Chapter 11

Logan

Two days later

 

 

I’m attending a charity event tonight with a few of my colleagues and it’s being held at The University Club. Located on 54th street, The University Club is old-school New York elegance. The club is unparalleled with its warm, inviting atmosphere and fine architectural details.

The library is filled with marbles, dark wood, ceiling frescos, carved staircases and glitzy crystal chandeliers that all dazzle the eye. It’s like stepping back in time to an older New York, where elegance, civility and decorum were the norm. It’s truly one of my favorite places in all of New York.

The black tie event is for The New York Foundation for the Arts. Attorneys in various law firms throughout the city often attend yearly. It’s my sixth year in a row that I’ve come, and I’m always eager to receive an invite.

“Here you go, Logan,” I hear someone say behind me. It’s my colleague Mike Palmer, who’s come back from the bar with my drink. “Boy, you don’t get service like this everywhere,” he says, while handing me my gin and tonic.

Mike is a fellow ADA who in the past has helped me out on some of my tougher cases. He’s in a particularly jovial mood because he just found out earlier that his wife is pregnant with their first child.

“Congratulations,” I tell him. “How does it feel to know you’re going to be a dad?” I ask.

Mike stops and thinks for a moment. “Well, if you want to know the truth? Scary. It’s what we’ve been hoping would happen all along, yet now that it’s official, it just all seems so much more surreal. I’m sure it will be even crazier once the baby is born.”

I chuckle and tell him, “You’d better start saving now for that college fund.”

Mike rolls his eyes and just then, I can’t believe what I’m looking at. Standing on the other side of the room, near an armchair, is Andrew.

My God, he looks stunning in his tux. He could easily be in an ad for Calvin Klein or one of those high fashion magazines. I can’t help but stare at his stature and the perfect silhouette his head and body make against the rich mahogany wood behind him. He’s definitely the hottest man here and I wonder if he even knows it?

Andrew looks deeply troubled and it’s no wonder. He’s standing all by himself and after studying his face and body language a little closer, I realize he looks like the loneliest man on the planet.

My heart begins to sink when I think about what he told me about himself… the vivid memories… the details of his childhood. Even though it was some heavy duty memories and a lot to process, it felt good to be near him and touch him. It was a magical feeling when he was leaning his head on my shoulder and holding my hand. Everything about it felt right.

Ever since Andrew left my apartment that day, I have been thinking about him. I felt horrible after he left. It felt selfish and cruel of me to let him know I wouldn’t date him, and I’ve been having an argument in my head about it ever since, wondering if I did the right thing.

I suddenly break out of my trancelike state and look at Mike. I say to him, “I see someone I know so I’m going to go say hi to him. I’ll catch up with you later?”

Mike nods. “Sure man, no problem.”

I walk about halfway across the room before Andrew finally notices me.

His expression doesn’t change though when he sees me. We lock eyes briefly, but he looks away fairly quickly afterwards. He probably hates me for telling him what I told him and I can’t say that I blame him, considering the vulnerable state of mind he was in.

I flat out rejected him, leaving him with little hope.

Almost apologetically, I say to him, “Hi Andrew.”

I study his eyes and facial expressions to detect any glimmer of happiness or optimism he may have in seeing me. I want to just take him in my arms and kiss him right now, but that would be out of the question even if he would welcome such a gesture, considering where we’re at.

Andrew meekly gives me a “Hi,” but nothing much beyond that. I need to think of a way to somehow repair the damage I’ve done and wonder if any of this confusion in his mind would have happened had we never met?

I know in a logical sense that I’m not to blame for Andrew’s troubles, but since we’ve started to get to know each other better, it seems like a can of worms has opened up in his life. And however stupid it seems, I can’t help but feel partly responsible.

I need to break the ice somehow so the only thing I can think of doing is apologizing. I begin. “Andrew, look. I’m sorry about what happened the other day when you were over at my place.”

Instead of letting me continue talking though, he interrupts. “Logan, you have nothing to be sorry about. I don’t blame you for telling me what you did. I probably wouldn’t date me either, given the circumstances.”

Listening to Andrew’s voice again is stirring up something within me. Even though I felt it at my apartment, I convinced myself that I didn’t want to get involved in anything messy. But his showing me that vulnerability the way he did really began to change my mind about him and helped shatter all of my preconceived notions about who he was.

Before, I always saw Andrew as nothing but a greedy and coldhearted moneygrubber. Cocky, arrogant and self-serving. But that night changed everything and now I’m questioning the way I handled it.

There’s a real person underneath his façade. The carefully crafted façade that was built on expectations from everyone in his life. Parents, wife, bosses. I think that Andrew’s true self is begging to climb out so that he can finally discover who he really is.

Call it a mid-life or existential crisis, but the fact is that deep down he knows he isn’t being himself. His keen insight about his childhood and how he grew up helped him to face the root cause of his life choices and current unhappiness.

Maybe I could imagine something romantic with Andrew. Even if it had to be in secret.

“I think I was wrong, Andrew,” I blurt out, no longer caring about potential consequences or repercussions.

I have to trust myself on this one.

Being around Andrew has taught me something… that I’m afraid to take chances when it comes to love and I’m always too worried about being hurt. It’s me who’s scared to be vulnerable. I’m always so busy in my mind, going over all the ‘what ifs’ and possible outcomes, I fail to see what’s in front of me.

After my parents divorced, I think I told myself that true love doesn’t exist. Why should I even bother falling in love with someone if I’m going to end up getting hurt? If it’s just going to come to an end one day?

For the first time since I laid eyes on him tonight, Andrew’s expression has morphed from gloom and distrust to cautious hopefulness. He searches my eyes and asks me, “What do you mean?” 

“I mean I was wrong about how we ended that day. Wrong for telling you I didn’t want to risk starting something with you. I had a lot of time to think it over between then and now. I feel something when I’m around you too Andrew, but I was too stubborn to admit it… too afraid of getting hurt.”

Suddenly, a beam of light crosses over his face and, encouraged, I continue. “Andrew, you’re never going to know if you’re gay or not unless you try. I’d be willing to date you secretly for a while to see where it goes and also to help you with your journey.”

Then I stop for a few moments and look him up and down. “Not only that, I’d get to touch that gorgeous body of yours.”

Andrew blushes and now looks more beautiful than ever. It’s the first time I think I’ve seen him truly happy and hopeful.

“Do you really mean it, Logan? Aren’t you afraid of getting hurt?

“In all honestly, yes I am. But I think I’m more afraid of passing something up and not ever knowing whether or not I made the right or wrong decision. Andrew, my gut is telling me that you’re worth the risk.”

He says. “I want to kiss you right now. I wouldn’t admit it to myself, but I’ve wanted to since I first laid eyes on you tonight.”

I smile broadly. “I thought the same thing when I first saw you standing here from across the room.” I turn my head to look around. “But obviously we can’t do it right here, right now.”

Andrew then scours the room before focusing his eyes on mine. He says to me, “I want you so bad right now that I can feel myself getting hard just thinking about touching you.”

And just then I too start to get hard. The thought of my hands on Andrew’s skin right now is overwhelming and every fiber in my being wants to just rip off his tux and explore every inch of him.

“Come on,” Andrew says to me. “Let’s go do some exploring around here.”

Suddenly my heart begins to race at the thought of being close to Andrew. I turn and notice that my colleagues are gazing at us in the distance and it looks as though they might be talking about us from the way their heads are tilted.

But maybe I’m just being paranoid. I actually wouldn’t care if they were beginning to think something was going on between me and Andrew. The thought just entices me even more to find somewhere where we can be alone together… to touch, or to kiss, or…

I follow Andrew into another area of the club that has fewer people. This leads to yet another room and down a hall where there’s nobody around. That’s when Andrew motions me to stop, at which point he turns to face me, leans down and begins to kiss me.

It feels exhilarating, having our lips lock together in a slow but deep kiss that feels electric when our tongues touch. I’m rock hard, but this is hardly the place to get it on, so Andrew takes my hand and we begin walking.

He whispers to me, “Let’s go explore and see what’s down here.” 

It’s a long, dimly lit hallway that eventually leads to another. There are dimly lit light sconces, interspersed, attached to rich wooden beams that emit just enough light to see where we’re walking. 

We notice a few doors along the way and Andrew slowly turns the knob on the first one, but finds it’s locked. So we walk a little further and he tries another door, which opens to what looks like some sort of broom closet. The room is pitch black, but it’s a large enough space that we wouldn’t be cramped.

Andrew looks at me and we slowly creep inside the room and once the door is shut, we begin to passionately kiss and grasp each other’s body. My hands can feel his strong back while his hands find their way down to my ass. His hands are large and powerful as they grasp onto my ass cheeks and squeeze tightly.

“I want to feel you,” I whisper to Andrew. “I want to feel your hard cock inside my mouth.”

I unbutton the top of his slacks and he slowly pulls the zipper down. His cock is rock hard and bulging out through his underwear. I take one of my hands and feel around, then grasp onto his massive bulge.

“That feels nice,” Andrew whispers.

Then I pull down his underwear slightly and take his dick into my hand and firmly grasp onto it. “I love how your big cock feels in my hand,” I whisper softly.

I start to slowly stroke it up and down before moving my body down until I’m on my knees.

The fact that Andrew is so into it is a huge turn on to me. I remember the rush I felt the first time I felt another guy’s dick in my hand and the fact that I’m now doing it to Andrew is filling me with a rush of excitement.

I first grasp onto the shaft and move my head closer until my warm breath is only inches away from his cock. My fingers and hand can barely get around his girth. I use my tongue to begin exploring the head of Andrew’s big dick. Next I place my lips onto the head and gradually envelop it with my entire mouth around it.

Ever so slow and deliberate, I begin to go down on him. I can feel the head of his dick as it first touches the back of my throat, then slowly going deeper until at least half of Andrew’s cock is fully encased in my willing throat.

Because of its length, I don’t think I can go any further. My mind is solely focused on taking in the sensations… the slight movements his pulsating dick is making against the walls of my windpipe.

I hear the sound of ‘mmmm’ coming from him as I begin to bob my head up and down. Since it is dark, I make a mental picture of Andrew’s face and how his mouth is slightly open and his eyes must be closed and reveling in the sensation.

I draw a mental picture in my mind of what his cock would look like with the lights on. To see him standing completely naked above me with his giant dick standing straight up underneath me. Grabbing his upright cock and slapping it around on my face, then on my lips before devouring it in its entirety.

I’m rock hard and begin stroking my own cock. I can begin to taste his cum and want to devour all of it when he’s ready.

I pause and say to Andrew, “I want all of you. I want you to cum into my mouth.” He asks me, “Do you want it now?”

“No. A few more minutes,” I say. Then I place my mouth on his balls while I take my hand and gently grasp and begin stroking him up and down the entire length.

It’s slick from my saliva and my hand glides easily up and down, gently squeezing along the way. The sensation of his large balls and his musky scent makes me feel delirious with lust.  

Since his pants are down on the ground, I take my hands and begin exploring his muscular, hairy legs. Then I move up to his ass and feel the shape… the supple roundness, firm and tight from all of his running. All the while his beautiful cock is still buried deep inside my mouth. I hear soft but deep moans coming from above and this excites me even more.

All this is too much for me, so I whisper, “Andrew, are you ready to cum?”

He whispers back, “Yes.”

I place one of my hands back on his shaft and begin moving my head up and down with even faster thrusts than before and that’s when I hear Andrew announce that he’s ready.

I can feel the buildup and listen to his soft guttural groans as he releases his cum into my mouth. He shoots five or six gushers that I feel hitting the back of my throat. I revel in feeling the hot jizz going down, tasting the sweet slickness in my mouth.

A part of Andrew is left now inside of me, traveling throughout me, into my bloodstream… his tasty, manly seed.

After Andrew cums, I momentarily leave his cock in my mouth before finally taking it out. Then I lick the length a couple of more times to clean up any excess, before standing up. He leans down to me and begins kissing me on my forehead, cheeks and finally my lips.

Suddenly we hear footsteps and we immediately withdraw from each other and Andrew lifts up his trousers and zips them up. “Hold on,” Andrew says. “Do you hear anything?”

All I can hear is some faint talking in the distance but the footsteps that were out there seem to have passed.

“Are you ready?” he asks. I hold onto him because I can’t see where I’m going. Andrew slowly opens the door and peeks out, then turns around. “Looks good.”

Just then I can see someone walk past the hall further down, but I don’t think they saw us exit. I think we dodged a bullet.

We walk back out into the room where everyone is gathered. I notice Mike and the other co-workers look at us as we begin walking nearer and wonder if my face is some sort of dead giveaway.

Even if it is, I don’t care. I’m feeling happier right now than I have in a very long time.