I awoke when the plane hit mild turbulence. The woman still sat next to me, reading the thick book, content with life. I saw her lips move but couldn't hear her. I removed my headphones.

"I'm sorry, I didn't catch that."

"Who's Jane?" she asked.

"Excuse me?"

"You were saying the name 'Jane' in your sleep over and over."

"My ex," I said.

"The one you're running away from?"

"In so many words, yes."

She kept her nose in her book. "You really didn't read anything about Aldonia?" she asked.

"Not really. I found where it was on a map and that looked good enough to me."

The slightest smile crept across her mouth. "I do believe you're going to be in for something of a shock," she said.

"Ma'am, after all I saw during my time in Iraq, I don't think anything can shock me anymore."

The stewardess came by with a large bag asking if we had any trash. We told her no and she moved on.

"It's not like that," the woman said. "It's true the country is a little behind the times technologically speaking, but they're catching up. The roads weren’t paved until about thirty years ago and they're just now slowly building an electric grid."

"I should be fine. I always come prepared. I have a satellite phone and I brought batteries just in case."

"That's wonderful, though one of the things I enjoy most about Aldonia is how isolated it is from the rest of the world. I imagine it won't stay that way for long. The younger generations are importing computers and stereos from the rest of the world. Pretty soon, internet access will make its way there and it’ll lose some of its charm. Hopefully its true character will remain, but I can't imagine it will once the rest of the world comes in to corrupt it."

"What do you mean by that?" I asked.

"I assume you haven't heard anything about the Aldonian Civil War?"

"Are they in the middle of a war?" I suddenly wondered if maybe I should have done a little research on my new home.

"No, no. The civil war ended more than five-hundred years ago. There hasn't been any violence in the region since."

"But the civil war was bad?" I asked.

"Some would argue all war is bad. This one had been going on for thirty years. So much time had passed that the new soldiers coming in weren't sure what the fight was even about anymore. It may have started over resources or politics, but it turned into a fight to save face. The only goal was to win."

"Is this what you're reading about?" I asked, gesturing to her book.

"Something like that," she said. "The Eastern leader, General Walters, he saw the end was coming. The West was closing in and they were losing men. If they didn't surrender, they would likely all die before the day was through.

"Walters refused to surrender. Yet they were all going to die. He could try and lead his army into the fight. If he did, all his men would die and, perhaps, they could take a large chunk of the enemy fighters with them. Walters didn't see the point of that."

I was confused. "That's standard strategy. Don't attack us or we'll attack you. You may ultimately win, but you're going to lose a lot of your men in the process."

"Yes. Walters wasn't much of a military strategist, perhaps. He was a moralist. He wanted as few people to die as possible, no matter which side they were on."

"No wonder they lost."

The woman shook her head. "Not at all. You really should do more research into Aldonian history. It's quite fascinating."

The captain came over the PA announcing that we had begun our final descent, encouraging us to make sure our seat belts were fastened. I felt a slight dip as the plane angled forward.

"Wait," I said. "So, the East won?"

"You could say that."

"And the other side lost?"

"They both won. Nobody else died. Walters saw the situation for what it was and, rather than fight, he stood down. He encouraged his men to make the most of their final moments. Think of that, knowing you only have a few more moments left on this earth? What would you do? How would you spend them?"

"I would..." I had to think about it for a second. "I’d probably have gone out onto the battlefield and died like a hero."

"A noble answer, but not what the Eastern army did. No, not at all. Over their time together, bonds had formed between the soldiers and some of them had fallen in love."

"They were gay?" I asked.

"There were soldiers of all genders fighting in the war," she said. "Besides, Aldonians don't see sexuality quite as binary as the way most of the western world does."

"What does that mean?"

She dismissed my question. "It's too complicated to get into right now," she said. "Besides, I'm getting to the good part. Rather than fight, the soldiers preferred to spend time with their loved ones. Soldiers paired and tripled up, expressing their love for each other and it led to an enormous orgy. All the soldiers stripped down and made love with each other. Can you imagine that? I like to imagine what their pile of uniforms must have looked like."

"So there was a giant orgy?"

"Oh, yes!" the woman said. "A glorious giant orgy. And when the opposing army approached, did they want to kill any of these soldiers? Of course not. They were sick of fighting. Lovemaking seemed like more fun. They wanted to join in, so they did."

This was too much. "You're trying to tell me that, in the heat of battle, out in the field, enemy soldiers ignored their differences and just...?"

"Fucked it out? Absolutely. Isn't that beautiful?"

"It's...confusing. I don't think that would have worked in Iraq."

"Perhaps not, but it worked in Aldonia," she said. "The leaders were forced to come up with diplomatic solutions. They had no interest in fighting over nothing. The two halves of the country were stronger together, so they reunited and decided the next ruler with the flip of a coin."

"A coin flip? They left it up to chance?"

"It worked," the woman said. "They've been at peace with one another ever since."

"You're yanking my chain," I said.

"I absolutely am not."

"Then someone else was yanking yours. Do you actually believe any of that?"

She laughed at me. Then continued to laugh. I didn't get it.

"Okay. Ha ha. You're making this all up. Very funny joke," I said.

"No," she said, "it's not that. It's that we haven't been properly introduced."

"I'm not sure what that has to do with anything."

"It has everything to do with it," she lifted her book, so I could see the cover: A History of Aldonia by Cheryl Zu. She pointed to the name of the author. "That's me," she said. "I'm Cheryl Zu. Professor of Aldonian history at Oxford," I blushed. Here I was, questioning her on the very subject she literally wrote the book on.

"Kurt Thomas," I said. "I'm still waiting to find out what my job is."

We shook hands. "Charmed," Cheryl said. "It's a wonderful country. I think you're quite going to like it here. It all seems just a bit quaint and naive. They've weaponized sex, essentially, or rather, replaced violence with sex as a solution."

"Pardon?" I said.

"If there are two people in the US, and one of them takes the parking space another was planning on using, what might happen?"

"It's happened to me. I was furious at the guy. I screamed at him."

"You got in his face?" she asked. "Did you threaten him?"

"I might have."

She nodded. "Very American. Would you have hit him?"

"I was thinking of ramming his car."

"In Aldonia, the second car would park behind the first and the two people would give each other a hug. If they couldn't resolve the issue after that, they’d kiss. Usually they’d settle the problem after that, but if not, they’d continue to escalate."

"Escalate?" I asked.

"Oh, yes."

I laughed. "Does that mean...?" I asked.

"You'll see."

"You're telling me that if I want to have sex with someone in this country, I just need to steal their parking spot."

"You could do that, or you could just ask."

"Just a random person on the street?"

"Yes. It's a very free culture, sexually speaking."

The plane touched down with a slight jolt, rattling us in our seats.

She pulled a business card out of her purse and handed it to me. "They say, when in Rome, do as the Romans do. If perhaps, you'd like to explore some of the Andolian cultural practices with someone, feel free to give me a call."

I didn't know what to say to that. "I appreciate it, but I think I'm going to pass."

"No pressure," she said. "But if you have any questions about this country, don't hesitate to contact me. It’ll be a bit of a culture shock at first, but I think you'll find it's a beautiful place full of wonderful people."

"I hope so," I said, and put her card in my pocket.

"I've also got plenty of room in my hotel if you need a place to stay," she said.

"I appreciate it," I said. "But I think I'll be covered for that."

"And, actually, here," she handed me her book. "Take this."

"Oh, I couldn't."

"Please," she said. She opened it up and wrote on the front page: To Kurt - It was lovely meeting you. Enjoy your stay in Aldonia. Cheryl Zu.

"I've got a hundred copies at home. Take a look through it when you get a chance. There's so much to learn about Aldonia."

I took it from her. Maybe if I got bored, it would be something to keep my busy.

"Thank you," I said.

"Have a lovely time here," she said. "And please feel free to call me any time you like."