Two Days Later

Kelso

“Wrench.” Head in the engine, I throw back my arm and wait for my little apprentice to hand me a tool. When cold metal hits my hand, I pull back my arm and see a pair of pliers. Chuckling, I straighten and look down at the seven-year-old as she sits on the cold cement in a red dress, black tights, and a pair of Chucks. She’s the cutest little tomboy I’ve ever seen, but maybe I’m biased because she reminds me so much of my brother, especially since they share the same hazel eyes. Ava’s face tips up in question, probably wondering why I’ve stopped.  

“That’s pliers, cutie. The wrench is the one to your right,” Sophie instructs her daughter. “The one that looks like a square smiley face.” Ava scans the toolbox and when she spots the tool, she lets out a tiny gasp. She grabs it and extends her arm out to me with a quirky smile on her face.

I take the wrench and give Ava back the pliers. “Thank you, my little apprentice. Hang on to those pliers, I’ll need them soon.” 

She beams up at me, and then we hear the garage glass sliding door open. Ava and I turn our heads at the same time and see Mack walking toward us. 

“Guess what, Ava, I walked past Pacer in the kitchen and he’s got the chocolate ice cream out,” Mack announces. 

Ava’s eyes light with excitement. She can’t get up fast enough, and the pliers are forgotten as she drops them back into the toolbox, and then she’s gone, racing out of the garage and up toward the house. 

Sophie sighs and slams closed the book she’s been reading while sitting out here with Ava and me. “Thank you so much, Mackson, because being in the same room with that Neanderthal is high on my list of things I’d like to do today.” 

Sophie goes where Ava does. If Ava is outside, Sophie is close by. Same with inside. Sophie is cautious around us all, and so she should be, but she’ll get to know us soon enough, and know Ava will always be safe with us.

Keeping my lips closed as a laugh threatens to spill is something I haven’t had to do in a while. Mack winks at Sophie, and when she’s left the garage, we both chuckle. 

Sophie and Ava have been staying with us for the last five days. First Pacer demanded it, especially since Krazy’s still out there and planning God knows what. From what Sophie has told us, Krazy is possessive of her and sickly obsessed. 

We all understood; Ava is Pacer’s niece, and in being so, she’s also family to us all. Sophie wanted to leave, pack their car and be on the road the same day we met them. That day was Pacer’s and Sophie’s first fight, which I only vaguely heard because I was too far gone in my own head to take notice of the storm brewing in my house.

I didn’t need to worry about missing anything, because the fight was only the first of many. Those two butt heads more than a woodpecker hits a damn tree. Last night at dinner, they argued over who would pass the salt to Lana, which ended with Slater being hit in the forehead with the salt shaker. 

After we all picked ourselves up off the floor laughing—except for Slater, Pacer, and Sophie—Pacer stormed off with Ava on his heels, his shadow. She hasn’t called him Daddy since the day they met, and she doesn’t look up at him the same way either. The day they met she had a gleam in her eyes, one of true love, and I haven’t seen it since. She is clinging to him though. I guess he’s a part of her dad she’s trying to hold on to. I imagine as a child it’s all she has for her mind to make sense of everything that has happened. 

Pacer is great with her; he makes her laugh and plays games with her. They climb the big tree behind our house together, and he lets her sit in his car while he revs the engine. The way her giggles shake from the vibration is hilarious and heartwarming. 

We’re all worried for Pacer. He’s grown attached to Ava in such a short time. Another big fight with Sophie was Pacer flat-out refusing her request to contact Abi and Jared, his parents. Sophie wants to tell them he’s alive, and Pacer insisted she can’t ever tell them. Sophie advised him if she doesn’t, Ava will, because she’ll not ask her daughter to keep a secret from her grandparents. Pacer stormed out. We all know he won’t ask the same of Ava either; she’s too young to understand the consequences. Pacer knows what will inevitably happen, so now he needs to figure out if he’ll see his parents or refuse contact from them and move on with his life. 

For now Pacer has time up his sleeve. Sophie opened up to Della last night, and even though each day she declares she and Ava will be leaving—and then the same argument between her and Pacer ensues, and Pacer wins—Sophie has nowhere else to go and only a small amount of money saved in the bank from her old teaching job in Marion, which Sophie was forced to leave when she first went on the run from Krazy. Except he found her. She doesn’t want to take her troubles to Abi and Jared, and her sister lives in Marion, where Sophie became involved in the Motorcycle Gang. We all see her attempts to leave for what they are—pride. So each day Pacer refutes her with common sense and sometimes an asshole tone, and he knows she will cave because she’s a good mom. She may not like being here, but she knows we can help her protect Ava and why we all—except maybe Pacer—like Sophie even though we barely know her. 

“I thought you finished the McClarys job?” Mack asks. 

“I’m checking a few things, and then Della can call him to pick it up,” I reply, resuming my position under the hood.

“And are we charging him for this work, or does this come out of the ‘Kel not dealing with shit’ fund?”

Sighing, I pick up a rag and wipe the grease from my fingers. Throwing it down, I walk over to the work bench and lean against it. “What the fuck do you want, Mack? I’m not interested in playing games right now.” 

Mack takes a seat on an old leather couch we have in the back of the garage for breaks. “I’m worried about you. You’re living down here, working on cars that are already fixed. You aren’t even cooking. It’s eerie. Della is threatening a family intervention if you don’t at least make her favorite buttermilk pancakes this weekend.”  

 I stare at the ground, my lips tipping up into a small smile. 

“Hell, you’re handling things better than I would have, than I did with Lana. I was rotten drunk for a solid week. But I’d feel better if you at least talked about it, or talked at all. Trust me, and take advice from the smartest of your older brothers, pushing those feelings away won’t work for long. Sooner or later those emotions are gonna come bursting up when you least expect it.”

Taking a seat next to my brother, I fall back, exhausted, against the leather. I feel as if I’m walking outside my body, screaming at myself to stop pretending I’m okay. Begging myself to let go of the anger and forgive the woman I love. The memories hurt and they torment me when I try to imagine a life without my Red.

“Ivy betrayed me, and I loved her. I don’t know how to feel or act. My fucking chest hurts all the damn time, like someone died.” 

“That’s love, little bro. Hurts like a bitch, but in the end it’s everything.”

“Yeah, but Lana always has your back. How can I be with someone I can’t trust?” 

Exhaling heavily, Mack runs a hand over his face. “A long time ago, with a lot of miscommunication and deep insecurities, Lana did hurt me. More than I could ever describe in words. I’m very familiar with the pain in your chest.” 

A heaviness hits my gut. “It’s what happened years ago, when you changed.”

“Yeah.” Mack breaths out. “It’s a miserable life when you decide hate is better than love.” 

“How did you forgive her?” 

“When I realized everyone has their own flaws, not only me or our family. We’re not the only fucked-up people in this world, Kel. We don’t get to excuse our faults and then make everyone else live to higher standards because they had a family and we didn’t.” Twisting his body toward mine, Mack looks me right in the eyes. “Ivy fucked up, but can you honestly say to yourself she did it out of spite or hate?”

Deep down, I know the answer. Ivy would never purposely hurt me or her father. She cares too much for the people in her life.

“Whether she meant to hurt me or not isn’t the question. Ivy told her father. She chose her relationship with him over me.” Sitting forward and leaning on my knees, I run a hand through my hair. “She took something I held valuable and sold it.” 

“And one day, to save our family, or even Ivy, you may have to make the same hard decision. If you make the wrong one, wouldn’t you want forgiveness?” 

I rub my chest as a tightness unlike any other spreads through my body. “But how, how do I forgive her?”

“By accepting Ivy for who she is, flaws and all. True forgiveness will come with time, when she proves herself to you time and time again, and vice versa.” 

A sinking feeling hits my stomach as my heart and mind battle for supremacy, each as conflicted as the other. I’d need reassurances, guards up this time. I can’t get hurt again. 

“I know you want to protect yourself, but love doesn’t allow for strategic moves, Kel. You move with it or you miss out.” 

My eyes snap to my brother’s. 

“Yeah, I’ve been where you are, and I don’t want you to lose years like I did. I’ve never seen you look at a woman like you did Ivy. I saw fire in your eyes.”

Grasping my greasy shirt in a tight fist at my chest, I reply, “I felt it in my soul when I was close to her.”

“Then forgive her, Kel. When you find fire, take it and never let it go.”