Erica
Erica had only once known true fear. The absolute raw fear that comes only once or twice in a lifetime for some people and not at all for the lucky ones. Isla had been six and a half months old and settled in her nursery routine. Henry had been at a company dinner, and so Erica had gone to collect Isla from nursery. ‘It closes at six-thirty,’ Henry had reminded her a dozen times that morning. ‘So you can’t be late.’
‘I won’t,’ she’d said, half amused and half pissed off by his mothering.
Except she had been late. They’d had reports in the morning of a school bus carrying English students crashing just outside of Calais, and the day had gone into fast forward, chasing down facts and writing reports for the anchors. It had only been after the lunchtime show had aired that Erica had had the chance to catch up on all of her other tasks. She’d checked her computer clock at five with every intention of leaving after ten more minutes. The next time she checked the clock it was already quarter past six.
She’d half killed herself rushing across London to get to the nursery, only to arrive at ten to seven sweaty and breathless. People were always late, she’d told herself as the tube had rocked with infuriating slowness in and out of underground stations. She’d cursed herself for not phoning the nursery whilst she’d still been above ground. They’d get a letter reminding them to be on time and a fine, surely, she’d thought as she’d pushed her way out of Walthamstow station, vowing to buy the staff a giant box of Krispy Kreme doughnuts as a thank you for staying behind to care for Isla.
Erica had been more concerned about how angry Henry was going to be. That was until she’d rounded the corner and clocked the dark windows of the nursery.
She’d banged frantically on the glass with one hand, and called the nursery’s phone number with the other. She’d heard the trilling ring tone echo through the empty building.
Every horror movie Erica had ever watched behind a raised pillow; every time she’d walked home alone at night and found herself on an empty street, glancing over her shoulder; all the times her mum had left her alone in the apartment when she’d been twelve, because twelve was too old for a babysitter, and she’d hidden under the covers barely daring to breathe until she’d heard the scratch of her mum’s key in the lock. Even the panicky heart-racing ten minutes when Erica and Billy had charged through Meadowhall shopping centre searching for Molly after she’d run off. Those fears were nothing, zip, diddly-squat compared to the heart-stopping, all-consuming chill that had swept through Erica’s body in that moment outside the nursery.
If no one was there, if all the staff had gone home, then where was Isla? And who had her?
Isla had been fine, of course. When she hadn’t arrived at pick-up, the nursery had tried to phone Erica, but when her phone had gone straight to voicemail they’d called Henry. Henry had phoned Kelly, a neighbour who babysat for them now and again, who’d raced round and collected Isla within minutes.
Isla had never been in any danger, but the fear Erica had experienced in those few frantic, breathless minutes would haunt her for ever.
It was the same fear that hit her body with a tidal-wave force when Erica opened her eyes and found the sleeping bag beside her empty.
***
Erica clambered out of her tent and scoured the tree line for any sign of Molly. Maybe she’d gone for a walk? Maybe she’d gone to sleep with Frankie and Harry, Erica told herself as she stood helpless for a moment, indecision tearing through her body. What did she do now?
The dogs, Erica realized, she had to check the dogs. Erica swallowed down the mounting panic and stepped on shaking legs towards the dog lines. Her heart lurched with renewed fear as she saw the gap in the snow, the telltale signs of dog mess, and the six flattened circles formed by Molly’s dogs.
She’d gone. She’d run. Shit.
Erica spun to the sleds, counting as fast as her eyes would move. Ten sleds. Not eleven but ten. One was missing. How long ago had Molly left? Ten minutes? An hour?
So much for lying awake all night. So much for being there for Molly. Sometime in the night, Erica’s body had succumbed to the exhaustion and fallen asleep, failing Molly once again.
You knew this would happen. You knew. So why hadn’t she done more?
‘Wake up.’ Erica’s shout rang through the forest. ‘Wake up. Molly’s gone.’ Goose bumps broke out across her skin as her words hit her ears.
Lee and Valek flew out of their tent and raced towards her.
‘What’s happened?’ Lee asked, reaching Erica as Valek pointed to the empty dog line.
‘I woke up and Molly was gone. Her dogs and sled have gone too.’ Erica could barely hear her own voice over the noise of her heart thumping in her ears.
Valek spun towards the tents. Grabbing two pots he banged them together.
‘Out of your tents, Mushers,’ Valek shouted between bangs.
Time dragged slowly as one by one the group appeared. Confusion lined their faces, but they were alert.
‘Is Molly with any of you?’ Valek shouted. ‘Has anyone seen her since last night?’
Heads shook from side to side. Noah caught Erica’s eye, his face showing the same horrified alarm as her own.
‘Molly has taken her sled and dogs and left camp,’ Lee explained, his voice low and calm, expressing none of the fear and urgency pumping through Erica’s blood.
‘What do we do?’ Erica asked. Her words rushed out quick and loud. She sounded as panicked as she felt.
‘She wouldn’t just have left,’ Harry said, looking to Erica.
‘Did something happen last night?’ Frankie asked. ‘I thought I heard arguing as I was drifting off to sleep.’
‘She –’ Erica stopped as the eyes of the group bore into her. What did she say?
‘I argued with her.’ Noah stepped forward, saving Erica from trying to find the words to explain. ‘This is completely my fault and I’m sorry.’
‘The point is that she’s gone,’ Lee said. ‘Let’s focus on finding her.’ Lee stepped over the empty space where Molly’s sled had been. ‘She’s gone ahead, at least, instead of back. Let’s pack up as quickly as possible, Mushers, and see if we can catch her. Best-case scenario, she’ll beat us to the Icehotel.’
‘And the worst case?’ Erica found herself asking as the fear welled up in her throat.
‘Pack up your tent,’ Lee said. ‘I’ll phone the Icehotel and ask them to keep an eye out for her. Any idea how long ago she left?’
The fear crushed against her windpipe. ‘No,’ she croaked.
‘OK. She probably isn’t too far ahead of us. First light was less than half an hour ago. My bet is that’s when she left.’
‘I can’t believe nobody heard her go,’ Frankie said. ‘My dogs go batty the moment I go near them.’
‘Molly is an extremely competent handler,’ Valek said. ‘She has a way with the dogs and could keep them calm and quiet if she wanted to.’
She’s not just competent, Erica thought, she’s as good as Lee and Valek. She’ll be OK. Please be OK.
Erica fumbled with the tent lines, wishing her body would work as fast as the thoughts flying through her head. A cold had settled over her body, icy from the inside out, making her fingers tremor and her teeth chatter in her head. If anything happened to Molly, Erica would never forgive herself.
‘Here,’ Noah said, gathering up Erica’s final line. ‘Are you all right?’
‘No.’ Erica shook her head. ‘This is my fault. I should have told her the second I found out the truth. I should never have tried to keep it from her. If anything happens –’
‘It won’t,’ Noah said, his tone lacking any of the conviction of his words. ‘Molly knows what she’s doing with the dogs better than any of us. She’ll –’
‘But what if she’s not OK? It’s on us. We have to find her.’
‘We will.’ Noah folded Erica’s tent and fastened it into its travel bag.
‘Happy now?’ Erica growled through gritted teeth as Rachel passed by with her tent under her arm.
‘Of course not. I’m really sorry,’ Rachel said, rubbing a hand across puffy eyes rimmed with red. ‘I didn’t mean to say anything. I was just so angry seeing them kiss. It all just came out.’ She shrugged as if they were talking about something as insignificant as a lost glove.
‘If you’d have kept your mouth shut none of this would’ve happened,’ Erica snapped. ‘If anything happens to her …’ The train of Erica’s threat died in her mouth as Lee strode across the snow towards them. He fell half a foot shorter than Erica but his hand on her shoulder was firm and carried the reassurance he intended.
‘No sign of Molly at the Icehotel yet. It’s four hours sledding to Jukkasjärvi so let’s hope she’s on her way or we catch her up.’
‘Should we phone someone? A rescue team?’
‘I’d like to get going first,’ Lee said. ‘See if we can catch her or give her a chance to arrive at the hotel. As Valek said, Molly is a competent musher, and the nearest rescue team are likely to be a good few hours away. By the time they’ve scrambled their rescue gear together she could be drinking a coffee in the hotel bar.’
Lee stepped back, his gaze moving from Erica to the sky, visible in glimmers through the rich green canopy above them. Yesterday’s celeste sky had gone, replaced with charcoal grey clouds hanging low, as if balancing on the treetops. Any minute now the top branches looked as though they would give way from the pressure and collapse, releasing the cloud to rain down upon them.
‘Are we in trouble?’ Erica asked, pointed her eyes to the sky.
‘It’s heading away from us,’ Lee said, striding towards the sled. ‘Let’s go,’ he shouted to Valek.
The convoy of sleds pulled away from the camp with an excruciating slowness that dug at Erica’s insides. Be all right, Molly. Please be all right. The thought repeated itself over and over as they picked up speed and bumped over the snowmobile tracks.
With each passing minute the panic mounted in Erica’s body. Like Isla and the nursery, like Molly running away and hiding in the Meadowhall toilets. The fear like a snake tightening its coils around her body until she couldn’t breathe or think straight. Each breath was a rasping gasp and she desperately wanted to stop the dogs, and drop down into the snow, and allow the panic to overwhelm her, but she wouldn’t. Couldn’t. Molly was out there and Erica had to find her.