“For a civilian, you certainly look like you’re in charge, honey.” My dad sidles up to me and puts an arm around my shoulder as he surveys the room. “And without being too intimidating, either.”

I poke an elbow out and smile up at him.

“Not intimidating?” I laugh. “I’ll lock up anyone if I see them acting out of line.” I stab the air with both of my fists. “Citizens’ arrest.”

I look down at the outfit I’m wearing, because it’s shifting as I’m trying to do my assertive, intimidating, hardcore self-defense moves. It’s not something I’d usually wear, but tonight isn’t a normal night for me. It’s the annual policeman’s gala, and for the occasion I’m wearing a body-hugging black dress with a high neckline and hem that hits just above my knees, and a pair of black patent-leather pumps I borrowed from my friend Sarah. My mom said it made me look elegant and like I no longer belonged at the kid’s table.

I’d hope so. I’m finally done with my master’s, and I’m working at the police station as a research analyst. Dad’s right, even though I’m a civilian I do kind of run things. Well, I run three interns each semester. That’s running things a little bit.

A few cater waiters weave through the crowd with passed horderves, chilled glasses of champagne, and a signature cocktail made with gin and locally-sourced basil. If I’d know I’d be invited to parties like this, I’d have tried to complete my master’s earlier.

“Honey, if you see anyone out of line, just call me. I’ll do my job and get them under control.”

The corners of my mouth pull into a slight smile as I look around the room. I catch Colin looking at me from across the banquet hall, where he’s in uniform talking to a few of the other new recruits just out of the criminology program at the local community college.

I fan my fingers into the air, waving at him and giving a little smile. He’s the son of Dad’s partner, and I’ve known him forever. He asked me to come here tonight as his date, and after a few protestations I told him I’d love to. I’m not usually a liar, but he was very persistent, and he insisted that we were just coming here as a friendly date.

Colin looks great in his uniform. He wears it with pride and confidence, and he looks good in blue. He has the body of an officer, and he strides over to me with a smile, like I’m the only person in the room.

But even though he’s a great guy and I appreciate his contribution to our community, I feel nothing for him.

“How is the lady doing?” He stands next to me, opposite my dad, and stretches an arm out across us to shake my dad’s hand.

“Oh, you mean me?” I say, grabbing a bacon-wrapped shrimp on a skewer as a waitress stops near us.

“Yes, you. Or are you too busy kicking ass to be a lady?” Colin laughs, putting his arm around my waist.

“Nothing that says you can’t do both,” I say. I move my hips away from Colin to try to shake him off a little, but he just wraps his arm around me tighter. I relent, and lean against him a little. I guess there’s no harm in letting a handsome guy look like he cares about me.

Dad nods to someone across the room and puts his glass down on a table behind us. “I have to go shake hands with the police chief and tell him what a good job our new hires are doing. Stay out of trouble, Colin, or my daughter will have to lock you up.”

Colin nods and once my dad is a few feet away, he slides his hand down my waist and onto my hip.

“You’ll really lock me up?” he bends down, whispering into my ear.

He’s been nothing but nice to me, but I can’t do this.

“Colin,” I exhale softly, taking his hand off my hip gently and putting it back onto my waist. “I thought you said we were just here as friends.”

“We are,” he says. He really is cute, and he’s so nice, and he’s the dictionary definition of good guy. And I could use the distraction, especially this day of all days. I close my eyes and shake my head, struggling to make the events of last year go away. But as much as I try, I can’t get my mind off him...off Travis. I pretend that I can, and I lie to myself, and there are times when I actually almost believe it. But when I stop focusing on forgetting, even for a second, all the memories come crashing back down on me.

So I just have to keep trying to forget. But not like this. I can’t force my body to forget. Not like this.

“Colin, I’m sorry.” I place my hands gently on his broad chest, and his brown, hooded eyes shift downward from my eyes to my lips. His mouth stretches out into a hard line as he takes a step back, letting my hands fall away from him. I exhale and let my body become rigid. I grab a glass of champagne off a tray and make my way over to the coat check, grab my stuff, and hurry down the stairs of the hotel onto Fifth Avenue.

October is colder now than it was a year ago.