SIXTEEN
After Kayne’s emotional—and quite frankly heartbreaking—departure, Jess had marched back in the house and demanded that Cody leave. He’d refused. It wasn’t until she’d had the phone in hand, 9-1-1 dialed, and her thumb on the talk button that he’d capitulated. But the look in his eyes had truly frightened her, it had promised retribution for her defiance.
After a sleepless night, she’d called her attorney. He’d recommended she agree to the paternity test; within three days’ time they’d know if there was a case to be adjudicated. He’d also insisted they file a no-contact order against Kayne. Jess had argued the point. She knew Kayne wasn't dangerous. In the end she’d agreed on one condition, that an order was placed against Cody as well. Had he just stepped away and let her handle Kayne, things could have gone differently.
Jess wasn’t prepared for the onslaught of reporters congregating outside the courthouse the following Friday. Somehow, word had leaked to the media late yesterday that the sole surviving child of the murder/suicide that had rocked Santa Barbara had been found. The media was having a field day with Children's Services’ failure to properly follow procedure. The front page of this morning's newspaper read CPS Fails to Protect the Child, Yet Again! Arizona's morning show trailer asked, “Are Child Services workers guilty of kidnapping or simply failing to do their job?”
She stood there for several minutes trying to screw up the nerve to walk past all those people with their cameras and microphones and enter the courthouse. She was so afraid of what the judge was going to say. The paternity test had come back as a near perfect match. Kayne was indisputably Gracie's father.
As if the mere thought conjured him, Kayne stepped into her line of vision and stopped. He made no move to violate the order in any way, but simply watched her with an unreadable expression on his handsome face. Jess's gaze shifted between Kayne and the courthouse. She wanted so badly to fall at his feet and beg him not to take Gracie away. To promise...she'd agree to anything in order to keep her daughter.
He stretched out his hand as if to say, “Come on, I'll walk you in,” like he knew she was afraid to take those final steps alone.
Before she could follow the stupid, foolish heart that kept telling her to trust him, her attorney rushed toward her. “Jess, here you are.” He stepped into her line of sight, breaking the spell. “Let's go in, I need to talk to you. Ignore the media. It's just a tactic by the other side to try and gain public sympathy. But it won't work; the judge is going to see right through it.”
Jess nodded and followed him into the throng of people. In the back of her mind, she knew he was wrong. Kayne wouldn't have wanted this publicity. He wouldn't have wanted their lives invaded like this. He sure as hell wouldn't have put the kids at risk from crazy reporters willing to do anything to get a choice picture or an exclusive story.
Suddenly everyone converged around her, yelling and shouting, asking her if she'd known Tasha Dobrescu had been kidnapped when she adopted her. They questioned her involvement in the kidnapping and asked how much she'd had to pay for Gracie, making it sound as though she'd bought her off the black market like some illegal street drug. Between the camera flashes and the people pushing in around her, disorientation struck, and Jess froze.
When a pair of strong arms wrapped around her, she nearly screamed. But she recognized the warm voice in her ear. “I've got you, baby. Just hold on. ”
Kayne pulled her to his side. Shielding her face from the reporters with his campaign hat, he guided her up the walkway and through the doors. The second they were inside, he let her go to turn on her attorney.
“You just left her out there?” His voice was furious with disbelief. “And you, where the hell were you?” He glowered at Cody.
Neither Jess's attorney nor Cody said a word. However, Kayne's attorney did.
“She's not your problem, Kayne. She put a restraining order against you, and you just violated it on national television for christsake. Let her attorney or her boyfriend worry about her and quit giving her ammunition to use against you!”
Kayne looked her way, the disappointment in his eyes clear. He shook his head and walked away. How much worse was this day going to get before it was over?
***
The bailiff stepped forward. “All rise, the Honorable Buck Johnson presiding.”
Jess slowly rose on trembling legs, her heart pumping blood through her body so loudly that she nearly missed hearing the Judge say, “Everyone take a seat.” He adjusted his glasses, began shuffling papers, and continued, “Give me just a minute, and we'll get started.”
“Relax.” Her attorney laid a reassuring hand on her forearm, his voice pitched low. “There's no way Buck is going to give custody to Dobrescu; especially not with Santa Barbara Police Department reopening their investigation into his family's death. He was their number one suspect. That's in our favor.”
Jess nodded. She’d met and been interrogated by Detective Figueroa. He’d made it clear that he still viewed Kayne as his prime suspect. Her gaze strayed to Kayne, and her heart gave a betraying flutter. Damn it! Why did the man have to look so incredibly sexy? She hadn't paid much attention before, but now that she thought about it, he'd probably been on-duty for hours before coming to court, since he was in uniform. And yet his clothes looked freshly pressed, his badge and boots polished to a high shine. His right forearm rested on the butt of his firearm, his forefinger and thumb flipping the safety cover of his pepper spray up and down, up and down. That action was the only indicator that he was nervous. Otherwise, he appeared calm and in control. And her attorney was wrong; anyone who knew Kayne knew he hadn't murdered his wife and children.
Jess pressed her fist against her roiling stomach. God, she didn't know how she was going to make it through this. What if she actually lost Gracie? What would she tell her other children? Except for Maddy, they were still too young to fully understand that they might lose their baby sister; to understand that Kayne could prevent them from ever seeing her again.
But would he really take Gracie away? She was terrified of that answer. After the events of this past couple weeks, who'd blame him for doing that?
She couldn't begin to imagine how badly this had to be hurting Kayne, and she hated that she cared. She glanced his way, only to find him staring at her, his eyes full of sympathy and understanding, and something else that looked suspiciously like pain. She didn't want his sympathy; she didn't want him to understand that it felt like some unseen monster had its talons buried deep in her heart, ready to rip it out at even the thought of losing Gracie. But most of all, she sure as hell didn't want to acknowledge his pain. Jessica was desperate enough to pray to a God she no longer believed in that she'd never have to lose another child. She couldn't survive it again.
I'm sorry, he signed in American Sign Language. So sorry, he mouthed, his left hand still resting flat over his heart. Jess closed her eyes and looked away, fighting tears. Yeah, she was sorry too. They should have found a way to work this out between them. Instead, they were sitting here in court after throwing angry words, and then attorneys, at each other. God, how had it all gone so horribly wrong?
Regrettably, one word came to mind: Cody. Jess still didn't understand how he thought he had a right to be involved in this, but his showing up today in spite of the court order proved he felt he did. Thankfully, the bailiff had refused him entrance. Jess glanced up at the judge. More than likely that had been his edict.
Judge Johnson had denied Kayne’s request for a change of venue. She hoped that was a good sign, but truthfully doubted. She’d known the judge most of her life, and while she thought he had a soft spot where she was concerned, she doubted it would work in her favor. To the man, he faithfully and impartially discharged his duties as an officer of the court; he was uncompromisingly fair.
Judge Johnson cleared his throat. “Let's get started. I've read all the motions and responses and counter motions and counter responses and police reports from both Santa Barbara and here in Payson. I have a couple of questions.” Judge Johnson looked over his reading glasses at Jess. “Why did you keep Grace?”
One of the easiest and most difficult questions he could have asked. Jess closed her eyes for a moment and let the memories she’d buried surface. “Standing in that emergency room, helplessly watching Jarred die was tearing me apart. We’d had a fight before he left for work, and our last words to each other had been in anger. Joe Sutton holding me was the only thing keeping me together. Then a nurse shoved this crying, screaming baby into my arms, and all the chaos just...stopped.”
“She looked up at me with these huge blue eyes that were swimming in tears.” Jess stopped, clearing her throat. “And I looked right back through my own, and I know this sounds crazy, but I heard Jarred's voice whisper, ‘Keep her safe.’ Not ‘I’m sorry,’ or anything else, just ‘keep her safe.’”
***
Kayne wondered if Jessica realized she was sitting there with her arms out like she was actually taking his daughter into them for the first time and rocking her. The smile on her face was so bittersweet it shredded his heart, watching her remember that moment.
Jess looked his way, her expression pleading. For what, he wasn’t sure. Understanding? Before he could decipher it, she turned back into that memory.
“She looked up at me, really looked at me, and there was so much sadness in her eyes, until I finally realized I wasn't the only one who'd suffered loss that night. I was helpless to do anything but promise that I'd do everything in my power to keep her safe. She gave me this gorgeous baby smile like she understood and believed me, then curled up against me and went to sleep with her tiny fist over my heart.”
Jessica smiled sadly. “She was still in my arms at sunrise when Mark, the doctor, came to tell me Jarred was dead.”
It was so obvious that she'd loved her husband, desperately. Damn it, Kayne understood why she'd been instantly attached to the baby. Tasha had been the last person her husband had held before he died, and perhaps there was some absolution in that. But Kayne had lost so much fucking time, and he wasn't willing to miss another moment of his daughter’s life.
The courtroom remained silent for a long moment.
The judge pinned him with an intense gaze. “Officer Dobrescu, what would Tasha’s life be like if I granted you custody? Have you thought about living arrangements, daycare?”
Kayne fought hard not to fidget. “Yes, Your Honor. I rent a small house, but she’d have her own bedroom, and I’m financially stable enough to provide for all of her needs.”
The Judge looked over the top of his reading glasses. “Where will she be while you work?”
Kayne hesitated. He knew Brian was going to kill him for this. “I know I’m going to need daycare for her. And I can afford it, that’s not an issue, but I thought…perhaps it would be time Jessica might like to spend with her.”
Jessica’s head snapped his direction, her eyes searching. “Really?” There was such hope in that word.
Kayne nodded. “I, of course, would pay you. I wouldn’t expect you to do it for free.”
The light drained out of Jessica’s eyes. Obviously that had been the wrong thing to say, but he knew she already felt like he’d used her.
The judge cleared his throat. “Let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves. I’ve yet to rule either way.”
Judge Johnson pulled his glasses off and rubbed his eyes with fingers and thumb. He let out a weary sigh. “I'm not going to beat around the bush, folks. I have to admit this concerns me.” He tapped the thick file in front of him. “If I were to rule on face value of these documents, I'm not sure either of you would be getting custody of the child, and I'd probably be forced to order Children's Services to verify the welfare of the other children involved in this—”
Jessica gasped. “No!”
“The hell you say!” Kayne shot to his feet, outraged that anyone would think of taking Jessica's kids from her. “You can't take those kids from her, they mean everything to her! You have no idea what a bad mom looks like if you think Jessica is one!” Kayne seethed. God, was this day not unbearable enough? Now this? What the fuck had his attorney said that would make a judge think Jessica was an unfit parent?
“Let me finish.” The judge held up both hands, staying further argument. “Officer Dobrescu, please sit down.”
Kayne was beyond furious, but finally sat down when Brian stood, placed a hand on his shoulder, and all but shoved him into the chair. He pitched his voice for Kayne’s ears only. “Get control of your temper.”
“I said if I was to take these documents at face value, but I've heard and seen some things that make me believe there is a more amiable solution.”
“How do you figure?” Jessica's attorney, Paul, voiced what they were all thinking.
“According to this statement by Cody Johnson, Kayne is a hothead—”
Kayne shot to his feet again. “That belligerent hose-monkey—”
“Sit down, son. I am well aware of Mister Johnson’s behavioral issues, so don't make me find you in contempt. I want a nice equitable outcome here.”
The judge gave another heavy sigh. “Folks...my hands are tied. In Arizona, only one of you can have custody, because you're not, nor have you been, married. I can make my ruling, and you guys can fight back and forth for the next couple years with appeals and home studies and bonding assessments. If you go that route, you’ll have a case worker breathing down your necks until all is said and done and the appeals have run out. All the while, that baby girl is going to be stuck in the middle, probably in foster care unless you can both agree who she’ll live with while you two are fighting it out.
“The reality is there is precious little precedence. One vaguely similar case took years to reach a final verdict. I'm not saying that to scare you, I'm stating fact. And I'm ready right now to hand down my verdict...unless you'd like to hear a second option.”
“What would Your Honor propose?” Brian’s voice held a heavy note of skepticism.
“Good choice of words, Brian. I'm suggesting that Ms. Hallstatt and your client might want to take a few moments and discuss the other option open to them.” He glanced first to Kayne then Jessica, making Kayne uneasy.
“And what would that option be?” Brian glanced at Kayne and pulled a face. Obviously he had no idea what the judge was suggesting either.
“If Officer Dobrescu and Ms. Hallstatt were to choose marriage instead of going forward with this custody battle, they could both legally become her parents. I would void the original adoption, reinstating Officer Dobrescu's rights and waive the waiting period, allowing Jessica, as Kayne's wife, to legally adopt the child now.”
Kayne could barely breathe. He'd known today would be difficult, had known walking in here that only one of them would end up with Tasha, but seeing the pain in Jessica's eyes, actually knowing the verdict was moments away, was slowly eviscerating him.
At first he was shocked when Jessica started laughing, the sound far more hysterical than humorous “You've lost your ever-lovin’ mind! I'm not marrying him. He doesn't even like me.”
And then it hit him what the judge had just suggested. No fucking way! “Sorry, I've already been forced into one miserable marriage, and it ended rather badly. I won't be forced into another.”
“No one is forcing you, son, let me be clear about that,” Johnson said. “I am merely pointing out a possible alternative solution that doesn’t risk upending that little girl’s world or sacrificing her happiness. I’ve seen you and Jess together. The snowball fight at the park, kissing on national television at a hockey game. I’ve also heard some very favorable reports of your involvement with Jess’s other children. I wouldn’t suggest this if I didn’t think you stood a chance of making it work.”
Christ, he'd do just about anything for his child, but this was insane. They couldn't even get along because of Cody's interference.
He wouldn't be around if you were married, a voice inside Kayne’s head whispered. He'd have no claim on Jessica or the other kids.
Kayne couldn’t even begin to imagine another forced marriage—and it would be forced, regardless of what the judge claimed. But Jesus Christ, he couldn't risk losing Tasha again. Besides, deep down he knew Jessica was nothing like Oksana.
“I'm willing to hear you out, but nothing more,” Kayne conceded after a long moment.
“Jessica?” the judge asked. “Are you willing to gamble Gracie's future?”
Jessica glanced at Kayne then quickly looked away. “I'm listening.” Her voice was little more than a whisper.
“It's plain as day that both of you love this little girl, and I think you both care more about each other than you're willing to admit at the moment. I can give my ruling, and then whoever wins custody can choose if he or she decides to allow any further contact from the other parent.”
“I would not keep Tasha from Jessica or the kids.” Kayne wouldn’t do that to her.
“I wouldn't keep her from him, either,” Jessica whispered.
But she already had.
“So what happens when Jessica remarries? How's that going to factor in? Kayne, are you going to still give Jessica unlimited access to Grace knowing someone like Cody, for instance, will be there?”
The mention of Jessica marrying Cody sent ice water coursing through Kayne’s veins. He couldn't stand the thought of Cody being anywhere near her. The kids. That's what he'd meant. He couldn't stand the thought of him being anywhere near the kids. Right.
The only bright side of this so far was knowing that Cody had been slapped with a restraining order too. Of all the shit that had gone down, believing Cody had access to Jessica and the kids while Kayne was being forced to stay away had hurt more than he wanted to admit.
And then the judge said something that made Jessica's whole countenance shift. “How are the rest of the kids going to feel about being left out when Kayne takes Grace on some Daddy-Daughter outing, or on vacation without them? How will Grace feel when your new husband decides she already has a dad, and so she's not his responsibility; that he doesn't really want her around, but he puts up with her because he doesn't have a choice?”
Kayne watched what little color there was drain from Jessica’s face. Somehow the judge had struck a nerve.
“Can we think about it?” Kayne wanted to know why the hell that last comment had upset Jessica so much.
“Sure, take a few minutes, talk it over. But one way or the other, we're going to get a resolution to this today.”
“Wait, you expect us to decide now?” Kayne laughed in disbelief. Surely this wasn’t really happening.
The judge gave him a hard glare. “I am handing down a decision before we leave court, unless you give me a reason not to.”
“Can we know the verdict first?” Kayne asked.
“No.” Judge Johnson said flatly. “That would defeat the purpose now, wouldn't it?”
“I'll do it,” Jessica whispered.
“Excuse me?” Kayne was sure he hadn't heard her right. She couldn't be willing to consider this insanity, could she?
She gave him a beseeching look. “I can't lose her, Kayne. I've always sworn I'd do anything for my children, and now...well now I guess it's time I prove it.”
“Baby, you don't have to do this.” Kayne stepped around Brian to reach her. He couldn't stand the tears or the defeated look in her eyes. It spoke of a hopelessness he didn't understand. “I won't keep her from you.” He hesitantly placed a hand on her shoulder. When she didn't resist, he pulled her into him and wrapped his arms around her tightly.
Fuck, this was a mistake. He was supposed to be pissed at her, but somehow his body wasn't getting the memo.
She was so tiny, so fragile, compared to him. She didn't even reach his shoulder. Feeling her trembling in his arms killed him. Her soft sob undid him. He closed his eyes, fighting emotions he didn't want to feel. Fighting and losing. How could he rip this family apart? How could he bear losing Gracie, because that was who Tasha was—Gracie. The fates were vicious bitches.
He didn’t want this, and Jessica deserved so much better. How could he even consider intertwining himself into their lives?
Kayne tilted Jessica’s chin up until she made eye contact, fully intending to tell her he couldn’t do it. But one look into those whiskey-colored eyes, and he found himself saying, “I'll do it.”
The moment the words were out, reality hit him hard. Suddenly he felt very much like he had when he'd agreed to marry Oksana.
Trapped.