Chapter Twenty-Six
Zoe
I woke up with the sun and began smoothing out my covers and tucked the ends under the mattress. I had a nickel already sitting on my nightstand. It bounced just like I knew it would. I didn’t take very long to get ready. I was anxious to get into work. I was starting the apricot streusel as a regular item. It was so popular that I couldn’t keep up with the orders.
Archer’s mechanics had tired of the orange and ginger snaps and moved onto the cherry chocolate chip. Chloe was already there, making a batch when I came in.
“Is something wrong?” I asked.
“No.”
“Why are here so early?”
“Things have been so hectic around here, what with all the orders; I thought I’d come in and get a head start.”
“I like this new attitude of yours.” I pulled out a can of cherries and started opening it for her.
“How have you been holding up?” she asked.
“Fine.” I took the lid off and popped a cherry in my mouth, then handed it to Chloe so she could do the same.
She took one and looked me up and down. “Are you lying?”
“Why would I lie?”
“Because you don’t want me to know that it sucks being away from Archer.”
“I’m not lying. I haven’t had any trouble, at all.”
Chloe poured the cherries into the mixer and grabbed a bag of cocoa power out from underneath the sink.
“I don’t buy it. You were so stuck on him before. What changed?”
“I took what you said to heart. I don’t want to get caught up in anything that intense. I have to focus on work. Once I’m successful, I can take more risks, but now’s not the time for that.”
“I wholeheartedly agree.” Chloe went back to baking while I started a pot of coffee and made a fresh batch of orange juice. Chloe had the idea of mixing corn syrup into it to take away some of acidic, freshly squeezed taste. It was working. The customers really liked it. We had six orders that morning, so much that the coffee was starting to get neglected.
After the morning rush, I took out a vat of blueberry syrup and started a batch of scone dough. I was starting to add the filling when the doorbell rang. Chloe was busy mixing up another batch of cherry chocolate chip cookies.
“I’ll get it,” I said.
Mona was standing in front of the donut case with Andrew and Abel sitting in a sling wrapped around her waist.
“Hi, how are you?” I asked.
“I’m doing well.” She walked over to the cookie case to get a look. “How are you?”
“Tired—a little richer.”
“I hope you don’t mind the intrusion. I’m having cookie withdrawals, and I thought the boys might like a little sun.” Andrew looked up at me when she walked over to the register where I was standing.
“I don’t mind, at all. I’m glad to see you.”
“You, too. It’s been a while, hasn’t it?” She looked me dead on.
“It hasn’t been that long.” I grabbed a rag off the counter and turned my attention to a coffee stain next to the register.
“It’s been a while,” she repeated. “Is everything going okay?”
“Yeah, things have been good.”
“Archer’s been asking about you,” Mona said flatly.
I stopped what I was doing, suddenly aware of the blood rushing to my face. I wasn’t going to think about it. I had to focus on work. “Can I get you anything?”
“What is it, Zoe?”
I sighed and dropped the rag. “I don’t want to do this.”
“You didn’t want to leave him a week ago, either. What changed?”
“Is it that important?”
“You haven’t seen him. Haven’t talked to him. Haven’t returned any of his messages.”
That hurt. “I’ve got things to do.”
“And a man’s heart in your hands. Why’d you do it, Zoe? I don’t mean to push, but I have to know. He’s a good man, and he’s hurt. How many text messages did he send you?”
“Like sixty.”
“Why didn’t you answer him?”
“Because it’s too intense, okay? Things were moving too fast, and it started to worry me.”
“That’s because you both really cared about each other.”
“We needed time apart.”
“And that’s absolutely right, but you didn’t have to break his heart.”
“I feel terrible.” I kept my voice low. “I knew that he was hurting, but Mona, I was living with him, and I barely met him. That’s not healthy.”
“Tell me honestly. How do you feel?” She stared me down.
“I feel terrible. I want to curl up into a ball and hide. I don’t deserve him after what I did. I would’ve called him by now if it weren’t for the fact that I knew I wouldn’t be able to face him.”
“But you have to. You can’t give up. Zoe, I am more than twice your age, and I have never seen a connection like the two of you had. It was intense, and messy and frightening, but it was magical. You can’t give up on that.”
“But there’s so much I don’t understand.”
“Like what?”
“Where’s their mother? Why was there so much talk about me being good for the boys? Is he trying to replace her?”
Chloe walked into the lobby.
“I’ll be right back,” I told her. Mona and I went outside and took a seat on the bench together in front of the store.
“You want to know what happened?” she asked.
“Yeah, I do.”
“Why does it matter so much?”
“Because this isn’t just about me and Archer or our relationship. It’s about me and the way the boys are with me, and I’m starting to think he has a complex.”
“He does.”
“And that’s one of the biggest reasons I was worried. I’m not their mother, and it looks like he’s shopping for a mother, not a girlfriend.”
“It’s part of the package.”
“Talk to me, Mona.”
“I don’t know how he’ll feel about me telling you this.” She paused a moment, so she could gather her words. “Cara was his girlfriend for a year before she got pregnant. They hadn’t been together for very long, and they fought. He was finicky, and she was reckless, but they knew that they had to make it work for the boys even though it was clear that they weren’t a good match.” Mona looked down at the boys who were sleeping with their heads under their hands, leaning against her chest. She smiled. “I used to be Archer’s housekeeper before I started taking care of the boys. I remember Cara ordering me around, trying to get me to help her with the nursery. I didn’t like her very much, but it was inspiring seeing how dedicated she was to them. She would’ve been a great mother.”
“Would’ve…” I nodded. Now I knew.
“The complications started in the second trimester. I didn’t hear much about what it was. I didn’t want to stick my nose into it, but I did hear them talking one night. There was a good chance that Cara wouldn’t be able to survive if she carried the boys to full-term. Archer wanted to keep them. He wanted them so bad, and so did she, but as time went on, her health started to fail. She turned pale. Her eyes went blank, and she’d sit in the nursery staring at the walls all day. I won’t lie. I tried to talk to her about what she was going to do, but once these boys were inside her, she had her mind made up. I think watching her go was one of the hardest things that Archer had to do.”
“I don’t know what to think about this.”
“I don’t blame you. There is an expectation there. This has been very hard on Archer. He can’t take care of these boys all by himself, and when you combine that with the grief he’s had to deal with over the past year, it’s too much for one man to carry. Any woman that comes into Archer’s life would have to be judged on her ability to take care of the boys and be a mother to them. That’s not just because of what happened to Cara. He’s a father. Of course he needs to know that you’ll be good with the twins, and if you do stay in his life, you’d be a mother to them.”
“But I’m not their mother, and I don’t want to be made to feel like I have to live up to the same standard.”
“You’d do fine. I’ve seen you with them. I’m more worried about what will happen if Archer doesn’t have a woman in his life.”
“Why? That’s another thing. Everyone always says the boys need a woman’s touch.”
“Sure, they do. But Archer does, too. I don’t know how much he told you about his past, but things have been hard for him. His mother died when he was born, and his father raised him just like Archer’s doing with his boys. I used to know the man before he died, had a little fun.” Mona nudged my arm. “He was a strange creature. I couldn’t have him around for very long because one way or another, he’d find a bottle. When he did, he’d sit for hours crying about how hard it was being a single father, and how if it weren’t for Archer he’d have been married and happy. Joe never knew how to show affection to Archer. He never hugged the boy or told him that he loved him. Seeing them together was like watching a soldier talking to his commanding officer. It was sad. Archer told me that the man never used to drink, but that life started to drag him down, and he didn’t know how else to cope. Joe told me that it was because he was lonely, and he knew that something in his son was broken. Archer needed a mother, and he never had one. It’s made him stiff and finicky. He’s constantly worrying, and he doesn’t know how to show the boys affection the way he should.”
“I’ve never seen him like that.”
“No, and you won’t. You’ve got a woman’s touch. When Archer is with you, he comes alive. I’ve never seen him so happy. I think that in a way you’re filling the gap that was created when his mother died. I don’t think it’s a conscious thing. I don’t even think he knows that he’s any different because of his mother’s death. All I know is that you’ve made him whole.”
“This is so overwhelming. I don’t know if I want to take this risk.”
“But you care about him.”
“I do,” I conceded.
“I saw something in Joe. That’s why I let him come around as often as I did. He wasn’t a degenerate, or even a true alcoholic. He was a good man that’d been pushed past the breaking point. He spent his time worrying about Archer and working as much as he could just so they could get by. He told me that when Archer was in middle school, he had three jobs so he could save money to put Archer through college. Archer is the exact same way, and that scares me because I don’t want him to end up alone and drunk the way his father did. I want him to be happy, and you make him happy. Goddammit, girl.” She pointed a finger at me. “You think I’d come down here if I didn’t know for certain that you were making a big mistake?”
“No, I don’t.”
“He’s probably staring at his phone right now wondering why you haven’t called. You should see it. He’s a mess.”
“Is he?”
“What’d you expect?”
“Exactly that. Come on; I’ll give you two dozen cookies on the house.”
Mona hopped up off the bench and followed me inside. When she left, I took out my phone, careful to avoid Chloe, so I could call Archer. He ignored the call. I tried again, but he didn’t answer. He was probably too mad to talk to me, but I couldn’t give up. Mona was right. I had made a huge mistake. I decided to go visit him the second I got a chance.