CHAPTER 5

 

“Thanks again for offering to look after Lola and Mats when we go to L.A.” It was later that night and Kian and Jean were sat on the porch at the back of the house, looking out across the gunmetal waters of Puget Sound at the skyline of downtown Seattle. Cate and the children, still suffering from jet-leg, were already asleep upstairs.

“You don’t need to thank me,” Jean smiled. “I want to spend as much time with them as possible. I’m going to miss them terribly when I go back home to Manchester in a couple of weeks.”

“I’m sure Amelie will keep you plenty busy,” Kian laughed, thinking about his sister, Sinead’s daughter. “But seriously, are you sure you’re OK with us moving out here?”

“Don’t look so worried,” Jean placed her hand on top of his. Her skin was still lovely and warm from holding her mug of English tea. “I’ll be perfectly fine.”

“But Dad…” Even though it had been over eight years since his dad had died from a massive heart attack while he was driving home from work, Kian still felt responsible for both his mum and Sinead. At least Sinead had Fabrizio and Amelie but his mum still lived on her own in the house they’d grown up in. When they’d first discussed moving to Seattle, Kian had asked his mum if she’d consider coming with them but she’d politely declined.

“Your dad…” Jean’s eyes pricked with tears as they always did when she talked about her late husband, Eamon. She clasped his wedding band, which she still wore on a chain around her neck. “I know when you were younger you thought that your dad was too hard on you about football but all he ever really wanted was for you to be happy. I can see how happy you are here, Kian. Of course, I’m going to miss seeing Lola and Mats every day and the new baby but we’ll Skype and I’ll come and visit. You don’t need to worry about me; I’ve got a very full life back home in Manchester. Like you said, I’ve got Sinead and Amelie; I’ve got my job at the charity shop and my friends.”

The new baby…Kian dragged his fingers through his black hair. He still couldn’t believe that Cate had kept her pregnancy a secret from him for five months. “How has she been, really?”

Jean took another sip of tea while she carefully considered her next words. “It’s been tough for her.”

“Has she had any more…?”

“You know what Cate’s like, sweetheart. She’d never admit to me or anybody else if she started having panic attacks again. I know that she’s been tired all the time – she’s always got those dark smudges under her eyes and you can see how pale she is.” Kian realised that she must have tried to cover up how badly she was feeling with make-up before they’d Skyped each night. “A couple of times when I stopped by the house without calling first, I wondered if she’d just been crying because her eyes were a little red.”

“Damn it,” Kian hated that his wife had been so upset and he’d been thousands of miles away thinking everything was fine. He got up and paced back and forth across the wooden porch. “Why the f…Why didn’t she tell me?”

“If Cate had told you that she was pregnant,” Jean asked. “What would you have done?”

Kian frowned. How could she even ask that question? “You know damn well that I’d have got the first flight home.”

“Mind the language,” Jean warned. “I do know that and so does Cate. Do you really think that she’d have let you give up this amazing opportunity?”

“Darn it,” Kian repeated, trying hard to moderate his language for his mum. “She still should have told me. If she didn’t want me to come back to Manchester, she and the children could have moved out here sooner.”

“She didn’t want to disrupt Lola’s schooling,” Jean reminded him.

“She’s been really torn because after what happened at the World Cup…” His mum frowned, her disapproval still very apparent. Several years ago, after England had been knocked out of the World Cup on penalties by Sweden, Kian had had a one-night stand with Jenna, one of Sinead’s friends. When she’d found out what he’d done, Cate had taken Lola (who was only three-years old at the time) and left him. It had taken Kian six brutal months to earn back her trust and forgiveness. But it wasn’t just the one-night stand which had hurt Cate so badly, it was that so many of their friends and family had known about it and hadn’t told her.

“She didn’t want everybody else knowing about the baby before you did. She was going to tell you when you came back to Manchester for Lola’s birthday – she knew you’d be concerned and she thought that if she told you face-to-face instead of via Skype that she’d have a better chance of convincing you that she was OK and that you could go back to Seattle without feeling too guilty. But then when your flight was cancelled, she felt like the only option she had was to wait until she got here to Seattle to tell you.”

“Sinead knew because she was there when Cate took the test but apart from that, she worked really hard to conceal her pregnancy from everybody. She stayed at home most of the time and when she did go out, even just to the local supermarket, she wore really loose-fitting clothes and carried bulky bags. When I accidentally found out a month ago, she made me promise not to tell you. You know how stubborn she can be. Even Lola didn’t know until a couple of weeks ago when she really started to show.”

“If there was a choice between yours and the children’s happiness and her own, you know that Cate would put you and the children first every single time.”

“I do know that,” Kian grunted.

“Listen to me, Kian,” Jean said, putting her hand on his forearm. “You need to forget about those five months when you were apart. They were awful but they’re over and done with now. Take these few days in L.A. to just enjoy being with your wife again.”

“Thanks, Mum,” Kian kissed her cheek. “I’m going to go upstairs.”

“I think I might stay out here for a little while,” Jean tucked her socked feet up underneath her. The porch swing gently swayed back and forth. “I’ll lock up before I go to bed.”

Kian checked on the children before he went to bed; they were both sleeping peacefully.

When he walked into the master bedroom, a ribbon of moonlight illuminated Cate’s sleeping form. Kian felt a familiar tug in his groin but decided to ignore it. He stripped down to just his boxer shorts and gently pulled back the covers, trying hard not to disturb her. She shifted a little anyway, as if even in the depths of sleep, she could sense his presence.

“Hush, angel,” Kian murmured, fitting her back against him. He pressed his lips against the juncture between her neck and shoulder, savouring the sweetness of her skin. Her icy cold feet instinctively sought out the heat of his calves. Kian slid a hand up the front of her nightgown and pressed the palm of his hand against her bump.

He thought about his mum’s advice and tried to forget about the five horrible months when they’d been separated by thousands of miles. The important thing was that Cate was here now, in his arms, in his bed. Lying in the almost darkness, Kian danced his calloused fingertips over his wife’s taut skin, her belly swollen with his child.