It wasn't until ten that night that I received a call in my room that Beau was planning on going out. I got ready and met him by the door.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"Clubbing."

We’d agreed we weren't doing that anymore because I couldn't keep him safe. It sounded like this was his attempt to get rid of me. It was a game of chicken. He was expecting me to say no, in which case he’d need a new bodyguard. I wasn't going to back down.

"Sounds like fun."

I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to know what was on his mind. There wasn't a good opportunity. I thought we might get some privacy in the car, but Duncan drove us to the club with the partition down. Eventually, the silence got to him.

"Well, you two seem like a cheery bunch," he said. "Are you off to The Apple Tree or a funeral?"

"The Apple Tree," Beau said. "Just drive, please."

"Fair enough," Duncan said.

I tried putting my hand on Beau's leg. He brushed it off.

We arrived at the club and Beau got out, putting on a smile and waving to the crowd. He walked to the front of the line, through the door, and I followed him in.

It was like watching a different person. He danced to the music and moved to the bar as I stayed as close as I could to him. It felt like that first night all over again, like he was trying to lose me. I knew better now, and I wasn't going to let him go.

"Your usual?" the bartender asked.

Beau shook his head. "Give me something heavier. Jack and Coke."

"Coming right up."

Beau downed the drink, then left for the dance floor. He didn't acknowledge me or give any indication of where he was going. Instead, he just went, making sure to touch every person he could on the way. A shoulder here, the small of the back there. He was flirting, sending a signal out in all directions that he was available and willing.

He was trying to make me jealous.

I had a professional obligation to keep up with him, so I was going to do my job, but he was being a dick. I grabbed his shoulder and turned him towards me.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Trying to have a good time."

"Is that it? Or are you trying to make me jealous?"

He rolled his eyes. "You feel whatever you want to feel. I'm here to dance and I'm not going to let you ruin my good time."

"Beau..." I said, but by then he’d already turned around, returning to the dance floor.

"Give me my space," he said.

I wished he would fight with me. I wished he would argue with me because then at least we'd be communicating. It was his dismissiveness that hurt the most. The fact that he could just walk away.

I did what he said. I kept my distance. I gave him plenty of space but refused to take my eyes off him. I probably should have kept a closer guard.

Someone approached him. Someone who wasn't like me at all, as if Beau was actively trying to get as far away from me as possible. Someone smaller and cheerier with no meat on his bones whatsoever. Beau smiled, and they gave each other a hug and a kiss of recognition. Beau leaned into him, saying something into his ear. The smaller guy laughed and nodded his head. Beau pointed my way and they both looked over at me. I wouldn't allow myself to cry, instead I offered a weak smile and a polite wave to let them know I saw them.

What was I even doing?

I watched them dance close, grinding their bodies up against each other, doing everything they could short of tearing their clothes off and having at each other right there on the dance floor. They danced fast. They danced hard. Beau was smiling and laughing.

I had no desire to laugh ever again. I'd forgotten how to. I could force my mouth into the shape of a smile, but I doubted I could convince anybody it was real.

I was surrounded by upbeat music and happy people, who only intensified my isolation. I came to Aldonia to escape my loneliness, but it somehow managed to catch up with me.