PROLOGUE

"What's going on? What's happening?" I shout out.

"We're losing her. We need to get this baby out now!"

"What do you mean?" I yell but no one hears me. I bring her hand to my lips. The tight grip she had, had on me has loosened and her hand is floppy in mine. A doctor is pressing down on her chest but the line on the monitor doesn't change and the sound is deafening. "Vic?" I shout. The doctor stops the compressions on her chest and looks to his feet, with his hand on his hips.

"It's a girl." A midwife shouts out. I look across to see a baby being lifted into the air. I look back at my wife lying there, lifeless. I’m numb. Everything moves in slow motion, in a type of haze. Looking back up at the doctor, I come back to myself. "You have to save her!"

I look between the doctor and the midwives. "Why aren't you doing anything, help her!"

"Mr Bates. I'm afraid she's gone. I'm so sorry."

"What... I don't understand. How can she be gone?" I look back at her beautiful face. Tears build up in my eyes as I stroke her soft face. Something I've always done. "Vic. You can't leave me. How am I going to cope alone? Please wake up, Vic."
"Owen." I don't take my eyes away from her. "Mr Bates, we need you to hold your baby." I tear my eyes from Victoria. My Victoria, my love, my wife. I look at the midwife holding my daughter. The result of our love, a baby we created. She's crying. A high-pitched wail. I look back down at Vic. She's peaceful. Looking back between our daughter and her, I realise I have to pull myself together.

She’s not coming back. Our baby is crying and she needs me.

"Owen?" Wiping away the wetness that's pooled in my eyes, I take her numbly from the midwife, swaddled up in a towel and lie her against my chest. Holding her tightly against me - she stops crying instantly. Using the back of my fingers, I stroke across her skin, her hand finds its way out of the towel and grabs onto my finger, clutching tightly.

The tears that have started to pool again are tracking their way down my cheeks. I kiss her forehead lightly. "You don't even have a name do you." We didn't choose names, we said we were going to choose when he/she got here. What the hell am I going to do now.

Looking to the midwife, "Can you take her. I just want a few minutes with Victoria."

"Of course. I'll go clean her up, take as long as you need."

Pulling the chair across, I sit down with a loud sigh. My chin trembles as I take her hand. She's still warm, any minute now I think her eyelids are going to flutter open the way they do on a morning when I wake her, showing me those bright blues eyes. I kiss her lips - nothing. "We have a girl Vic, just what you wanted. A beautiful little girl just like her mummy.” I kiss her hand. “How am I going to do this on my own, it wasn't supposed to be like this baby. We were supposed to do this together. This is what we always wanted." A shudder racks through my body as I sob into her hand, the tears running freely. Standing up from the chair, I look down on my wife. My beautiful wife, I realise I'm all our daughter has now. Bending over her, I kiss her forehead then her lips again. "Sleep now angel." A tear drops onto her cheek, I wipe it away gently, sit back in the chair and rest my head on the bed at the side of her.
 

"Owen." A hand touches my shoulder. I open my eyes to a nurse hovering over me. My gaze slides across to the bed. My heart breaks for a second time. "I'm sorry to wake you but your daughter needs a feed, we thought you may like to give her, her first bottle?"

"I can't leave her. I can't leave Vic. She’ll be alone."

"She won't, I promise. Someone will be here but your daughter needs you too."

Nodding, I kiss her hand then I lean across and kiss her cheek. "I'll be back soon."

The midwife looks at me with unshed tears, full of sympathy. She places a sympathetic hand at my back and guides me from the room. Before I leave through door she's holding open, I glance back at Victoria. I want to see her smile again but I'm never going to see it again.

 

Entering the nursery with the midwife, she takes me to my daughter. Looking down at the wriggling baby in the cot, a small smile forms at the side of my mouth. I look at the name on the from 'Baby Bates' girl. 6lb 13oz. I watch the midwife take her out of the cot and lift her, with a nod of her head I open my arms as she places her in them. I look down, her eyes are closed. The midwife pulls a chair over for me, I sit down. She hands me the bottle of milk...

"I'll give you some space." I watch her walk from the room. The door closes behind her, it’s then I start to realise it's just us. Me and my baby girl. I place the teat in her mouth but she spits it back out. Her eyes slowly open, her baby blues stare back at me. "Hey baby girl. I'm your daddy." A tear trickles down my face, "I promise you no one will ever hurt you. I'm going to cherish you, love you with all my heart and I promise I'll never leave you." She blinks as more tears run down my cheeks. "I love you. I know your mummy did too but it's just us now. I promise you I'll try not to screw up." I place a kiss on her forehead and inhale her scent.

 

My baby. My daughter. My life!