Chapter 14

Ansley

"You need anything else?" Parks stuck his head in my office as I was wrapping up a report on our surgery that afternoon. He looked so damn good. Happy and full of life.

"No. See you tomorrow." I turned my attention back to my file, hoping he would leave.

"You wanna grab something to eat? It gets lonely in this big ass city."

I laughed and glanced up, hating how much he affected me. "You're from New York."

"A small sliver of New York and we both have to eat." He shifted his backpack on his shoulder, causing the thick muscles of his chest to flex. I let my eyes move over to his tattoo sleeve as a shiver ran through me. He was so fucking fine without his clothes on. I had no question as to why every woman in the nearby vicinity drooled over him. I did too, I just hid it well, or I hoped like hell that I did.

"No, but thank you. You're forcing me to go to dinner tomorrow night. That should be more fun than I can handle in a week." I winked and picked up a file. "I have to finish this stuff up."

"Alright, but don't say I didn't try." He slipped his hands into his pockets. "Enjoy your night, Doctor."

"You as well." I kept my eyes on the papers below me even though the urge to throw caution to the wind grew like flames in a massive fire inside of me.

He walked out, and I turned my attention to him, enjoying the view of his ass in his scrubs. I wanted to see it bare and wet from a hot shower. Lust danced in my stomach, and the desire to touch myself took me hard and fast.

"No. Stop it," I barked.

"Talking to yourself, Ans?" Nolan stopped at the open door and leaned against the door frame. The expression on his face said that he was after reconciliation, but I wasn't ready for that just yet.

"Always." I shrugged and leaned back in my chair. There was a time when seeing him would have caused my heart to skip a beat, but that obsession with the hottest doctor in Boston General was long over. Not to mention that a few better-looking men had moved in since. "I'm the only one that truly agrees with me. Saves me a fight a day at least."

He snorted and walked in, closing my door behind him. "Come get dinner with me."

"Not a chance." I wrapped my arms around my chest. "I'd rather eat alone."

"Ouch." He sat down and let out a long sigh. "I deserve that."

I shrugged. "Not sure what you deserve any more. What do you want? I'm leaving soon."

"Alone?" He lifted his eyebrow.

"None of your fucking business." I kept my tone even, but the same anger that always burned brightly when he was around roared to life. I was going to die young if I didn't find a better outlet for my rage and disappointments. Fucking Parks would help, but that would lead down a road I wasn't ready to traverse.

He nodded. "That's a true statement."

"What do you need, Nolan? I'm really not in the mood to sit here and chat with you."

"Ans."

"Ansley." I leaned forward and pressed my elbows to the desk. "We're not lovers. You're not my husband, and you're sure as hell no friend to me."

"I don't see it that way."

"I don't care what you see. Tell me what you need me to do that's related to the hospital or get out. It's not in my contract to be friendly."

He smiled, not affected at all by me from what I could tell. "Listen, I wanted to explain why Parks is taking the lead on this surgery in two weeks."

I held up my hand. "I don't care. He can have it."

"Let me finish," he bit out. I nodded and pursed my lips. I was too weary to take on another fight with him. "If something happens in that surgery and anything goes wrong, you could lose your license. It might seem insanely foreign to you, but I wouldn't let anything happen to you. This isn't a surgery that you want. Period."

"So now you're protecting me from saving lives just in case I fuck up?" I tilted my head to the side and studied him. How in the world had I allowed myself to stay with this fucker for nine years? And it had been a good nine years for the most part.

"Exactly. You mean a lot to this hospital, and a lot to me."

"Right. Well, thank you for the big brother protection, but the last time I checked, I'm the best damn neurosurgeon in this area. I don't need you or anyone else taking opportunities from me." I stood up, feeling so small sitting in front of him. He was a mountain of a man, and that used to be one of the most attractive things about him. Now he felt like a bully.

He stood too. "I would never take an opportunity from you, Ansley."

"You took the chance for me to have kids away." I pressed my hand to the desk. "I'm not sure anyone will ever be able to top that one. It sorta takes the fucking cake, don't you think?"

"I don't want to do this with you tonight. I told you that I'm sorry. I can't take back my selfishness, but I can work to make it up to you." He acted as if he was going to move around the desk to my side.

"Don't you dare come near me." I gave him a warning look. "I'm not interested in anything you have to offer."

"You have to be lonely. Come home with me tonight. We haven't been together for a week or more. I need you." He reached across the desk and brushed his fingers over the top of my hand. "Let's share a bottle of wine and take a long bath together. I'll wash your back and take my time making you feel good."

I pulled my hand back. "No thank you. I'd rather eat cold pizza, take a lukewarm shower and fuck my vibrator, but please... find you a horny nurse and have a good time. Move on."

"Have you?" He pulled his hand back like he'd been burnt.

"No. I'm not interested in anything but my career."

"Not even kids?" He lifted his eyebrow.

"That, like everything else related to me, is none of your business. Get out if you don't have hospital business to talk about. I'm serious." I ran my hand down my face, suddenly so tired. I should have left with Parks. Dinner and a few laughs would have beat having to talk to Nolan any day of the week.

"I can get the vasectomy reversed."

"I'm leaving if you're not." I gathered my things and walked around the desk.

"Ans." He reached out and grabbed me, tugging me closer to him. "You know that I still love you. This fighting bullshit between us is there because of the passion that exists. You still love me too."

"No. I don't." I pulled away and walked to the door. "Good night, Doctor Reigns."

"Night," he whispered.

I walked down the hall feeling like my life was nothing more than a series of fucked up events. I needed a vacation or a break or something. Anything to get away from the past and ignore the future.

A red rose and a note awaited me on the hood of my car as I walked up. A few residents were talking about it as they passed me. I ignored them, not interested in the musing of young doctors with no clue of the sacrifices soon to be demanded of them.

Nolan?

I picked up the note and the flower and got in the car before unfolding it. The handwriting was horrid.

Tomorrow night at Bell'antre. 6pm. Don't be late, or I will come find you. ~ Dr. Feelgood.

A laugh bubbled up out of me at the name he used to sign it. How tired was he of being the medical fields’ top playboy? Maybe not at all. Maybe he enjoyed it.

The passionate man that made love to me in my office wasn't a playboy or a boy at all. He was a man who seemed to know exactly what he wanted. Perhaps that was just all part of his charm. Sure felt that way as I pulled out of my parking spot and headed home.

The thought of calling Gwen or Aiden sat heavy on me as I parked outside my house and walked up to the door in the darkened silence. Nolan was right about one thing.

I was lonely. It felt like everyone's lives were moving forward but mine. Maybe it was my fault, but I didn't think so. Nine years of marriage and being deceived the whole damn time took some getting over.

After turning on a bunch of lights, I found my favorite bottle of wine and poured me a glass. There was cold pizza in the fridge calling my name. I'd down a few pieces and follow through with my nasty remarks to Nolan.

Lukewarm shower.

Vibrator.

It was a routine of sorts and one of the only things that remained steady in my life.