***
"Okay. So let me get this straight," Bailey said from the backseat. "I'm making the list, and then we'll reorganize it into the order of which toy you want the most?"
I glanced up into the rearview mirror as she looked down at Austin, who was tucked against her and strapped down in the middle seat even though the other full-sized seat was available. My chest tightened, and I shoved back the need to tear up. He liked her. I loved her.
How fucking blessed we were.
"Hey," my sister whispered as she put her hand on my arm. "It's okay."
"I know." I smiled and turned back to the traffic ahead of us as Austin updated Bailey on just how detailed she needed to be as his personal elf for the trip. The kid was beyond excited.
We got to the first store and walked to the door as snow danced around us all. I reached out and took Bailey's hand, lifting it to my lips and kissed the back of it as she smiled up at me.
"Thank you."
"For?" She squeezed my hand and wrapped her other hand around my bicep as she pressed her cheek against me.
"For playing along with him."
"I'm not playing along. I'm excited. I love kids." She released my hand and moved up to Nina and Austin. "I need my notepad, Sir."
"Oh yeah!" Austin handed it to her and reached out to take her hand.
Nina moved back to walk beside me as Bailey and Austin skipped toward the store. "Well, damn. I think we've been replaced, Bubba."
"I think so." I wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "You think there's enough snow at the house to make a snowman this afternoon?"
"The weatherman this morning said that we should be about knee deep in snow by five tonight. I'm thinking you and Bailey should put up a Christmas tree with Aus."
"Oh, I don't know, Nina." I released her and held the door open. "You know that damn tree still gets me right in the middle of the chest."
My sister turned and placed her hand over my heart. "And it's been two years. Austin deserves to start getting pieces of his holidays back, Jer."
I nodded. "You're right. Yeah, okay. We can get a tree. We'll stop on the way home and cut one down. We can make a big deal out of it."
A big smile covered my sister's face. "I'll get a basket and pick out some decorations while he's looking at toys. We can surprise him."
"Alright. Let's do it." I left her to her giddiness over the damn tree and went in search of my family. I stopped beside the aisle to find Bailey on her knees as Austin rattled off different toys, taking the time to show her each one as if she needed a visual to get the list right.
I leaned against the end-cap and took the moment in deep.
"You know that we didn't used to do this." Austin smiled over at Bailey, who was about the same height as him on her knees. "My daddy started it two years ago."
"Oh yeah?" Bailey's sweet voice pulled at my heart. "I like it. I think everyone should do it."
"Me too." Austin nodded and stared at my girl. "He did it to help me not be sad at Christmas."
"I like that your daddy has a big heart." She reached out and touched the side of Austin's face. "You have the same heart as he does, right?"
"I think so." He glanced down at his shirt and back up. "Well, maybe not the exact same heart."
Bailey laughed, and I could hear the tears in the sweet sound. "I think it's okay to be sad when you want to be. Even at Christmas. You just be you, okay?"
He nodded and turned back to the toys. "I'm not as sad as I used to be, but sometimes my chest still hurts."
Tears filled my eyes and dripped over to my cheeks as my heart broke in my chest. I needed to have more open talks with the kiddo about Laila.
"Well, I think we should put up a Christmas tree soon, and at the top, we can put a beautiful angel for your mom. What do you think about that?"
He smiled and turned to Bailey. "I like it! She would love that. I want a tree! Can we really?"
She fell back on her butt as he plowed into her with a big hug.
I wiped my eyes and my nose and moved over to help pull them up as the three of us laughed.
"What are you two doing?" I gave them both a look as I put them back on their feet.
They laughed harder, and Austin wrapped his arms around Bailey's waist and pressed his cheek to her hip. "Bailey said I could get a tree, Daddy. Please?"
"That okay?" Concern moved across her beautiful face, and I wanted to reach out and pull her into a long kiss, but I needed to be careful around Austin.
"Oh yeah. Nina is already running around this place getting decorations for us."
"Yay!" Austin bounced on his feet. "I want to help."
Nina pulled up on the side of our aisle and wagged her eyebrows. "Let's go kiddo. Get into the buggy and hold on tight."
"Nina." I gave her a look as Austin ran to her and she put him in the front of the cart. "Be careful."
"He's five. Get over it." She took off, and the sound of Austin screaming his head off in joy filled the store.
I turned and reached for Bailey. "Get over here."
"Am I in trouble?" She pressed her hands to my chest, one still holding the notebook and pen.
"No. Not unless you want to be." I leaned down and brushed my lips by hers. "Where did you come from, Bailey? Right when I thought I'd spend the rest of my life on shitty blind dates, there you were."
"I come from here." She smiled and lifted to her toes.
I kissed her long and hard, putting every bit of my thanks, my desire, my hunger for the sweet woman into my attack.
"Wow," she whispered and gripped my shirt with her free hand as she wobbled on her feet. "More of that please?"
"Oh yeah. Tonight. After the tree and stuff. We'll put Austin to bed and then lots more of that." I kissed her again and wrapped my arm around her shoulders as we went to find Austin.
It wasn't hard. You could hear him yelling in delight from a mile away. The sound was music to my ears and a balm to my soul.