CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Menace
When I pull into my driveway, the pit of my stomach warms, and my heart beats a little faster. Having another car parked next to where mine normally is, having someone inside, waiting on me? I never imagined there would be a time in my life that I could count on any of it. No one is more surprised than me, that I can now.
The house is quiet when I enter through the side door, but when I listen closely, I can hear the TV playing softly in the living room. It’s seven at night when I check the clock, but obviously these two had a rough day. Taking off all my gear and slipping out of my boots, I make my way into the living room, and what greets me puts the biggest smile on my face.
Karina lies on the couch, wrapped up in a blanket, wearing one of my shirts, sleeping so soundly she hasn’t noticed me come in. As quiet as I can, I walk over to where she lays, gently putting my hand on her shoulder.
“Rina, wake up, I’m home,” I whisper.
She stirs slightly and then sits up when she realizes it’s me. “Hey.” Her voice is thick with sleep as she tries to acclimate to her surroundings. “I didn’t mean to sleep that long.”
“It’s okay.” I slide into the spot vacated by her, pulling her down across my lap. “You’ve had a rough day.”
“So have you.” She reaches up, pushing her fingers through my hair. The move is soothing rather than sexual. Grabbing her hand when she pulls it away, I bring her fingers to my mouth, kissing the tips.
“It’s been a hell of a day.” I sigh, kicking out my feet in front of me. “How’s Caleb? I don’t want to wake him up, but I’ll go check on him here in a few minutes.”
“What time is it?” she asks, looking around for a clock. “It’s probably almost time to take his temperature again.”
“Little after seven. Give me a rundown of what the doctor said before we go check on him. Do you know how hard it was for me to leave his care to someone else?” I push her bangs back off her forehead, enjoying the rhythmic way I’m stroking her skin.
“Do you know how hard it was for your son to let me help him?” She laughs. “He kept apologizing. Saying he was costing me too much money and that he was an adult and he should be able to take care of all this by himself.”
“He gets that from me.” My tone is rueful. “I’m constantly telling him that it’s time he take responsibility for his actions. But I never meant it was time for him to pay his medical bills on a busboy and waiter’s tips. How much do I owe you, by the way? Between the medicine, doctor’s visit, and food, I know this wasn’t cheap.”
She sits up, gazing at me long enough to make it uncomfortable. “Mason,” she sighs, running her palm along the beard on my cheek. “You’ve done a lot on your own for so long. I can’t believe what you’ve done on your own. It was mindboggling to me, and like I knew that you were strong, knew that you took your responsibilities seriously, but for as young as you were… Holy shit, I’m just…” she lets the words trail off in the silence of the room.
“Not gonna lie.” I tilt my head into her palm. “When I was eighteen- nineteen, it was scary as hell. At least when I was a minor, Caleb got state health insurance, so I never had to worry about any of that stuff. Until I turned eighteen, and his mom left. Then it was up to me, that’s why I joined the Army. You know how scary it was filling out the paperwork for a life insurance policy, knowing it was there in case something happened to me, but also trying to figure out who would take care of my child at the same time?”
“I can’t even imagine.” She puts her head on my shoulder. “I’m still stuck on a mother leaving a two-year-old child.”
The chuckle I let escape is harsh. “I used to hate Maggie so much, especially on nights like this when Caleb was sick and I had to leave work, or had to find someone to help me take care of him. Or those school events where the ‘Room Mom’ is supposed to make sure there’s cupcakes for all the kids. So many times I was embarrassed, not only because I sucked at that shit, but I was so young. I felt like I embarrassed him too, ya know? I wasn’t perfect, and my cupcakes looked awful.” I laugh again. “But the one thing I fuckin’ hated her for more than anything, were the two years of deployments I had. One when he was five, and another when he was seven. He didn’t know me when I came home. Back then there really wasn’t internet, or things like that. I mean there were, but it’s not the type of infrastructure there is today. He didn’t even really know what I looked like. I remember breaking off from my line of guys and running up to him. I was so excited to see him. He’d just turned six, and he didn’t even recognize me. Cried when I picked him up, because I’d had to grow a full beard over there. They put me in with the locals. Hardest damn time of my life.” I clear my throat. “There are a lot of things I’ve forgiven that bitch for, but that? That’s never gonna be one of them.”
She’s quiet as I stroke the back of her neck, the motion calming me as I think back to those hard first years of Caleb’s life. We survived, because we had no other choice, but it wasn’t thanks to anybody other than ourselves, a few friends, and a handful of family members.
“Is that why you left the Army?” she asks softly.
“The second deployment literally made me sick to my stomach. He started acting out, my mom couldn’t handle him, he was in trouble at school, and no one knew what to do with him. By some miracle I was sent home a few weeks early and no one knew it. I watched him for two days, just sat back and watched, before I even told him I was home. He was a kid who was hurting, and I couldn’t hurt him anymore. It would have been real easy for me to be career military, probably would have benefited us in ways I don’t even know now, but it wasn’t what was best for him. And since she didn’t care, I had to.” My mouth twists at the distaste of what I just said. “No, that’s the wrong phrase. I didn’t do it because I had to; I did it because I wanted to. But she also left me no option, ya know?”
“Do you know what ever happened to her?”
“Huh.” I run my hand through my hair. “I’ve seen her twice since she left us. Both times she’s wanted to come back, to see Caleb, just to make sure he’s okay. I’ve never let her do it, and she never pushed me on it when he was a kid. Always figured if it meant that much to her, she’d take me to court, assert her rights, and if she was serious about it, that’s what she would have done. But she never did. I get the feeling every time she showed up, it was because she had nowhere else to go and she thought I was hard up for her.”
She turns in my arms, circling her arms around my neck. “Were you? Hard up for her? I mean-,” she shrugs, “–the two of you had a child together, there must be some feelings there.”
“There were, like eighteen years ago.” I chuckle. “There’s way too much water under that bridge. No lying to you though, the first time she showed back up, we fucked. But it felt awful. I told myself I’d never do it again, and I haven’t. At this point it’s been about seven years since I’ve seen her.”
“One day she’ll wake up and regret everything she’s done, all the time she’s lost and the relationship she doesn’t have.” Rina leans in, giving me a soft kiss on the lips.
Putting my arms around her waist, I pull her closer. “When she does, we aren’t going to be here and there will be zero place for her in our lives.”
“I shouldn’t be happy about that.” She gives me a smile. “But I am. I’m coming to think of the two of you as mine.”
Those words echo my sentiment toward how I think of us too. She’s got Caleb and me hook, line, and sinker.
“We’re completely and totally yours, babe.”
“Good, I don’t want it to be any other way. How about we go check on Caleb and I can make you some dinner. I think I blew Caleb’s mind with the mother of all grilled cheeses.” She winks.
“You made him a grilled cheese?” God I love grilled cheese, but I always burn them. They’re basically the bane of my existence.
“Sure did. You want one?”
“Two.” I lean down, kissing her. “Definitely two. Be right back.”
Making my way down the hallway to Caleb’s room, I let myself believe this could be my future. This could be our future, if we just open ourselves up to it. There’s been a lot of loneliness in our lives, with just the two of us, but if there’s anyone we can welcome into our family, it’s definitely Rina. Opening Caleb’s door, I tiptoe in, and have a seat on the bed.
In sleep, he still reminds me of a little kid, only with some scruff on his face. When his features are relaxed, he’s so innocent looking I almost forget about some of the shit he’s done. Reaching over, I grab the thermometer, and then slightly shake him awake.
“Caleb, it’s time to check that temp.”
“Dad?” His eyes are glassy, and I have a feeling the temp is still gonna be there. He’s shivering and burrowing deeper into his covers.
“Yeah, it’s me. Just got home from work.”
“Is Kari still here?”
“Kari?” My eyebrows pull together in confusion.
“Yeah, Ms. Holland said I had to figure out something to call her besides Ms. Holland when we aren’t at school, and Rina’s already taken.” He gives me a pointed stare. “So I came up with Kari.” He shrugs.
“Yeah.” I shake my head, amazed he can even be thinking of this when he’s so sick. “She’s here. If I have anything to say about it, she’ll stay tonight.”
He closes his mouth around the tip of the thermometer I hold out while we wait for it to register. When it does, I whistle. Still almost a hundred and two.
“She was a lifesaver today, Dad. I don’t know if she told you everything she did, but if it wasn’t for her, I don’t know what would have happened. She just took it upon herself to do the shit she thought was right.”
“That’s kinda her.”
His voice is quieter when he speaks this time. “It was pretty cool, having someone besides you worry about me. Not like you don’t worry and I don’t appreciate it.” He pulls the covers tighter. “I do, but her worry was different. She got me popsicles and made me food. It was a softer kind of worry.”
“It was a mother’s kind of worry,” I supply for him, knowing he won’t say the words aloud.
“There’s not often I feel loss, like I missed out on something because she wasn’t around.” He swallows audibly. “But today, as she hung out with me and did everything I needed her to do, I felt that loss. Not that you don’t do those things for me, but there was just something about having her do it.”
“No, I get it. She’s special, Caleb. I hope to have her around for a while.”
He coughs harshly into his hand. “Would you marry her, Dad? If given the option?”
The question catches me off guard. I’ve never thought about marrying anyone other than his mom, right after we found out she was pregnant. Thank God that never worked out. I decide to answer honestly because I’ve always been that way with him. “Rina makes me do a lot of things I swore I would never do. I can’t say either way, but I can say it doesn’t scare me. Less than two months ago that wasn’t even on my radar, but I can tell you without a doubt, I don’t want her to leave.”
“I don’t either, Dad.”
I lean down, kissing him on the forehead. “Then we’ll do our best to make her stick around. Deal?”
He bumps my fist. “Deal.”
“Now get some sleep, let the medicine work. If you need anything, we’ll be in the living room. Don’t hesitate to call either one of our phones if you can’t get out of bed.”
“Got it.” He rolls over, hugging the pillow to his chest.
When I leave the room, I leave with a smile on my face.