I’m nervous.
Like stomach upset, palm sweating nervous.
What the fuck do I have to be nervous about? I repeat the silent question as I make the drive to Roman’s house. It’s not like I haven’t been around these people before. It’s not like I haven’t been welcomed with open arms many times in the past. And it’s not like Bella and I weren’t once a couple. So I ask again, what the hell do I have to be nervous about?
Everything. Every goddamn thing.
Ever since speaking with Bella yesterday and hearing the girlish exuberance in her voice, I’ve been on edge. Something has changed, and I’ll be damned if I know what it is. It’s cool that she has no issue with me being here today to celebrate Emmy’s eighteenth birthday, but I do wonder why that is. The woman has done nothing but avoid me for months now. Even our brief conversation in the café left me believing we had no future together.
I could probably second-guess myself to death and still never understand exactly why things have changed. I should just accept that they have and be happy. I admit, I’m hesitant to believe she and I might actually reunite. Hell, I’m hesitant about even hoping for that. Feels like all I’ve done is wait and wonder and hope. I’m fucking sick and tired of it.
The driveway is filled with cars I recognize, one in particular that sends my nerves spiraling all over again. This is it. D-Day, if you will. This is make-or-break-it time for me and Bella. We’re either going all in, or I’m walking away and chalking this up to …
To what, asshole? Are you seriously going to walk away from the woman you love? Now, after all the months you’ve waited, you’re going to just give up?
Fuck. I hate the little voice in my head that pops up out of nowhere at the most inopportune times. But he … it is right. Can I really walk away from her if things don’t go the way I hope they will? Hell if I know. I do know that I’m tired of waiting, tired of wondering. Sick to death of hoping that she’ll fall as crazy in love with me as I am with her.
Stepping out of the Jeep, present in hand, I move slowly toward the front door. I’m not even in there yet and already I feel like the odd man out. Who am I to this family really? Just a hanger-on, the brother of a best friend. They are under no obligation to invite me to these parties. Even though I am close with Emmy, simply because she’s a student where I work, that doesn’t mean they should feel like I have to be invited.
Annoyed at my morose attitude, I give myself an internal shake and step up to the door rapping twice with my knuckles. I wait, knock again. The muted voices and music coming from inside the house more than likely shield my arrival. After the third attempt at knocking and doorbell ringing, I let myself in and head into the kitchen where a gaggle of female voices greets me.
Sabrina is standing at the counter, piling cupcakes onto a platter, when she sees me and smiles. “Hey, stranger. I’m so glad you could make it.” Holding her frosting covered hands out to the side, we share a hug, and then I turn to greet the others.
One by one, they each come up to me. A quick embrace from Mia, a few words exchanged with Amita, one or two questions asked. Mrs. Moran, the last in line to greet me, takes my hand in hers and pats it repeatedly, looking up at me with eyes that mirror Bella’s. “We’re so happy to have you here today.”
“Thank you, Mrs. Moran. I wouldn’t have missed it.”
Amita rolls her eyes and makes a raspberry sound with her lips. “Yeah, right. Took a little arm wrestling to get you here, didn’t it, Jace?”
I shrug. “Not really. Bella said it was cool.”
Her dark brows wiggle up and down. “Oh, I just bet she did.” She catches me looking curiously over her shoulder through the windows into the backyard. “She’s out there. You know, in case you were wondering.”
Mia shoves a platter in my hands. “Drop this off at the food table, will you?”
I nod taking the large tray from her hands and stepping out onto the patio where the real party is. The Moran brothers are once more holding court by the barbeque, and they each greet me with a wave or a jerk of the head. I exchange a few words with the senior Moran then move in their direction, taking in the chaos that’s irrupting on the lawn.
A very intense game of volleyball is being played between what I deem as the old folks and the kids. Emmy and her friends are lined up on one side; Bella, Jack, and Alex on the other. There’s a whole lot of smack talk and laughter, and from what I can pick up it appears that the youngsters are kicking some ass.
“Looks serious,” I comment to Roman.
He nods and gestures with his beer. “Let’s see. Jack says he’s no longer speaking to Alex. Bella has threatened to kick Jack in the nuts. And if that Josh kid touches Emmy one more time, there might possibly be a murder.”
I consider him out of the corner of my eye. “I shouldn’t join in then is that what you’re saying?”
He gives me a cursory once-over and shrugs. “Eh. You can probably handle yourself.”
I chuckle. “Thanks for the encouragement.”
Bella grins at me as I stroll into the game and take up the spot just behind her. “Hi, Jace.”
“Hey, Bella.”
She points to her companions. “We are in desperate need of help. Jack sucks at this game.”
Jack rolls his eyes at her and leans close, whispering, “I suck very well, I’ll have you know.”
Chuckling, I shaking my head. “Yeah, man, thanks for the information, but I really didn’t need to know that.”
He smirks at me, glances over at Bella, and responds quietly, “Bet she does too.”
Everything south of the border starts to stand at full attention simply from the mere mention of what Bella can do with her mouth. And Jack, dick that he is, knows exactly what’s going on because he starts to howl with laughter.
While I’m busy reciting lines from Hamlet in my head just to get my body to behave, Emmy scolds the entire group and tries to get us focused on the game. Too bad I can only focus on Bella. And on her ass. Her oh-so-fine, tight little ass that’s encased in miniature red shorts. I swear I think she’s wiggling it just to divert my attention. Doesn’t she realize we’re on the same team? And that her entire family is in attendance?
I force myself to focus on the serve, help Alex bat it around, and send it flying right over again. It comes sailing back with a spike right at Bella’s feet, and she immediately turns to blame Jack. And this is how the rest of the game goes. They serve, we return, they score. I suppose our lack of focus could have something to do with the fact that Jack is more interested in flirting with Alex than he is on winning. Or that I can’t seem to take my eyes off of Bella.
“Uncle Jace, you guys are terrible,” Emmy states, tightening her ponytail.
“Yeah, Em. That we are.”
She drops the ball onto the ground. “Let’s take a break.”
“Thank fuck,” Jack murmurs under his breath.
Bella moves toward me as the others walk away. “Join me?” she points to the porch swing where I recall her sitting with her brother last year. I also recall how she couldn’t keep her eyes off me and how we exchanged silent conversation for the majority of the party. There might have even been a bit of subtle eye-fucking, but that’s my secret for now.
We settle on the swing, the canopy shielding us from the warm August sun. Bella pulls her legs up to sit cross-legged while I keep a nice steady cadence with my foot moving us slowly back and forth. We’re close enough to touch, though I notice we are careful about any accidental contact.
“I’m glad you’re here,” she says.
“Me too.” My eyes dart sideways. “How are you?”
She sends me a warm smile. “I’m doing really well.” The smile fades some. “I sat down with Emmy a few days ago and told her what happened.”
Without thinking, I reach for her hand. “Ah, babe, I know that must have been difficult.”
“It was. But it was more important for her to know the truth. She’ll be going off to college soon.” Her small index finger traces mine. “How have you been?”
I shrug. “Pretty good. Gearing up for school to start next month.” I’m actually looking forward to returning to work. The past few lonely months have worn out their welcome.
She nods but remains silent. There’s subtle tension between us that I can only attribute to so much left unsaid. I hate the thought of pushing her but wondering about my place in her life is starting to drive me a little insane.
Cruz strolls out onto the lawn, Thomas in his arms. He sets the toddler down and takes a few steps back, tossing a foam football to him. Thomas’s infectious laughter makes me smile. Glancing over at Bella, I can see it’s having the same effect on her.
“He’s such a cool little dude.”
Bella squeezes my fingers. “He really is. He’s going to be a big brother in a few months too.”
“That’s great news. I’m really happy for them.” I don’t know Cruz or Mia that well, but I do admire the parents they are to their son and the devoted way they are to one another.
“Me too. I love being an auntie.” She sighs and turns slightly to face me. “I want what they have Jace.”
My stomach jolts wondering where’s she’s going with all this. “I do too, eventually.”
She shakes her head. “No, you misunderstand. I want it. All of it. I want to come home to someone I love each night and talk about all the stupid things that happened during the day. I want to hang out on the weekends doing laundry and grocery shopping.” Releasing my hand, she places her palms on my face. “I want the good, the great, and all the crap in between. And I want that with you, if you’ll still have me.”
My eyes widen in shock as my heart jumps into my throat. I can feel myself blinking, uncertain about what I’ve heard, thinking I’ve dreamed it up somehow. She must sense my confusion, my outright astonishment, because she starts to laugh as she uncurls her legs and stands between mine.
“There will never be enough hours or days for me to apologize for stringing you along. I can only thank you for your patience and for your belief in me even when I hated myself.” Tears fill her eyes as she leans close, forehead coming down onto mine. “I’ve been so stupid, Jace. I’ve wasted so much time running from everything. My past. You. I don’t want to run anymore, unless I’m running right into your arms.”
It feels like I’ve waited a lifetime to hear her say these words and now that she has, I’m totally locked down and unable to respond. Words are piled up on my tongue, promises of a happy future together, plans I want us to make, but all I can do is sit there grinning at her and pull her down onto my lap where she’s always been meant to be.
She nestles her face into my neck and whispers, “I love you, Jace Austin. I love everything about you, from your love of Shakespeare to the way you play your guitar. I love the sound of your voice saying my name. I love the way your lips feel on mine. I love the way you’ve never given up on me, even though I’ve given you a thousand reasons why you should.” Lifting her head, she smiles through the tears. “I love you. I’ve always loved you. I will always love you.”
Her lips come down on mine in a gentle vow of completion that I’ve waited for a lifetime. Somewhere beyond I hear what sounds like clapping, maybe a few words of encouragement, and a few decidedly female giggles. But none of that matters now. Nothing matters except this beautiful creature in my arms, the woman I met a year ago who changed my life completely and in every possible way.
When she eventually pulls away, there’s a silent question in her eyes. One I can only answer with action. Digging into my pocket, I pull out my wallet and extract the tiny tissue wrapped package I’ve kept in this exact spot since I purchased it. I’ve dreamed about a day like this, giving her this token of my love for her, but in all my fantasies I’ve never felt like my heart was going to jump out of my chest and my hands have never wavered like they are right at this moment.
Holding the ring up for her to see, I lock my gaze with hers. “I bought this when I was in Washington a few months ago. I bought it with the hope that you’d eventually make your way back to me.” Her smile widens. “This isn’t an engagement ring, Bella. It’s not a ‘will you be my girlfriend?’ ring. And it’s not a promise ring.” She frowns in confusion. “It’s more than that. This is my commitment to you that I am there for you always. I bought it with that belief. I hope you’ll wear it with the same knowledge that no matter how many years go by, I will always be your greatest defender, your advocate, your love.” Grasping her right hand, I slide it onto her ring finger; I’m leaving the left one bare until I can put a wedding band on it. “I love you, Bella. You’ve changed me. You’ve made me a better man. I never want to rehash the past few months without you, but having you come back to me has made it all worth it.” Dropping a brief kiss on her lips, I whisper, “Just to clarify, if you want an engagement ring, we can shop for one right now. Nothing would make me happier.”
She laughs, kissing me in between chuckles. “Let’s enjoy each other for a little while. We’ve got a lifetime.”
I nod, holding her tightly. “Yes we do.”
I believe Shakespeare really knew what he was talking about when he said, “The course of true love never did run smooth.” Nothing about my relationship with Bella thus far has been smooth, but every single bit of it has been worth it. We’ve gotten through what I hope is the worst and finally, after so many years, she’s reached an acceptance about what happened to her. I’ve always admired her strength, but never more than I do right now. Facing demons is never easy; facing those you’ve run from for so long takes great willpower and determination to want to better yourself.
“I’ve missed you,” she whispers, snuggling into my arms.
I sigh, content for the first time in months. “I’ve missed you too.” From across the yard, I see Roman looking our way, a content smile lining his mouth. He knows, as do I, that his baby sister is a powerful force of courage and fortitude. A woman deserving of happiness and love. I hope he knows I intend to be the one to give her that. If he doesn’t, I’ll make sure he does. I’ll make certain they all do. This woman is mine and my days of watching her walk away from me are over.
I am never, ever letting her go. She’s mine. For now. For always.
~~~The end~~~