~Elli~
I check my phone for probably about the fiftieth time today just to see my Raiden.
Huh, my Raiden.
Never thought of it like that before. But I like how that sounds, I’m his sweet girl and he’s my Raid.
My heart beats a little quicker and I’m starting to blush, which is a little mortifying considering I’m in lulu lemon and the girls are looking at me like I’m a loony bird.
I working on calming myself down and purchase my new yoga pants, spendy for sure, but nothing beats quality and now, I have some extra money to blow.
The VA gave me a bonus because I refuse to let them pay me over minimum wage and this was the only way they could show how much they value me.
I tried to give it back, but no one would hear anything about it.
So, here I am spending a little on myself and actually really enjoying it.
Treat yo self, right?
I unlock my car and slide down into her and rev her up, loving how she sounds. Which of course takes me to another thought of Raiden.
I’m coming to realize the more I talk to him, the more I invest in ‘this’ whatever ‘this’ is between us, everything makes me think of him.
For once, it’s a nice reprieve from thinking about Garrett.
I drive home, blasting some old school hip-hop, totally jamming out.
Right as I’m pulling up in front of my house my phone dings with an email notification.
I snatch it up quick and have to swipe the screen five times before I finally get it open because I’m so giddy.
From: [email protected]
Subject: Home
Sweet girl,
What do you think of me getting out of the service?
When I come off tour, I was thinking of changing my path a bit, maybe tweaking it.
This has been my path for so long and I just don’t know that I want it to be the only path I take my entire life.
I miss you, Elli. I hope you’re doing okay over there, so far away from me.
Only a little while till I can come home, will you want to meet me?
Will you go to dinner with me?
Sorry for the twenty questions, haha.
I am just so damn tired. Tired of being over here. Tired of not being able to hear your voice when I want to.
Tell me when I can call you.
I need to hear my sweet girl’s voice.
-Raiden
My heart is stuttering in my chest.
There’s blood rushing in my ears and I’m tearing up a little bit.
Raiden wants to see me.
He wants to take me out to dinner.
Oh God, I want that so much.
He’s crazy if he thinks I won’t fucking jump on the chance to spend time with him when he comes home.
I have to see him.
Period.
I tap out my response, hoping he’s around and not busy so he can talk to me more, because…. I miss him too.
From: [email protected]
Subject: RE: Home
Hi Handsome,
YES.
And I think if you want to get out, you should do it.
I am becoming a firm believer in going for your goals, living your dreams.
I forgot how much I loved being a paramedic, being able to help people and I never want to lose that again.
Helping people, saving them, it brings me so much happiness I can barely stand it.
If you want to change careers, you do it, sweetheart.
I miss you too, Raid.
More than I probably have a right to… Boy, is that scary to admit.
Call me whenever you can and I’ll answer.
I promise I will even if it’s late at night, early in the morning, at work, whenever.
I’ll be here.
-Your sweet girl
I hit send and exhale.
His sweet girl.
I’m wrapped up in the bliss of Raiden, and I come to the conclusion I’ve been his for a while.
I remember when Garrett and I met, it wasn’t love at first sight.
We had to work on it, but we did make it and we loved each other hard.
With Raiden, this feeling is absolutely effortless.
Like falling through the sky, my heart just completely soars when I get to talk to him, get to see him, hear his deep bourbon voice.
Loving Raiden is so easy.
I stop.
Love.
Raiden.
Love.
My chest rises and falls at the realization that I’m not only Raiden’s sweet girl…I’m also falling in love with him.
I stare down at my hands and see them trembling, I know why…it’s because I’m scared.
I am one hundred percent scared to death.
What if this doesn’t work out and ‘this’ between us ends?
It’s barely even begun, and I know already if I lost Raiden I would never recover, going through that kind of loss twice? Unthinkable.
I lean back into the headrest and let my eyes wander, my mind racing, bringing back thoughts of my dream once more.
Raiden and I, married.
A smile tickles my lips and the fear is replaced by hope. A feeling that became so damned unfamiliar that at first I don’t recognize it.
My smile gets bigger, a giggle escaping my dry throat.
Hope, I have hope.
I snap a selfie and attach it to a new email.
From: [email protected]
Subject: Hope
Attachment: elli.jpeg
Raiden,
I wanted you to know I’m wearing the smile you gave me.
Love,
Elli
I had pinned that quote on Pinterest and I thought it would be cute to let him know I feel something…something strong.
But I also want to test the waters and see if he’s falling for me the way I’m falling for him.
I sigh, a happy breath that lets all the anxiety ebb away from me.
I finally slide out of Eleanor and head inside to give the puppy some loving, the sweet feelings left over from Raiden’s email still wrapping me up tight.