Today is the day that I officially ask Alex to move in with me. We’re going furniture shopping under the guise that I need a new dining room table. The one I have now is small, and completely covered with the plans for Let’s Get Baked. It would be nice to say that my girl is a business owner, but Dani didn’t have her share of the deposit, which held up the closing. I was tempted to buy Sandy out and hand the business over to Alex, but I knew that Alex had worked hard to save the money and I wanted her to feel successful.

Still, that hasn’t stopped Alex and Dani from drawing up new plans for the kitchen. I hovered until my opinion was asked. Sometimes they took it, other times I would get up in the middle of the night and make the subtle changes I knew their contractor would make regardless.

Since she took me home to meet her parents, she’s stayed at my apartment each night. It would make sense for us to move to her house, but it’s small with only one-bedroom, and it can fit in my place. I love that she’s here, but definitely want to her to make this her home until we can buy a house together.

Buying a house and putting down roots isn’t something I’ve ever thought about. Even when I was living in Malibu, renting was the only option for me. Buying means commitment, and until now I wasn’t interested in getting that far in life.

Alex and I walk hand in hand through the furniture store. I have seen a few tables I like, but I’m waiting for Alex to have that ah ha moment, and then I’ll ask her. I’m nervous and I’m surprised she hasn’t noticed that I’m fidgeting or that my palm is sweating. I don’t know why it’s such a big deal. It’s not like I’m asking her to marry me.

We test out each option. By test, Alex sits down, she measures, and stands back to look at every angle while I put all my weight on the wood to make sure it can withstand the pressure … you know for when we christen it. I have my priorities.

“What do you think about this one?” she asks. Her face is pinched as she peers at the table. “It can seat four until you have company and it will expand to eight.”

“We,” I say, correcting her.

“Huh?”

“You said, ‘when I have company’ and I corrected you. It’s when ‘we’ have company.”

Alex brushes me off. “It’s your place, Kai.”

I move toward her. “Why don’t we make it our place?”

Narrowing her eyes, she tilts her head.

“Alexandria Miller, I know we haven’t been dating long, but I would like to know if you’d like to move in with me?”

“Kai—”

“Say yes,” yells the lady behind Alex. I nod, giving her a silent thank you.

“Think about it, babe. You haven’t spent a single night at your place since you took me home to meet your parents. You’re paying rent and utilities for a place you’re not using, plus you’re about to open your own business. You’re going to be busy and the last thing I want is to put pressure on you after you’ve had a long day, but you know it’s going to happen. You know I’m going to ask you to come over or I’ll be at your place and you’ll feel like you need to entertain me. If we’re living in one place, we’re home and together. We won’t feel pressured when we have to work late. You won’t stress about your house and the bills that come with it.”

“You’ll charge me rent, right? I’ll be allowed to pay my half?”

“Of course, babe. Fifty-fifty all the way, except for this table. I’ll buy that because it’s needed, unless you want to take the spare bedroom and make it an office for the both of us. We can ditch the table and buy a few desks and bookshelves.”

“What about when your parents come to visit?”

“They won’t. My mom doesn’t fly and I she definitely won’t drive this far. Right now, it’s storage. I’ll gladly share the room with you.”

Alex ponders my proposal, and by the expression on her face she’s going to say yes. When she nods rapidly, I pull her into my arms and kiss her. The people lingering around start clapping, which honestly is a bit embarrassing. I set her back down and kiss her again.

“Let’s go look at other furniture.”

“Wait,” she says, halting me. “The table … I sort of really like it.”

Grinning widely, I search for a sales person. “We’ll take this, but we’ll be adding some more.”

Alex and I rush to the other section and start looking at desks and the configuration we could make. The shitty part is that I don’t have the dimension of the room so it’ll be rather hard for us to buy anything tonight, but we can get a good idea of what we want and come back another night.

We head back toward the sales desk with a good idea of what we want, and that is when I have that moment, the one you never want to have in front of the woman you’re in love with.

I try to hide my face, but eye contact was already made. When Jenica realizes it’s me, her eyes light up. Seriously? This woman knows my most sordid details and she’s excited to see me. And fuck my life, she’s coming toward us. How the hell am I going to explain to Alex that I was paying for sex?

“Hi, Kai!”

“Jenica,” I say curtly. I’m definitely not interested in introducing her to Alex.

“You know, I heard about this happening, but haven’t witnessed it until now.”

“What is that exactly?” I ask. I can feel Alex’s eyes on me, but there is no way in hell that I’ll look at her.

“You guys! I mean, how did figure it out? Did you break the rules?”

Closing my eyes, I swallow hard. I’m having a hard time processing what Jenica is saying. I don’t want to assume, but it sounds like Alex was my partner at the club, and that just can’t be.

“Um … where do you work?” the soft voice of Alex asks.

“Society X. I was Kai’s escort. Jared’s yours, right?”

My head starts to spin as I step away from Alex. I can’t even comprehend what I’m hearing right now.

“Oh shit, I didn’t know that you didn’t know … wow, what a coincidence that you would hook up outside of the club.”

I want to puke. If I’m assuming right, I took Alex’s virginity in the dark room. I don’t even care about the other shit we did because what took place in the dark room is bigger than all that.

I finally have the courage to look at Alex, who is pale. I don’t know if I should reach out to her or what. The high from today is gone. It no longer exists.

“Are you ready to pay for the table?”

I shake my head and turn toward the exit, leaving Alex in the showroom. I can’t wrap my head around the fact that she used the club to lose her virginity.

The more I think about it, the angrier I become. When Alex steps out, she doesn’t look at me. I don’t know where we go from here, but right now I can’t be with her. Pulling my keys out of my pocket, I toss them at her. “You can take my car. I need some time to think.”

“Kai?” she says, her voice low and hollow.

I stop, but keep my back to her. “Don’t, Alex. What you did …” I can’t finish my sentence without insulting her and that’s not what I want to do. Something possessed her to use the club, and while I shouldn’t judge because I was there too, the fact remains she gave a complete stranger something that she should’ve held sacred to her. That is what kills me.

I haven’t a clue as to where I’m going. I’m just walking. It’s getting dark and I’m hungry, but I can’t fathom eating anything right now. I finally happen along the train station. I pay my fee and wait for the next one to arrive. There are couples all around me, each one making more jealous because up until a few hours ago, I had that.

And now I don’t know what I have besides a broken heart and a very confused brain. I know I need to talk to her, but I don’t know what to say. I need to know why she did that and how many other men she was with …

That’s when the second or third shock of the night hits. I replay our first Saturday date in my mind. I had texted Jenica the night before, hoping to go back into the room with my partner. This was after Alex told me she was seeing someone and didn’t want to get involved with me, except she was already involved with me.

I went to the room, but Alex wasn’t there. Some other woman was and I walked out. That night, Alex was upset. She was upset because of me, without even knowing it.

“What a fucking mess,” I say out loud.

“You can say that again,” the man next to me mutters. I don’t know about his day, but mine has turned out to be pretty fucking shitty.

The train ride takes me two hours until I’m somewhat near my place. I’m thankful for the warmer weather, but this walking shit is for the birds. But there was no way I could be in the car with her, stuck in traffic, and not explode. I know myself better than that.

Of course, my apartment is empty when I get there. My car keys are on the counter, but everything that was Alex’s is gone. I’m not surprised, but hate that she chose the flight option instead of staying to fight for us. Me, I had to walk away. I guess she did, too.

In the dark, I stare at the wall with my phone in my hand. Her name is on my screen, waiting for me to press the button. When I finally do, it rings three times before her pained voice answers.

“Why, Alex? Please tell me why you decided to lose your virginity in the club?”