CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
MAYA. The day was coming to a close. Again, the day wore on me. Any hope I’d harbored before about my work life improving had effectively been squashed.
Tension between Jia and me was evident. She avoided me when we crossed paths. I barely saw Dermott. That wasn’t unusual, except now I had no idea what he was thinking. I hoped eventually enough time would pass that we could call it water under the bridge.
At a quarter to five, my phone rang. In a clipped voice, Dermott asked to see me. My stomach fell. Shit, this was it. The end. I took a deep breath, determined to keep my composure.
I stepped inside his office. When he didn’t look up to greet me, I took a seat across from his desk. I wondered if he’d heard me, until he cleared his throat and looked up at me. The moment was brief. He shuffled through his papers, dropping a clipped pile to the edge of the large desk in front of me.
I swallowed hard. “Are you firing me?”
A tight smile pinched his features. “I think it’s best if we move on. Your work on the Cauldwell deal was admirable, but clearly there’s going to be tension here.”
“There doesn’t have to be. Obviously it was a gross misunderstanding.” Gross might not have been the best word, but in a way, it was. Letting the scene play out from Christmas Eve would have been horrible. My skin crawled just thinking about letting him touch me. Thank God I hadn’t let things go that far.
“Regardless, what’s done is done. We’ve never exactly had a great rapport, and frankly, I think you’d probably find yourself more fulfilled elsewhere.”
“You’re firing me, just like that?”
“You’ll get three months’ severance in exchange for signing a release indemnifying the company of any allegations. Just in case you have any ideas about discussing our little misunderstanding.”
“What about references?”
He sat back in his chair, a discontented grimace on his face. If he hated me before, he despised me now. All because I wouldn’t let him screw me on his desk.
“If you need a reference, I’m sure it could be arranged.”
How big of him. I reached for the paperwork, reading through it.
“You can bring it back after you’ve read through it and signed.”
“I’ll read through it now. I’d like closure on this matter. I’m sure you’d agree.”
“Fine,” he muttered.
I skimmed through, focusing on the clauses that highlighted the severances and the terms of my silence. It was buttoned up tight. Money would close the chapter on this little mess. Jia and he could go about their business, whatever that now entailed, and I would no longer be a liability. All for a healthy severance that was pennies to the company.
I bristled at the thought. I tossed it back to him.
“You can take this agreement and shove it up your ass, Dermott.”
Breath hissed through his teeth, barely containing his rage. “Excuse me?”
“This is unacceptable. I didn’t do anything wrong here.”
“Really? Jia said you came onto her at a nightclub. That doesn’t exactly paint you in a favorable light.”
“She came onto me, and besides, that was on my time. There’s no fraternizing policy with the company. I’ve already checked.”
“And what about that little incident in Jia’s office with your boyfriend?”
Panic hit me. Oh, fuck. Then I relaxed, realizing he had no way of knowing what actually went down in there. Jia would have told him she’d given us access to her office while they were gone, but that meant nothing.
“Prove it.”
He let out a smug laugh. “I can prove it no more than you can prove anything out of the ordinary happened here last week. If you were smart you’d sign this. I’ll only make this offer once.” He pushed the stack of paper back toward me. I didn’t give it a second look.
“Actually, firing me and trying to shut me up with severance proves something very out of the ordinary happened. Surely that isn’t an everyday occurrence.” I shook my head, disgust for him renewing my anger. “You couldn’t even wait to give me a few poor reviews, get the paperwork in place to let me go clean. I was blatantly propositioned and offered a promotion to have sex with you both. How do you think that will sound? Let’s not bullshit. Something is troublesome enough about all of this that you need to be rid of me as soon as possible. Well, trust me, I’m happy to leave, but I’m not getting steamrolled.”
His lips tightened. His gray eyes hardened, filled with the mutual dislike that we shared for one another.
“You want to wipe your hands of me, Dermott?”
His silence was answer enough.
“Twelve months severance, and I want recommendations in writing. From both of you and at least one of the officers after you explain to them how I busted my ass on the Cauldwell deal. They’d better be glowing too.”
He gave me a hard stare, the vein in his forehead decidedly more pronounced.
“What makes you think you can make demands?”
“Make the changes or I’ll be getting a lawyer and every face you see here will know exactly what you two did to me. Not to mention your wife. It’s that simple.”
A few hours later I was walking hand-in-hand with Cameron toward the Plaza. I’d feigned a smile and assured him my day had been fine. It was New Year’s Eve after all, and he’d made plans for us. I’d tell him later about what had gone down today, but for now, I didn’t want to spoil our night. He’d be upset and probably would want to beat Dermott to a pulp all over again.
Begrudgingly, Dermott had agreed to my terms and promised to have a revised draft to me in the morning. But until it was signed, nothing was certain. This was my fight, and I was very close to winning it. Even if losing my job wasn’t considered a general win, at least I wasn’t going to be hung out to dry.
I was relieved I never had to go back to that place. The thought of finding a new job at another bank seemed the natural next step, but I wasn’t sure about that. I hadn’t had much time to contemplate what my future might look like before I left for the day and met with Cameron.
We found our way to the quiet hum of the lounge. Already on edge, I was a little stressed about facing Cameron’s parents. Surely they’d known some details of our breakup, especially if Olivia had been vocal at all about her disapproval of me. He promised she’d be on her best behavior, but I had doubts.
Seated at a round table, the three of them laughed and smiled, drinks in hand. They fell silent as we approached. I clung to Cameron, trying not to look as uncomfortable as I felt. I leaned gently against his large frame, steeling myself for the reintroductions.
“Maya, you remember my mother, Diane?”
“Maya, it’s lovely to see you again.” Her lips lifted to a smile that didn’t meet her gray eyes.
Her gaze traveled the length of me, giving me an obvious visual appraisal. Her expression only betrayed mild interest. Thankfully there was no hint of Olivia’s disapproval there. Maybe she was as superficial as Cameron had promised and in all the ways that might have mattered to her, I fit the bill.
I returned her smile and shifted my gaze to his father who sat across the table from where we’d be. He was attractive, but a whisper of a man compared to his strongly built sons. Wearing a suit coat and stiffly starched white collared shirt beneath, he nodded in my direction and smiled.
“Mr. Bridge.”
“Call me Frank, please.”
I nodded quickly. Bits of memories of meeting with them while Olivia and I were at school together floated back to me. I’d see them fairly often, for parents’ weekends, holiday pick-ups, or the few times they’d dropped Cameron off to visit us. They would invite me, Olivia’s unfortunate parentless friend, to fancy dinners where they pressed her about her grades and major, plans to travel abroad in the summers. I’d sit, mostly quietly, and pretend I could relate to anything they were discussing. I didn’t dislike them because they could give Olivia those opportunities. In fact, I was happy for her. What I hated was being looked at like a pity case. I hated that they spoke a language I’d never been taught, one that I’d only learned over time. By the time I had enough money to do all the things they talked about doing, I’d fallen too far from wanting much of it.
We sat down. Cameron gave me a warm, reassuring smile. I relaxed a little and stared at my menu. Cameron had promised we’d make this short and get dinner together later so I set it back down, regretting that I had nothing to distract me.
Frank piped up after taking a deliberate swig from his brandy. “So, Maya. Tell us about your work.”
“Maya works on Wall Street as a financial analyst.” Cameron said before I could speak.
Frank’s eyebrows rose. “My old stomping grounds. I’m impressed. Tell me more.”
A twinkling of hope filled me. I launched into my practiced summary of what I did, omitting the fact that for all intents and purposes I was unemployed.
Usually people’s eyes glazed over after the first twenty seconds, but Frank seemed interested. We went back and forth while Olivia chatted quietly with her mother. Cameron sat back silently, a quiet satisfaction in his eyes, as his father and I discussed financial news. He still held my hand in his, giving it a small squeeze under the table. So far so good.
Frank spoke quickly, more engaged than I ever remembered him being before. “So what are some of your long-term plans? That position has a high burn out rate. I’m surprised you’re still at it, actually. Are you staying with the company or...?”
I hesitated, weighing my answer. I was feeling relaxed enough, accepted enough to think that maybe I could tell him the truth. “I’m going to be looking for a change soon. Very soon, actually.”
His eyes went wide. “Really? Have you considered private equity?”
I smiled. “Other than helping Cameron with his year-end taxes and settling up with his investors, no. I’m not ruling anything out, though.”
Diane interrupted her quiet murmuring with Olivia. “Perhaps Cameron could use you after all. He’s in desperate need of an accountant to help get his finances straight with the gym. He refuses Frank’s help.” Diane waved her hand absently at Cameron.
Frank slapped his leg, the sound making Diane start.
“Maya, you should come work for me. You’re exactly the kind of person we hire, and we need more women in our office.”
“Frank, be serious,” said Diane.
He sat back. “What? I am serious.”
“Well,” she laughed, a half-hearted sound, as if that alone was hardly worth the effort. “You can’t possibly think Cameron wants you to hire his, I don’t know, ex-whatever she is to come work for you.” She brought her martini to her lips.
“Mom,” Olivia admonished quietly.
Diane glanced over at her daughter. “What, darling?”
Olivia shot me a sympathetic look, a rare admission of regret passing behind her eyes.
The moment was uncomfortable, and I wanted to be offended. I wanted to be livid at all of them, but what more could I expect? Everything about Diane’s reaction confirmed the reservations I’d had about sharing the details of my embarrassing family life with Cameron or Olivia. Dressed to the hilt with a job only the best education could afford still wasn’t enough.
I almost laughed at my foolish hope when Cameron’s grip on my hand tightened. He leaned in. “You’re being really rude, you know that?”
Diane frowned. “Nonsense. I’m saying what everyone here is thinking. And don’t talk to me that way. I’m still your mother.”
“No, actually, you should apologize to her, right now.”
“I’ll do no such thing.” Her voice lashed across the table like a whip.
Cameron’s jaw clenched tight, his breath nearly audibly as he seethed. “You’ll apologize to her, or we’re leaving and you’ll be lucky if you’re welcome in my home ever, let alone in another year.”
She held his gaze, unwavering. “Don’t be ridiculous. I’m not apologizing to this girl. Why she means anything at all to you is beyond me.”
“She’s not some girl.”
Her lazy gaze slid over to me. “No? She looks like some girl to me. You could have half a dozen just like her. I’m not impressed. I wasn’t then, and I’m not now. You aim too low.”
I tugged on his hand. “Cameron, let’s go.” They’d both gone too far, said too much. Much as I wanted to see him berate the bitch that was his mother, nothing good could come of us staying.
He barely acknowledged me except to bring me up with him as he rose. “This isn’t your life. You have no right to pass judgment on her, or on any of us for that matter.”
She straightened, as if the stick up her ass wasn’t propping her up enough. “You’re my children. It’s my job to want the best for you.”
“You’re doing a great job of driving us all out of your lives, and that’s about all you’re any good at. I don’t expect you to understand, but maybe one day you’ll get the picture when she’s my wife. You’d be lucky to call her your daughter. Until you can come to grips with that, stay out of my life.”
She shook her head, the look of disgust plain. “You’d marry her just to spite us?”
An angry, frustrated growl tore from his throat, and he walked away, pulling me after him.
CAMERON. We walked across the street into the park in silence. We slowed at the bridge. The old stone walls bowed over the stream, every surface bathed in a moonlit glow. Wind whipped through the air enough to chill me, yet neither of us moved. Blond wisps of her hair flew around her beautiful face.
“Are you okay?”
She nodded. Her jaw was strong, but couldn’t hide the defeated look in her eyes. Her gaze lingered everywhere but never found me.
“I’m sorry.” I paused, wishing she could know how sorry I really was. “I shouldn’t have brought you there. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking. I had no idea my mother was already going to be lit and lash out like that. Olivia has been venting to her. I’m sure that didn’t help matters. Now you know, anyway, what I’m up against with them. They won’t let up—”
“Stop.” She held up a hand. “It’s fine.”
“It’s not fine. She was terrible to you. I’ll never forgive her for the things she said.”
She let out a tired laugh. “The sad thing is that she’s right. You have tension with them, but I’ll never belong in that world.”
I frowned. “Neither will I.”
“It’s different for you. I can dress the part, but under it all, I’m still some poor girl who’s climbing her way up. You were born into a successful family with so much going for you. You’ve lived a different life and struck out on your own. I admire that. I’ve done it too, you know, in my own way. But you shouldn’t alienate them for my sake.”
“I was alienating them before you came back into my life. What they think has no bearing on how I feel about you. It never did. Regardless, their unattainable expectations only seem to drive a wedge between us, which is all the more reason to shut them out.”
“You may regret that one day.”
I wouldn’t, but I knew what she meant. She’d never had the luxury of shutting out her family. What lengths would she travel to have her mother back in her life, even with all of her shortcomings?
“No, but they probably will. I’m not changing my life to make them comfortable. I meant what I said in there, about us.”
“You shouldn’t have said it. They’re probably freaking out.”
I took a step closer, grasping her hands in mine. She was trembling, maybe from the cold.
“All I care about right now is being with you.”
“I want to be with you too. I wish I didn’t care what they think of me, honestly, but a part of me hates that I’ll never be what they want for you. That they’ll be disappointed in you because of me.”
I tipped her chin, lifting her gaze to mine. Searching her eyes, I wished for an answer to the question I hadn’t had the courage to ask again.
“You’re what I want. You’re everything to me. The good, the bad, and every moment in between. Everything we’ve been through has made us who we are, and I wouldn’t change a minute of it because I love you so much right now it hurts.” I swallowed hard before freeing my next words. “I want everything we had and more. I want this...us, forever.”
“Cam.” Her lip quivered.
I traced its curve as her mouth fell open. I wanted to pull her closer, to kiss away every insecurity she ever had. But I had to tell her everything. I had to get the words out, even though this wasn’t remotely how I’d planned it.
My lips went dry. I fought to breathe. Nerves, the weight of our past, like a bag of stones pressed down on my lungs. I reached into my pocket and retrieved a small black velvet box. I held it loosely between us, my fingers not quite ready to release it yet. I tensed, every instinct held me back and shoved me forward at once.
“I love you, Maya. I’ve always loved you. Every part of you, no matter what you think or what anyone says. The day I met you, something drew me to you. And I haven’t found anything like it since. I’m not in love with who you used to be, or who you strive to be. I’m in love with your soul. That’s all I see. Nothing and no one is going to ever change that.”
When I looked back to her, tears brimmed her eyes. She shook her head and something like dread seized me.
“Please...don’t, Cameron. Not now. I can’t do this, not with everything else that’s happening right now.”
A tear slid down her cheek. I wiped it away. My heart broke for her, for both of us. Why couldn’t I fucking get this right? Was I living under some sort of curse? I’d promised myself I wasn’t going to take no for an answer. I drew in a steadying breath.
“Marry me, and we’ll face it together. That’s all I’ve wanted from the beginning.”
“You don’t need to be dealing with all my baggage, problems that I still need to work through.”
“I’ll tell you what I need. You. You’re all I need. I can’t fucking sleep at night without you next to me. I can’t think straight when things aren’t right between us. My life has been a goddamn wreck since the day I left you. I want us both to finally be happy again.”
“If it doesn’t work... I can’t live with hurting you again.”
I sighed, fighting the wave of emotion that hit me. “Then don’t… Say yes. Marry me, and I promise you that we will make it work this time. We’ll get through whatever crap life throws at us. Together.”
Her eyes glittered with emotion, tears that she could no longer hold back slid down her cheeks.
“Maya. Baby, I’m asking for your heart, and the promise that I’ll always have it. After all we’ve been through, that doesn’t seem like too much. You said you loved me, that you wanted to be with me. Prove it. Let’s make this real.”
She didn’t need to say anything, because I could sense the answer. Her gaze lowered to the box that I still held firmly. Would it matter if I opened it, or would that simply deepen the old wound of her refusal? I shoved the box back in my pocket. The motion felt like I was putting my heart back into my body after I’d held it out in the cold for her to take, to keep.
“I’m sorry. Cameron, Dermott fired me today. Between that and your parents, and now this...” She stared down at the ground between us, her shoulders bowed. “I love you and I’m not saying no, but I need time to sort through my life. Everything is off kilter. I’m literally reeling, and I can’t tell up from down, let alone make a lifelong commitment. I’m begging you to give me time to make sense of all of this.”
My throat tightened. I was in disbelief that we could be in this place again. I tried not to think about the last time we’d been here. Everything played out in slow motion and I analyzed each step, each word, scared to death it would lead us out of each other’s lives again.
She sighed heavily. Her dark eyes were a billboard for how emotionally destroyed she must have felt in that moment, and I was right there with her.
Time.
That was it. I could give her that, right? As much as I wanted an answer, yearned for the simple affirmation and to know deep down that she meant it, I convinced myself that I could wait a little longer for it.
She hadn’t said no. She hadn’t rebuffed the admittedly half-baked proposal. I hadn’t even shown her the goddamn ring. Not that it would have mattered, but I wasn’t exactly doing this by the book. Again.
“Okay,” I finally said.
She looked up, worry written all over her face.
“I’ll wait. Take the time you need. I’m not going anywhere, okay?”
Unmistakable relief glimmered in her eyes. I pulled her close, warming us, making myself believe that she’d come back to me if I let her go this time.
“Thank you,” she whispered.