Exhaustion warred with fear as Finn walked through Ringside on his way to the door Justin had pointed out last night. He hadn’t slept well, spending the majority of the time tossing and turning, which had only served to piss King off. Eventually, the dog had left him with a low growl and had gone to sleep on the couch.
Finn’s thoughts had shifted all night from Leo’s smiling face, to Justin’s offer of help. Both things should bring him joy: a date with the man he’d been obsessing over for months now, and the opportunity to learn how to not make a complete ass of himself in public on a daily basis.
Naturally, that meant both terrified him.
At least with Justin, Finn hadn’t felt the need to say everything exactly right. Unlike a lot of other people, Justin didn’t rush him or fill the silences when Finn was trying to find the right words to say. It was as though the pressure had been relieved, if only temporarily, in the short time they’d talked.
That hadn’t made coming here any easier. If anything, Finn had nearly taken Justin up on his offer to bail, no questions asked. But instead, he’d grabbed a box of network cable and his fisher, and left before he could talk himself out of it.
Because regardless of what he constantly told his parents—and even himself—the truth of the matter was that he was lonely and wanted nothing more than to find a way to win Leo over. He wanted to spend evenings smiling and laughing, talking about boxing and computer games. He wanted to find out what it would be like to kiss Leo, to feel that joy and exuberance pressed against his skin. If he had to spend time with a man who seemed to have no joy in him at all to get there, then that was what he’d do.
The stairway was too dark, and the wood on the stairs was going to need to be refinished. When he made it to the third floor, he paused. Justin hadn’t said which apartment he was staying in, and considering the long hallway of closed doors to choose from, this wasn’t exactly going to be a quick search.
“Shit!”
Or maybe it would be.
He walked over to the door where Justin’s shout had come from and tapped on it. It took a minute, and when Justin opened up, Finn couldn’t help but smile; Justin was filthy, the complete opposite of the well-put-together man who’d been at the event last evening. “Catch you at a bad time?”
Justin’s lips were a tight line, but after a moment he seemed to relax. “I’m glad you came. It seems I need someone to save me from myself tonight.”
As Finn entered the apartment, he was surprised by the unusual smell. He was equally shocked at the array of started projects around the room: countertops that were half torn apart, cupboard doors opened and shelves removed, and the sink faucet was off. “Ah, a little renovation?”
Justin pushed at the bridge of his glasses. “The plumber came in today, which derailed my other attempts at making this place less repugnant. The smell I’m sure you’ve noticed is apparently something do to with the pipes, mold, and possibly a dead creature somewhere in a wall.”
Finn didn’t know Justin at all, but he didn’t seem to be the type of man to handle less-than-stellar living accommodations. “My dad’s a carpenter. I can help with the kitchen if you’d like.”
Justin’s gaze snapped to his, and it felt as though he were looking past Finn’s eyes and directly into his brain. “I don’t have tools. Not the proper ones in any case. I was planning on hiring a professional. But given how long it’s going to take to get a contractor in here, I’ll have to do a few of the minor tasks myself to make this place livable in the meantime.”
“Sure. Okay. Yeah, that’s important. Ah. I can’t do a lot but . . . I can help. A little.” He lifted up the box. “I can get the place ready for internet.”
That brought a small smile to Justin’s face, which helped ease Finn’s nerves. “That would be beneficial. Zack swore that his wi-fi would work up here, but it doesn’t. My data charges are going to kill me, and if I don’t have access to at least Netflix, I’m going to lose my mind. It’s far too quiet here at night.”
Finn relaxed further. The overwhelming silence that had filled his apartment was the worst thing about living alone. It was one of the reasons he’d gone out and gotten King. It was good to know he would be able to help Justin. “I can get you all fixed up. I didn’t know if you’d need anything, but I have a router as well and can see about calling Rogers and getting you some high-speed, if you want.”
Justin blinked at him. “Those are words that mean I’ll get my email and be able to watch movies, yes?”
“Yes.” Finn smiled but couldn’t help averting his gaze when he felt a blush cross his face. “I’ll start.”
It wasn’t as easy to ignore Justin as it was other clients. Usually, once he started hauling out cable and equipment, most people would wander away, bored in minutes. Being ignored helped him fall into his troubleshooting pattern and get everything done that he’d need to.
But Finn was constantly aware of Justin’s presence. He could feel Justin’s gaze on him as he moved around the apartment, tapping on walls and checking out the small spaces he could use alongside the heating vents to run the cable. It was as though Justin was somehow touching his body with that assessing look—a caress far gentler than the man who wielded it.
“Are you a coffee drinker?” Justin’s voice had a way of filling the entire room without him yelling. “I’ve managed to keep a steady supply brewed without blowing a fuse.”
God, there’s something about his voice . . . “Yeah. Black. Please.”
“You should stop doing that.”
Finn looked up; no doubt his eyes were owl-wide. “What?”
Justin was pouring two mugs of coffee. “Try and hide when you’re speaking to someone. You tend to turn away, speak your words to the floor or the wall. I assume you’re trying to not put yourself in the center of attention.”
Do I? “I didn’t realize.”
“Not surprising.” Justin strode over to him and stopped a foot away, holding out the mug for him to take. “Most people who are nervous speaking or have a certain amount of social anxiety will do what they can to avoid what they consider emotional danger.”
Being on his knees, Finn had no choice but to look up at Justin to accept the coffee. Justin might not be a huge man physically—he was actually a few inches shorter than Finn—but he had presence. He was a bit like Leo that way. “Yeah. I do that.”
“You also are quite chatty when you’re not worried about making an impression.”
The mug was hot as Finn gripped it. The pain was a good distraction from the pounding in his chest and the tightening in his groin. “I don’t think I’ve ever been called ‘chatty.’ Ever. In my entire life.”
“Stand up. I want to try something.” Justin took a step back, giving him space.
Finn swallowed down a burning sip of coffee, before setting the mug on the floor and doing what Justin had asked. Now facing one another, it was even harder for him to meet Justin’s gaze. How screwed up was he that last night he’d practically poured his soul out to this man, but now that he knew him a bit better, his embarrassment threatened to press him down?
Because his gaze was pointed at the floor, it was easy for Finn to see when Justin stuck his hand out. “Hello. My name is Justin McCormick.”
When Finn managed to look up at him, he was relieved to see that Justin’s expression wasn’t patronizing, condescending, or amused. Justin didn’t move, and his steady hand didn’t waver. Finn cleared his throat and straightened, before reaching out to take Justin’s hand in a firm shake.
“Hi. I’m Finn Miller. Nice to meet you.”
Justin gave his hand a tiny squeeze, which sent a shiver through Finn, before letting it go. “Nice to meet you as well. I don’t think you told me what you do for a living.”
“Ah . . .” Hadn’t he? Finn tried to go back and replay their previous conversations. “Sorry. I’m a computer network engineer. I work for a data security company and do on-site and phone support for our clients.”
Justin nodded. “Good. First pointer for you: There are several basic questions that we all tend to get asked in social situations. Who we are. What we do professionally. What we do for hobbies. It takes some of the stress out of those small-talk situations if you’ve practiced out loud what you’re going to say.”
That . . . made a surprising amount of sense. “I can do that. I live home alone with my dog. I’ll practice on him.”
“Consider that your first lesson. The next time we meet, I’m going to introduce myself again and we’ll have an ice-breaker chat.” Justin nodded, took a sip of his coffee, and went back to the kitchen. “Now, I need to figure out how much bleach is safe to use on every surface here.”
Finn watched him, fascinated by how quickly Justin seemed to change from being personable, to having this wall erected around him. He knew it was a wall, because he’d been looking out over the top of his own since he was a teen. Walls kept him safe. Which meant Justin felt he had something that he needed to be kept safe from as well. It struck Finn as strange to think of this confident man needing protection from anything. Or anyone.
Doing his best to ignore Justin, Finn started running cables through the walls to where he thought would be the best place for the modem. It took more physical effort than most people realized to do this part of the job. The image of the out-of-shape tech geek, forever placed in front of a computer screen wasn’t as real as television shows portrayed. Well, at least not when it came to racking servers and running cable.
Sweat rose on his body as his muscles ached slightly from the effort and concentration it took to force his fisher through spaces it didn’t want to go. When he stood up, a solid forty minutes later, and brushed off his hands, he was surprised to see Justin openly staring at him. “What?”
“I’ve never seen anyone do that. The techs at the company I worked for would scurry away whenever they saw people coming.” Justin cocked his head to the side. “It was interesting.”
Finn was immediately aware of the stink that now clung to him, and the dirt that inevitably covered his jeans and T-shirt from crawling around the dingy apartment. He needed a shower, to get some fresh air, and to wrap his head around his first lesson. “It’ll do for now. It’s not the fastest you can get, but it’ll get you the basics until the cable company can come. When your building contractor comes, I can rerun this so the cables are better hidden and protected. I can also run audio cable and install in-ceiling speakers, but both the walls need to be opened up for me to do that properly. If you’re looking to add some wow factor to these apartments, then that’s the way to do it.”
Justin’s eyes narrowed. “You talk just fine when you go all techie.”
Do I? Finn shrugged. “It’s stuff I know. No one really pays attention. Eyes glaze over, that sort of thing.” He took a shuffle step toward the door, but hesitated. “Did you ever have that happen to you?”
Justin straightened. Ah, there was that annoyance Finn had seen back at the gym the first day they’d met. “Never.”
And just like that, the small flutter of attraction he’d felt for Justin snuffed itself out. “You’re lucky.” The muscles in his chest tightened, amping up his need to flee. “I better go.” Without waiting for permission, Finn quickly grabbed his tools and headed for the door.
“You can back out at any time.”
Justin’s words stopped him dead in his tracks. Finn turned back around. “What?”
“Our agreement.” Justin had laced his fingers behind his back and stood rigid enough to look natural in a military parade. “You’re under no obligation to come back.”
Finn nodded, but wasn’t entirely certain what he was agreeing to.
“I’m not the easiest person in the world to tolerate. I’m not oblivious to my failings, and I don’t take another person’s rejection of those aspects of me personally.” Justin’s gaze didn’t waver; his eyes were wide and unblinking. “My feelings can’t be hurt.”
I somehow doubt that. For once Finn didn’t overthink matters, and reached into his pocket. “Here’s my business card. It has my email address. We can work out another meeting.”
And that simple act used up the last of his social energy. With a quirky smile, he left.