing for him, because I wouldn’t be able to have that date with him without your help.”
Justin licked his lips again. “If we do this right, Leo won’t even know. You’ll talk him into your life in no time.”
Finn swallowed his nervousness. “That would be amazing.”
He wanted to lean in and press his nose to the side of Justin’s throat so he could embed himself in that magnificent scent. He wanted to feel his body against Justin’s, to get a sense of what it would be like to be naked beside him.
Jesus, what the hell’s wrong with me tonight?
Whatever had passed between them shifted as Justin cleared his throat and moved back. “How about we finish eating and then we can practice some bits of conversation?”
“Sure. Yeah. That’d be good.”
Finn needed the few moments it took Justin to shift his seat around once more to get his libido under control. He must be really hard up if he was getting aroused by a man who was doing nothing more than helping him out. Justin wasn’t even his type! If he’d realized that being close to Justin tonight was going to do this to him, he would have taken longer in the shower and have jerked off.
Justin finished his wine with a long sip, put the glass down with a soft thunk, and straightened. “Shall we get down to business?”