Justin had been gone thirteen days, five hours, and a handful of seconds. Finn knew this because he’d set up a timer on his phone to keep track. It was pretty middle school behavior, but Finn had to do something to help keep him focused.
They texted off and on whenever Justin was free. Finn did everything he could to ensure Justin had nothing to worry about while away. He’d taken some vacation time so he could be available to the contractors who were in the process of gutting Justin’s kitchen. Given that Justin wasn’t here and wouldn’t be back in the foreseeable future, someone needed to help Zack. Now that he was back at work, Finn didn’t have a lot of time, but he came over as much as he could in the evening. If nothing else, King enjoyed running up and down the hallway, barking at the noise.
Once Justin found out what Finn was doing, he made a point of calling a few times a day to make sure everything was being done according to the plan.
“If I come back and find out that they’ve put some modern chrome in my kitchen, there’ll be hell to pay.”
“I’m watching them like a hawk.”
“Good. How was your date with Leo?”
When Justin had asked Finn that question the first time, he’d been honestly able to answer. “I canceled given what’s happened.”
“You need to reschedule. You’ve come too far with him, and your small-talk skills, to give up now. Leave my place and go out.”
“I will.”
The second and third time Justin had asked, it had gotten harder and harder to put him off. Finn no longer had any desire to go out with Leo, but he wasn’t about to get into a long conversation with Justin about why. Justin had enough on his plate making sure his parents were okay, and didn’t need the added distraction knowing Finn had feelings for him.
When Finn eventually told Justin the truth, he wanted to make sure they were face-to-face. He wanted Justin to be able to see him, touch him, hear how serious he was. Finn wanted to be able to hug and kiss him, fall to his knees and beg, if that was necessary. So that meant keeping up the charade, living his normal routine until Justin returned.
Currently, he was running late for his sparring date with Eli. It had been a week since he’d done anything remotely related to exercise that didn’t involve running up and down stairs. Eli, while always willing to be accommodating, had pushed to make sure Finn didn’t bail on him again. “You’re stressed and need a release valve. So, show up.”
Which meant the fates were against him. A traffic accident resulted in a reroute and slow down, making Finn fifteen minutes later than he’d intended. Then the contractor grabbed him the moment he walked in, dragging him upstairs.
“I’m sorry.” He told Eli as he finally climbed into the ring and immediately began stretching. “They had a problem upstairs with the electrical panel, and I had to wait until the electrician showed. Then another contractor brought up the wrong cabinet doors, and I knew Justin would freak if they installed them, even temporarily, so I had to get after them about that. But I’m here now and sorry.”
Eli eyes widened.
“What?”
“I think that’s the most you’ve said to me at any one time. Ever.”
“Was it? I . . . Sorry. I was rambling.”
“Finn and rambling are two words that have never existed in the same sentence before.”
“I’m not that quiet.”
“A month ago, you barely said five words to me when we sparred. Now, you’re up there talking to contractors and relaying demands from Justin about doors.” Eli grinned. “That’s awesome.”
Finn felt the blush wash across his face. “I guess.”
“Don’t get all shy on me now. I like this new Finn.” Eli picked up a head guard from the canvas and tossed it to him. “Now put this on and let’s see if you’ve forgotten how to fight.”
Eli gave him a few warm-up moves, but it didn’t take long for the two of them to really get into it. It had been far too long since Finn had blown off some steam, and it immediately relieved the mental stress he’d been living under for the past two weeks. Not that they ever went at it too aggressively in the ring, but Eli never went easy on him either.
“Way to go, Finn!”
Finn looked down to see Leo leaning against the post in the middle of the gym. It was enough of a distraction that Finn dropped his guard for a moment and earned a left hook to his head.
“Shit.” He gave himself a shake. “Missed that one.”
“You’re not paying attention.” Eli’s gaze flicked to where Leo stood. “Not the man I thought would turn your head.”
“What do you mean?” Finn snapped a kick that connected with Eli’s chest, sending him back a few inches.
“I though you and Justin were an item.” Eli blocked his next three punches easily. “That one’s an asshole.”
“We’re not an item. Well, not yet. I mean, I’d like to be. Maybe.” Finn took a swing at Eli. “Can we just spar?”
Finn lunged at Eli, and they landed on the canvas. They grappled for several seconds before Eli got him in a hold and Finn had to tap out. Eli rolled off him and held out his hand to help Finn up. “Next lesson, we’re going to work on how you can prevent yourself from getting into holds like that.”
“Yeah, getting broken in two isn’t my idea of fun.”
Someone started clapping. Leo now stood at the side of the ring, smiling up at him. “You’re better than I remember you being. I’d like to have a go at you in there one day.” The way he emphasized have a go at you made it sound far dirtier than Leo likely intended. Possibly.
“Yeah, maybe.”
Leo’s gaze was on Eli as he climbed out of the ring and went over to talk to another member. “What are you working on next?”
“Getting out of holds.”
“I’ll have to get you to show me once he’s taught you. That’s how he got me the time I sparred with him.”
There was something about the way Leo spoke about Eli that threw Finn off. “Ah, sure.”
In a flash, Leo’s attention was locked back on to Finn. “So, handsome, you owe me a date.”
Leo’s bright smile had lost some of its shine in Finn’s eyes. Maybe Finn was starting to see the horrible edge that everyone else seemed to. It was as though he were seeing Leo for the first time. “Sorry about canceling.”
“I don’t mind the canceling, so much as I mind being brushed off. Why don’t you change whatever plans you’ve made tonight and I take you out?” Leo let his gaze travel down Finn’s body. “Once we’ve had supper, we can enjoy a bit of dessert.”
A month ago, those would have been the sweetest words Finn would have ever heard. A month ago, he wouldn’t have been able to get a sentence out, let alone stand still without being overcome with embarrassment.
A month ago, Justin hadn’t been a part of his life.
“I’m really sorry, but I don’t think I’m up for that.” Finn climbed out of the ring, wiping his face down with his towel. “We’re not a good fit.”
“Of course we’re a good fit. You’re a decent fighter and I’m a sexy-ass guy.” Leo winked. “Come on, one dinner. My treat. We can go back to that place we did before, and I’ll get you that burger you liked so much.”
Finn bit back a groan and took a breath. He was going to have to choose his words carefully, to be clear about what he wanted. Or, in this case, didn’t want. “Ah, I appreciate the offer. But while I enjoyed our first dinner, I don’t think . . . No, I don’t want a repeat. But thank you for the offer.”
His heart was pounding hard by the time he finished his speech. He had looked away as he’d spoken, but now he chanced a glance at Leo as he pulled his gloves off.
Yeah, Leo was pissed.
Leo crossed his arms. “You’re saying no. To me.”
“Yup. You’re cool and . . . ah. Well, I’m just . . . I mean—”
“Shit, you can’t even get a fucking sentence out.”
Finn’s mouth fell open.
Leo snorted. “Fine, I don’t care about the date. What I want is to get in the fucking ring with you.” He took a step closer, so their noses were only inches apart.
“Not that bet again.”
“Yes, the bet. There’s no way you’re a better fighter than I am. Eli might have shown you some of his moves, but I saw you fight. You’re sloppy. I want a chance to prove to Eli that I’m the one he should be training. Not some stammering idiot.”
The rise of numbness through Finn’s body spread like frost across a window pane in late fall. In a blink, he was back in high school, the butt of jokes, the focus of his peers’ jealousy. Every horrible thing that had ever been said to him echoed in his head as he stared at Leo’s smirking face.
But there was another voice, a quieter one that managed to cut through the din of self-doubt and self-loathing. It was Justin’s voice, calm and reassuring, giving him a nudge toward the direction he should go. Walk away.
It was easy to think but hard to do. Seeing the smugness on Leo’s face, Finn knew it was the exact right thing. “I need . . . a shower.” He nodded at Leo and started toward the locker room.
“I’m not surprised you’re a coward.”
Finn stopped dead in his tracks and slowly turned back. “Pardon?”
Leo sauntered toward Finn. “You heard me. All that training you’ve done and you’re too scared to get into the ring with me.”
“I’m not.” Finn had no doubt he’d wipe the floor with Leo if it was a fair fight. The problem being that Leo didn’t fight fair.
“Prove it, then. Tomorrow in the ring. Show me how good you are.”
Oh, this was stupid. And childish. And the worst idea he could have. He should simply flip Leo off and never talk to him again.
But there was no way he’d be able to let this go. He’d let the bullies of his childhood ruin his confidence, and rob him of his ability to have a conversation. If he didn’t stand up for himself now, there was no telling the impact this would have on his future. Never again would he let someone have that kind of power over him.
Finn looked Leo straight in the eye and nodded. “Fine. Tomorrow.”
Leo grinned. It wasn’t the least bit attractive. “I’ll text you the time. Need to make sure there’s no one around to get in our way.”
“Fine.” Finn needed to get out of here before he agreed to anything else stupid. He turned his back on Leo and headed toward the locker room.
A class had just gotten out, so there were more men than usual milling about talking. The noise did little to help calm Finn’s nerves. There was only one thing he could think of that would help him right now, and that was to talk to Justin. He opened his locker and fished out his cell phone. Relief washed over him when he saw the message indicator. There, waiting as if Justin knew he’d need it, was a message.
We find out this morning if Dad can get out of the hospital soon. It could be as soon as three days.
Every muscle in Finn’s body relaxed. He sat down on the bench and thumbed a response. Great news! So happy he’s doing better.
Justin’s response only took a minute to come through. They’re going to need to make some changes. Dad’s recovery will take a while. I might have to stay here longer than anticipated.
Finn read the words several times; his heart squeezed tight. Oh?
Mom’s still overwhelmed. We’ve had a lot of time to talk. I’m surprised at how much she never said to me.
God, he was a completely selfish prick to be jealous of Justin’s mom. She and Justin hadn’t had the best relationship in the past, and it was amazing that something this positive had come out of his father’s heart attack. Besides, Justin owed him nothing, and Finn had very little he could offer.
Another text from Justin flashed. How are things there? Are you good?
Right, like Finn could tell him the truth about how he felt. Or about the fight. Justin was far too rational and would no doubt talk him out of it. While Finn wasn’t exactly keen to meet Leo in the ring, now that it was set, he needed to see it through. That meant keeping Justin in the dark. Everything’s great. Been keeping an eye on the apartment for you. I think you’ll be impressed.
I knew I could count on you.
It was the least I could do. Oh yeah, way to try to woo him over there, champ.
There was a pause before Justin started typing again. Have you gone on that date with Leo yet?
He should probably tell Justin what had happened between him and Leo, but that would lead to a conversation as to why Finn had rejected him. While it might be easier to type what he wanted to say, Finn needed to be face-to-face with Justin. Instead, he did what he was quickly becoming an expert in—deflection.
Not yet. Things . . . haven’t worked out.
You deserve to be happy. I have to go. Mom is here.
Wait!
Yes?
Finn didn’t want their conversation to end. He didn’t want Justin to be away any longer. God, he was becoming as obsessed about Justin as he had been about Leo. That wasn’t healthy either. Still, he couldn’t do this on his own. Do you mind if I text you? I mean later. If there’s a problem.
The pause was far longer than he would have liked, but when Justin’s reply finally came, it was as though a weight were lifted from Finn. Of course. I’ll keep my phone on me and will check.
Thank you. The words didn’t seem strong enough to convey the true weight of his feelings.
And then, once again, Finn was alone. There was no way to know when Justin would be back. Hell, Finn couldn’t be certain that he’d come back at all. It sounded as though he’d worked things out with his parents, which meant he might have more support there, and a greater chance to live his life where he’d originally wanted.
Finn didn’t have the words to convince Justin that he could have a life here in Toronto with him. That Finn was maybe, probably in love with him. All he could do was hope Justin would eventually come back.
And if he didn’t, then Finn would have to learn how to go on alone.
Justin was pacing the hall outside his father’s hospital room. He hadn’t been able to sit still since he’d heard from Finn. Something was wrong, he could tell, and knowing that made him antsy. That was a feeling he hadn’t experienced since he was a child. He was surprised that Finn could affect him that way halfway across the country. It had been more about what Finn hadn’t said than anything he had. The whole time Justin had known him, all Finn had talked about was Leo. That he’d practically tripped over himself to avoid the topic was weird.
So, Justin paced in the hall as he waited, trying to figure out what the hell was going on in Toronto.
The doctor was supposed to be in to give them an update on whether or not his dad would be able to head home in a few days. Given how well he’d recovered from surgery, the chances were fairly good. He’d been on the phone with the support nurse who’d be coming out to check on his parents so his father would have the care he needed and his mom would have extra support.
“Justin?”
With a glance at his phone to see if Finn had texted yet, he shoved it into his pocket and popped into his dad’s room. “I’m here.”
His father was sitting up in the bed, far more color in his skin than there’d been even a day ago. He was starting to appear more like his old self. Thank God. “Can you get me some water? I can’t reach.”
“Sure.” Justin walked over and filled the glass. “Mom should be back soon. She wanted to get a coffee before coming up.”
“This time of day I imagine there’s a long line.” His dad took the water from Justin and smiled. “Thanks.”
Justin’s phone buzzed, and he peeked at the message from Finn. Contractor is done for the day. Cupboards are great.
He looked back at his dad and smiled. “What do you want to do when you get out?”
“Sleep. I swear I haven’t been able to rest since they brought me in. These beds are terrible.”
“I’m sure we can accommodate that. Mom is going to sleep in the spare room so she won’t disturb you.”
“Where are you going to sleep?”
“The couch for now. I’m not certain how long I’m going to stay.”
His father frowned. “Oh.”
“Oh what?”
“I just assumed you were going to stay for a while. I mean, you don’t have a job in Toronto that you need to get back to.”
“I do have a job.” He’d forgotten that he hadn’t had the chance to speak to his dad the way he had with his mom since arriving. “I’m leading a small development project. Converting old apartments into high-end rentals.”
His father’s smile appeared forced. “I’m happy for you.”
“You don’t look happy.”
“I worry about you.”
Justin’s phone buzzed again, another message from Finn. I’ve been spending too much time at the gym. Feels weird being in your place. I feel like a stalker.
Justin snorted before thumbing out a response. I’m terrified.
I’m home now. Not having a good day. Wish you were here.
Need me to call you?
No. I’ll be fine. Just miss you.
“Who’s that you’re talking to?” His father sat up a bit straighter and tried to look at his screen.
“A friend.” Justin flipped the phone over on the bed to hide the screen. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be. It’s nice to see you smile.”
The shock that bolted through him was nearly as much of a surprise as his father’s words. “I wasn’t smiling.”
“Yes, you were.” His dad leaned back, giving Justin one of those assessing professor stares that used to drive him nuts as a kid. “Tell me about him. I assume it’s a him.”
“He is.” Justin shifted awkwardly. “He’s only a friend. I volunteered at a speed dating event when I first arrived in Toronto. A charity thing. He was trying to get a date and failing miserably.” It didn’t take long for him to relay the story of how he’d met Finn and what he’d thought of him in those first few minutes. “He’s very smart but lacks confidence. I’ve been coaching him on how to manage in social situations.”
“So, he’s gay.”
“Yes.” Justin frowned. “Though I don’t see what that has to do with anything. It’s not like he’s interested in me. His intent has been to win over Leo.”
His phone buzzed, then again. No doubt additional messages from Finn.
“Aren’t you going to check that?” His father cocked his eyebrow and smirked. “Finn needs you.”
“He’ll live.”
“No doubt. But I can see you twitching from here.” Another two buzzes from Justin’s phone. “I don’t mind.”
Justin managed to wait another few seconds before growling and picking up his phone. The litany of messages grew more frantic.
I’m sorry.
I know you’re with your parents. I didn’t want to tell you. But now I’m freaking out.
Justin?
You must be busy. Sorry. I’ll leave you alone.
Apparently, I can’t even manage that. Okay, don’t be mad.
Leo wanted to go on a date. But I said no.
Then he challenged me to a fight.
And I said yes.
I don’t know why I said yes.
Leo just texted me the time for the fight.
Okay, I can do this. It’s got to be easier than talking to him. Right?
Right. I *can* do this.
I’m going offline to sleep. I know you’re too busy to talk so I’ll let you know how I made out when it’s done.
Night.
“Shit.” Justin got to his feet and looked at his dad, who was now frowning. “I need to give him a call. I’ll be right back.”
His father waved him away. “Go.”
Stepping out into the hall, Justin hit the speed dial for Finn. It rang through to voice mail. He hung up and tried again, but got the same result. “You’ve reached Finn. Leave a message.”
“Damn it.” Justin thumbed out a quick text. Don’t fight him. Finn?
Now that things had been set in motion, Justin had no doubt Finn would see them through, even if that meant fighting with someone who played dirty. He should call Grady and have him try to put a stop to everything. He’d be able to tell Zack, who would . . . do what? It was a boxing gym. People went there to fight one another. Finn had agreed to the match, and until Leo did something dirty, he was well within his right to get in the ring with whomever he chose.
If Justin wanted to stop the fight, then he was going to have to go to Toronto and do it himself.
When he turned around, he was shocked to see that his mom had returned and was sitting beside his dad. She sipped her coffee and gave him an odd look. “What’s wrong?”
While things were better between them, he didn’t think she’d fully appreciate his need to go stop Finn from fighting Leo. “A friend of mine is about to do a stupid thing. It caught me off guard. He has a surprising tendency to do that to me.”
His dad took the coffee cup from his mom’s hand, ignoring her protests as he took a sip. “And he makes Justin smile.”
“Really?” His mom took the cup back. “Why haven’t we heard about this young man before now?”
“As I explained to Dad, he’s only a friend.”
She shook her head. “Are you sure about that? Because it sounds like it’s more than friendship. I do believe you might have feelings for this young man.”
Justin wasn’t a fool, he knew that he’d been quietly falling in love with Finn for a while now. But it was one matter to have those thoughts bouncing around in one’s head, and quite another to potentially say them aloud. That was when they became a living thing, a beast that had a tendency to take on a life of its own. That was normally when his relationships went wrong, leaving Justin a broken mess.
“I care for him. As a friend.” Not exactly a lie, but a few steps away from the truth.
His parents shared a look, before his mother shook her head. “You seem to think I can’t tell when you’re lying. That’s fine if you’re not willing to admit it. You might not be ready. But if you change your mind, or if the situation becomes different, please know that we’d like to meet him. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you happy, and I fully intend to thank him for making that possible.”
Justin stared at them, the words that he often relied on to get him out of sticky messes suddenly abandoning him. His father coughed and groaned. “I think those pain meds they so kindly gave me are wearing off.”
“I’ll get the nurse.” Justin was out the door before they could protest. It only took a few minutes for him to track down the duty nurse and let her know his dad’s status. Letting her go in, he took a few moments to walk the hall and collect his thoughts.
Did he love Finn, or was this another Grady situation? Did they have the opportunity to become something more than what they were? Something lasting, that would see them through both good times and bad. Could Finn be the man whom he could open his soul to, whom he could let his guard down around and be simply Justin?
Justin stopped moving and looked into his father’s room. “I’m heading to Toronto in the morning.”
His parents shared a look, before his mom gave him one of her small smiles. “Someone need saving?”
“You could say that.”
Though Justin wasn’t exactly sure who.