~Raiden~
I’m sitting there staring at the screen of a computer, in Iraq, a whole world away from this woman and she is affecting me in such a way I’m surprised she isn’t right here with me.
It’s like she knows exactly what to say to fist punch me right in the heart, steal all my breath and make me ache in a way that feels nothing short of pure agony.
She thinks she’s fucked up… She still blames herself.
She just can’t see, can she?
She can’t see that’s why she feels guilty for talking to me, I mean, fucking hell she feels guilty for smiling?
I know I can’t fix her, but I don’t want to.
I want her to find her way into the light and then let it wash through her, take away all her hurt.
She doesn’t deserve to live in a perpetual hell that was created by someone when they left this world.
I shake my head, knowing I need to get going back to my tent and at least get some sort of sleep before I have to go out and be a soldier.
From: [email protected]
Subject: Here
Elli girl,
I’m here.
-Raid
I hit send and shut down the computer, dragging my feet out of the comm tent.
I look up at those stars again, letting myself wish that this whole situation was different. Why couldn’t I be wanting a woman who wasn’t so scared to let herself want again, let herself live again.
Why do I even feel like this for her? I reach down into my pocket and pull out her picture, her smile warming my heart, how beautiful she is. I can’t be her hero because she needs to be a hero for herself, but I can do my best to protect her from any more pain and anguish…
Assuming I even get to see her when I come off tour.
This could all just be a fantasy between a sweet broken woman and a soldier overseas. I take in her soft features, her blonde hair, her icy blue eyes so like mine but so much more feminine.
Where I’m all dark, she’s all light. Her nose small, her lips just a little pouty and entirely kissable. A set of lips I’d love nothing more than to take in between my teeth and run my tongue over...
Jesus, what am I even thinking?
Staring down at the situation rising in my pants, becoming more painful by the minute, I realize two things. I am very attracted to Eli, and I am a very long way away from her. I walk back to my tent and drop onto my cot, exhausted, horny and wishing that California was a fuck of a lot closer.
“Good shootin’ out there, Michaels! You saved our asses today, man!” Gage shouts my way, as I’m shuffling my aching feet back toward mine and Weston’s tent.
“I got you, brother!” I yell back, dipping my sand and sweat soaked head into what we call home over here.
I shrug off my gear and strip down, a shower the only thing on my mind.
I get done, finally washing off the day, glad as shit we all made it back to base in one piece, another day down and no one died, it’s a good day.
I head into the comm tent, another ritual I’ve started, checking my email every chance I get, which I’ll admit, is exhausting.
My drive to talk to Elli every chance I get is entirely insatiable, a craving I suddenly formed and can’t seem to kick, like I even want to.
I have three emails waiting for me from Elli, which both makes me unbelievably happy and unsettles me at the same time, I hope everything’s good with her.
From: [email protected]
Subject: VA
Hi,
I want to apologize for my last email, Raid…I kind of had to get that all out there at once and I hope that it didn’t scare you...
I feel more alive talking to you than I have in two years, and I just… I don’t know I just want to be completely transparent with you.
SO, after I sent that last email I had a little epiphany and I neatly folded all of Garrett’s clothes and took them to the VA, where I am pleased to tell you I now work.
I also forgot to mention I’m a paramedic, well I was before all of…that went down.
Anyway, they’re letting me do intake and vitals on their patients who come through there, vets coming in for check-ups and such, which honestly makes me really happy. I needed to be doing something other than wallowing.
Stay safe,
-Eli
I lean back, a huge smile on my face, almost taking up the whole of it.
Go Eli!
A complete one-eighty from her last email, I’m pleased she’s doing this for herself and she seems so happy, bonus.
It’s incredibly sexy she’s a paramedic, I thought she was hot before, but now it’s like a whole different level of smoking.
Just imagining her in her little uniform, racing around, high on adrenaline…my cock pulses, desperately needing attention.
Yeah, I know buddy.
I click to open her second email, one that by the looks of it, she only sent about twenty minutes ago.
From: [email protected]
Subject: Hyper
Raiden,
I just had the BEST DAY and I couldn’t wait to message you about it. You were the first person I wanted to tell.
I met five people today who truly touched me, it made my whole week just being able to talk with them and hear their stories.
I think everyone needs this kind of support, people willing to listen to them and really hear them.
I hope you’re doing okay over there, I miss being able to IM you, you must be out in the field a lot, you better be staying safe. *Picture a grumpy face*
I’m taking this new Elli day-by-day, baby steps and all. But it feels so fabulous to actually be getting back to me, and doing what I love.
I even told the VA that I’ll work for minimum wage, Garrett’s pension keeps me comfortable anyway and I like helping soldiers and their families, it’s more than enough of a reward for me.
-Elli
God, she’s so cute.
I can practically feel how excited she is just by how she’s wording her email, wishing I could hear her sweet sexy voice telling me about her day instead of reading it.
I open the last one only sent five minutes ago, my pulse ratcheting up as I see the subject line. Skype?
From: [email protected]
Subject: Skype?
Raid,
I actually have no clue what you look like… Maybe you could Skype me sometime?
-E
It takes me seconds to spring into action, hoping she hasn’t gone offline already.
The thought of actually seeing her live and being able to talk to her while seeing her face absolutely thrills me.
I hastily login, my hands flying across the keyboard like they’re on fire.
It makes a noise when I add her by name, thanking God we told each other our full names.
I click to connect to her, seeing she’s online, hopefully waiting for me, with a touch of nervousness sliding into my throat.
The seconds seemingly span into an eternity and then…then there she is.
Elli.
My sweet beautiful girl.
A huge grin splits my face and a feeling similar to soaring takes root in my heart.
She smiles at me, giving a little wave and gracing me with her voice.
“Hi Raiden.”
I’m mesmerized by her, her hair in a messy bun on the top of her head, purple reading glasses on, not a hint of makeup, flawless.
She’s wearing a big T-shirt and shorts, her tan legs folded into a pretzel in front of her, sitting on her bed. She’s comfortable and sexy all in one tight little blonde package.
She takes her lip in between her teeth as she assesses me back, reminding me for the first time that until now she didn’t know what I looked like.
I straighten up so she can see as much of me as possible in the web cam, even trying to impress her a little by bringing my arms up to rest on the back of my neck, flexing my biceps. My voice is husky and deep when I finally speak, knowing that above all else what I say is the truth.
“Elli, you’re so fucking beautiful.”