Finn took the stairs two at a time and didn’t even hesitate to open Justin’s door. “Are you okay?”
The entire ride over, Finn hadn’t been able to help but picture Justin in distress. God, Finn would personally be a hot mess if anything had happened to either of his parents. Being alone and halfway across the country from them would make things a whole lot worse.
Justin was clearly no Finn.
Standing in his kitchen, Justin was pouring cream into his coffee and giving it a stir. “I’m fine.”
“Fine? You didn’t sound fine.” Shutting the door, Finn kicked off his shoes and marched over. Should I hug him? I don’t think he’s a hugger. Is he? He shoved his hands into his pockets. “Do you need me to help you pack? Or get you a plane ticket? I have a friend who does travel stuff on the side and can probably get you a deal.”
“I’m not going.” Justin held Finn’s gaze as he took a sip of his coffee. “My mother only wanted me to know in case I was talking to a friend of the family. It caught me off guard. I’m sorry; I shouldn’t have called you.”
Finn slowly shook his head. “I don’t get what’s happening here. Your mom doesn’t want you to go out there? What if something happens to your dad? Wouldn’t you want to say . . . to be there?”
Placing his mug on the counter, Justin stretched his hand flat on the surface. “I don’t have that sort of relationship with my parents. If Mom wanted me to come out, she would have told me to. I don’t think it’s life-threatening.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Finn took Justin by the shoulders and squeezed hard. “Do you love your parents?”
“What kind of question is that? Of course I do.”
“Is there a reason you’re avoiding them? Something they’ve done or said that makes you uneasy?”
Justin swallowed hard. “No. We’re not crazy close, but nothing has happened.”
“Then why are you still here?” Finn couldn’t imagine listening to a family who told him to stay away, when they were in obvious need. Shy or not, when others needed him, he was somehow able to push past all that and do what needed to be done. “Parents have a way of trying to shelter their children from the worst of life. It doesn’t matter if you’re ten or thirty-six, they try to keep us from worry.”
Justin broke eye contact, but he wrapped his hand around Finn’s forearm. They stood like that for several moments. Finn tried to keep his focus on Justin, and not on how hard his heart was pounding from Justin’s touch. Finn finally reached up and covered Justin’s hand with his. Their fingers briefly entwined before Justin pulled his hand away and cleared his throat.
“As I said, I don’t have that sort of relationship with them. I stayed with them for six months before coming out to Toronto, and while I was there, we had supper together a few times; they mostly spoke to one another, and I sat and listened.”
“That sounds incredibly lonely.” Finn couldn’t go a week without getting a call or an email from one or both of his parents. Sure, they might not be perfect, but they loved him and would do anything for him. He couldn’t imagine not having that family connection in his life.
“They care for me, but they’re not affectionate. Mom gets uncomfortable when she has to deal with a lot of emotion. She wouldn’t appreciate me being there.”
Finn wasn’t surprised to see Justin’s cool exterior slip, to see his lip quiver, a torrent of emotions flick across his face. Despite trying to convince people otherwise, Justin clearly cared deeply for the people in his life. Placing a hand on his shoulder, Finn gave it a squeeze. “Did she say that? ‘Hey Justin, I know your father’s had a major life-threatening event happen, but I’d appreciate it if you’d stay away.’ Did those words come from her?”
“No.”
Finn tipped Justin’s chin up so he was forced to look at Finn again. “Do you want to go?”
It was then the tears started to spill down Justin’s cheeks. “Yes.”
“Shit.” Ignoring his earlier hesitation, Finn pulled him in for a hug. “I’ll call my friend, and we’ll get you a ticket. First flight to Vancouver we can get you on.”
Justin squeezed him hard. “Thank you.”
They stood that way for several minutes, two men enjoying the comfort. Finn couldn’t stop himself from turning his nose and pressing it to the side of Justin’s neck. He smelled good, and Finn did his best to memorize it, knowing it might be a while before Justin would be back. “You don’t have to be indestructible all the time. You have people who care for you. Who you can count on.”
Justin hugged him tighter. “I’m not used to that.”
Finn realized that as much as he needed Justin, he was needed in return. The fledgling feelings of affection exploded in his chest. He wanted to love and care for Justin. Wanted to spend his evenings watching movies with him, and discussing books. He wanted to do everything in his power to make things better for him.
Finally, Finn stepped away, nearly overcome by the strength of his emotions, and took his phone from his pocket. “Let me call my friend; you get some things together.”
Justin nodded and headed for the bedroom.
It took a few minutes to work out the details, but they were able to get Justin on a flight that night. “It leaves at six fifteen, and you’ll get there at eight fifteen local time. Early enough you shouldn’t have any problems getting transportation to wherever your mom is.”
Justin only had a small bag with him. “That’s perfect. I’ll call an Uber so I can head out.”
“I’ll take you. I have my car here.” The longer Finn was here, knowing Justin was going to be away for an indeterminate period of time, the more he wanted to spend as much time as he could with him. “I don’t even charge for gas.”
“I can’t ask you to do that. Not after everything else you’ve done.”
Without waiting, Finn took Justin’s bag from him and started out the door. “I’m parked in the lot down the street.”
Justin followed him without saying another word. Walking through the gym, Finn was aware they were drawing a few curious glances. He made sure Justin was close beside him, and was fully prepared to run interference if someone approached them for a chat. The last thing Justin needed was to be forced into idle chitchat, or worse, a serious conversation about the apartment development. Outside, the sunny sky contrasted with the emotional storm Finn saw on Justin’s face. He had to fight the urge to wrap Justin in another hug. “I’m down this way.”
The drive through traffic to Pearson was mostly silent, which for the first time in his life, bothered Finn. On a normal day, he might question if Justin was being as quiet as he was to be respectful of Finn’s shortcomings. Today, all Finn wanted was to find the words to draw Justin out of his head, to make him talk about his relationship with his parents, to discuss what he could do to help his father. Words raced through Finn’s head, but none of them felt right.
God, why couldn’t he talk like a normal person?
Justin gave Finn’s thigh a light squeeze when they were pulling onto the airport road. “I’m not used to having someone be there for me, no strings attached.”
That little revelation broke Finn’s heart. “You better learn to adjust, because you do now.”
“I’m starting to realize that.”
Finally, after what felt like a lifetime, but in reality, was only forty minutes, they stopped in front of the departure gate drop-off. The line of cars was huge, which meant they weren’t going to have long for their goodbyes once they were able to find a spot. Shit, this was all happening too quickly. He’d just gotten used to Justin being around, and now Justin was leaving.
Finn pulled into one of the open stop-and-go spots that was close to Justin’s airline. With his heart pounding, he put the car into park and turned in his seat. “There you go. Hey, mind texting me when you get settled? I want to make sure you got there okay. And to know how your dad is doing. And if you need anything else.” His hands were sweaty, and he ran them along his pants to try to dry them.
Justin smiled as he leaned over and gave Finn a soft kiss. It was quick, but full of so many emotions, Finn couldn’t identify them all. “I will. Thank you again.”
“No problem.” Finn could only watch as Justin grabbed his bag, got out of the car, and jogged across the road to the terminal.
Justin had kissed him.
Then left. And Finn didn’t know when they’d see one another again.
A security guard tapped on his window, indicating that he needed to get moving. With a nod and glance at traffic, he pulled out and headed back home.
Justin’s back ached after getting off the flight. His Uber was at least a nice car and got him to the hospital before 9 p.m. It took a bit of asking around, but he finally tracked down his father’s room and was surprised to see his mom sitting next to the bed in a chair, sound asleep.
He set his bag against the wall and walked over to stand beside her. He didn’t know which one of them looked more ill—his father with an ashen face, body connected to monitors with wires, or his mom. For the first time, they appeared old. Their skin had wrinkles he had never seen previously, and his father’s hair was far thinner than he remembered. Dear God, he’d been with them less than a month ago. How could they have aged this much, this quickly? They were always on the go, plotting out their next academic speech or research paper, full of life and talking.
Taking a moment to push down the emotions that threatened to spill from him, Justin schooled his face before gently giving his mother’s shoulder a little shake. “Mom?”
“Hmm?”
“Mom, I’m here.”
Her eyes opened, and despite the fact she’d been sleeping moments earlier, she now appeared wide-awake. “Justin? Why are you here?”
Hello to you too, Mom. “You called to tell me Dad was in the hospital. I wanted to be here for you.”
“There’s nothing you can do about it.” She sat up, straightened her clothing. It was weird, but she didn’t seem able to maintain eye contact with him, something she’d never struggled with in the past. “Your presence won’t change the course of his healing. You didn’t need to waste your money flying all the way out here so you could sit in a hospital room with him.”
Sometimes he wondered if his mom was too practical for her own good. “I know you might find this hard to believe, but I wanted to be here. I don’t care about the money—”
“That attitude is what got you in your current mess.”
“Mom.” God, she really wasn’t making it easy. “I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself if I’d stayed in Toronto when you needed me here.”
Ignoring the surprise on her face, he went and got another chair and pulled it up opposite her. “How is he doing?”
She cleared her throat as her gaze drifted over to his dad. “The doctor said they’ll need to put a stent in. Apparently, your father had a complete block in his artery, but he also has an extra valve. It’s what saved his life.”
“He always liked to do things differently.” Justin took his father’s hand and gave it a squeeze. “Does he know you’re here?”
“He does. They have him on some strong medicine, and the nurse told me to expect that he’d have large gaps in his memory. He doesn’t stay conscious for long when he does come around.” There was an expression on her face that Justin hadn’t seen in a long time. “I don’t know what I’m going to do if anything happens to him.” Her voice cracked as she spoke, and she had to clear her throat once again.
It was surreal seeing his mother this emotional, even if she was trying to restrain herself. “We’ll get through this. Dad’s strong and will be okay. I’ll go talk to the doctor the next time he comes in—”
“She.”
“The next time she comes in and get some more details.”
The silence stretched between them, punctuated with the beeping of the monitors. The frantic nature of the trip, the stress of not knowing what he’d find on his arrival, or how his mom would react to his unannounced arrival had had Justin on edge for hours. Now that he was here and there really was nothing he could do at the moment, his body began to protest. “Where’s the bathroom?”
“That door. It’s shared with the other room, so make sure you lock both sides.”
He stood and stretched. “I’ll be out in a minute.”
“I didn’t think you’d come.”
Justin froze. “Pardon?”
She was looking down at the blanket that covered his father’s legs. “We haven’t had the best relationship over the years. With your departure for Toronto and how our conversation went, I honestly didn’t think you’d come.” Then the last thing he’d ever expected happened—his mother burst into tears.
“God, Mom.” Racing around the side of the bed, he wrapped her in a hug. “I’ll always come. I’m your son.”
“I shouldn’t have said I wouldn’t help you. You’ve always been so independent and had everything under control. When I said no to you, you were so angry at me, I didn’t know what to think. You never get angry. Your father said to give you time, that you’d come around. Then this happened, and I didn’t know what to do. I was losing you both.”
He held her close and let her cry out her fears and frustrations. For the first time in his life, Justin questioned everything he thought he’d known about his relationship with his parents. Here was this woman, someone he’d perceived as reserved, someone who had pushed him away and hadn’t shown him the least bit of affection, terrified of him not being there.
Justin closed his eyes. “Mom, I’m not leaving you alone. No matter what happens.”
“Thank you, baby.”
Justin let the wall that held his emotions at bay fall, and silently cried with her.
It was nearly midnight by the time they left the hospital and arrived back at their condo. His mom went immediately to bed, exhausted from the events of the day. Justin went to what used to be his bedroom, but now served as a spare, and stretched out on the bed. He was physically drained, but his mind raced. There was no way he’d be able to fall asleep anytime soon.
He pulled out his phone, surprised to see texts from Zack and Grady. Finn must have mentioned what had happened to them. Justin opened the message from Zack first. Take all the time you need. I’ll run the project until you get back. Grady’s message brought tears to his eyes. I’m here for you. So is Lincoln. Call him if you need anything while you’re out there and it will happen.
Friends, people who cared for him—despite having had friends in the past, this outpouring of concern struck him differently than anything he’d experienced before now. Zack didn’t know him all that well, and yet he’d given Justin a place to live and a job. No one had ever gone out on a limb like that for him before. And with Grady, Justin finally felt as though he was part of his family, was something more than a hired watchdog.
Then there was Finn.
Justin scrolled through his contacts and pulled up Finn’s number. It would be three in the morning in Toronto, and there was no chance he’d be awake. Still, he’d promised to check in and he at least owed Finn that. Back from hospital. Dad is stable, mom is tired. At her house now.
He pressed Send and then pulled off his shirt. The small ding from his phone, made him jump. Finn had answered. Was worried about u. Glad you made it safe. We’ve got u covered on this end.
Justin thumbed the edge of his phone. Why are you up?
Wasn’t. Left the phone unmuted so I could hear u.
Go to sleep.
Will now. Let me know if I can do anything. Nite.
Good night. Justin’s hands shook as he plugged in his phone and took the remainder of his clothing off. Finn had been worried about him. He’d wanted to be woken up, no matter the time, so that he knew Justin was okay. The last few barriers Justin had managed to hold up against Finn came crashing down.
Justin had fallen in love.
Nothing good could come of this.