Noah
The air in the room changed. The words were there, in his head, but he couldn’t speak, could hardly breathe.
‘What is this all about?’ Joyce asked, glancing between Molly and Noah.
Molly opened her mouth, starting to speak, but Noah held up his hand. He had to do this. It was his story to tell.
‘I was the one who was driving the car that hit your son. I was the one who killed Billy.’ Noah blurted the words out. His face crumbled and tears swam in his eyes, blurring his vision of Joyce. ‘I’m so sorry,’ he said in a choked whisper.
Joyce’s wide searching eyes flicked to Molly’s upturned face. A moment later a sheen of water covered Joyce’s pupils, adding to the hurt pounding through Noah’s body.
‘We were on the challenge together when we realized the connection,’ Molly said.
Noah was grateful Molly had chosen to skirt over the finer points – namely Rachel’s role in it.
‘Once we realized it, we talked a lot and Noah asked if he could come here and tell you himself.’
Joyce nodded and pursed her lips. ‘Tell me what happened.’
Noah closed his eyes, freeing the tears as the memories flashed through his head once more.
‘My poor Billy,’ Joyce whispered when Noah had finished and a heavy silence coated the room. ‘My poor boy.’
‘I’d give anything, anything, to change what happened, Mrs North. I quit the MET soon after. I … I didn’t want to be in a job where innocent people could get hurt like that.’
Joyce nodded and looked up. ‘Thank you for coming here to tell me. I’m sure it wasn’t easy.’
‘I wish I could have done it sooner. The department wouldn’t give me any details of who Billy was, and I left so soon afterwards that I had no way of getting the information. I kept checking the papers and online but no name was ever given.’
Noah drew in a shuddering breath and wiped the palm of his hands over his face. His chest still ached but the pounding hurt had eased, for now at least. He could feel the darkness creeping into his thoughts and he knew the sirens wouldn’t be far behind. He reached a hand inside his trouser pocket again, before remembering all over again that his knife wasn’t there.
‘They wouldn’t tell me much,’ Joyce replied, her voice growing stronger. ‘I knew, pretty much the same as you, except …’ she stopped for a moment and squeezed Molly’s hand ‘… his blood-alcohol level was very high and there were other drugs in his system. They showed me the autopsy report.’
Molly sat up. ‘When? I never knew any of this.’
‘I’m sorry, Baby Girl, I didn’t tell you. I wanted to protect you. Billy had been struggling with a drug addiction for some time. I’d done what I could to help him. I’d tried to convince him to come home or go to rehab and get clean, but he didn’t want to. I prayed he’d make the decision for himself before he got himself hurt, but –’
‘I didn’t know it was so bad,’ Molly mumbled. ‘I didn’t know you knew.’
Joyce nodded. ‘I should have been more open about it, but you had your training to focus on and I knew how much you loved your brother. I didn’t want you to have to deal with that side of him.’
Joyce looked at Molly as she spoke. ‘I had a visit from some people – a victim support officer, a lawyer, and someone high up in the police, I think. It was a difficult time; I don’t remember it all,’ she said, her voice wobbling for a moment before growing stronger. ‘They gave me all the details, and told me about Billy’s drugs. They wanted to keep it out of the media to protect their undercover investigation. I’d guessed it might’ve been terrorism related. Not much else is top secret any more. They said they couldn’t stop me from giving Billy’s name to the press but if it all came out then so would his drug problem.
‘I didn’t want Billy’s name, or yours,’ Joyce said, touching a tear on Molly’s face, ‘being dragged through the mud. It wouldn’t have changed anything.’
‘I never knew…’ Molly’s voice quivered.
‘Noah,’ Joyce said. ‘Will you do something for me?’
‘Anything,’ he said, and he meant it.
‘Billy was a troubled soul. The last few years of his life, he’d fought God knows how many demons of addiction. I blame myself, of course. He never had a proper male role model to turn to, and that was down to me and his father. I stuck it out with Billy and Molly’s dad until Billy was ten. I thought any father was better than no father, but their dad just wasn’t there for them. When he wasn’t at the dog races, he was in front of the TV watching the horses and phoning some betting line every few minutes.
‘I don’t even know the last time Billy saw his father, and he only lives an hour away. The only good thing that man has ever done is father three beautiful children.’ Joyce blinked, allowing two tears to fall onto her cheeks. ‘You say you’re training to be a teacher?’
He nodded. The sound of sirens wailed in his head.
‘So be a damn good one,’ Joyce said. ‘Be a role model to every boy and girl like Billy who needs one.’
A sob shook through Noah’s body. His face crumpled but he nodded. ‘I will.’
Joyce moved across the sofa and reached her arms around him, squeezing him tight before wiping a tear from his face.