***
I was scrubbing in when Parks walked into the OR, his eyes dark, his lips in a tight line.
"Doctor Parks." I glanced over at him and nodded, a little worried about his appearance. Something was wrong, but it wasn't really the time to talk about it.
"Doctor." He nodded and washed his hands before turning to Nancy. "Turn on some metal music for me in the OR today. I'm lead, and I need it."
"Yes, Sir. You okay?" Nancy's face was filled with worry.
"I will be. Thanks." He moved around her and walked into the room as I watched him.
Nancy walked over to me. "What's going on? Something up with the two of you?"
"No. Not at all." I glanced up to watch several of the staff and attending doctors address him. His expression didn't change. It was a damn good thing I wasn't telling him about the baby. From what I could tell, he didn't need anything else going on in his life.
It was my secret to keep, my treasure to harbor. He'd offered to give me a baby, and where I didn't think it possible, he pulled it off.
My heart leaped and ached all in the same moment, leaving me a little breathless. How easily I could fall in love with a strong man like Parks, but this was for the better.
"I'll be right beside you both." Nancy gave me a warm smile and helped me with my gloves.
"You always are." I walked toward the doors; my hands lifted as she opened it for me. "Thank you."
Henry glanced my way, worry in his eyes. "Doctor Crawford. Come over here in my spot, and I'll stand beside you and attend in any way you or Doctor Parks need me to."
He was incredibly respectful even though we were the young ones in the room.
"Thank you." I moved across from Parks and glanced up. "Everything is prepared as you asked. I'm here for you. Just do what you need to do."
He nodded, and I realized that something horrible had happened to him. The light in his eyes was dim, and the dark circles under his eyes left him looking like death was knocking at his door. "I'm good. Just do as I ask."
"Of course." I nodded and followed his every instruction. A beeping sound caught my attention, and I turned and checked the heart monitor closely. "Blood pressure is dropping, Parks. Pull back."
"Not yet. I'm almost there, Ans. The tumor is wrapped around a nerve. I can do this."
"No. Pull back." I gripped the side of the table, hating the sound of my voice. I was almost barking at him, but fear had me held in place. "Now."
He glanced up. "This is my surgery. Not yours. Back off or get the fuck out."
I jolted from the hatred in his face. Had I really fucked up things with us to the point of him attacking me in front of everyone?
"Parks." Henry touched the small of my back. "Just pause for a minute and let-"
"I'm almost there!" He pressed on, and Clay jerked, his body convulsing as the monitor screamed at us.
"He's going into cardiac arrest." I moved up and took over, doing everything I could to bring the congressman to life. Henry and Parks assisted, and the monitor calmed down as his heart stabilized. "Close him up. Now."
"No. If you would have left me to it, I would have gotten it before he went into duress. Period. He's fine. Watch his heart rate and do what you're told," he barked loudly at me.
Nancy walked out, and Henry went after her. The few nurses we had around us backed up.
"I'm watching. Do what you need to do, but if he nears death again, you will close him up." I growled softly and narrowed my eyes as he looked up.
His skin was so pale, and his eyes screamed for help, but there was no fucking way his ego was going to let me step in. Especially not now.
He asked for a few more instruments and wrapped up the surgery much faster than I ever would have. "Close him up." He handed me the light off his head and walked out of the room, leaving me to clean up his mess.
Anger burned through me, but I swallowed it and finished the job. The second I was done, I walked out into the hallway and bumped into Nolan.
"What the fuck is going on?" His voice was ugly, and the vein that ran down his forehead was pulsing wildly.
"I'm sorry, Ansley. I was worried." Nancy moved around him and gave me an apologetic look.
"It's fine." I turned back to Nolan. "There was a complication." I walked toward my office, knowing that he would follow.
"And whose fault was it that we almost lost him? Nancy says it was Parks."
I walked into my office to find Parks there. He didn't see Nolan before he lit into me.
"If you ever get in the way of another surgery I'm in charge of, I will have them take your license. Do you hear me?" His finger was in my face, his eyes filled with rage. "He almost died in there."
"Wait." Nolan moved up and swatted Parks’ hand from my chest. "From what I hear, this was your goddamn fault."
"It was mine." I turned to face Nolan as clarity became mine.
"In my office. Now!" Nolan turned and stormed out.
"How the hell does he already know what happened, Ansley?" Parks walked past me. "Did you run to him the minute we wrapped up?"
"Fuck you too." I followed Parks down the hall as a sadness I didn't expect to feel washed over me. I was ready to give up my career, my position for my future. Nolan would never let me breathe in Boston General, and Parks would lose his license for putting such an important patient at risk.
I had to take the blame. It freed me from the hospital, from Nolan, and sadly enough, from Parks.