My phone vibrates inside the pocket of my hoodie, flashing my body awake. I guess I fell asleep with my clothes on. Digging into my pocket, I fish out my phone and see that it’s Alec texting me. For a moment, I think it’s any other late-night text from him. Then I remember that my mom isn’t in the next room anymore, and a feeling of sickness washes over me.

The bright light from the screen of my phone is harsh on my eyes, and I don’t want to wake Daisy, so I cover my phone between my hands and go out into the hallway.

Get out here, Alec’s text says. Again, the text makes the night seem mundane. Something I could have received any other night. Maybe he wanted to go cruising around town or get a fast drink at the bar when he was able to slip out, or maybe his girl gave him her blessing to go out and blow off some steam with his best friend for a few hours.

The house is still a fucking mess. I know Daisy wanted to clean up, but I didn’t want her to. I thought it’d give me something to do today when I woke up. Not that it would take my mind off things, off Mom. That wouldn’t be possible. But my mom told me, years ago when I was a kid, that the hardest part of losing someone came when the shock wore off and you were left alone with your thoughts and with idle time on your hands.

So I have to keep moving. Nothing idle.

I get outside and Alec’s there in his Mustang.

“How’d you get the car out?” I ask. There’s venom in my friend’s eyes.

“It was easy,” he says, his hands tightening his grip on the steering wheel. “Get in.”

I slip into the car and Alec races off as I see the light on my front porch go on in my rearview. I should have told Daisy where I was going, but it’s too late for that.

The bass of the radio thrums inside my chest as we take a familiar path, Alec fueled by forty-eight hours of grief and pain. I can see it when I look over to him. And maybe it’s not just the pain of the past few days. It’s the pain of the past few years.

I stay silent, my own thoughts breaking through the surface. Even the adrenaline of taking a few curves too fast and whipping through our town, slowing down just to roll through a few red lights just enough to not crash, is not enough to compete with the pain. But at least I can feel. At least I’m human again, even if only a little bit.

A familiar neighborhood drifts into view. It’s where Alec’s old boss lives. The neighborhood where all of the lawns are perfect. But this time, no one is awake inside the homes. Or maybe they are, but all the lights are out.

“Wait here.” Alec gets out of the car and slams the door shut. I open my mouth to protest what I know he’s about to do, but nothing comes out. I roll the window down manually and rest my arm out the window, looking behind the car for anyone else coming up the road.

I should stop him. I don’t know if I want to, though.

Alec crouches down in some bushes lining the narrow sidewalk outside this prick’s house across the street. Looking left and right, he checks his surroundings before barreling across the lawn and around the side of the house. I check the streetlamps for surveillance cameras, and the street-facing sides of the houses. It doesn’t look like there’s anything there. Sometimes the people with the most to lose are the most careless with it, or maybe they don’t think some rough lowlifes from the next town over would ever come here to jack their shit. Either way, if Alec can get the fuck out of here undetected, he’ll be in the clear for good.

My head fills with the adrenaline I felt before, when we were cruising, my heart pumping blood hard and fast into my veins. An automatic motion-sensing light over the house next-door flicks on, and my eyes dart quickly over to the target’s house, but Alec isn’t there. Maybe he’s inside. Maybe he’s in the back trying to jimmy open a loose window. I don’t know what his plan is, but I know all I can do is sit here and witness what’s about to go down.

Maybe he’s just trying to prank the old bastard. Wallpaper the back of his house with shaving cream.

Alec creeps carefully from the back of the house to the side, where our eyes meet. He’s not smiling, but he’s got a sick look of satisfaction plastered on his face. A wave of calm washes over me, replacing the anxiety in my veins with a cool, even soothing sensation.

Alec waves his hand to motion for me to get in the driver’s seat, and I slide over the center console to let him get in next to me, street-side. He strides quickly but calmly over, and gets in as fast as he left.

“Drive,” he commands, putting his hoodie over his face and sinking down into his seat, checking around the car as I whip a U-turn and get the hell out of there.

“Want to explain what that was?” I adjust my rearview mirror and catch a look at myself and the road behind us. No one’s there, but my eyes look red and alert.

“He took something from me,” Alec says, pulling a big, ostentatious gold watch out of his pocket, “so I took something from him.”

“That’s a nice piece of jewelry,” I say, glancing down at its gold face and band. I don’t comment on it any further. I don’t want to condone what he’s done, but I guess I already have by not trying to stop him.

“He won’t even miss it, I’ll bet.”

“How the fuck’d you get in?”

“Window was open in the back. I guess it was just good luck.”

“Bad fucking luck for him,” I reply.

“It’s tight this week, you know? The baby and everything.”

It’s not an excuse. But I didn’t stop him.

We make our way back to our town and I drop Alec off at his place, a few blocks from mine. I take his car back to my garage, lock it up, and walk the rest of the way to my house.

And I feel nothing.

There are no lights on in the house. When I get to my room, she rustles awake. Shit. I was hoping she’d remained sleeping.

“Everything okay?” she asks, her big blue eyes encircled with the redness of worry. I can see it even in the darkness. There’s suspicion and mistrust in her voice, and I don’t want to lie to her. Everything's not okay.

“Yeah, it’s fine. I just went downstairs for a minute,” I say back to her, crossing the room. I peel back the covers and slide into bed with her, her perfect, warm body conforming to mine.

“What for?”

“Nothing. It was nothing.”

And if I keep telling myself that, maybe it will be.

I suck in a deep breath and hold her close, running my hands over her body. Today was supposed to be the day I asked her to be with me forever. I don’t want this to just be the day that I had to say goodbye to Mom. I want this day to mean something good, too.

“Daisy, I’m glad you’re here,” I say, rolling onto my side. She faces me and puts her fingertips on my shoulder. Her touch is so soothing. It’s calmness amidst the chaos.

She takes a deep breath and lets out a sigh. She looks good in my black t-shirt and nothing else. You can keep the lace and the fancy shit. It’s nice to look at, but this is how I like my Daisy best. Comfortable, and in my clothes if she needs to put something on.

“I wish I weren’t here under these circumstances,” she says, brushing my hair away from my face. “I wish I was just here for one of our normal sleepovers.”

I can’t help but smile when I think of our sleepovers. I love having her for the whole night. Having her for just the day isn’t enough.

“Then let’s make the day different,” I say, snaking my arm around her back. “Let’s make the day memorable for something else, too.”

I pull her closer and press my mouth against hers, pulling her leg up onto my hip. Taking her in my hand, I rub her smooth, perfect flesh as she falls against me.

“Let me make you feel good,” she breathes, pulling her lips away from me. I let my fingers stray up her thigh, between her legs. She isn’t wearing panties, and she’s hot and wet for me. I slide one finger into her and take her lips with mine, as our frantic, passionate kiss overtakes me.

It’s a sweet escape for just a moment, but it’s more than that. It’s what I should be doing every night. It’s what I want to do every single night.

I put my hand behind her head and shift so I’m over her, and she wraps her legs up around my waist slowly.

I can’t help myself. She’s too fucking gorgeous and perfect for me to show any control. I take her lips with mine and roughly kiss her mouth, making a trail down to her chin. I lace my fingers through her hair and pull gently, making her moan and squirm beneath me.

“Fuck,” I breath as she sits up, forcing me to back away from her. She pulls her shirt over her head like she can’t wait to get it off, and I quickly take one of her perfect pink nipples between my fingers, rolling and pinching the way she likes it.

I know that makes her fucking crazy, makes her beg for me with her body. Even when she says nothing at all, she can tell me she wants me. With just a look, the way her eyes pool with desire and her mouth slips open slightly, I know she wants it.

And I want her. I need her. I love her.

I let my hands slip over her body and caress her breasts with the force she loves, rolling her nipples carefully but roughly while my mouth trails down her belly. This is the part where I’d rip her panties off if she were wearing any, but instead I push her legs apart and kiss her deeply, taking her clit between my lips as my cock steels against my shorts.

Her hands come down behind my head as she moans softly, her head back on the pillow and her back arched for me. I slide in two fingers and fuck her with my hand, but I don’t stop kissing her. I want to be inside her, but I don’t stop kissing her. I won’t stop until she tells me to stop. Until there’s no question that she’s had enough.

Her ass grinds down onto the bed and I push two fingers against her soaked skin, exposing her clit and grinding my tongue against her. She tenses up and her body breaks as she cums, breathing my name into the air.

“Okay,” she moans as I take my tongue away from her. “Okay. Stop.”

“Hearing you tell me to stop is almost as hot as when you beg me to fuck you.”

She laughs, putting her hands over her face as I pull the blanket up around us, settling next to her.

“Is that why you’re up here?” she asks, moving her body against mine and putting her arm across my chest. “You want me to start begging for your body?”

“No,” I say. “I want to talk to you. I need to ask you something.”

I can feel the gravity in my voice. Our fingers lace together as I look down at her.

I pull my body away from her reluctantly. I am confident in my decision, but nervous. I have to do this, though. I can’t wait any longer.

“Is everything okay?” she asks.

“No,” I say. “But it will be.”

I walk away from her, crossing the room to my desk. My insides are a fucking bundle of nerves, and my heart is thumping faster than it ever has.

“Please,” I say, taking the ring from its small box. I turn around and walk back over, my heart beating at breakneck speed. I don’t even say anything. I just get down on one knee and hold the ring out to her.

This isn’t what I envisioned, but it doesn’t matter. All that matters is that she wears it.

She puts her hand out and nods. Her expression barely changes, except for her eyes. Her eyes tell me everything. Even though it’s dark, and she says nothing, she jumps up and puts her arms around my neck.

Everything’s not okay. But it will be.