CHAPTER 21

 

“Are you going to be OK today, angel?” Kian tucked a strand of inky-black hair behind her ear. She was still a little sleepy but she turned her face so that she could press her soft, cushiony lips against the palm of his hand.

After what she’d told him the previous night, he didn’t want to leave her but he had an early morning training session. “If you need me to, I can stay?”

“No,” Cate shook her head. She knelt up on the mattress, the duvet falling to her waist, exposing the sheer beauty of her bump pushing against the front of her white, cotton nightgown. She held his face in her delicate hands.

She hated that he had a deep-v etched between his eyebrows. “I’ll be OK until you get back. Nate’s here.”

“I love you,” Kian kissed her lips tenderly, infusing her veins with such love and acceptance that she felt the warmth radiate from her hair follicles right down to the tips of her toes.

When he walked into the kitchen, Nate was stood at the kitchen counter, packing Lola’s lunch into a brown, paper bag.

“Where are the children?”

Nate looked up, “Lola’s upstairs. She’s lost her shin-pads again. I think Mateo’s trying to help her find them but to be honest, he’s probably just getting in her way.”

“Listen,” Kian grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge, “I’m really crap at talking about all this stuff but I just wanted to say thank you for helping me out yesterday and for… you know, being there for Cate.”

Nate shrugged like it was nothing. “You’re welcome.”

“Hi Dad,” Lola came into the kitchen, carrying her shin-pads.

“Hey baby girl,” he kissed the top of her head. “I know, I know,” he held his hands up in surrender when he saw her scowl; “you’re not a baby anymore.”

He looked behind her, “where’s your brother?”

“Lola,” he mock-frowned, “you haven’t locked him in your wardrobe again, have you?”

Lola stuck her tongue out, “that happened one time and it was a total accident. How was I supposed to know that he’d climbed in there? He’s upstairs with Mum.”

 

After another tough training session – Steve wasn’t happy with some of the players’ fitness levels – Kian stepped out of the showers and knotted a towel around his hips.

“Seriously man, you look like the freaking Fremont Troll,” Trent teased one of their team-mates, who’d had an allergic reaction to medication he’d taken for an STD.

“What the fuck is the Fremont Troll?” Kian laughed.

“I can’t believe you haven’t been out there yet,” Trent got his phone from the top shelf of his locker. “Lacey loves it.” Lacey was Lena’s daughter from a previous relationship; she was about the same age as Lola.

I’ve been so lonely.

As Kian drove home from training that afternoon, he looked up at the Space Needle and Cate’s words from the previous day began to make more sense. He realised that they hadn’t done any of the things he’d planned for them during the five months they’d been apart.

Almost every day during those five months, he’d done the exact same drive to the Seattle F.C. training facility in Bellevue and every single time he would look up at the iconic Space Needle and think about how great it was going to be when Cate, Lola and Mats finally arrived in Seattle.

Except that when they’d got here, just like when they’d been in Manchester, his football commitments had gotten in the way again. Cate, his mum and the children had gone up to the top of the Space Needle without him.

He tried to remember the last time they’d done something as a family and came up short.

By the time he pulled The Tank as Cate joking called it into the driveway, he resolved that things were going to be different from now on. He loved being a professional footballer but he didn’t want to be a stranger in Cate’s and the children’s lives.

“Cate?”

“We’re out here,” Cate called from the back of the house.

She was sat on the porch swing, showing Mateo the book she’d bought for him all about Seattle ferry boats. Lola was in next door’s garden playing football with Luke.

“I’ve got something to show you.” Kian scooped Mateo up from Cate’s lap.

“Where are we going?”

“Lo, can you come here?” Kian called across the grass.

“Dad, we’re playing football,” Lola grumbled.

“It’s cool,” Luke shrugged. “My dad will be home soon. See you tomorrow, Lola.”

Kian wouldn’t tell them where they were going. He parked the car at the bottom of a hill and unstrapped Mateo from his car seat. “I’ll get the pushchair,” Cate looked up at the steep hill. She really didn’t fancy pushing it all the way up there.

“I’ll carry him,” Kian insisted. “Let’s go.”

When they got to the top, Cate stopped for a moment to catch her breath while Kian, Lola and Mateo went on ahead.

“Mum, it’s so cool,” Lola ran back to Cate and grabbed her hand, tugging her forward. Underneath the bridge was a huge troll made of steel rebar, wire and concrete. It was clutching a VW Beetle as if it had swiped it from the freeway above their heads. Lola helped Mateo join the other children who were clambering all over the sculpture.

“How did you know this was here?” Cate laughed, watching them.

Kian wrapped an arm around her waist, “something one of the guys said at training.”

“Look, his eye is a hubcap,” Lola giggled. “It’s so cool. Mum, please will you take a photo so I can show Noah and Emily.”

Cate took lots of photos of Lola and Mateo and then Kian insisted that she pose for one too. “You’re evil,” Cate muttered as Lola and Mateo dragged her in front of the Troll. “It should be a felony to take photos of a woman when she’s eight-months pregnant. When we get home, I’m so going to delete this.”

“No, you’re not,” Kian laughed, “you look beautiful, angel.”

“Ha,” Cate laughed. “I’m the size of a house, Kian.”

He kissed her cheek, “a beautiful house.” He jumped back before she could swat him.

One of the other tourists offered to take a photo of all four of them so they posed in front of the troll, its large head looming ominously above them.

Afterwards, they walked around the Fremont neighbourhood, taking in the local oddities. They took photos of the Fremont Rocket, the huge statue of Lenin and the slightly creepy Waiting for the Interurban. Mateo particularly liked the houseboats on Lake Union and the bronze statue of J.P. Patches.

“Can you imagine if we lived on a boat…?” Lola winced. They’d stopped for a late lunch of warm pita breads stuffed with spicy falafel and salad at a small café. It was still warm enough so they were sat at one of the metal tables outside. “I dread to think how many times Mats would say “boat” every day? Ugh, it’s like his favourite word ever.”

Mateo was sat on Kian’s knee. When he realised that they were all looking across at him, he giggled. “Boat.”

He fell asleep on the journey home. “You’re worn out, aren’t you, buddy?” Cate whispered softly as she gently undid the buckle on his car seat.

She felt a couple of raindrops on the back of her neck. “I’ll take him,” Kian offered. “Why don’t you go inside?”

While Lola ran upstairs to tell Noah and Emily all about the Fremont Troll, Cate went into the kitchen to get a glass of water. She felt a little nauseous but knew that it was only natural to feel like that in her last month of pregnancy. She couldn’t believe that she only had a month to go. With all of the trauma of being separated from Kian for five months and her depression, it really felt like it had been the longest pregnancy ever, much longer than with Lola and Mateo.

She tenderly rubbed her bump. For the longest time, she’d felt like this pregnancy was more of a burden than a blessing. But now that she was getting help for her depression, she was slowly starting to get excited about the new baby.

Earlier that day, while Lola was at school and Mateo was having his lunchtime nap, she’d found herself looking at baby clothes online.

She felt guilty that she hadn’t bought much for the baby beyond the absolute necessities. She’d set up the nursery a couple of weeks ago but she realised now just how bland and functional it was. It was definitely nothing like the nurseries she’d so painstakingly created for both Lola and Mateo, which had been overflowing with love. While they’d had large hand-painted murals, this baby’s nursery just had stark, white walls. It wasn’t like the baby would be sleeping in an empty, cardboard box; she’d bought the basics like the crib, changing table and a seemingly endless supply of white Babygro’s. But there was nothing special - no brightly-coloured mobile dangling above the crib, eager to attract the new baby’s attention. No cuddly toys piled up on top of the ottoman, just waiting to be squished by chubby, little arms.

“Hey,” Kian put his hand over hers. “You OK?”

“Yeah,” Cate shook her head. “I’m fine. I was just thinking about the baby.”

Kian frowned, “I should have been there for you at the doctor’s office.”

“It was a faulty probe, it wasn’t your fault,” Cate settled back into the warmth of her husband’s embrace. She didn’t want to ruin what had been a perfect day so far.

“I still think that we should sue.” Thinking about the distress Cate must have gone through during those sixty plus minutes when they couldn’t find the baby’s heartbeat made Kian want to obliterate that fucking clinic until all that was left was rubble and ruined reputations.

Cate shook her head, “I don’t want to have to relive it. It was bad enough the first time.” She put Kian’s hands on either side of her bump. Even though it was their third child, he still felt a little awestruck every time he felt it kick inside Cate. “Dr Swift is one of the best OB-GYNs in Seattle. The baby’s fine, Kian. I’m fine. Let’s just focus on that, OK?”

The back door swung open, letting in a draft of cold air. “Mom, you can’t just barge in,” Nate protested.

“It’s the kitchen, Nathaniel,” Abby scolded her son, “It’s not their bedroom.”

“It’s still their home,” Nate rolled his eyes behind her back.

Abby held Cate’s hands. “Ah, you must be Cate. Nathaniel has told me so much about you.”

“Um, thanks?” Cate looked across at Nate, wondering just what he’d said. She knew that Abby had also suffered from depression when she was pregnant with Nate.

“Good things, I promise,” Abby smiled warmly.

Cate looked at Nate, “I didn’t know your mom was coming to visit?”

Nate shrugged, “neither did I.”

Abby shook her head, “you thought I’d miss your birthday? You’re my son.”

“I know,” Nate shifted uncomfortably, “I just thought that after what happened with Dad…?”

Abby darted her eyes towards Cate and Kian. “It’s OK, Mom. They know.”

“Oh,” although she was surprised, Abby quickly regained her composure. “Your relationship with your dad is just that, it’s between you and him. I can’t change him; the Lord knows I’ve tried. You’re my son, Nathaniel. I’ve loved you since you were a tiny little thing in my belly and that’s never going to change, OK?”

“Abby’s a force of nature, isn’t she?” Cate laughed as she and Kian got into bed later that night.

“She reminds me a little bit of Irene actually,” Kian lifted up his arm so Cate could snuggle against him.

Cate looked up at him quizzically, “my mum?”

“Yeah, I don’t think I’ve ever told you this but a couple of days after we got back from Vegas, she called and asked me to come to the house.”

Cate was intrigued, “what did she say?”

Kian smirked, “it was definitely the toughest interview I’ve ever had. She wanted to know what my intentions were.”

“We’d got married and were expecting a baby,” Cate balked, “surely it was obvious.”

Kian kissed the top of Cate’s head, breathing in the delicious scent of blackberries, “she just wanted to protect you, angel, like Abby does with Nate.”

“She gave me some good tips actually,” Kian chuckled, “I’m definitely going to use them on Lola’s boyfriends.”

“Hey,” Cate swatted his chest, “don’t be sexist. What about Mateo’s girlfriends?”

Kian switched off the light and Cate snuggled down, resting her head on Kian’s chest. She liked falling asleep listening to the steady thump-thump of his heartbeat.

“What if one of them is gay?” Cate asked quietly. Abby clearly knew that Nate was gay but she’d talked around it, never actually saying the words.

Kian lifted up her t-shirt and pressed the palm of his hand against the small of her back, “then we’ll be even more fucking protective of them. The world is harsh enough as it is.”