Chapter Twenty-Seven
Archer
I felt the sun hit my face and sat up right away. I pulled my phone off the nightstand to check the time. It was eleven in the morning. I couldn’t remember sleeping that late since I was a kid. I got up to make my bed and stopped halfway through. I didn’t have the energy to do anything. I laid back down and grabbed my pillow. It smelled just like Zoe. I threw it against the wall and got up to shower.
I got out and wiped the fog off the mirror. I looked even worse than I did the day before. My hair was too long, and my eyes were bulging out of their dark sockets. I took my time shaving my beard and perfecting my sideburns. When I was done, I still looked terrible, but at least I was clean.
Rick called when I was putting my pants on.
“Hello,” I said, my voice low and trembling.
“You still all worked up over that girl? You’ve got to get it together.”
“How are you?”
“I’m itching for it. You still coming out with me tonight?”
“Yeah, I don’t have anything better to do. You’re not going to make me dance with a stripper again, are you?”
“What’s wrong with strippers? They know how to move.”
“I want a normal girl.”
“It’s a one-night stand, and don’t you forget that. I won’t have another repeat of last time. I’ll tell them you’re married.”
I laughed. “You wouldn’t.”
“I would.”
“All right, I’ll give you a call later. I’ve got things to do.” I hung up and walked to my closet to find a shirt. It didn’t matter what I wore. I’d end up changing in a few hours anyway. I pulled on a plain gray t-shirt and walked downstairs to pour myself a bowl of cereal.
I left my phone upstairs. I didn’t want to have to worry about whether or not Zoe was going to call again or what I was going to say to her. She called the day before when I was in my office going over paperwork. I jumped when I heard the sound of my phone ringing. I couldn’t believe it when I saw her name came up.
I reached out to press the talk button. It was finally over. I wouldn’t have to wonder about whether or not she was okay, or if she wanted to be with me. She did. But what if this happened again? I couldn’t expect her to stay forever, but she would stay. This could last for years, and if it did, I wouldn’t be able to recover when she finally left. I ignored the call and set my phone down. She called right back, so I shoved it into my desk drawer and went back to work. She texted me later that evening, but I knew that if I read what she’d have to say, she’d reel me in, and I’d just end getting hurt. I swiped the message away and ignored it.
Even if I did talk to her, I didn’t know what I would say to her. I made myself look like a desperate fool. I sent her sixty desperate messages. I didn’t like her knowing that she broke my heart. I never showed that side of myself to anyone, not like that.
I stared down at my cereal bowl while I pushed the flakes around. They were soggy, and the milk was warm, but I didn’t have anything else to do. This was the first time I’d had a whole day to myself in a long time. The house was empty, and most of the lights were off. Everything was quiet, so I was alone with my thoughts, and I didn’t like that.
I took a risk, and I got hurt. Now I was doing what I had to do to protect myself and the boys. If Zoe and I were going to keep walking away from each other, it was only a matter of time before things got ugly, and the boys needed somebody stable who would stay by their side no matter what. I couldn’t expect Zoe to do that.
I didn’t know why she walked away, but I knew that it was for the best. I just had to find a way to distract myself. I bought the antique couches in my living room because I didn’t want to encourage laziness. If I had nice, comfortable couches that I could sink into, I’d sit around all day and do nothing, but that also meant I couldn’t get comfortable when I sat down and turned on the TV.
I tried changing into my swimming trunks and hopping into the pool, but the water was too cold, so I got changed and pulled out my laptop, hoping to lose myself in some mindless browsing. There was a picture of Zoe playing with Andrew and Abel on the desktop. They were laying on their backs reaching up to her, and she was smiling down at them. I slammed the screen shut and checked the time on my phone. It was late enough that I could justify going up into my room to get ready, but I was still early.
I decided to let off some of the tension when I got into the shower. I turned the water on as hot as I could, letting the heat burn through my thoughts, washing away all of the regret and self-pity. It was a momentary distraction. Then, as my thoughts took a darker turn, it felt like I was punishing myself. I turned off the water and got out.
I wanted to call Zoe back. I almost did, but I knew that I’d just end up getting myself into trouble. If I didn’t want my heart broken, I was going to have to take Rick’s approach and find comfort in strangers. If I didn’t know the girl, she couldn’t break my heart. I could just get my rocks off and move on. It’d be easier that way.
I combed my hair to the side and added a spritz of cologne. Then I walked into the closet to look through my clothes. I didn’t want to stand out. I was a wolf in sheep’s clothing tonight. I’d sneak up next to a girl, charm her, get into her pants, then send her home as soon as we were done. It’d be easy.
I settled on a pair of tight jeans and a black button up, then called Rick to tell him I was ready. He said he’d come pick me up in an hour, which meant I’d have to sit around waiting for him to show up. I laid back down on my bed and closed my eyes. I could still smell her.
I wasn’t kidding anyone. I couldn’t go pick up some random woman and bring her back to the house. It wouldn’t work. I’d just end up feeling guilty for betraying Zoe. She wanted me, and I wanted her. Why were we torturing ourselves when we both wanted to be together?
I took my phone out and stared down at it. I could call her, but what would I say? I acted like a child. I texted her so much that I probably freaked her out. Then, when she finally came around, I got mad and ignored her call, like some petty fool throwing a temper tantrum.
She probably didn’t want to talk to me now. She hadn’t called me all day. This entire time I kept thinking that we’d get back together somehow, but if she wasn’t calling now, she wasn’t going to call. I had to accept that she wasn’t coming back.
I texted Rick to tell him that I wasn’t going. I was just going to make things worse. He called me, but I ignored it. He texted me to say I was an idiot and that he was coming anyway. I told him I was going to bed, and that’s exactly what I planned on doing when I heard the doorbell ring.
I sat up in bed, confused. Mona wouldn’t just show up at the house, and the cleaning staff was allowed to walk in and out as they pleased. Security took care of them. I threw myself off the bed and ran down to answer the door.
When I opened it, Zoe rushed in and hugged me. “I’m sorry.” Her cheeks were moist. “I’m so sorry, Archer. Please, I know you’re mad at me. I wouldn’t blame you if you turned me away. I didn’t want to do it. I just…”
“Just what?”
“I didn’t want to get too close and end up getting hurt.”
“I came on too strong.” I pulled away and turned around to walk back into the living room.
“No, you didn’t.” She came in and closed the door behind her. “It was everything. I was staying with you and taking care of the boys, and we just got together. I was worried that things were moving too fast.”
“What made you come back?” I needed to know that she had a good reason. I couldn’t deal with the uncertainty any longer.
Zoe took a seat on the couch, and I sat down across from her. “It was Mona.”
“Mona?”
“I didn’t know anything about the boys’ mother, and I was too afraid to ask because you never talked about it. I asked her, and she told me about how much it hurt you when she died, and how hard it was for you, and how your father had to go through the same thing. She said it turned him into an alcoholic and drove him crazy.”
“He died of cirrhosis of the liver.”
“Mona said it was because he was so lonely and he had to raise you by himself. I didn’t want that to happen to you.”
“So, you came back because of pity?”
“No, it’s not pity. There’s affection and passion and a connection that I’d never thought possible. Worrying about somebody that you care about is perfectly natural. All of those things were already there before she came to see me.”
“This could happen again,” I said. “You could get scared that we’re moving too fast, and then you’d leave again.”
“I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future. What matters now is that you’re here with me, and we want to be together. For the moment, that’s enough. We’re both worriers, and we have to stop that. We can’t keep running ourselves ragged trying to hold everything together.”
“You’re right.” I trained my eyes on her. “I’m not mad at you.”
“You’re hurt, though. Why are you all dressed up?”
“It’s Rick, that guy I was at the bar with. He convinced me that the only way I was going to get over you was if I went out and found somebody.” I watched her closely, searching for a reaction. There was a quick jolt, but she recovered quickly. “I didn’t want to do it, and I told him no several times, but he kept pushing me, so I agreed. Then, when I finished getting ready, I texted to tell him that I couldn’t go because I was too upset. I knew I’d feel terrible when I found somebody, even if I was certain you’d never come back.”
Zoe got up from the couch and knelt in front of me. “Please don’t.”
“Never.” I pulled her closer and wrapped my arms around her. She laid her head down on my lap. I could hear her sniffing and feel her tears staining my jeans. I held her there as long as I could. “I can’t believe you’re real.”
“I feel the same way.” She looked up, smiling with tears streaming down her cheeks. “You’re not mad at me?”
“No, I don’t think I could be if I tried.”
“Good.” She stood up, bent down, and kissed me. “Let’s get you out of those clothes.”