“This is good stuff.” Alec settles into an imitation vintage chair beside me at the bar. We’ve picked up our smokes and a six-pack for later, and we’ve settled on the bowling alley bar for a few drinks. I haven’t been back here in a long time, but it’s still the same. It’s old and everything has a melancholy hue to it, even though they’ve replaced the lanes and updated the bar and pub area. The marquee outside is still the same. It must be original to the building, probably from the 70s or early 80s when this town was in better shape.

Alec takes a long sip of his bourbon rocks and puts it down thoughtfully on the bar in front of us. I catch a glimpse of us in the mirror behind the br, where are the bottles are lined up in rows on heavy wooden shelves.

And then I see...her. Daisy.

She was always like a flower growing through the rocks and snow. She was like a spark of life in all the gray.

She’s walking in from the cold. She’s with someone, but I can’t take my eyes off her.

Something squeezes around my heart and my fists clench up on the bar as I quickly look down. I don’t want her to see me, but I need to see her.

I look up again, and she’s gone. A wave of nerves leaps into my chest as the jukebox starts playing a Johnny Cash song. I cast my eyes over my shoulder, careful to not be conspicuous, and I see Daisy walk into the bar in a tight black dress, her hair falling down her shoulders in luxurious waves.

Grabbing my drink, I toss the rest back and then put it back down on the bar, looking straight ahead, planning out exactly what to do next.

But I don’t have to plan it. I’ve gone over it a million times in my head. When I was in prison, I had time to think. I kept to myself, and all I could do was think. About her. About what I would do when I finally saw her again.

I could apologize a million times, once for every second that I caused her pain. Or I could say nothing, and take her by the hand and lead her back to my house, where I would wrap her up in my arms and make her mine all over again with my words, my lips, and my cock.

Make her forget we ever said goodbye.

But the truth is I don’t know what the fuck to do. None of it would be good enough for her. She doesn’t deserve an apology. She deserves a magic spell to take away the pain I know I caused her.

“Travis, I think that’s -” Alec says, interrupting my thoughts.

“I know,” I say, keeping my voice calm and even. I toss a twenty dollar bill on the bar and get up, keeping my back to the other end of the bar where Daisy and her friend Sarah are standing.

I look over my shoulder again. I need to see her. I need to see her now and I need to place her in my mind where she was years ago, before everything got fucked up, back when everything was simpler.

Even though only a year has gone by, it’s been a long year, and it shows in her eyes.

She looks happy. She looks good. She looks beautiful and self-assured in her little black dress. It was never like her to wear a dress here, and I wonder why she isn’t wearing a pair of black jeans and a black t-shirt.

Sarah throws her chin up and laughs at something Daisy said, and my heart tightens up. Daisy isn’t even thinking about me. She’s over there laughing about God-knows-what, and I’m probably the farthest thing from her mind.

Or maybe she’s laughing at how she wasted her time with a fucking prick like me.

My jaw clenches up as Alec finishes his drink and starts over to me.

“You okay, man? Want to go over to talk to her?”

“She looks busy,” I manage, shoving my hands into my pockets and turning to leave. “And I need a smoke.”

I want the warm nicotine to flood my veins and calm me down. If Daisy’s moved on, then I know she’s too good for me, like I always thought. But the idea of moving on from her seems unfathomable.

I shouldn’t bother her. It wouldn’t be fair.

My fists clench up into balls under the weight of what I’m seeing. I want her to be happy, damn it. I just can’t believe she’s happy without me. I’ll never be happy without her. Seeing her laughing with her best friend like nothing ever happened to me - to us - sends my head into a tailspin.

“Everything okay, pal?” Alec looks at me sidelong as the music clanging out of the jukebox in the corner stops. I take another look over at Daisy and Sarah, but now there’s a guy with them. He’s standing a little too close to Daisy, but she’s still smiling and laughing. His hand comes down on her shoulder, and a wave of heat grips my chest, sending energy pumping through my veins.

Daisy’s eyes aren’t smiling like her lips are. I remember her smile, one that would light up her whole face. But there isn’t any joy behind this smile, and as she inches away from the guy standing between her and Sarah, I can see he’s swaying like someone who’s not here to meet a nice girl who he can take to church tomorrow morning. Daisy tries to be polite, but her hands go up toward his chest - not like she’s trying to give him any ideas, but like she’s trying to get this guy to leave her the hell alone.

But then something happens. She smiles.

My Daisy smiles, and I head for the exit.

I can’t watch this shit anymore. If she can be happy without me, I can’t watch it.

I can’t watch her be happy without me.