I’d changed in locker rooms before. I’d been naked in front of other men before. This was different. There was an unspoken rule in the marines, Yes, we're all naked. Look if you want to look, but don't say anything. Here, there was a feeling of sexual tension in the air. Like we were stretching a rubber band and if we pulled a bit more it was going to snap, and somebody would give in.

It was fine, though. This was as safe a place as Beau could possibly go. There was nowhere anyone could hide a weapon, so I could relax. I didn't need to constantly scan the crowd, just sit back and enjoy the sauna. Everyone else here was relaxed, why couldn't I be, too? Cheryl made a point that nobody would make me do anything I didn't want to do. As long as I expressed that, they would listen.

I looked over at Beau. It was strange. You might think that removing his royal outfit would rob him of his royal appearance, but it just wasn't true. There was still something majestic about him. Something in the way he held himself. He was someone the country looked to in times of trouble. He paraded himself around the city and smiled, assuring people they would be okay so long as he was in charge. And, despite my better judgement, I could see myself believing him.

That image of us together reappeared in my head. It was easier now that I could actually see him naked. His slicked back brown hair really stood out without clothes on. He was slim, almost feminine, but with a definitively male build. I caught myself staring at his penis and looked away. Beau would have noticed if he wasn't busy looking around at everyone else.

I took a few deep breaths to calm myself and try to get the image out of my head, but it stayed there. I couldn't turn it off. Beau and I were in a tight embrace, kissing each other. Our hands exploring each other’s bodies. It must have been the environment, I’d never been in a situation like this and it was affecting me. I had to hold myself back to keep from enjoying it, I had a job to do. And I wasn't gay.

"Let's get the show on the road," Beau said.

A tall, bald, dark-skinned man responded. "You said you wanted everyone on board. Let's make sure we all are."

I chimed in. "Like I said, just pretend I'm not here. Whatever you want to do, go ahead and do it. My job is to be invisible."

"Fat chance of that," Beau muttered.

Another man said, "Give them a few minutes."

I leaned my head back and closed my eyes, thinking more about what Windfra said last night. There is no gay. There is no straight. It's just love. People like me weren't seeing every color of the rainbow. I started with the bald guy. He looked like the kind of guy who would have been in the service with me.

My eyes moved over his smooth body. He was buff, but he was also sleek. The muscles didn't bulge out of his body but were toned just enough to know they were solid. Like he worked out, but he also did a lot of cardio.

What would I be attracted to about him?

I thought of the way his body might feel against mine and, at first, I was uncomfortable with the thought. When you spend your whole life thinking one way, it can be jarring to escape from it. I imagined his body on top of mine, his smooth face rubbing against the thin stubble I'd grown since shaving this morning.

I saw everything of him, here in the sauna. And I would never see anybody else exactly like him. His penis lay against his inner leg, resting on the wooden bench, relaxed. It was like my penis, roughly, in shape, but had its own character. A more bulbous head, smaller on the whole, but looked like it would fit perfectly into my hand. I imagined wrapping my palm around it, gently touching it. How would that feel for him? How would that feel for me?

"Doing okay over there?" he asked.

He’d been watching me while I was watching him, sizing me up.

"I can help you take care of that if you want."

I looked down at myself. I was getting hard. I was getting hard thinking about this total stranger. Who I wasn't allowed to be sexually attracted to because of...because of why? Because I was straight? But if I was straight, why would I need to remind myself I couldn't be attracted to him?

I blushed. "I'm fine, thanks."

"You sure are," said one of the other guys. He was shorter, and perhaps didn't look like much on the surface, but my eyes went right to his cock.

His cock?

His penis. It's a penis. Cock wasn't the right word. It was improper. It was crude.

But penis didn't truly do it justice. Cock was the right word for what this guy had. To say he was hung was an understatement. It was distractingly large. I didn't even know what to do with it.

I couldn't fit the whole thing in my mouth. I could use my hand, but it almost looked like I might need to use both of them.

I was staring. I don't know if it was the steam affecting my mind, but it was as if I was looking at a new side of myself. Like I’d just received a new toy and wanted to play with it.

It came so easily for me, the attraction. All it took was a slight inkling to give it a try.

I forced myself to nudge my attention to the third guy in the room. The older gentleman in the corner. He was worn, like a hero from an old western, the kind my dad used to show me as a kid with the long stand-offs with the characters just staring at each other, waiting for the other to make the first move.

Maybe that's the image that made me consider his towel and the hand he rested on it. I stood up and started to walk over to him.

"Really?" the shorter guy asked. "He's going for grandpa?"

It was the stand-off from the westerns. I saw the look in his eyes as I approached him. The realization that I suspected something and the split-second reaction as he turned toward his folded towel, flipped it open, and grabbed the small-framed Taurus revolver he had resting there. Guns weren't allowed in this country, I wasn't even allowed to bring one. How the hell did he get one? It was a small gun, almost like a toy, but it was enough. I always kept in mind something my dad once said to me.

I’d asked him what the most dangerous kind of gun was.

He looked at me without hesitation. "The kind with bullets."

He was right. Even if the Taurus wasn't big, it didn't mean the right shot couldn't kill a man. It's not the size of the gun that counts, it's how you use it.

My instinct kicked in and I lunged at the older man before anyone else in the sauna could scream. I knew I could overpower him, but so long as he had the gun, he had the upper hand. The man was older, but spry, and jumped out of my way, a few steps away, and aimed the gun right at my head.

"Don't move a muscle," he said.

He pulled back the hammer and I looked right into his eyes. Was he going to fire? Was he serious? It was like playing poker. Did I want to chance it and call his bluff?

The gun was pointing at me, not Beau, so I took the chance and jumped at him.

BANG.