~Elli~
“Hey thanks, Elli! We’ll see ya next week!”
Annette the lovely front desk clerk hollers at me as I head through the front doors of the VA. I wave back at her, excited and anxious to get home.
It’s been a hell of a long week and I just want to settle down with my puppy, my Kindle and a bottle of wine.
I pull Eleanor - my gunmetal grey Mustang- into the driveway and shut her down. Pausing to release a long gust of air I didn’t realize I was holding in. I feel like I probably held it in all week, I’m just so drained.
Going back to work has truly brought me purpose again, something I didn’t know I so desperately needed.
When you feel broken, I guess it’s easy to push everyone out and let yourself wallow in your grief. Slowly but surely I’m realizing living like a zombie isn’t something that was working anymore.
It only took one step, one email, and it set me down a path to bring myself back.
I grab my backpack and purse, lock my car and walk into my house. “Dahlia baby, Mama’s home!” I barely get my greeting out before my furry roommate barrels into my legs.
I bend down, dropping my bags and give her some kisses and pets. I never get tired of seeing how happy she is when I come home. It makes me feel needed and I crave that feeling. In addition to feeling needed and depended on, I find myself yearning to be desired, and yearning with desire myself.
Skyping Raiden was, to put it mildly, incredible.
I loved being able to see his handsome face. It was like coming home after a long trip, like my heart suddenly flushed with feeling once again.
Queuing up my phone, I look at him as my background, a smile playing at the corners of my lips. I caught him in a sexy little half smirk that if I’m being totally honest here, made me so wet I almost couldn’t stand it. I’m not sure if he saw, but I had to press my thighs together so tight to stop me from coming undone right there on the spot.
I set Raiden aside and go to take a shower, relaxation the only thing on my mind. The water is hot and welcome, soothing the muscles I didn’t realize were aching.
With the water rushing over my head, my thoughts turn back to Raiden.
How can someone so far away make me feel like this.
I’ve never met him and yet I feel like I know him, and in turn want to know everything there is about him. Learning little pieces of his life is like watching your favorite primetime show each week. I tune in happy to learn and excited to uncover more.
And God is he handsome.
I really wasn’t kidding when I told him he was “to die for.” The more I see of him, the more I like.
With how sculpted his arms are I can only imagine how mouthwatering the rest of his body is.
Strong broad chest, defined abs, maybe even that amazing V that only really shredded guys have.
Ughhhhh.
Swoon.
Just the thought of him and his body makes my body tingle with awareness.
My hands trail down my breasts lightly brushing my nipples, with thoughts of how hard Raid’s body is, how it would feel against mine, just skin to skin.
I shake myself out of these less than decent thoughts and breathe heavily.
Good lord, that man’s body does something to me.
For two whole years, I haven’t done anything like that.
Nothing past taking a normal non-sexual shower and getting dressed.
No battery operated boyfriend or anything. Okay, that’s a lie… I do have a B.O.B but I don’t use him that much. Basically, no orgasms for two whole years.
Now all I can think about is how many orgasms in a row Raid could give me.
Which as delicious as that sounds, makes me feel bad. Definitely not as bad as I would have felt a few weeks ago but definitely makes me feel the loss of my husband and more acutely the loss of myself.
I metaphorically threw myself over a cliff of grief when he died that I’m realizing just how much I missed out on. I’m only twenty-six, I have so much I can still do.
So, once again I have to remind myself that I am allowed to feel happy, I am allowed to feel excited, I am probably maybe just a little bit allowed to lust after the hard body I’m becoming more and more infatuated with.
I shut off the tap and step out to dry off, slipping into my standard comfy hoodie and shorts. I make my way down the stairs and pad to the kitchen to grab a bottle of my favorite Moscato.
Settling into the couch with Dahlia making herself comfortable on my feet, I open up my Kindle, wanting to get lost in the tumultuous world of hot bikers and their old ladies.
After half a bottle of wine to myself I must have dozed off because I’m suddenly not in my house anymore with a sleeping pile of fur on my legs.
I’m somewhere warm and light and Raiden is here.
I’m walking toward him, so very happy to be doing so.
He’s standing there waiting for me, so I go to him and wrap my arms around his waist. He feels so hard and so right, up against me, it feels so incredible to be held by him.
Then he’s kissing my shoulder, and my neck, and my jaw.
I feel like I’m going to melt into a puddle right at his feet if he keeps going.
I bring my hand up to his chest, loving how I can feel every muscle beneath his black T-shirt.
He then runs his hard working man’s hand across mine and stops when he feels the ring on my finger.
A ring I hadn’t noticed until just now.
Except this isn’t my engagement ring from Garrett, and it isn’t the wedding band he put on my finger.
The engagement ring is a breathtaking vintage set, taller than my previous one and perfect next to the slim platinum wedding band resting near it.
He’s looking down at it with the same wonderment I am.
So I take his hand in mine, lacing our fingers to reveal to us both an identical platinum band on his ring finger.
Our eyes meet then, and a white-hot electric current pulses through me.
His eyes seem to crackle with energy and passion, which I am swept away in the instant his lips meet mine.
He gives me a bruising heated kiss with enough passion to overdose on.
I want more.
I need more.
His hands hard against my back, crushing my body against his.
He runs them down until they’re resting under my ass and lifts me up, where my only choice is to wrap my legs around his waist.
He’s devouring my mouth with his, giving me pleasure beyond anything I’ve ever experienced and it’s only a kiss. I lean back and bite my lip, feeling how swollen it is from his heated touch.
Still holding tight with my thighs I lean back to get his shirt off, all but ripping it from his body. What’s underneath has me almost drooling, his taught abs, defined chest and so much ink I can’t even see it all.
He grinds up against me, right where I need him to be and I’m panting, needing him so badly I can’t even see straight. I start writhing against him, needing just a little more friction to get where I need so very badly to be.
And then…I wake up.
Fuck. Seriously?
I blink, trying to slow my racing heart and tamp down the unbridled need coursing through my veins.
I look at my phone and it’s a little before midnight. I close my eyes tight, letting out a frustrated breath, willing myself to calm down.
I haven’t been that worked up in ages, and damn I was so close. The echoes of a phantom orgasm just there beyond my reach.