CHAPTER SIX

Amber

It was silent in the apartment. I was alone, and for the first time in days the protective wall I always had around me when Zach and Brian were around was down and I felt almost relaxed. I walked out of my room and into the bathroom. I locked the door, even though I knew Brian and Zach wouldn’t be home for a while. Law school kept them busy most mornings. Yet a tiny part of me felt safer with the lock in place.

I rushed through my shower as usual. Showers – they brought up too many horrible memories – memories I wanted to forget. The first few weeks after I'd woken in the hospital, I'd showered for hours every day, scrubbing my skin with scolding water until I drew blood. I'd tried to wash their smell away, but it was burnt into my memory and even after all those years I could still smell them on my skin. No matter how much vanilla scented shower foam I used, their stench remained.

The psychiatrists told me that it was my imagination. They didn't know how it was to smell those bastards on me, to see their leering faces whenever I closed my eyes, to hear their taunting words in my dreams, to feel their hands on me. Maybe it was my imagination, but for me it was part of my reality. I was trapped with the haunting memories of that day for the rest of my life.

I shut the water off and stepped out of the shower before more horrible thoughts could take hold of me. I wrapped a towel around my body and twisted another one into a turban atop my head to keep my hair in place before I unlocked the door.

Pumpkin was mewing loudly. I followed the noise into the living room and found him sitting on the loveseat, looking tense. I took a few steps toward him when I noticed movement in the corner of my eye.

“Nice towel,” said a male voice.

I whirled around, clutching the tiny towel still tighter against my body. My muscles seized with fear. On the sofa sat two men. Both of them tall and imposing. Terrifying. One of them had dark skin and he looked impossibly strong. The other was leaner but not less intimidating.

My breath stuck in my throat and my vision narrowed, turning black at the corners.

It will happen again.

happen again

happen again

happen again

I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t run, couldn’t do anything.

The smaller man with blond locks stood and walked toward me, a leering grin on his face and it reminded me so much of the grins of that night.

Their grins. Taunting and leering.

I backed away from him, shaking my head desperately. The blond man took another step closer to me and the man with the dark skin got up, looking angry and dangerous. ‘No’, I wanted to say, but nothing came out.

“Hey, we're not going to hurt you,” said the blond man.

I'd heard those words before, and shortly after my life had been destroyed. We won’t hurt you. You’ll enjoy it. You like it rough, bitch, don’t you? Scream for us.

“Bill, you're frightening her, you idiot!” shouted the other man.

My bare back hit the wall. I was trapped. Trapped. Trapped. The words rang in my ears, mingled with my screams from long ago in my head. I sank down to the ground and hugged my legs to my chest, rocking myself back and forth.  Whimpers slipped past my lips and the taste of my tears lingered on my lips.

“Fuck! That's all your damn fault, Bill, you fucking idiot!”

“Shut up, Jason! What are we going to do?”

“She looks like she's in shock.”

“We need to call Brian.”

“Are you fucking insane, Jason? Brian will kill us. Call Zach, he'll know what to do.”

They were shouting, and they were so close. Too close. Too close.

Fear paralyzed me. Memories, haunting and terrifying, kept flashing through my mind. I rocked harder. Let them go away, please. God, please, don't let them hurt me again.

“Try to shake her out of it, Jason, maybe you'll get through to her.”

A warm hand on my arm. Touching. Gripping. A scream ripped from my throat, raw and desperate. I pulled my knees tighter against myself, shielding me from what was to come, though I knew it was futile. It hadn't kept them from hurting me last time, it wouldn't stop those men this time either. I retreated into myself, seeking shelter in the darkness of my mind where I was safe.

 

Zachary

This lecture was by far the most boring thing I'd ever had to endure. Mergers & Acquisitions, or what I liked to call it: how to make rich bastards like my father even richer. I rested my forehead on my arm, drowning out the monotone voice of the professor and trying to get some sleep that I hadn't gotten last night.

My phone vibrated in my pocket and my head shot up in surprise. I must have dozed off. I pulled it out without the professor noticing and checked the caller I.D: Jason.

What the fuck did he want now of all times? The dumbass knew I was busy. I ignored him and returned my gaze to the professor with his checkered jacket and cord pants. The vibrating stopped and I was about to return my phone into my pocket when it beeped once, announcing the arrival of a message. I groaned and the person next to me shot me a dark look, which I returned with the same fervor.

Fucking idiot.

I stared down at my mobile and read the message Jason had sent.

Bill and I need your help. Emergency!! A problem with Brian's sister.

My eyes widened. What had those idiots done this time? I grabbed my things and hurried out of the room, ignoring the disapproving look of the professor.

As soon as I was outside, I called Jason. “What the fuck has happened?”

“Zach, thank god. Brian's sister, she's having some kind of panic attack.”

“Where is she?”

“In your apartment...” He sounded sorry. And damn, would he be sorry when Brian found out.

“What the hell are you doing there?” I asked, already getting into my jeep.

“Well...”

“I don't fucking care, I'll be there in a few minutes.” Brian and I should have never given those two morons a spare key. I hung up on Jason and called Brian. He'd be furious. I knew Bill and Jason hadn't done anything to Amber, but having two unknown men in the apartment was probably a damn shock after what she went through.

“Zach?” Brian whispered, probably trying not to disturb his lecture.

“I'm on my way home. Jason called. Your sister is having a panic attack in the apartment,” I said in a rush. There was a second of silence before Brian exploded.

“What have they done? I swear by God I'll kill them if they've done anything to Amber!”

“Bill and Jason wouldn't do anything,” I tried to calm him but he was beyond reasoning.

“I'll kill them!” With that the line went dead.

I sped home in record time. Brian's car wasn’t there yet. I didn't waste any time and ran up the stairs. The door to the apartment was ajar and I pushed it open. I froze at the scene before me. Jason and Bill were sitting on the sofa, both looking pretty close to panic. No fucking wonder. Amber cowered on the ground, her back against the wall and she was rocking back and forth. Her face was buried against her naked legs. Her wet dark hair spilled out of the towel wrapped around her head. She wasn’t wearing anything but a bath towel. I stormed toward the two idiots on the sofa and grabbed Bill by the collar of his shirt, yanking him to his feet.

“What the fuck happened here?”

“We didn’t know she would freak out like that!” he muttered. I wanted to break every bone in his body.

“What. The. Fuck. Did. You. Do?” I spit out each word, barely able to contain my anger. Bill always tended to fuck things up.

“Bill was curious about Brian's sister because Brian is so damn secretive when it comes to her, so we decided to pay her a visit. We just wanted to talk and then she came out of the bathroom in her towel and when she saw us, she freaked out,” Jason explained hastily.

I released Bill from my grip and turn toward Amber, taking a hesitant step closer to her. I didn't know what to do. Steps sounded in the hall and a moment later the door flew open and Brian stormed in, his eyes wild and furious. In his button-down shirt and oxford’s the expression looked out of place on his face. He glanced at his cowering sister and then he stomped past me and toward Bill. He punched him hard in the face. Jason backed away at once, raising his hands in surrender.

“What the fuck?” Bill seethed thickly, holding his nose, which was bleeding pretty badly. Blood dripped down his lips and chin, and onto his ugly-ass shirt. Brian glowered at him. “I told you to stay away from her! Why couldn't you listen for once?”

Bill shrugged, still holding his nose. “I thought you exaggerated when you said she was scared of men. I didn't know that it’s so...” He chanced a look at Amber, apparently trying to come up with a word to describe the situation. “...serious.” He finished lamely.

“I'm sorry, Brian. If I'd known,” Jason trailed off, shrugging helplessly.

Brian ignored him and approached Amber, then knelt a few feet away from her.

“Amber?” he said softly. “Amber, it's me, Brian.”

She didn’t react. Cautiously I moved closer to them and Brian sent me a desperate look but I didn't know how to help him. He crawled even closer to his sister and frowned deeply. “Jason, give me the blanket,” he ordered.

I followed his gaze. The towel had slipped slightly because of the way Amber pressed her legs against her body. Her thighs were completely exposed; I would have been able to see more if I’d moved my gaze further up. I averted my eyes, not wanting to violate her in this way. She didn’t even notice that she was half naked. I crouched down beside Brian as he tried to cover her with the blanket. She jerked back, letting out a heartbreaking whimper. Brian closed his eyes for a moment, fighting tears. I squeezed his shoulder and he looked at me gratefully. He moved still closer to Amber and put the blanket over her legs. She’d become a statue. “Amber,” he whispered again. She didn’t react in any way, but her shoulders were shaking.

Brian drew in a shaky breath, looking close to breaking. “Amber,” I tried to gain her attention but got nothing.

A knock startled all of us and we turned toward the open door. Kevin stood there, his eyes wide as he looked at Amber.

“I got home a few minutes ago and I heard a scream,” he said eventually. He shared the apartment down the hall with Jason and Bill. If he heard the scream, the entire floor must have too.

Brian pinched the bridge of his nose. “Amber...I don't know what to do. It's probably best if we call a doctor.”

Kevin spoke up again. “Reagan came home with me, maybe she can help.”

Maybe a woman wouldn't frighten Amber so much.

“Yes, can you get her?” Brian asked.

Kevin nodded and with a last glance in Amber’s direction, he disappeared from our view. I straightened and began pacing. I felt like I was going to burst from tension. Kevin returned with Reagan at his side.  Brian practically jumped to his feet. “Reagan, thank god, you're here. Maybe you can get through to her.”

Shock crossed Reagan’s face when she spotted Amber. Her red hair was up in a high-ponytail and her shorts and workout-shirt were drenched in sweat. She must have jogged here. She tensed and for a heart-stopping moment I thought she’d say she couldn’t do this, couldn’t handle Amber. But Reagan snapped out of it. Slowly she approached her and lowered herself to the ground a good distance away from Amber before she crawled closer to Amber, who was still rocking herself on the ground. Reagan extended a hand and touched Amber's shoulder. Amber jerked back, but Reagan didn’t let go. “Shhh. It's alright. Everything is alright,” she cooed. Amber relaxed visibly. Reagan didn’t look very intimidating anyway with her freckles and lanky limbs.

“Go away,” she mouthed at us, her eyes imploring. Brian hesitated but I gripped his arm.

“Come on, Brian. Let's go into the kitchen. Reagan needs some time alone with Amber.”

“I guess you are right.” Kevin, Bill and Jason started to follow us but I turned around to the two idiots who’d caused the mess, “You,” I pointed at them. “Get lost. You've done enough damage for one day.”

Jason looked really miserable but Bill just shrugged and left the apartment. Asshole. I shook my head at his behavior and walked into the kitchen. Brian, Kevin and I sat down around the table and stared at each other for a moment. Apparently, neither of us knew what to say. Kevin kept throwing glances my way. Maybe he'd finally realized that Amber wasn’t ready for any kind of relationship. Especially not with me. I wasn’t the right guy for a girl like her.

“Reagan will help her,” he said eventually. I wasn’t sure if it was meant to console me, or Brian. Brian didn’t even raise his head from where he rested it on the table. No sounds were coming from the living room. I wished I knew what was happening. What if Reagan couldn’t talk Amber out of her panic attack? Seeing her like that, so broken and frightened, it was the worst thing I'd ever witnessed. I hated feeling so fucking helpless.

 

Amber

Someone touched my shoulder. I tried to get away from the person, away from the pain that would surely follow.

“Shhh...It's alright. Everything is alright,” a woman said. Her voice sounded kind, not threatening at all. I relaxed but I didn’t dare to lift my head yet. I didn’t want to see what was going on around me. Someone sat beside me and our shoulders brushed lightly. I shivered but didn’t pull back. Something about the person made me calm.

“Amber?” The woman asked softly.

Hesitantly, I turned my head to the side and lifted it from my knees. Kind brown eyes returned my gaze. Next to me sat a girl about my age, with long legs crossed at the ankles in front of her, red hair pulled into a ponytail. She looked like she’d been working out when she found me. She was wearing turquoise Nike running shoes and matching shorts.

She smiled. “'I'm Reagan. A friend of your brother.” God, I hoped Brian hadn’t called her out of the gym to deal with me.

I wiped the wetness from my cheeks and sat up a bit straighter. I wasn’t sure how much time had passed since I’d lost control of myself. I remembered hearing Brian’s and Zach’s voice while I was drowning in my panic.

“I'm Kevin's girlfriend. He's living in the apartment at the end of the hall. He's friends with Zach and Brian. I don't think you've met him yet,” she chattered in a light tone, completely ignoring the fact that we were sitting on the ground, because I'd broken down. God, I was still only clad in a towel and the blanket that rested over my legs. I was a pathetic sight. But she didn’t say anything about it, and I was infinitely grateful for that.

“I'm Amber, Brian's sister,” I said lamely, though she probably knew that already. She smiled and rose to her feet, holding her hand out for me to take. “Let's go to your room. There we can talk some more.” I took her hand and stood up. She was a few inches taller than me and built like a hurdle runner, all long limbs and thin body. She quickly released me and grimaced. “Sorry. I’m sweaty. I really need to shower. Do I stink very badly?”

“Not very badly,” I said. She laughed. “Well, that’s a relief!” A tiny smile tugged at my lips. I led her toward my room where Pumpkin was pacing in front of the door. He nudged my calf as I entered, then he peered up at Reagan before striding over to the sofa and curling up on it. Reagan was watching him with obvious unease. I supposed everyone was scared of something, even a harmless cat. I took a few clothes out of the drawer. “Why don’t you take a shower in our bathroom while I get dressed?” I held up my jeans and shirt. “The bathroom is next door.”

“Thanks, but I can shower at Kevin’s. That’s where I left the bag with my clean clothes anyway.”

“Oh, okay.” I paused. She was leaning against my door, her eyes taking in the bare walls and empty desk. “How long have you been living here?”

“For a few days,” I said. I really wanted to get out of my towel and into my comfortable clothes, but I couldn’t undress with Reagan in the room. “I haven’t gotten a chance to put up pictures yet.”

“What kind of pictures? I love Miró.”

I flushed. “I don’t know. I’ll have to buy a few prints and frames.”

Reagan’s eyes darted to the clothes I still held in my hand. “I can turn around, or do you need me to go outside?”

I quickly shook my head. “No, turning around is fine.” I wasn’t sure if it was. She turned her back to me and reached for her ponytail, pulling out the hair tie.

Not taking my eyes off of her, I dropped the towel and dressed in record time. “It’s okay.”

Reagan faced me. “How about we go looking for pictures together? I know an amazing art store that sells beautiful bargain prints.”

I didn’t give my anxieties time to take over. “Sure. That sounds good.”

“Great!” She walked over to my desk and grabbed my phone. “I’ll put my number into your contacts.” Her fingers typed lightening fast, and a beep sounded. She pulled out her phone from the holder around her upper arm. “And now I have your number too. Send me a message if you feel up to going shopping?”

I nodded. “If I don’t, will you remind me again?” Sometimes I needed a little push. This social life thing, this whole living thing was new for me.

“You bet I will! I can’t wait.” She glanced at the watch around her wrist. “Shit. I need to hurry. I have Russian literature in ninety minutes. I can’t go there looking like a train wreck.” She scanned my face. “Are you going to be okay? I have a perfect attendance record, it wouldn’t be a problem if I skipped once. I could stay with you and we could grab something to eat.”

“No, I’m okay. Really.” I didn’t want Reagan to miss classes because of me. It was bad enough that I’d caused her and everyone else so much worry with my breakdown. “Russian literature? So you’re in College.”

Her hand on the door handle, she said. “Yeah, I’m majoring in Russian and French.”

“Wow. Maybe you can tell me more about it when we go shopping?”

“Deal. But I should warn you. Once I start talking about it, I probably won’t stop.” With a wave, she slipped out and closed the door. Somehow a day that could have become the biggest nightmare in months had turned out okay, thanks to Reagan. She seemed relaxed and in control of her life. Maybe we could become friends.

 

Zachary

Reagan appeared in the kitchen and walked over to Kevin. She slung her arms around his neck and kissed the top of his head, smiling. “I need to grab a shower. I don’t want to be late for classes.”

Brian’s head shot up from his arm. “How's Amber?” I'd never seen him like this. He'd always been a pensive guy but right now he was bordering on depressed. Not that I could blame him. It had been hell for me to watch Amber like that, how much worse must it have been for Brian?

Reagan gave Brian a reassuring smile as she straightened. “She's fine,” she said. “She agreed to go shopping with me. Remember that art store I talked about?” The last was said to Kevin. “Of course. You showed me their website. I’m sure Amber will love it.”

“I know. We’ll buy a few prints for her room.”

Brian’s eyebrows climbed his forehead. “She said yes?”

Reagan nodded. “I really need to go now.”

“I’ll join you,” Kevin said quickly, practically leaping off the chair. The way he undressed Reagan with his eyes, I doubted he had only showering in mind. They left the kitchen, holding hands.

Brian followed them with his gaze, his shoulders tense. I punched his arm lightly. “Reagan said Amber is okay. Stop worrying.”

“How can I stop worrying, Zach? You saw her.”

I leaned back with my chair until it rested against the counter and the front legs were in the air. He was right. “Do you have classes in the afternoon?”

“Yeah, but I won’t go. I don't want to leave Amber alone after what happened today. And I can’t focus on stuff like that right now.”

“Me too.” Not that I usually needed a reason to skip classes. “Do you want to order pizza? I’m starving.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to go? You’ve been bailing on classes a lot lately.”

“You don't get rid of me so easily. So how about that pizza?” We'd eaten pizza or other fast food almost every day since we'd moved in together and it certainly wasn’t healthy but neither of us could cook.

“Then pizza again,” Brian agreed halfheartedly, reaching for the phone to call our favorite pizza restaurant.

“I could cook something for us.” The quiet words startled Brian and me. I almost tipped sideways with my chair and had to hold onto the counter to keep my balance. Amber lingered in the doorway, looking uncomfortable and embarrassed as she gnawed on her lower lip.

“That sounds like a great idea,” I said with a smile. Some of the tension leaked out of her body. I couldn’t believe she was the same girl who’d been cowering on the ground less than thirty minutes ago. “Well, unless your cooking skills are anything like Brian’s. I’m not in the mood for food poisoning.”

Brian didn’t laugh, didn’t react in any way to my jab. I kicked him under the table to shake him out of his stupor. She let out a small breathy laugh. “I think my cooking skills are quite alright. Dad never complained.” The smile vanished from her face and she chanced a look at Brian.

“Amber is a fantastic cook,” he said finally. “You’re in for a treat.” He couldn’t even look her in the eye. Instead he was staring at the table. Could he act any more obvious? “You don't need to cook. Maybe you should rest? You’re probably exhausted.”

Her lips tightened. “I’m not. I'd really like to cook, but if you don't want me to, then that’s okay.”

Brian shook his head hastily. “No, I love your cooking. I just thought that you needed to rest after...never mind.”

Amber blushed and averted her gaze. Oh for fuck’s sake, watching them interact was almost painful. Brian was the biggest moron ever.

“I'll check the fridge and cupboard to see what I have to work with,” she said eventually and stepped into the room. Brian sat rigidly on his chair, probably worried to scare her if he moved, and I didn't dare to move much either. But it was getting uncomfortable with my chair standing on two legs, so I let it fall back on his front legs with a low thud. Amber jumped slightly and Brian shot me a glare.

Amber ignored us mostly and even moved past us to get to the fridge but Brian kept watching her as if he expected her to have another panic attack. I was torn between breaking the silence and keeping my mouth shut. Amber turned to us after a few minutes of rummaging and gestured at a few items on the kitchen counter. “I think I could cook Penne Arrabiata from this. Is that alright? We really need to go grocery shopping if I’m supposed to cook more often.”

“Knock yourself out,” I said. “I’m always down for pasta.”

“Sounds good,” Brian said.

She began to work and I rose from my chair to grab the sports magazine that was lying on the counter behind Brian. His hand shot out. “What are you doing?” His eyes darted to Amber, who noticed as usual. Her face filled with embarrassment. “You don't have to sit there like statues, you know? You can move. I don't mind.”

Brian glared at me as if it was all my fault and handed me the magazine. He needed to stop being so fucking careful. I began to read, watching Amber from the corner of my eye now and then. She seemed content and happy while she cooked, her face more relaxed than I'd ever seen it before.

***

“Ready,” she said and the smell of pasta flooded my senses. It smelled delicious. She carried the pot over to the table and put it down. “Won't you set the table?”

Brian and I both rose at once and froze when we realized that we were now standing over her. She looked fragile and delicate and the urge to protect her flared up in me. She didn’t flinch. She ignored us and sat down on a chair. Brian and I took that as our clue to grab plates and put them on the table. We dug in as soon as we'd sat down.

“So good,” I praised between bites of pasta.

She hummed in response, sucking a spaghetti into her mouth. Tomato sauce coated her lips and I felt the ridiculous urge to lean over and kiss her.

“I missed your cooking,” Brian said.

“I want to apologize for...” She trailed off and swallowed hard, her gaze flitting toward the living room for an instant. “...for being such a bother.”

I swallowed the pasta in my mouth. Brian reached out for her but thought better of it and returned his hand to his side, giving her a forced smile. “You aren't a bother, Amber.”

“It's good to have a girl in the apartment who can cook for us, do the laundry and clean everything,” I joked, winking at her.

She let out a laugh like tinkling bells. It was a beautiful sound. “I'm not going to do your dirty laundry.”

Did she know how beautiful she was? I wanted to slap myself. I shouldn't be thinking about her in such a way. She was Brian's sister after all, and that was only the tip of the iceberg of things standing between us.

“The meeting of the support group is today. I think I might want to go,” she said, chancing a glance at Brian.

He put his fork down at once. “I can drive you there.”

“That would be great. It's at seven, so you have enough time to finish your pasta.” She leaned back in her chair, and rolled her eyes at me when Brian wasn’t looking.

I stifled a laugh. Fuck, that girl was worming its way into my heart and I didn’t have the first clue how to stop her.