Chapter Fifteen
Payton
I wasn’t sure what to think. I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to feel. Yeah, I wanted Mason. He was hot and kind, and the best sex I’d ever had. He made me laugh, and I really had looked forward to each and every phone call. But. He’d gone through so much over the last week. I wasn’t really sure if he actually wanted me. If he’d actually thought any of this out. Or if he was acting out of instinct, out of self-preservation, out of loneliness. I didn’t want to be a Band-Aid for him. It’d be like putting a small patch on the Hoover Dam. It’d never hold and then I’d be the one drowning in the end.
I looked up, almost afraid to meet his eyes, afraid that if I did I would cave. “Mace. I’ll stay. Of course I’ll stay. We can cuddle all night long if you don’t want to be alone. But that’s all, okay? We can’t complicate this with sex right now.” Deep down, I knew he wasn’t ready. I knew he had healing to do, and he had things to process. A life to learn how to live. Sex and what it might lead to would make things harder, more confusing.
“Payton.” He put his finger under my chin, lifting until our gazes met. “I’ll take whatever you’re willing to give me.”
I let out a deep breath, thankful that he hadn’t pushed. That he hadn’t tried to kiss me, to tempt me. Because I wanted him, as much if not more than he wanted me. But Mason was going through something terrible. Something unfathomable. I needed to be smart for all three of us right now. And I needed to protect our hearts.
I picked up Katie, cradling her close to my chest while Mace moved her bassinet into his room. He placed it beside his bed, adjusting it until it was within arm’s reach. He tossed his dress shirt toward the closet and let his slacks fall to the floor before stepping out of them. Then he collapsed on his mattress wearing only his briefs, watching me get Katie settled back down.
“You’re so good with her, Payton.”
I smiled and sat next to him, suddenly exhausted. “It’s kind of my job to be good with tiny babies.”
He pulled me down and then wrapped his arm around my middle, spooning me. “It’s more than that. You’re so kind, so loving.” He buried his face in my damp hair. “Katie and I are so damn lucky that you’re here. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome, friend.” I was surrounded by his scent and by his arms. It all felt so good. Part of me wanted to turn and kiss him. I wanted him to roll on top of me, get lost inside me. I wanted to feel something other than hurt too, something other than grief.
But I stayed right where I was.
***
I woke up the next morning with Mason still wrapped around me. He’d gotten up with Katie more than once in the night, refusing my help every time I’d offered. Mason thought he needed me, but he didn’t. He and Katie would be fine on their own. I was selfish enough to let him think whatever he wanted for now though, because I wasn’t sure I was ready to leave.
“Shhh. Don’t wake her.”
I got shivers when I felt Mason’s breath against the back of my neck. He pulled me tighter against him and I couldn’t miss the hard length of his cock pressing against my ass. I should’ve moved away. I should’ve gotten up and gotten out of his comfortable bed, where the expensive sheets smelled like him. Like rich cologne and soap. But I didn’t. It’d been so long since I’d been touched that way, so long since he had touched me like that. I knew it was wrong, but just like the first night I met Mace, my body was driving and my brain was in the back seat. All the smart from twelve hours ago had left my head.
“Do you like that? You have goose bumps.” He was whispering, and I resisted the moan that was lodged in my throat.
“Mason.”
He ignored the warning in my voice and put his hand on my bare hip where my T-shirt had ridden up while I’d slept. His touched caused even more of a reaction than his words. I closed my eyes when his palm snaked around and rested just under my breast. His lips on my neck made me squirm against him. I was trying to find the strength I had last night, the resolve I’d felt that staying away from sex with Mason was the right thing to do. But I couldn’t. I was a slave to whatever he wanted to do to me. It all felt so good.
“I want you so fucking bad, Payton. Getting inside of you is suddenly all I can think about.” He moved his hand back down to my hip and pulled my ass against him tighter. “I understand why this isn’t a good idea. I do, I promise. But, fuck, you feel so damn good pressed against me right now. Tell me yes. Tell me you want this, please baby.”
“Mason. I—”
Katie started to wail from her bassinet. Mason collapsed behind me, his whole body going limp when he’d been coiled so tight just seconds ago.
“Really, Katie? Little cock-blocker.”
I snorted and sat up, more than relieved that the baby had woken up and kept us from making a terrible mistake. “Don’t say cock in front of the baby.” I picked her up and laid her down on the mattress next to Mace while I got a fresh diaper from the top of his dresser.
“She doesn’t know what cock means, Payton.” He dipped down and kissed the top of her head and smiled. “And she never will. I’m locking her away in a tower like Rapunzel.”
I sat down next them, turning her so that I could get her ready to start her little baby day of eating, sleeping, and pooping. “Nah. She’ll fall in love with some rock royalty kid, just to piss you off.”
Mason gasped. “She’d never.”
I giggled and went about what I was doing. Our banter might have been light and playful, but there was still an underlying sexual tension lingering in the room. I’d almost given in. I was about to say yes, to tell him that I wanted him too. Thank God that Katie had woken up. There would have been no going back once that three-letter word had left my mouth. Now, if I had to, I could pretend like I’d planned on saying no.
“Payton, about earlier, I—”
“I’ve already told you, Mace, I don’t think it’s a good idea.” I refused to meet his eyes, afraid that he’d see the want in my gaze. “You turn me on, you do. I would love to throw caution to the wind and give you what you’re asking for. See if we could break that five times record of ours.”
“But?”
“But it isn’t safe. And it isn’t smart.” I finally peeked up from under my lashes to look at him. He was watching me, his eyes darting from mine to my lips and back up again. “Maybe I should try and stay at home tonight. Give you guys some space, some time together without—”
“Please don’t go. Not yet, Payton. Please? I’m not ready.” He reached out and took my hand. “I won’t do that again, okay? I promise to behave.”
And there it was. He was scared of being alone. Everything I’d thought before, every reason I’d stayed away and kept the physical touch to the minimum was staring me right in the face. I’d been right all along, and I hated how much it stung.
“I’ll stay for a couple more nights. But if there is one more repeat of what just happened in here I’ll move my stuff into the nursery. Understood?”
He let go of my hand, some of the tension and fear leaving his face. His smile was small as he got out of bed. “Thank you. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
Well one day he was going to have to find out. I couldn’t stay here with them like this forever. We’d end up hooking up and then breaking each other’s hearts. Mason wasn’t ready for happily ever after, and I wouldn’t settle for anything less.