“You don’t like it?” he asked while munching on a chip. When I looked up, Marcus had an elbow on the table with another chip held limp between his fingers as he watched me.

Staring down at the barely touched tray of food, I picked up my plastic fork, stabbed it into the battered fish and brought it up to my lips. “Yummy,” I mumbled, giving him a thumbs up before I shoved it into my mouth and began to chew.

His lips twitched as he studied me – and make no mistake about it, Marcus was studying me. I felt exposed under his gaze, much the same way I did with his sister. Every time I tried to roll my eyes or challenge his glare, his humour only grew. It was both embarrassing and infuriating.

“Never go into politics.”

“And why not?” I mumbled through a small gap in my mouth.

“Because…” He swallowed. “You’re a really, really, really bad liar.”

Rolling the food around in my mouth, I tried to look serious, but it was hard when he was wearing that cocky, half grin on his face, so instead of saying anything that would only give him more reason to call me out, I remained quiet. Jabbing my fork back into the tray, I pulled out a chip and pushed it into my mouth as I watched him, watching me.

“Should that turn me on? Cause it kind of is doing.”

My cough and splutter were immediate and it felt like my eyes were about to pop out of my head as I struggled to compose myself.

“Shit, don’t choke on me, little Nat.” Reaching over, Marcus began to tap the top of my back while I felt like my head was about to explode. After a few minutes of grunting, groaning and composing myself, I eventually inhaled my first decent bout of oxygen in what felt like forever. Pulling in air thick and fast, I ran my thumb over my eyebrow and looked back down at the table. I was willing the blush in my cheeks to make a quick exit, but the more attention I gave it, the more I drew it out.

Marcus’ heavy sigh had me looking back up at him. “You’re embarrassed again, aren’t you?”

“Nooo. What makes you say that?” I croaked.

“Your cheeks could stop traffic right now.” He pushed my can of Dandelion and Burdock closer towards me, eyeing it not so subtly. I reached out, grateful for the distraction before I took a big, long drink and let the icy cold liquid douse the flames that were raging in my throat.

“Thank you.” I gasped when I’d finished.

Neither of us said anything straight away, but just the thought of eating again made my stomach turn over. I really wasn’t all that hungry. I hadn’t been to begin with. I was being polite.

“Natalie?” he said softly. “Do me a favour and relax.”

“Sorry,” I muttered as my shoulders sagged.

“And stop apologising.”

“Sor–”

His eyes widened in warning, but he was wearing his humour with pride. There wasn’t any real threat behind his intense gaze, all of which made me soften even more.

“Screw you,” I forced out through a smile. “Is that better?”

“Much better. I like it when you’re sassy.”

“Noted.”

“So,” he began, pausing to take a drink before returning his attention to his food. “You wanna talk about Richard?”

“And Richard is…?” I chuckled.

“That idiot who hurt your feelings tonight.”

“Alex,” I reminded him, pushing my tray away from me so I could rest both my arms on the table and lean forward. “You got an issue with his name?”

“No.” Marcus shoved some more food in his mouth, his eyes alive with something I couldn’t quite pinpoint. “I got an issue with him.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because I don’t like guys called Tristan and I don't like guys who don’t look after what they’ve got.”

“Alex was my friend. He never had me.”

“Never?” he asked, quirking a brow as though he already knew the answer. “Don’t bother answering that. Your body language just gave you away.”

“My body language?” I looked down at my arms, then into my lap, noticing for the first time that my thighs were squeezed together from the few fleeting images that had just assaulted me – the ones of Alex’s body towering over mine before we made love.

“Oh.”

“Plus, you have that whole hearts in your eyes thing going on whenever his name is mentioned.”

“I do?”

“Yeah, it’s sickening.” He grinned. “He’s done quite a number on you, hasn’t he?”

I dragged in a weighty breath and rubbed my lips together. Had he done a number on me? I had no idea. I didn’t know much about anything anymore. Alex was once the source of relief in my life – the thing that I clung to, to get me through the dark days. He was the light that got on the bus to clear the clouds. He was the smile that got rid of my frown. He was the comfort, the safety net, the distraction I’d needed without realising I’d needed it, or him, at all.

“It’s... complicated.”

“Those are usually the best stories.”

“It’s too long.”

“I have time,” he offered, and that curious smile of his was there once again.

Tilting my head to one side, I studied him for a change. It was hard not to shy away when he was looking at me the way he was doing. My natural instincts were telling me to look down in embarrassment, but I fought back that time. I wanted to read him the way he was so intent on reading me.

“Why do you care so much, Marcus?”

“Who said I cared?”

“Your eyes say you care.”

“And here I was thinking you didn’t see much.”

“A wise woman once told me that it was time I paid attention.”

“I like the sound of this woman.”

“You should. She was the best.”

“Was?”

I nodded slowly, sighing as a shiver of grief erupted across my skin. “Elizabeth. My sister. She passed away.”

Marcus lowered his fork onto his tray, and he had the decency to look sombre for just a moment. It was fleeting, though, and when his eyes met mine again, he reached out to place a hand on my arm. He felt warm, comforting, and for the first time in a long time, I didn’t want to pull away when someone other than Alex or my parents touched me.

“I liked Lizzy growing up. I heard about her passing. I thought of you both.”

“Yeah?” I smiled. “In between uni parties and taking girls back to your dorm for Super Noodles and a Coke.”

Nodding to the side, he winked and leaned in closer. “They preferred pizza and a smoke.”

“I don’t want to know.” I laughed. “But thank you. It means a lot to know people were thinking about her.”

He pulled away then, his food once again becoming his focus. I watched on as though this was a routine the two of us had been through all our lives. After a night of ridiculous hiccups, stumbles and choking, it felt like my tension was slowly beginning to drift away. I guess I’d made as much of a fool of myself as I was going to for one night, and something about Marcus seeing me at my most dorky and still sitting there felt like a small comfort.

“You thought about uni?” he asked in between mouthfuls of food.

“Umm…” I chewed the inside of my mouth before speaking. It was a question my parents had been asking me a lot lately. I only had one year of studying left before I had to make my final decision. I was on track to achieve the grades I had to, mainly thanks to mine and Alex’s mutual obsession with making each other study, but I couldn’t let him in my thoughts right now. All that was left for me to do was carry on as I had been doing and my options were open.

“Tough question?”

“It kind of is.” I grinned, pushing my head into my hand to rest there while I looked up at him. “I was going to stay local – maybe Leeds.”

“With Dave?”

I rolled my eyes and mouthed the name ‘Alex’ back to him carefully. “Yes, with him.”

“A bit of honesty for once. I like it.” Finally clearing his tray, he pushed it to one side and copied my pose exactly, leaning over the table with his head in one hand as his green eyes penetrated my blue. “And if you don’t stay in Leeds, what other options do you have to think about?”

“I guess the world is my oyster.”

“What about Preston?”

“Preston uni? Why would I want to go to Preston?”

His lazy smile went all the way up to his eyes, and his face became alive with a brightness that was almost blinding. “Because I’m there and Matthew isn’t.”

“Tempting.” I smirked.

“I think so.”

“You'd only have one year left by the time I got there, though.”

“Yeah, but it would be the best year of your life, sweet cheeks.”

And just like that, I was smiling again. Not because my problems had suddenly disappeared. Not because I wasn’t missing Alex anymore or because all my feelings had been brushed under a rug.

I was smiling because Marcus was trying. He was trying to make me happy.

That was something everyone needed in their lives, and it seemed that when one door was being slammed in my face, another one was cracking open with a crooked finger sticking out of it, enticing me in.

“Are you always like this?” I asked with genuine curiosity.

“Never,” he admitted. “Fancy a smoke and a pizza?”

The laughter that roared free was a relief to us both. I still had it there inside of me. Somewhere.

As long as I didn’t allow myself to focus on missing Alex.

I just had to figure out if that was even possible after tonight.

“Your mother tells me you’re going out?”

Tearing my eyes away from the mirror in front of me, I glanced over my shoulder and smiled at my father who was leaning against the doorframe of my bedroom. His arms were folded across his chest, and he had one ankle crossed over the other. I knew what he was doing there. I knew I looked different to him and he was trying to figure out if he approved of it or not.

“Is that okay?” I asked him, just to be polite.

“It’s more than okay, darling.”

“Thank you.” Pushing myself up from my stool, I picked up the ends of my dress and gave him an awkward curtsy. “What do you think? Too much?”

Dad moved slowly, advancing towards me before his smile turned flat and he picked a curl of my hair. Twirling it around his finger, a film of tears coated his eyes, but I didn’t let him know I’d noticed them.

“You look out of this world.”

“I wouldn’t go that far, Dad,” I muttered, blushing as I started to shuffle awkwardly on my feet.

“I would. Did your mother curl your hair for you?”

“Yes. There’s no way I could have done this.”

He pulled away carefully to look down at my outfit, keeping my hair in his grip. “And this dress. I know this dress from somewhere.”

“It was Lizzy’s.” I glanced down at the black babydoll dress Mum had pulled out for me. Cinched at the waist and fanning out to just an inch or two above my knee, it was quite possibly the most feminine thing I’d ever worn. “I think she wore it once before. Maybe for a Christmas party.”

“I remember,” he said quietly. Swallowing the lump of grief that had risen in his throat, he dropped his hand and pushed it into his trouser pocket before looking up at me. “Can I ask who you’re going out with tonight?”

“Just with Sammy and the girls.” I didn’t mention the fact that her brother would probably be there, too, seeing how he’d suddenly started to turn up whenever Sammy and I got together. It had been a week since he’d walked me home and we’d eaten together. Just a week and I’d see him four times in passing.

“No Alex?”

Schooling my face, I offered him a gentle shake of the head before looking back down at my dress. “No,” I whispered.

“It’s okay to miss him, you know.”

“I’ll get over it,” I croaked.

“I always felt like you were safe when I knew you were with him.”

“I know.”

“He was a good kid.”

“He still is,” I said through a sad smile before looking back up at him.

Dad’s eyes narrowed as they searched mine. Opening his mouth to say something, he quickly thought better of it and pressed his lips together once more. With a small nod of his head, he stepped aside and waved me past him, bending at the waist. “Don’t let this old man delay you from having a wonderful time with your friends. Although I don’t know what kind of father I am, letting you go out to a nightclub before you’re eighteen.”

“You can trust me. I’m not going to do anything stupid.” I began to move forward, but stopped in front of him, placing my hand on his shoulder before I gently kissed the top of his head. “I love you, Pops.”

“Be safe,” he said quietly, but it was impossible to miss the waver of his voice and the hint of worry. It made sense to me. It was something I was always going to have to live with now, and I didn’t mind or begrudge him the right to panic one bit. He’d already lost one daughter. The thought of another being taken from him or hurt in any way was just too much for him to bear. That sense of panic wasn’t going to leave him now until he took his last breath on this earth.

Maybe not even then.

“Always am,” I reassured him before I picked up my purse from the side of my bed, and made my way downstairs.

Mum waved me off in her usual manner, but one last glance over my shoulder as I made my way down the pathway showed me just how worried they both were. They’d huddled together in the doorway, arms wrapped around each other as their one and only daughter walked out into the unknown with their permission. I understood their need to keep me wrapped in a security blanket for the rest of my life. I got it. If I hadn’t made my promises to Sammy, Suzie and Danni, I would probably have let the guilt drag me back inside and keep myself safe for my parents’ benefit.

But I had made them a promise. I’d made one to myself, too. I wasn’t going to miss out on our end of year celebrations because I felt ashamed or embarrassed.

The taxi pulled up in front of our house only a few minutes later, and the shrieks of laughter that poured out onto the pavement when Danni opened the door had me smiling instantly.

“Come on, Nat,” she shouted in excitement, beckoning me to the car.

I slid inside as quickly as I could, tucking my dress under my thighs so as not to show the world my underwear. I’d barely got my seatbelt in place when Danni reached over and pressed the button to slide the window down. Sticking her head out of it, she pressed her whole body against my thighs and shouted at my parents.

“Hey, Mr. Vincent. Mrs. Vincent. Don’t worry about Nat. We’ll take good care of her…Ouch!” Her head snapped back around as she slapped a hand to her arse and turned her stare on Suzie who was sitting in the back with us. “Did you just give me a wedgie?”

“Little bit.” Suzie chuckled. “Although, it’s hard to wedgie something that’s already stuck up your crack.”

“You cow! This dental floss g-string is made of delicate lace.” Danni quickly glanced back at my parents and offered them a full, beaming smile along with a wave that replicated The Queen's. When she slid back into her seat, making no effort to hide the fact she was adjusting her underwear, she slapped a hand on both mine and Suzie’s thighs. “God, I can’t wait to party. I am so ready for this.”

“Do you think we’ll have any problems getting in? We don’t have any I.D.” Suzie sounded more worried than I expected her to be as she leaned forward and took a good look at me for the first time that night. “Shit, Nat. You look hot as hell.”

My blush was instant, and it wasn’t long before Sammy was turning around in the front seat to get a good look at me.

Danni’s eyes trailed up the length of my exposed legs before she reached across and got a good grab of my boobs.

“Hey!” I laughed, quickly pulling her hand away.

“Have you put socks down there?” she asked seriously, her eyes still locked on my chest.

“Do people actually do that?” Suzie whispered beside her, her eyes aimed in exactly the same direction.

“It’s usually tissue,” Sammy muttered from the front seat, her voice quiet and her stare intense as she ogled my boobs.

Staring at them all in turn, I eventually shook my head and covered my body with my arms. “Okay, quit it. I’m starting to feel weird.” I grinned at them all before raising a brow at Suzie, who was still wide-eyed and ogling. “Earth to Suzie.”

“Shit.” Shaking her head, she lifted her eyes to mine and laughed. “Fuck, if you have this effect on me, you need to stay away from Paul tonight. I swear he’s developing a crush on you.”

“Oh, please.” I rolled my eyes, unable to hide the small smile still lingering on my face. “He’s not my type.”

“Who is your type?” Danni asked, nudging my shoulder carefully. “Mr. Law?”

The taxi fell quiet all at once, and no matter how hard I tried to keep my eyes lit up with excitement, I couldn’t do it. Just the sound of his name had my stomach performing somersaults. Huffing out a weak laugh at absolutely nothing at all, I turned to look out of the window and just watched as the world whizzed by in a blur of summer coloured images.

Mr. Law most definitely was my type; there were no doubts about that. He was the dream I never knew I’d had, the spark that was always going to set me aflame and make me feel alive right before I burned to death.

I just wasn’t sure I was made strong enough to survive that kind of torture.

Maybe I had to find a new type – someone who appealed to me enough to bring my skin to life without leaving any scars once he’d finished.

My world was full of maybes all of a sudden.

I had no idea how to tell my friends just how much that thought scared me.

So I didn’t. I couldn’t. I wouldn’t.