I was sitting in the back of an ambulance. A doctor had taken my vitals and given me a warm blanket. She told me I was in a bit of shock, but otherwise looked okay. I’d somehow escaped getting cut by the knife. I guess the adrenaline in my system got me out of there fast enough.

That was about the time Officer Nancy arrived at the scene. She wasn't her usual smug self. There's that saying, it's all fun and games until someone gets hurt. Well, Sean got hurt. I didn't mean to hurt him. Nobody meant to hurt him. Sometimes these things happened, but it didn't mean we needed to be happy about them.

"You doing okay, Beau?" she asked.

"I'm a little shaken," I said.

"I'm sorry to do this," she said. "But I need to ask you a few questions while everything's still fresh."

My heart had slowed down, it’d only been ten minutes or so, but it already felt like forever ago. "It was all a blur," I said.

"That's okay," she said. "Just tell me what you saw. If you don't remember something, just say what you do remember. Sound okay?"

I nodded.

"Okay, did you get his name?"

"Sean."

"Last name?"

I shook my head. Honestly, I was lucky to even have a first name, some of my club encounters didn’t even come with that much information.

"What happened?"

"We were walking together," I said.

"Where to?"

"His place."

"Where's that?"

"I don't know," I said. "He said it was only a couple of blocks from the club, but then we kept on going. He took us through the alley, he said it was a shortcut, and then he pulled a knife on me and I ran."

"You met him where?"

"At The Apple Tree."

She nodded, jotting something down in her notebook. "Maybe someone there recognizes him."

"He said he was a regular."

"Had you ever seen him before?"

"Just once. He was probably lying."

"You're probably right," she said. "But it doesn't hurt to double check."

"I didn't mean to do it," I said.

She patted my shoulder. "You didn't do anything," she said.

"He's dead because of me."

"He tried killing you first. You were just trying to get away. It's not your fault."

No, it wasn't anybody's fault, but I was still responsible for his death. I knew my life was on the line if I went out, but I never considered other people could be at risk as well.

At the same time, I'm not sure I considered what it would mean to be killed myself. This was it for Sean. Every moment of his life had led up to this. Was it worth it for him? Had he accomplished what he had wanted to in his life?

Because if things had turned out differently and I’d been the one killed, I knew I hadn't accomplished nearly everything I'd set out to do.

The area around the ambulance had been blocked off, but right at the edges, I saw a car pull up and Kurt got out of the back. He talked to an officer at the barrier, who waved him in and he walked right up to me.

Officer Nancy saw me looking and turned her head. "You can't keep doing what you're doing, Beau," she said. "He's here to help you. I don't want to see anybody killed any more than you do, but it's better it was him than you. You keep running away from the American like this, you might not be so lucky next time."

She was right. None of this would have happened if I hadn't tried to run away from Kurt. Kurt had tried to keep me safe. Once I ran away, Sean was able to attack. And when I ran from his attack, that's when he got hit by the car.

Kurt came up fast. "What the hell is wrong with you?" he asked.

"I know," I said. "I'm sorry."

"You're sorry," he said. "You're sorry you ran away from someone trying to keep you safe, so you could be alone with somebody who was trying to kill you? Does sorry really cover that? You're not sorry. You're lucky."

"Yes," I said. "I'm lucky," I was raising my voice. "I'm lucky and my behavior was irresponsible and downright stupid. Does that make you happy?"

He couldn't help it. A smile snuck its way onto his face. "Actually," he said. "It kind of does. Can you tell me again?"

"I was irresponsible and stupid. And I'll add one more thing to make you even happier," I said. "You were right."

He patted me on the back. "That's what I like hearing."

"I'm fine, by the way," I said.

"I know."

"And I'm not going to run away from you anymore."

He shook his head. "I don't believe you," he said.

"You just need to give me a little space."

"You nearly get killed and you're asking me for a little space? No, sir."

"If you weren't right on top of me, maybe I wouldn't need to run away."

"You think tonight was bad. Wait until tomorrow. I'll be on your ass from the moment you leave the palace until you get back home."

I knew it wasn't the time or place for this, but a slight shudder ran through my body. I wouldn't mind having him on my ass so long as he was able to take the stick out of his.

"And we can't go to any more clubs. They're not safe. Find some other way to have fun. Do we have any understanding?" he asked.

I didn't feel like arguing with him. He had a point. The clubs weren't safe.

"If that's how it's got to be," I said. "Then that's how it's got to be."

After all, there were ways of finding some space without running away. And plenty of places we could go that were just as much fun as clubs and much harder to sneak weapons into. Now that I thought about it, they were definitely more fun.