Noah
The remaining light of the day had faded fast as they left the airport and began the transfer to camp. From his window at the back of the minibus Noah watched the small city of Tromsø fade into open fields of white, dotted with sparse woodland and bushy fir trees. Heaps of gleaming white snow a metre high bordered the roadside for the entirety of their journey.
As the darkness fell and the roads became emptier, Noah found his eyes drawn to the sky, searching for a break in the clouds and the floating colours of the Northern Lights that he’d only seen in pictures. There were no breaks, just one blanket of cloud, covering the sky with the same density as the snow on the ground.
A pinprick of excitement pierced through the darkness inside him. It was small, almost too small to feel over the vibrating hum of the minibus engine and the shouting small talk from the rest of the group, but Noah felt it.
He squeezed Rachel’s hand.
A wide smile stretched across her face. ‘This will be good for us,’ she said, leaning forward and kissing his cheek.
***
Two hours later the minibus passed through a set of metal gates and pulled to a stop.
The icy air hit like a slap to the face as they trundled one by one into the cold night. Noah’s eyes pricked with tears from the biting cold. A shiver ran over his body. Back in England, the cold had never bothered him. Winters in London after a childhood spent in South Yorkshire felt almost tropical. But this: this cold, this wind – a blade slicing through him – was nothing like Yorkshire.
After three hours of petrol fumes and juddering at the back of the minibus Noah had been desperate to get to camp, but now he wanted back on the bus.
He might as well be wearing nothing but swim shorts for all the good his jacket and clothes were doing, and they weren’t even out in the wilderness yet. How much colder would it get in the middle of the Arctic? A lot, he guessed.
Trust Rachel to choose the coldest place on earth for a travel destination.
Noah stood a step away from the rest of the group and glanced at their surroundings. The headlights from the minibus illuminated five square huts built in dark wood, with the planks running horizontally around the structure, and a slanted roof hidden by snow. Noah strained his eyes beyond the huts, but saw only darkness.
‘Hi.’ A man appeared from the doorway of the nearest hut. The sound of snow crunching carried into the night as he stepped closer, lifting his hand in a wave. ‘Welcome to Huskyleir base camp. I’m Lee, your challenge leader.’
Lee was short – his height falling midway between Rachel’s five foot five and Noah’s own six foot one. He was wide too, but that might have been down to the bulk of his blue jacket. His shaved head, weathered skin, and thick beard gave the impression of someone used to the biting temperature.
‘For anyone feeling a little cold right now –’ he looked at Noah and winked ‘– we’ll be dishing out the snow gear just as soon as you’ve eaten. Along with clothing, you’ll each be given a torch. Keep it with you at all times. When it gets dark here, it’s dark.’
He stepped aside and motioned for them to follow him past the huts to a large tepee-style tent. Noah felt the heat of the open fire before he saw the orange flames dancing from a raised grate in the centre of the hut. Smoke wafted out of a hole in the pyramid-shaped roof. A moment later the hut was filled with the murmurs of relief and the unzipping of jackets as they settled onto the three wooden benches surrounding the fire.
‘We’ve got a few minutes before Valek comes back from checking the dogs,’ Lee said, shrugging off his coat. ‘Let’s do a quick introduction, and go around the group. I always like to hear what made people decide to sign up for this challenge. I’ll start. I’m Lee Hamlin. Husky Adventure Challenge is my company. I’ve been working with huskies and dog sledding for over twenty years, and when I’m not here in Tromsø and sledding in Lapland, I can be found racing my own huskies back in England or buried under mountains of paperwork.
‘I’ve been running this challenge across the Arctic since its conception seven years ago. I guarantee you this will not be easy. There will be times when all of you will wish you’d stayed home, but I can also guarantee you that this will be an experience none of you will ever forget. I don’t know of a single person who’s done this trek who hasn’t found themselves changed in some way for the better because of the week they spent in the Arctic wilderness.’
Lee turned to the nearest bench and nodded at two boys in their late teens, sitting beside a man in his fifties who Noah guessed was their dad. The older boy was taller, his body at its full height and waiting to be filled out with an adult frame. The second boy was smaller and still had a scattering of teenage acne on his cheeks. Both had the same round face and strong nose as their father. The boys gave sheepish waves and looked to their dad.
‘I’m Greg, and these are my boys,’ he said with a wave. ‘This is William – he’s nineteen and studying physics at Cambridge.’ Greg beamed a proud smile at his son. ‘And this is Edward, who’s completing his final year of A levels. I’m hoping both boys will join me in the family insurance business once they’ve finished their studies.’
Noah watched a look pass between the boys. Noah understood that look all too well. It was a look that said: that’s never going to happen. Noah hoped William and Edward were stronger than Noah had been when it came to telling his own father.
‘We’re here raising money for Cancer Research. Their mum –’ Greg looked at each of the boys in turn ‘– passed away last year from breast cancer …’ Greg’s voice cracked. He gave a loud cough and continued, ‘Her dying wish was for us three to spend more time together … so here we are.’
‘A great way to honour her memory.’ Lee nodded, before motioning to two blonde girls.
‘I’m Frankie and this is Harry,’ one of them said. ‘We’re twins.’
‘No shit,’ Rachel muttered in Noah’s ear.
‘We’ve done a few charity things before but never with animals so this is going to be super exciting and new for us. We’re raising money for our village youth club, which is a huge support for children and young people in our local area. So far we’ve raised almost six thousand pounds.’
Lee smiled. ‘Well done.’
Noah felt Lee’s gaze and the eyes of the rest of the group fall on him. He opened his mouth to speak but not quick enough.
‘I’m Rachel and this is my boyfriend, Noah. Well fiancé actually.’ She grinned and waggled her diamond ring in the air. ‘Noah’s a teacher and I work in public relations. We’re here raising money for Help the Heroes.’
Noah closed his mouth and felt the familiar tightening grip his body. The group had moved on to the next bench and the girl from the airport but he wasn’t listening. Noah didn’t care that Rachel had spoken for him. He was used to that. It was the words she’d spoken that he was having trouble comprehending.
‘What did you do that for?’ Noah mumbled after the introductions had finished and Lee began dishing up plates of steaming jacket potatoes and a dark meat dish.
‘Do what?’
Noah felt her eyes on his face but refused to move his gaze from the flames dancing and jumping out of the fire.
‘Lie,’ he said. ‘Why did you lie?’
She made a noise. A huff or another one of her laughs. ‘I didn’t.’
‘Rach –’
‘Where was the lie?’ she said, keeping her voice low and moving closer. ‘I do work in PR, and you are a teacher – well training to be one, anyway. I didn’t see the point in sharing any other details about our lives. To be honest, I didn’t think you’d want me to tell this bunch of strangers anything else about us. We’re not here to make friends or be part of something; we’re here for us.’
A plate of food arrived in his hands. Noah nodded a thanks and balanced the plate on his legs before huddling over it. He was done trying to wade through the convoluted way Rachel saw the world, herself, and him.
‘What should I have said?’ Rachel asked. All of a sudden her voice carried the ebb of hurt, aimed to what – make him look up, make him feel guilty, make him say sorry? Noah didn’t care. He didn’t care about any of it.
The pinprick of excitement he’d felt on the bus was gone, swallowed by the darkness. He watched the flames, orange, like the streetlights, like the empty street that hadn’t been empty. All of a sudden he could no longer smell the crackling wood of the fire, but sweat. Sweat and fear, and something else – a taste – like sucking a penny.
His stomach turned and he could smell the acid sour stink of his vomit. The walls of the hut began to turn and all he could hear was his ragged breathing and the thudding beat of his heart in his ears. Sweat pricked the back of his neck.
‘Noah?’ Rachel’s voice sounded far away, calling out to him.
He blinked, once then twice, forcing his eyes to look away from the fire. He felt Rachel’s hand on his leg and the eyes of the group watching him.
‘Sorry,’ he mumbled, hating the heat burning in his cheeks. ‘I was miles away.’
Rachel gave a giggly laugh. ‘He’s always doing that,’ she said, rolling her eyes.
‘OK.’ Lee kept his eyes on Noah as he addressed the group. ‘Kit time. Then it’s bunks and sleep. Tomorrow morning you’ll spend some time with myself and Valek, going over the information you’ll need for the trip, then it’s meeting the huskies and having a practice on the sleds.
‘I know all of you have read and signed the information sheet I sent last month,’ Lee continued. ‘But I will say it again – this trip will push you to your physical and emotional limits. Listen to the briefing tomorrow, have a practice with the sleds, then think hard. There is no shame in recognizing you may not be cut out for the challenge. Better to realize this before we set off than halfway through when there’ll be no turning back.’
Noah looked down at his half-eaten plate of food and willed the earth beneath his feet to open up and swallow him whole. I shouldn’t be here. I shouldn’t be on this trip. I shouldn’t be alive.