Chapter Thirty-nine
Payton
Fifteen weeks and four days old
“Come on, Bug, let’s go listen to some tunes. That’ll make it all better, right?” Katie was teething and not at all happy about it. I rubbed some organic numbing gel on her gums and then carried her down the hall and into the living room. After Mason had left, I’d tried to get her to agree to another record. But she still only calmed down with the Eagles. I knew the words to all these songs by heart. I could probably sing them backward and forward. Her favorite was “Best of My Love.”
Katie laid her sleepy little head on my shoulder, her eyes heavy. I turned in a circle because, after all, we were dancing. I stopped short when I saw Mason leaning against the wall, watching us with this look of absolute awe on his face.
He took a step toward me. “I thought of moments like this the whole time I was gone.”
I took a step backward, away from the honesty shinning in Mason’s eyes. I didn’t want to speak and ruin the spell Katie was under. I didn’t want to wake her up. So I just shook my head. My pulse pounded and I could feel those stupid traitorous butterflies stir to life.
“Please, Payton? Please, just this one thing? Just this one time?”
A ridiculous tear fell down my face. And I closed my eyes to keep the rest of them right where they were.
Mason wrapped us both in his arms and started to sway. I didn’t want to relax into his hold, but I did. I didn’t want to breathe in his scent, but I did.
“God I missed this. Missed my girls.”
No. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t fall back into him like that. Like nothing bad had ever happened. I pulled back, shaking my head. “I asked you not to push me.” He took a step toward me but the look on my face stopped him. “Don’t use my love for her against me. That’s not fair.” Luckily Katie was back asleep, so I left him standing in the middle of that dark room.
With the song still playing.
***
“Are you just now getting home?” I was sitting at the kitchen island the next morning, drinking my cup of coffee. Usually I’d have Katie in my lap, or in her bouncy seat on the floor. But Mason had been in her room with her when I’d gone to get her dressed for the day. So I’d just kept on walking. Avoidance, that was my new and improved plan. Civil and at a distance.
“Maybe. What’s it to ya?” Paxton, wearing the same clothes he had on yesterday, poured himself a cup of coffee and leaned his hip against the counter.
“Well, at least one person in this house is seeing some action.” I blew on my coffee before taking another sip. It’d been over eleven weeks since I’d been touched. Not that I got a lot of action before Mason. I was always up at the hospital or with my family. I didn’t date a lot, and one-night stands weren’t really my thing. But Mason had spoiled my body, ruined me. Him being home? Being close? Was making it more than apparent that there was something missing from my life. Sex.
“I’m sure if you’re really wanting some ass Mason would be more than happy to oblige.”
“I’m not making that mistake a third time.” I wrinkled my nose at how pathetic that sounded on my part. Fool me once? Nah, let’s just fool me twice and get it over with.
“I take it dinner didn’t go well?”
I sent him a small smile. “Dinner actually went okay. We agreed to try to be friends, to co-parent Katie. It was civil, and I even enjoyed parts of it.” I pointed at my brother. “If you tell him I said that I’ll beat you with a pillow case full of bar soap.”
“Graphic.” He propped his elbows on the island in front of me. “So why are you so freshly pissed at him?”
“Last night I was up with Katie. We were in the living room, listening to our record. I do a little twirl and BAM! He’s standing there watching us.” I took another sip before continuing. “He looks at me with these puppy dog eyes, and spouts some line about how much he missed me. Then he comes and wraps Katie and me in his arms and starts dancing with us.”
“He did what? He’s such a moron. I told him…”
I cocked my head to the side when Paxton let his words trail off. “What?”
“What?” He took a large sip of his coffee.
“You told him to come do that? To come hold us like nothing had ever happened? The day he got back?”
He rolled his eyes. “Of course not.”
I watched Paxton for a couple seconds, but when he sat silently drinking his coffee, I moved on. It’s not like my brothers would ever try to help Mason get me back. They knew what his leaving had done to me. “Whatever.” I finished off my coffee and put my mug in the sink. “Will you go grab Katie for me? We need to head to yoga.”
“You have legs, Pay. If avoiding his presence is your plan, it’s not a good one. You live in the same house. Stop acting like a child.”
Before I could pout, or throw a fit, Mason came walking into the kitchen. “Here you go. She’s all dressed and ready to happy baby it up.” He handed me Katie, and a freshly stocked diaper bag.
“You know the names of yoga poses?” Paxton put his hand over his mouth and coughed, “Pussy.”
Mason smirked. “Ask me how I know. Come on, man, ask me about down dog.” He gestured with his head in my direction, wagging his eyebrows, and Paxton’s smile fell.
“You want me to hit you? This early?”
I looked between the two of them, a frown on my face. They were joking around. What the hell? “When did y’all become friends?”
Paxton snorted. “Keep dreaming baby sister.” He placed a kiss on Katie’s head and turned me toward the archway. “You’re going to be late.”
But before I got to the front door Mason grabbed my hand. He dropped it and took a small step back as soon as I shot him a death glare. “Payton, look, about last night…”
“No.” I shook my head. “You promised me that you wouldn’t push. And you lied. Again.” Last night made me feel weak. I loved having him there to hold us. I loved him whispering the words to that song in my ear. I’d dreamed of another moment like that every night.
He was playing to all of my weaknesses, and he fucking knew it.
I walked out before he could say anything else.