Chapter 32 - Ethan
By the end of September, Zoe, Audrey and I have slipped into a new routine. Lang Creek townspeople start getting excited about the biggest event of the year: the Fall Festival. It seems like everyone is in town for it. I see people here all the way from Long Lake, and even Albany. Even Mickey, who owns the B&B that I like, is here.
I walk hand-in-hand with Zoe, and Audrey skips beside us. Audrey is laughing more. Settling into a routine with school seems to have helped. Zoe still looks sad when she stares off into nothing, but she’s starting to laugh again too. We don’t talk about that day by the river too much, but it hangs over us like a dark cloud.
Zoe leans into me as we walk, and I squeeze her hand. She’s wearing jeans and a tight top with a clingy cardigan, and she couldn’t look any better. We walk into the festival grounds, wandering through food stalls and a farmer’s market. We stop in front of some performers. One of them is juggling while the other is cracking jokes. Audrey glances up at the two of us with laughter in her eyes before turning back to the performers.
Zoe turns to me and I touch my nose to hers.
“Thank you,” she says as I kiss her forehead.
“There’s nothing to thank me for,” I answer. She smiles and shakes her head, and I see a lightness in her face that I haven’t seen in a long, long time. Maybe it’s all the people, maybe it’s Audrey laughing and skipping in front of us, maybe it’s the crisp autumn air. Whatever it is, Zoe looks how she did before the accident. It’s been a few weeks now, and the shock of the incident seems to have worn off.
Audrey is doing well at school, and we’ve settled into a new normal life. I never thought I would say this, but things are good.
I kiss Zoe’s forehead, thankful that she seems to be coming back to me after the trauma of losing her mother and almost losing Audrey.
“I want to go on the pony!” Audrey says, pointing to a sign for pony rides. There’s a large enclosure at the other end of the fair grounds. Zoe nods and smiles, and the three of us set off in the direction of the pony rides.
We’re only about halfway there when Margaret McCoy steps out in front of us. I freeze, and Zoe does the same. Audrey smiles at Margaret.
“Hi, Mrs. McCoy!” She calls out.
Zoe bristles, and I wonder if, like me, she resents Margaret and the stick boats that started the horrible chain of events near the river.
“Hi there, Audrey. How are you?”
“I’m fine,” she says cheerily, oblivious to our discomfort. “I’m going on a pony ride!”
“Isn’t that nice,” Margaret says, not looking at Audrey. Her eyes are trained on me, and a chill goes down my spine. I stand up straighter.
“Why are you still here, Margaret?” I ask. “Life was better when you weren’t in town.”
“Was it, now?” She asks slowly, glancing from me to Zoe and back. Zoe squeezes my hand as if to say, don’t make a scene. She turns to Zoe. “I’m sorry to hear about your mother. She seemed like a lovely woman.”
Zoe tenses. “She was,” she answers through gritted teeth.
Margaret smiles, but her eyes remain dull. “Glad you’ve found a bit of happiness,” she says, nodding to me. “Although a Clarke wouldn’t be my first choice.”
“Oh fuck off, Margaret,” I explode. “All you’ve done here is cause trouble since the day you stepped foot in town. Do you thrive off people feeling uncomfortable?”
Her face turns dark. “This is my town as much as it is yours! I’m sick of you and your brothers parading around town like you own the place. How dare you speak to me like that!”
“How dare I?” I repeat, incredulous. “How dare I?!”
The anger is rising inside me. Zoe squeezes my hand again but it’s like I have tunnel vision. All I can see is Margaret McCoy, and the anger of the last decade starts to flood my veins. I’m vaguely aware that I’m shaking. It takes all my concentration to keep myself in one piece when my body feels like it’s about to explode.
She has the nerve to be mad at me, when Margaret McCoy is the reason that Audrey was playing near the water. Margaret is the reason that Bernie died. Margaret is the reason that Dominic almost lost Mara last year, and the reason that my brothers and I lost our father’s business. She is the reason that the past ten years have been spent in a dark hole of depression and misery and scraping by and wondering why life is so difficult when your last name is ‘Clarke’.
I slip my hand out of Zoe’s, and ball my hands into fists. My nails dig into my palms and the pain of it eases the fury in me long enough to notice Dominic at the edge of my vision. People are pausing near us, glancing at us curiously and waiting to see what happens. Their shameless curiosity only angers me more.
I shake my head. “You’re evil, Margaret McCoy. Pure evil. You don’t care about anyone but yourself. I don’t know why you’re here, but I know you’re up to no good.”
“Well at least I’m not an arsonist,” she spits. Zoe tenses beside me but I don’t have the energy to look at her. All my focus is on McCoy. I see my brothers moving towards me from the corner of my eye, but the words are already leaving my mouth.
“I’m glad I burned that fucking thing down,” I spit. “That hotel was just a testament to your greed. You don’t care about this town or these mountains. All you care about is yourself. You’re probably here to remind everyone that you’ve ruined at least two families with your spite.” I spit the words out. I’m shaking, the heat rising to my ears as I try to contain my anger. I take a step towards her and shake my head. “I’d burn down that fucking hotel a hundred times if it meant you left town and never came back.”
It’s not until Dominic puts a hand on my chest and makes me step back that I realize how badly I’m trembling. I look up and see a ring of people around us, and Margaret McCoy looking at me with a triumphant look on her face. Dominic sighs, pushing me back gently another step.
“Ethan,” he says, and shakes his head.
I turn around and my heart drops.
Zoe’s face has a thousand emotions written across it. I can see the pain and betrayal of my words. The lie I told her, all those weeks ago, to protect my brothers and my town is coming back to haunt me. Margaret is gloating behind me and Zoe’s bottom lip is trembling. The pain in her eyes is indescribable, and my heart rips in half. It feels like two hands are pulling my chest apart, and my insides are spilling onto the ground in front of me.
Zoe doesn’t say a word. She looks at me for another second, and then takes Audrey’s hand and walks away.
“Zoe, wait!” I call out. I break free from Dominic’s grip and run after her. “Wait!”
She stops and glances around at the dozens of people watching us. Fucking Fall Festival, I think as I see the mortification in her eyes. Finally, she drags her eyes back up to mine and it feels like a dagger has been plunged right into my heart.
“You lied to me,” she says, her voice low and pregnant with emotion. “All this time, you’ve been lying.”
“Zoe, I…”
She holds up a hand and I stop talking. Her eyes shine with unsaid words, and she turns around again, walking away from me.
I want to run after her. I want to drop to my knees in front of her and beg her to forgive me. I want to explain that I lied because I didn’t know her. I lied to protect my brother and the Sheriff, to protect my town. I lied to protect myself.
I want to tell her that everything is different now, that I don’t want to protect myself from her because I love her. I love her more than I’ve loved anyone before.
But I can’t say anything. I watch her walk away, hand-in-hand with her daughter, and my feet turn concrete. I stay rooted in place as my heart breaks over and over with every step that she takes. It’s not until Dominic puts a hand on my shoulder that I tear my eyes away from Zoe.
“I’ve lost her,” I say. My voice is flat, and my whole body feels grey. I’m empty.
“Come on,” my brother says. “Let’s get out of here.”
Numb, I follow him in the opposite direction, glancing one last time in the direction that Zoe left.