Stepping into the noisy bar, I take a quick look around. The place is packed on this Friday night, and for a moment I consider leaving. I’m in no mood to party, not after the week I’ve had at work. A shot or twelve sounds good, with maybe a six-pack of beer to chase it, but dealing with a bunch of happy partiers is something I dread.
I’ve dreaded a lot of things the past few months like going to work or even getting out of bed. But since that’s all I do now, I have no choice. In fact, I have no choice about a lot of things, starting with Isabella and ending with her too.
I haven’t tried to call at all since the early morning argument we had. What’s the point? I knew Roman would go to her when he left my place and knew the exact moment when what she and I had was over. We didn’t need to say the words aloud to one another to know the truth.
As silent as I’ve been, she has been too. Not that I expected her to call me or drop by, but hey, a guy can hope can’t he? Sadly, even though we live in the same building, I’ve only seen her twice since that fated night. Both times she was walking out of the building, head down intent on moving as quickly as possible to her car. Pussy that I am, I hid in the shadows and lurked. I diligently watched her body language, memorized every curve of her tight little body, and wondered for the thousandth time if Roman was able to get through to her. To help her.
I’ve thought about calling him, but what would be the point? She’s not mine to worry about anymore, not that I will ever really believe she was mine in the first place. For all the time we spent together, in and out of bed, I don’t believe I really knew her—not the real woman buried beneath the scars of her past. The woman with hope in her heart and happiness to find. She made certain of that.
“Hey, Brother. You staying or going?” Jack slaps me on the shoulder and shoves a beer in my hand.
Glancing at the icy, wet bottle, I shoot him a dark look. “Undecided.”
He gives me a nudge. “Come on, man. Have a drink with me.”
With a heavy sigh, I nod once and let him lead me to a table. He takes the seat across from me and looks me over as he takes a sip of his martini. “You look like shit.”
“Thanks.” Glancing around, I grimace. The happy mood of the place does nothing to ease the knot of regret that’s been balled up inside of me since Bella walked out. The loud laughter grates on my nerves. The music is giving me a headache, and I wonder, not for the first time, what the hell I was thinking when I let Jack talk me into this.
“Come on, man. You need to get back on the horse.”
Taking a big gulp of my beer, I signal the nearest waiter. “And what horse would that be?”
Jack rolls his eyes. “You need to get laid or at the very least spend a few hours letting some hot broad take your mind off Isabella.”
Although Jack knows very little about the reasons for our “breakup,” he’s taken it upon himself lately to remind me that I’m still very much available. I don’t feel like I am. I suppose it will take a good long time to remove the hold she has on me and on my heart. If this was just a standard breakup, I would indeed be doing what he suggested. There’s nothing standard about this. I worry too much about her to forget her, and there’s always this small bit of hope that remains, even though I tell myself to just let it—and her—go.
The waitress strolls up. A twenty-something chick with bleached hair and fake tits. She gives me the once-over and grins. “Hey there. What can I get you?”
Jack gives her his best sultry smile and turns on the charm. “Hello there, beautiful. You can get me another dirty martini. My friend over here…” he points to me “…he’ll take a shot of your best whiskey … and your phone number.”
Protesting is a lesson in futility, although I scowl at him and refuse to look at the woman. Almost instantly she’s scribbling furiously on the pad then rips the paper out with flare and drops it down in front of me. She drags her long nails down my arm. I can barely hold back my grimace. “I’ll be back with your drinks.”
Jack watches her walk away, clearly appreciative of the female form even though he swings the other direction. “Damn fine ass on that one. Bet she’d let you in there if you asked nicely.”
While I’d never turn down a little backdoor action, the idea of doing it with that broad makes me slightly queasy. “No thanks.”
Leaning forward, he laces his fingers together on the table in front of him. “Sabrina told me what happened.”
I’ll never believe Roman’s fiancée would betray Isabella by divulging all her secrets, regardless of what Jack alludes. Of course, I never believed I would either and look what happened. “Oh yeah?”
He shakes his head. “She mentioned that you had betrayed Bella.” His eyes narrow. “Why would you do that? I thought you liked her?”
Given that I have no idea what exactly Sabrina told him, I play it cool. “I had my reasons.” I don’t confirm or deny the other question. What I feel for Bella goes way past like.
Jack glares at me and sits back against the leather seat. “I can’t believe you had the balls to fuck around on her. You do know who her brothers are don’t you?”
My eyes stray to the people lined up at the bar. “Let it go, Jack.”
“You’re lucky they haven’t put a hit out on you,” he mutters, draining the last of his cocktail and pushing the glass to the edge of the table.
I see our flirty waitress strutting toward us and immediately avert my eyes. “They aren’t the mafia, for crying out loud.” Though we both know that all three Moran brothers would kill to protect their sisters.
“Might as well be,” he replies, schooling his features as the woman approaches. He does his best to keep her engaged by lobbing out juicy come-ons that only I know are a complete and utter lie. The chick practically falls all over him, obviously done with me since I’m not doing the same. While the two of them flirt with one another, I can feel myself getting angrier by the moment until I eventually snap, “He’s gay. And I’m not interested. Take it elsewhere.”
She narrows her eyes at me and retorts, “Your loss.” Somehow, I doubt it.
“Now why did you go and do that?” Jack asks with a smile. “I was having fun playing with her.”
Dropping back the shot, I wince and reply, “Are we done here? I’m tired.”
Jack reaches across the table and grabs my hand. “I’m sorry, man. You’re just so serious all the time. I miss the fun Jace who used to love turning on the charm to sweet, unsuspecting women.”
I miss him too, I think to myself. I know my brother means well, but this entire scene is exhausting. Regardless of where I am or what I’m doing, I’m going to be thinking about Bella. Sure, I try not to. In fact, I do everything I can not to think about her. The problem is that she’s always there in my dreams each night, in the few memories I have of our happy times. I can’t even pick up my guitar without thinking about her and how joyful she was the night I played for her. Too bad I went and ruined it all by pushing her where she wasn’t ready to go and opened my mouth spewing out her secrets after she begged me not to.
I fucking hate myself sometimes.
Reaching for my wallet, I throw down some cash and get to my feet. “I’m outta here. Thanks for the invite.”
Rising, Jack draws me in for a hug. “I’m here for you. Anytime. Got it?”
“Yeah, I know you are. And I appreciate it.” Slapping his back a few times, I pull away. “I’ll talk to you later.”
“Take it easy, little brother.”
Out on the street, I suck the sticky, warm Miami air into my lungs. I have nowhere I need to be and frankly the idea of walking into my silent apartment makes me want to scream. Strolling down the block with no destination in mind, I try unsuccessfully to ward off the lingering thoughts of Bella.
I wish I could call her, see how she’s doing? This deep, nagging need I have to reconnect with her is driving me nuts. I miss her so much, the pain is physically debilitating at times. I wish more than anything that I had no regrets about her, about us. But I do. I regret pushing her to a place where she felt like the only thing she could do was run. I regret moving our relationship along so quickly. Staying friends, even though it would have killed me, would have been much easier on her than the intense sexual relationship we fell into so easily. What I regret most is that I never told her how I felt. Not that I really believe a few words would change anything, but at least she’d know she was more than a fling to me.
Up ahead at the corner, I see a familiar black truck just parking at the curb. Roman steps out and comes around to the passenger door tugging it open and reaching his hand inside. I’m far enough away so that he can’t really see me, which is a blessing. I’m in no mood to deal with him tonight.
I hear myself gasp when the woman who steps down onto the sidewalk isn’t who I expect. Instead of his fiancée, it’s the one woman who has tormented me on an almost hourly basis. She steadies herself by clinging tightly to his hand. Bella loops her purse over her shoulder and nods when he bends down to speak to her. Every single slow-motion action hits me like a punch to the gut.
She’s so damn beautiful. Even this far away, I can see the sparkle of her blue-green eyes as she laughs at something her brother says. I watch intently as they chat for a moment, and then he gestures to the restaurant in front of them and they move out of sight.
Shocked stupid, I can only stand there and block foot traffic while I try to absorb what I’ve just seen. She’s looks … okay. Much better than I ever expected, I admit. And as gorgeous as ever, that’s for sure. I can’t help but wonder if she’s found some peace with the knowledge that she can now talk to her brother about what happened. I sure as hell hope so.
I shove my hands into my pockets and stare down at my feet, wishing I could go up to her and say hello. But really, what would that accomplish? She’d still hate me for betraying her, and there’s little to no chance we will ever be friends again.
Lost in my thoughts, I fail to see Roman striding toward me until I hear, “Hey, Jace.” Lifting my head, I force a smile as we shake hands. He’s quick to say reassuringly, “Don’t worry. Bella doesn’t know you’re here.”
I shrug and try to play it off like it’s no big deal. “It’s all good.”
He lifts one dark brow and smirks at me. “That so? Then why do you look like someone just kicked your cat?”
“Don’t have a cat,” I muse. Come on, my inner nag states, take the fucking bull by the horns and just ask about her.
Roman, smart guy that he is, beats me to the punch. “She’s doing okay. You know, in case you’re wondering.”
I avert my eyes. Okay? What the hell does that mean? “That’s good.”
“You, on the other hand, don’t look okay at all.”
I get that he’s Mr. Fix-It, but right now I’m not the person he should be concentrating on. “Thanks for letting me know she’s doing well.” The questions are right on the tip of my tongue, but I bite them back. He’s never going to divulge secrets or tell me if she’s told anyone else what happened in her past. Not my place to know that. Not anymore, at least.
He threads his fingers through his hair. “I’ve gotta get back in there.”
“Yeah, okay.”
Roman gives me the once-over. “You’re a good guy, Jace. I’m sorry it didn’t work out between you and my sister.”
“Me too,” I mutter, turning my back and walking away before I do something completely idiotic like beg him to speak to her on my behalf.
I am glad she’s doing well, I silently repeat to myself until I reach my car. As I drive, I try to remind myself that I have a lot to be thankful for; our time together, even though it ended far too soon, is something I won’t regret. Yes, I betrayed her and she broke my heart, but I’ll always be grateful we had a handful of really happy memories.
The truth is I need to move on. She has. That much is obvious. I am happy for her. I’m happy she’s happy, if that makes any sense. I need to figure out what my next step is. I have no idea what my future looks like, but I do know that she will have no part in it.