Thirty-Six
Zoe
I got out of my car and delayed the walk up to the back door as long as I could. Chloe was sitting on a milk crate next to the dumpster. There was a pile of cigarette butts next to her feet, and she had a pack of menthols sitting in her lap. “Are you done?” she asked when I got to the door and pulled out my keys.
I ignored her and unlocked the door so I could grab my apron.
“He saved your life.”
I whipped around to face her. “I can’t take this, not now.”
“Zoe.” She stepped closer. I turned around to walk away, but she got in front of me.
“Leave me alone.” I tried to push past her, but she wasn’t letting it happen.
“No.”
“Why do you care so much?” I asked her.
“He didn’t hesitate. The second he saw me run into his house crying, he was on his feet, ready to run down and save you. If it weren’t for him, you would be dead. Do you get it?” She snapped her fingers in my face. “D-e-a-d. Dead.”
I stepped around her.
“You loved him,” she said.
I stopped halfway to the lobby door and felt the tears falling down my cheeks, blurring my vision. I had to keep my back turned. She couldn’t see me cry over him. I’d already made an idiot out of myself, swooning the way I had been. That was over. I was a successful business owner, a baker, and a friend—nothing more. I couldn’t be with him.
“You want him.”
“Yeah, well that doesn’t matter because it’s over. He’s not going to take me back after I rejected him. It’s like you said, he saved my life, and I kicked him to the curb.”
“I hope you’re wrong.”
“I do, too.”
Chloe came around and gave me a hug. It was nice knowing that even though I was cruel and cold-hearted, somebody still cared. I was starting to tremble, softly, then hard with quick, tear-jerking sobs that rolled down my body. I had to hold onto her just to keep from falling over.
“I did love him. I loved him so much.”
“I know.”
“I’m so stupid. I’m so fucking stupid.” I kicked the wall, and my foot went through, sending me crashing forward into the wall. I fell down onto my knees.
“Come here.” Chloe reached her hand out to help me up.
“No!” I flailed my head around. “It’s not right. He should be here.”
“He is.”
“No, he’s not. He probably hates me.”
“No, Zoe. He’s staring right at me. Clean your face up and go out there right now, and don’t you dare fuck this up.” She wrenched me off the ground, and I rushed out into the lobby, around the counter, and threw myself into his arms. He didn’t push me away or try to stop me. He opened his arms and pulled me in.
We both were shaking. I was laughing and crying, and he refused to let me go. He pulled me closer and let me cry as long as I wanted. “You heard me, didn’t you?” I asked.
“I love you.” He pulled back and grabbed my hands. “I love you, Zoe. I don’t want to let you go. I can’t.” I stared at him, hoping to find some way to convince myself that he was real. I could feel him, I could see him, but after everything I’d put him through, he couldn’t possibly be here with me.
Even with all that happened, he still looked beautiful, with his hair disheveled, and his beard starting to grow out again. I could see the signs of stress. His eyes were bloodshot, and there was a cut on his cheek. He didn’t hate me.
“I’ll never give up on you,” he said.
I grabbed him by the back of the head, pulled him forward, and slammed our lips together. “I love you,” I whispered.
“Come with me.” He took me by the hand and led me outside into his limo. When I got in, I scooted close to him. I felt like I had to touch him at all times. I still couldn’t believe that he was real. It wasn’t possible. “I’m still really conflicted about the way I acted.”
“Don’t be.”
“No.” He pulled back. “I don’t think I can feel comfortable with what I did.”
“Archer.” I rested my hand on his thigh. “I’m at peace with it.”
“Why?” He rested his head in his hands and ran his fingers through his hair. I could feel the tension rising in him. I had no idea that he was so shaken up by what he did. It just reinforced my belief that he wasn’t the monster I’d made him out to be.
“Because of your intentions.”
“I intended to kill him.”
“Because you wanted to protect me.”
“I almost killed him.” The intensity in his eyes was palpable when he glared at me.
“You’re not that guy.”
“I am.”
“No.” I grabbed his hand. “If you were, you wouldn’t feel bad about it at all.”
He squeezed my hand and turned to look at me. “You really think that?”
“Would I be here with you if I didn’t?”
“No,” he said. “I guess you wouldn’t.”
“And I wouldn’t be alive if it weren’t for you. I’m the one who screwed up. You’ve always cared. You’ve always wanted me, even when you were pulling away. I don’t understand it, but you’re loyal. That’s more than I can say about most men.”
“Thank you.”
“I mean it. You mean a lot to me. I feel like I can trust my heart with you, and I never trust anyone. It’s you and Chloe, and that’s it. You’re the same way. That’s why I know you’re for real. You never would’ve let me come around your boys unless you were certain that you could feel safe when I was around them.”
“I do trust you. I just don’t feel like I can trust myself.”
“Have you ever lost control like this before?”
“No, but…”
“Then it’s not a part of who you are. I can’t believe that I did this to you. I made a huge error in judgment, and now you’re taking it to heart. That’s what this is. Don’t you get that?”
“It’s a lot to carry around.”
“I feel the same way, but you were there for me. We went through it together. We didn’t work against one another. You didn’t come at me. We were victims, both of us, fighting for our lives. He could’ve stabbed you. He could’ve had a gun on him. You didn’t know. When you ran in there, you had to attack him. He was going to come at you.”
“You’ve thought about this a lot, haven’t you?” he asked.
“I spent all last night trying to tell myself that getting rid of you was the right thing. I wasn’t going to come around until Chloe practically drilled the truth into my head, and then there was no coming back from it. I hurt you.”
“It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not. I want to make that clear. Archer, this has nothing to do with you. I don’t take risks, and I don’t like surprises; you know that. I sabotaged the whole thing because I was worried that you would hurt me, and there was no way I could be certain that you wouldn’t. That’s all it was. All of the rest of that crap was just an excuse.”
“We both did that.”
“I think that we both need something to cling to so that we can be sure.”
“I’ll hold on to you if you hold on to me.”
I laid my head down on his shoulder. “Promise?”
“Promise.” He turned my head and kissed me. I felt all of the pain from the past few days wash away. I couldn’t believe that I’d ever questioned our relationship. How could I? He was the only person that could keep me grounded and make me face the crap I put myself through. Without him, I was lost, stuck in a furious frenzy, trying to hold myself together. He was the same way. We needed each other.
“I want you to come to dinner with me tomorrow.”
“I can’t think of anything I want more than to spend a night with you,” I told him.
“Good.” He kissed me on the cheek and let me get back to work.
Chloe was standing at the register, looking around when I walked inside. “You’re not fooling anyone. I know you were trying to see what was going on.”
She ran around the counter, tears flying down her cheeks, and threw herself into my arms. “I’m so glad it worked out.”
“It had to.” We were both crying now. “I couldn’t live with myself otherwise.”
“You can’t ever do that again. He’s not a monster. He’s a good father, a hard worker, and an amazing boyfriend. I won’t let you hear the end of it if you leave him.”
“I know you won’t. Let’s do some baking.” I playfully shoved her into the kitchen, and we spent the rest of the day talking and crying and laughing with one another.