CHAPTER TWO
MAYA. I nearly slipped on the wood floors as I stepped into the apartment. A light snow had started not long before I came back to the office and my Manolos did not agree with the accumulation on my brief walk home from the metro.
I steadied myself and kicked them off, grateful to be home and warm at last.
“Home sweet home!” Eli sang from the living room, which was only two feet away, separated from the entryway by a partial wall. “You want some wine, hon?”
“Sure.”
I stepped farther inside as he rose from his perch on the couch. He was wearing his usual uniform, faded black skinny jeans and a T-shirt from one of the many concerts he’d attended in his illustrious and excruciatingly low-paying career as a freelance music journalist. He disappeared into the small closet that our landlord claimed was a kitchen.
I carried on to my bedroom—entirely mine and, unlike the rest of the apartment, a decent size. We lived modestly, but I refused to sleep like a sardine. I had a queen-sized bed, and I could walk all the way around it. I stripped off my suit and found my oldest pair of blue jeans. They were faded and ripped in several spots. They felt like home. I pulled on a hoodie and padded out to the living room where Eli had just returned with two generously filled glasses of our favorite red.
“Here you are, my sweet.” He handed one to me.
“You’re amazing. Thank you.”
“I know, and you’re welcome.” He smirked and settled back into the couch. “So tell me about your day. Did you see Vanessa?”
“No, we were going to grab lunch, but her boss had her running around doing something.”
“I’m surprised either of you made it to work based on how you looked last night. You two are pros.”
I sighed. The discomfort of my earlier hangover was not nearly a distant memory. “Yeah, I barely survived. Don’t know about her, but I’m guessing she made it.”
Along with Eli, Vanessa had become one of my best friends since I’d moved to the city. She was also one of the only people who could make a Tuesday night feel like a Friday night and didn’t judge me for it. Most people went hard in college. I blossomed a little late in that department, and Vanessa hated her job equally if not more than I did, so we commiserated often.
I stared past Eli to our bookshelf filled with random books and framed candids from our various inebriated adventures.
“You seem distracted. What’s up?”
I met his gaze again, hesitating whether to tell him. Seeing Olivia was nothing, a blip in my day. But I hadn’t been able to shake it.
“I saw an old friend today.”
“Who?”
“Olivia Bridge. We were friends in college.” I picked at the frayed fabric of my jeans, still in disbelief that I’d seen her. I’d run into plenty of people here. Tons of people, really. New York was like a Mecca for rich Ivy League kids, and that’s who I’d been rubbing shoulders with for years now. But I hadn’t seen Olivia since graduation. She hadn’t changed much, if at all. Physically she was the same beautiful, put-together girl who I’d shared a house with in college.
Eli’s eyes went wide. “Wait… She’s not the one who’s brother—”
“Yeah, she’s Cameron’s sister.” I said.
“Oh, wow. I didn’t realize they were from around here.”
“They’re not. I guess she just moved here, so it was pretty random.”
“Was it awkward?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. She was nice enough.” She’d been guarded but friendlier than I remembered. She had spoken to me after all, but I suspected that the passing of time hadn’t eased the resentment she’d held toward me. As much as I didn’t want to care, I did.
“Let me guess. You’ve been thinking about Cameron all day, and this is why you are in a super funk.”
He cocked his head, his dyed black hair feathering over his forehead. We both knew he was right. I’d told Eli about Cameron before, so admitting he’d slipped back into my thoughts after a merciful absence wasn’t a big deal.
I blew out a breath, still feeling thoroughly mixed up. Seeing Olivia threatened to resurrect an entire volume of unwanted memories. Cameron’s chapter in my life was ancient history, yet a familiar ache penetrated the fatigue and the dulling anesthetic of the wine when I thought of it.
“I swear, I should be like one of those nine hundred number psychics or something.” Eli pulled a blanket down from the top of the couch and covered both of us with it. “Do you ever think about trying to reach out to him? You know, clear the air or something.”
I shook my head. The memories felt ages old, but our breakup had been a painful one. Losing him had nearly broken me. I couldn’t relive any part of that.
“You don’t think that maybe he might want some closure?” Eli’s voice was soft.
“He’s the one who left. If anyone deserves closure, it’s me, but I don’t need it. I’m over it.”
Silence fell between us, and I poured a second glass.
“Do you ever regret telling him no?”
I rolled my eyes, hating where this was going. “People don’t just run off and get married like that anymore.”
Eli shrugged.
“I don’t know anyone who could have said yes under those circumstances,” I continued.
“Okay, but that’s not really an answer. Do you ever think about what would have happened if you’d said yes?”
I had lived that day over and over in my mind, playing out any number of scenarios that didn’t end with me watching Cameron walk out of my life forever.
“You know why I couldn’t,” I mumbled before a surge of anger rushed over me.
While Cameron shunned his privilege, I’d had to claw my way past everything that threatened to hold me back, with more than my own survival to think of. Nothing was as simple as everyone seemed to think it was. I’d explained this all to Eli, but he was still poking me about it, stirring up my guilt all over again.
“Whose side are you on, anyway? You’re a shitty therapist.”
“I said I was psychic, not a licensed shrink. And you know I’m on your side. I get it, but things are different now. All I’m saying is that obviously you two really cared about each other. Maybe enough time has gone by that you could reconnect and at least be friends.” He reached over and patted my leg over the blanket. “Everyone can use closure, trust me. Emotions were running high, but he’s had time to calm down. You both have.”
I shook my head. I went back to that day. I’d been so overwhelmed by seeing him again, only to have his love ripped from me. I’d never forget it. I cried myself to sleep for weeks thinking about it, filled with regret but knowing I’d had no other choice. I’d beaten myself up for months, years, that I couldn’t hand over my heart and run away from my life, as much as I may have wanted to.
Marry me. Those two little words had ruined everything. No proposal ever wanted to go the way ours had gone.
After he’d left so suddenly, I’d called Olivia in a panic. She’d gone back home for break, so I assumed that’s where he’d go next. No. He flew back to base, voluntarily skipping the rest of the leave that he’d been granted. He’d relinquished the time we would have spent getting used to calling each other husband and wife to be farther away from me.
Weeks went by with no word. He’d never given me the address to his new base and Olivia claimed not to have it, telling me that he’d deployed as soon as he got out of tech school. We didn’t speak much after that. She could barely look at me.
“You loved him once, Maya.” Eli’s soft words broke through my thoughts. “I know you still care about him. You could keep carrying the weight of that day with you, or you could try to create a new memory.”
I swallowed over the burning sensation in my throat. I’d cried too many tears over him already. What we shared then had been more than a fleeting infatuation. Cameron had been everything to me, and I’d believed it was the same for him. He was my escape, every hope and dream wrapped up into one beautiful package. True enough, he’d been my crutch when I’d desperately needed one.
I cringed at the word and how he’d wielded it against me in the heat of the moment. In the end, that’s what he thought he was to me, an emotional crutch, because I couldn’t commit to more. Maybe that had been true and he was better off without me.
“Can we drop it?” I downed a big gulp of wine, convinced that everything would make more sense once I hit the bottom of this glass, possibly the bottle. I could forget Cameron, my soul-crushing job, my fucked up family, and boil everything down to the blissful numbness that crept over me.
Eli sighed, seeming to relent. He grabbed the remote from the table and turned on the news. An international story started to put things into perspective, but my mind kept returning to Cameron. The way he’d looked at me that day was burned into my mind, so in love and then so defeated, as hurt as I’d ever seen him.
I hadn’t forgotten any of it. I was afraid if I ever saw him again, I never would.
* * *
“Hey, you.”
Alex interrupted my laser focus on the spreadsheet I was working on. I looked up at him for a second. He was holding what was likely his third cup of coffee and smiling at me with bulgy eyes, like he had something juicy to share.
“What do you want?” I trained my eyes back on the screen. I was in my mode.
“Nice to see you too.”
I sighed and waited for him to start. Considering Alex was male, straight, and engaged, he was a terrible gossip at work. I suspected it was a result of absolute boredom, which I couldn’t exactly blame him for. Our office sorely lacked culture and energy. When I wasn’t working, I usually welcomed the distraction—and the information—since I wasn’t in the habit of making friends at work for intel.
He leaned into the side of the cubicle, bringing his head lower to mine. “Have you met the new assistant VP?”
“The chick?”
I’d seen her walking between her office and the senior VP offices. She was olive-skinned, gorgeous, and had a throaty laugh that made me wonder how many guys had propositioned her since she’d started last week.
“Her name is Jia. She’s our age. I’d like to know how she landed that gig. They didn’t even pretend to hire internally for the position.”
“Is she nice?” I asked, assuming she wasn’t. No one climbed the ladder that fast being nice. Not that I would necessarily know. More women worked in the field now than a decade ago for sure, but our small contingent didn’t exactly share a strong female camaraderie. Every woman for herself, and you never really knew who would sell you down the river if given the chance. I’d seen it happen a few times and accepted this as yet another facet of office politics that I’d never fully buy into as long as I was here.
“I don’t know. I haven’t met her yet, but Jason said his cousin used to work with her before she came here. Said she was a real bitch. That might have been because she wouldn’t sleep with him though.”
“Great. Can’t wait to meet her.” I looked back at my screen, trying to figure out which cell I was on.
“Shit, boss is coming. I’ll see you later.”
I nodded without a word, and he disappeared with lightening speed.
I finished what Alex had interrupted, and then headed downstairs for lunch well after the herd had cleared the office. I waited patiently by the elevator when someone joined me.
“You’re Maya, right?”
“Yes.” My reply came out as a question.
“I’m Jia.”
Up close, she looked impeccable in a blue silk blouse, a fitted black skirt, and heels that I envied. Her jet-black hair was pulled into a tight twist, her features accented with enormous diamond stud earrings and a simple platinum chain that sparkled against her skin. She was pretty. Too pretty.
“Congrats on the new position.” I acknowledged her with a quick smile and shook her hand before turning back. I stared up to the elevator numbers, hoping they’d hurry. I was running out of time to make it to Delaney’s.
“Thanks. I noticed your name on the roster. Not many women around here.”
“You noticed?”
She laughed, revealing a set of perfectly white teeth. Not only was she gorgeous, she was dazzling. Her naturally dark red lips sealed it. The elevator arrived empty and we stepped inside. I punched the button for the lobby, and she leaned back against the elevator wall as we descended.
“How long have you been with the company?”
“Four years,” I replied.
She nodded, no doubt unimpressed at my inability to climb the corporate ladder with the breakneck speed that she had. I wasn’t sure I wanted to know how she’d done it, but maybe I could use some tips, because doing the work of two or more people wasn’t enough apparently.
“We should get lunch sometime.”
“Sure,” I agreed. I could feel her eyes on me, and a quick glance to the side confirmed it. I tried to shake the mild discomfort of being assessed in such close proximity by this beautiful stranger.
“I have meetings this week, but we should plan something for next week.”
“Yeah, that sounds great. You know where to find me.”
Despite my general pessimism about excelling professionally, I was interested in getting to know her better. Maybe this was what I’d heard about in my women’s college pep rallies, women helping women. She might surprise me.
We stepped out of the building and went our separate ways. I hadn’t taken two steps toward Delaney’s before I saw him.
My heart stopped, and a rapid heat washed over me. His lips parted and his breath clouded in the cold air when our eyes met. I forgot everything. Where I was, where I was going, who I was. In that split second all I could think about was who I was the last time we saw each other. Vulnerable, heartbroken, so in love with him I was sick over it.
I’d packed the photos of us away long ago, but every memory came rushing back. He was everything I’d remembered and more. Literally, he was more. The coat couldn’t hide the broadness of his chest and shoulders. I marveled anew at the definition of his cheekbones and strong jaw line covered with fine stubble. His hair had grown out again, but not long enough to obscure the blue eyes that he and his sister shared. They cut through me now, filled with an intensity I couldn’t name.
He stalked closer, his expression unreadable. I couldn’t breathe. Actually I couldn’t stop breathing. I was heaving like a maniac and the fog in the air left no doubt.
“Hey,” he said softly.
“Cameron.” His name fell off my lips and my body weakened, a remembered feeling he’d given me so many times before. I fought the urge to touch him, curl up against his body, knowing he’d hold me up. Eli had been all wrong. This was a terrible idea.
I swallowed hard and lost myself in his eyes. “What are you doing here?”
“Olivia said you worked down here. I thought maybe we could catch up.”
“Catch up?” Why did I sound so desperate? Where was corporate Maya? In a matter of seconds his presence had reduced me to a blithering idiot.
For a split second, he looked how I felt. Overwhelmed, a little lost, paralyzing me with those amazing, penetrating blue eyes. “Do you want to get lunch?”
“Lunch?” I repeated the last word because I still wasn’t completely in control of my brain. He might have been speaking another language for all the sense this made to me.
A slow smile came across his lips. Fucking hell, those lips. They looked good, and it’d been far too long since I’d had anyone’s lips on me.