Chapter 4
Adam put down the diary and looked up at me with something like regret in his eyes. I didn’t want him to feel badly, I just wanted him to know that even if my first time hadn’t been with him, I’d always wanted it to be.
“Baby, I’m sorry,” he whispered.
I frowned and shook my head. “Don’t. That’s not what . . . I just wanted you to know that it’s always been you.”
“But your first time should have been special, Els. It should have been romantic.”
I shrugged. “In the grand scheme of things, it’s not the worst thing that happened. Dad—”
“Douglas died a few days after your birthday,” Adam murmured, finishing my sentence.
“Yeah,” I whispered back, remembering how mixed up I’d been over my father’s death. I’d grieved, but I couldn’t figure out if I was mourning the idea of a dad or if I was mourning Douglas Carmichael. To make matters worse, he left me a boatload of money and it took me a while to come to terms with how that made me feel. And I struggled, for a time, with the thought that he died while I was mad at him.
Adam slid across the hardwood floor, put his arm around me, and hugged me close. “Ellie, I thought you stopped feeling guilty about that. He was a shit dad. You had a right to be angry at him no matter what happened.”
I nodded and snuggled closer to Adam, inhaling the scent of him and his aftershave. He smelled good. He always smelled good.
We sat in silence for a while until Adam said, “I barely remembered what I did with that catering girl, just so you know. And I had no idea I said that to you at your party—calling you beautiful and telling you I worried all the time about you. Fucking mixed signals. I was pretty drunk that night.”
“I know. But you were right about Liam. He ended up cheating on me with Allie.”
Adam tensed. “That’s why you stopped talking to Allie? Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because you would have beaten the shit out of him.”
“True.”
I smiled. “Always fighting my battles for me.”
“With you, baby. With you, not for you.”
Liking that a lot, I turned my head and kissed him, loving the familiar press of his mouth against mine. I pulled back and cocked my head in thought. “I thought the year you started to see me differently was the one after my eighteenth.”
“The one after?” Adam’s eyebrows drew together in thought for a minute and then instantly relaxed as he remembered. “The almost kiss.”
While he’d been reading about the night of my eighteenth birthday, I’d found the entry I’d expected him to allude to as to the moment he started to see me as more than Braden’s little sister. I held another diary out to him and he took it with a smile as the memories flooded back to him.
Friday, July 5th
Tonight I had my first truly grown-up, sophisticated and, well, HOT, date. I’m just not sure who I had it with . . .
As Christian helped me out of the taxi, I had to wonder if this was going to be “it.” Christian was handsome, charming, a total gentleman—and he had class. He had yet to make me laugh, but I was sure that would come as we became more comfortable with each other.
He smiled at me again as I pushed the hem of my black dress back down. It had shimmied up while I was sitting in the car. “You look stunning.”
I flushed. When he looked at me like that I felt stunning. I was wearing a plain black sleeveless dress that should have been somewhat modest, considering its high neckline and mid-thigh hemline. However, the dress hugged every inch of my body leaving little to the imagination. It was a sophisticated dress with a splash of “hot.”
I’d bought it earlier that day, specifically for Christian.
We’d met in the student union. Christian was pre-law, two years older than me, and from an obviously wealthy and well-to-do family. They had an estate in the highlands. That had nothing to do with what attracted me to him, of course. I was attracted to him and how he’d acted upon our first meeting—with a fresh and open honesty that really appealed to me. It made me feel like I could be just as open with him. It made me feel like I could be myself.
Christian had told me that although his family had the estate, they also had a home in Corstorphine, a busy suburb west of the city. His parents had bought it when his sister had moved to Edinburgh and started popping out children. She was pregnant with her third and the entire family was living in Edinburgh to be closer to her. I thought that spoke volumes about them, and was more than a little excited to meet them.
To my delight, Christian had booked us a table at La Cour for our first date. I didn’t even get a chance to tell him it was Braden’s restaurant. He inherited it from our father.
As we entered, I opened my mouth to tell him, but Christian started speaking about the menu and what he thought I should order. I was going to tell him I knew what I wanted to order, since I’d eaten at La Cour more times than I could count, when I heard Adam call my name.
Christian and I drew to a halt as the maître d’ led us to our table, and I turned my head to see Adam sitting in the center of the restaurant across a small table from a gorgeous brunette. I ignored the flare of jealousy and reminded myself I was on a date with a fabulous man, and that the gorgeous brunette was just one of many sexual partners for Adam. He was a manwhore.
But he was my manwhore, and I couldn’t help but walk over to him, with Christian at my side and a huge smile on my face, because as always, I was delighted to see him.
Adam grinned up at me, his smile dimming slightly as his gaze flickered to my date. He gave Christian a once over and then turned those beautiful eyes of his back on me. He perused me with a slight smile and when his eyes hit mine they were full of tenderness. “You look absolutely stunning, Els.”
I didn’t just flush at his compliment, I absolutely burned. “Thank you,” I murmured and then gave his date a polite smile. “Hullo.”
She glared at me.
Oh, well.
“Adam, this is Christian.”
Adam gave Christian a taut nod and then flicked his hand to his date. “This is Megan.”
“It’s Meagan,” she corrected him waspishly, pronouncing it like “mee-gan” instead of “meh-gan.”
I saw Adam stifle a long-suffering sigh. Uh-oh. His night obviously wasn’t going well.
“We better get to our table.” Christian gently pulled on my elbow.
I gave Adam another smile. “Enjoy you’re evening.”
“You, too, sweetheart.” I moved to follow Christian but had only taken a step to walk away when I felt a tug on the hem of my dress. I glanced down and watched Adam pull off the price tag. I blushed as he winked at me.
I closed my eyes briefly. I’d left the price tag on. I was always doing stuff like that. God, I hoped Christian hadn’t seen it. Opening my eyes I deliberately ignored Adam’s date and mouthed a heartfelt “thank you.” He grinned at me and I smothered a laugh at myself before catching up with Christian at our table across the room.
“Who was that?” Christian asked casually as we were seated.
“My brother’s best friend,” I replied equally casually. “We grew up together.”
Christian nodded and then ordered us white wine. I preferred red.
We chatted as we waited for the waiter to return, and Christian told me all about a charity he was organizing. He stopped talking when the waiter came back and he began to order my food for me. Choosing to think this was charming rather than overbearing, I informed him this was my brother’s restaurant and that I knew what I wanted. He was impressed that Braden owned La Cour and for five minutes I told him about Braden’s other businesses.
After that we were back onto Christian.
By the time the second course arrived, my hopes for this being “it” were diminishing rapidly. Not once did my date appear to take any real interest in me, and the more I realized how self-absorbed he was, the more aware I became of Adam sitting across the room from me. Adam, whose eyes glittered with interest every time I opened my mouth.
I had just picked up my fork to take a bite of my steak when a phone rang. Debussy. Really? Even his ringtone was pretentious.
Yes, by this point the shine had definitely worn off.
Christian pulled the phone out of his pocket and answered it, his eyes going wide. “I’ll be right there.” He put the phone back in his pocket and stood up.
I stared up at him in absolute shock. Was he about to leave me? In the middle of a date?
“My sister just went into labor,” he explained, and I watched as he threw a wad of cash on the table. “Stay. Finish your meal.” He leaned down and pecked my cheek. “I’ll call you.” And then he was gone.
I couldn’t exactly hate him because he’d abandoned me on our first date to go be by his pregnant sister’s bedside. I slumped against my chair. Christian was obviously a good person. He just also happened to be incredibly self-involved. It occurred to me he’d been the same way at the student union last week, but I’d twisted it in my overly romantic little head and called it open and honest.
I looked at my food glumly.
A hand came down on the back of my chair and a shadow appeared above me. I glanced up to find Adam leaning over me with a scowl on his face.
“Where the fuck did he go?” he growled.
God, I loved him.
“His sister just went into labor.”
Adam relaxed, but didn’t move.
“I’m okay,” I promised him. I wasn’t okay. I wanted to cry. And he knew it.
He straightened up and called out to one of the waiters by name. “Can you move us to a larger table?”
“Of course, Mr. Sutherland.”
“Adam, no,” I protested. “I’m not crashing your date.”
He grabbed my hand and pulled me up. “You got all dressed up, sweetheart. At the very least, you’re going to get to finish your meal.”
Holding my hand, Adam led me to the new table and gave a jerk of his head to his date to tell her to come over to us. He sat next me as Meagan took the seat across from him, her green eyes flashing with annoyance.
“Ellie’s joining us,” Adam informed her, his tone brooking no argument
“Sorry,” I mumbled apologetically to her.
“Don’t apologize,” Adam replied firmly. “You’ve got nothing to apologize for.”
The waiters quickly brought over our plates, and as we dug in Adam asked me about Christian.
“Well.” I sighed after swallowing a piece of tender meat. “Up until forty minutes ago, I thought he was perfect. Forty minutes ago, I didn’t know he’d try to order my food for me or talk incessantly about himself.”
Adam grinned. “Was it about his hair? I bet he could get a good forty minutes out of how long it took him to get that quiff just right. What styling mousse he uses and why, the amount he uses in order to get just the right amount of height and curvature . . .”
I was giggling as he continued to tease me. It was true. Christian had a rather large quiff. Forty minutes ago, I’d thought it spoke of his individuality and style. Now, I was guessing Adam was right. The man probably spent more time on his hair than I did—and that was never a good thing.
Throughout the meal, Adam made me laugh until I forgot all about my ruined evening. It wasn’t until the waiter came to take our plates away and offer us the dessert menu that I remembered Meagan was even there. She reminded us by scraping her chair back and glaring at Adam. “I just remembered I have an early morning tomorrow. Thanks for dinner, Adam. I’ll see you around.”
Before Adam could say anything, she’d turned on her designer heels and stormed out of the restaurant.
I instantly felt terrible. Adam and I hadn’t included her in our conversation at all. It was such a shitty thing to do.
Adam must have recognized my guilty expression because he shook his head at me. “Don’t feel bad, sweetheart. She started complaining the moment I picked her up. If I was rude, it was only in retaliation.”
I gave him a sympathetic smile. “Looks like we saved each other from crappy dates.”
He grinned. “Looks like.” His eyes dropped to the menu. “Now, what are you having for dessert?”
“We don’t need to,” I told him quietly. “We could just pay up and I’ll go home and let you get on with your night.”
His eyes rose to meet mine and he gave me an “are you daft?” look. “Els, shut up and pick a dessert.”
I tried to hide my smile and lowered my eyes to the menu.
***
We stepped out into the warm summer night, and Adam took my arm and tucked it in his. “Where to next?”
I blinked in surprise. We’d finished our meal and I’d just assumed I’d be going home. “Um, where do you fancy?”
“The Voodoo Rooms is only a five-minute walk away. I know the bartenders, so we’ll get a table.”
I nodded, trying to stop my heart from taking off. Adam was taking me out for a drink. He’d never taken me out for a drink just the two of us before. Sometimes he, Braden, and I would meet up for a drink or two, but it was never just Adam and I.
As I walked down the street with him, arm in arm, I allowed myself the fantasy that we were a couple. That’s what other people would see when they passed us. My chest burned with utter longing.
Unrequited love wasn’t nearly as romantic as the books made it seem.
“Who don’t you know in this city?” I teased in an attempt to appear normal around him.
Adam grinned. “There are a few people I’ve yet to meet.”
I chuckled at that. Adam and Braden called Edinburgh “their city,” and they almost meant that literally. They had acquaintances everywhere, and whenever I was out with them, we spent half our time greeting people they knew. Some might say that Adam would never have had that kind of relationship with the city if he hadn’t grown up as Braden’s best friend.
Unlike us, Adam didn’t come from a well-off family. His mum and dad were ordinary folks who never really gave the impression that they’d wanted to be parents. Adam had been an accident. Although they’d never been neglectful or cruel, his parents had been distant, and he’d spent most of his childhood hanging out at Braden’s and bemoaning the summers when Braden was off in Europe with his mother.
As soon as Adam turned eighteen and moved into student housing that put him into a lot of debt, his parents had gotten on a plane and moved to Australia. He heard from them about once a month. Incidentally, Braden had paid off Adam’s student debt as a graduation present, something he proudly wouldn’t accept—until Braden had gotten him drunk and recorded his slurred acceptance on his iPhone. I’d heard the recording. He’d said, “Love you, mate, You’re beautiful” so many times to Braden, I’d almost peed my pants with laughter.
Adam’s difference in background, however, didn’t mean anything. Even if he hadn’t had Braden there opening all these doors, I believed that with his charm and charisma, he’d still be a guy that a lot of people knew, liked, wanted to be, or wanted to sleep with.
When we got to The Voodoo Rooms, dinner service was just finishing up and the place was crowded.
“Adam!” a bartender called out as soon as we walked. “I’ll get you a table.”
We followed him as he claimed a table and wiped it down with a wet dishrag. The guy eyed me as I slid into the booth and gave Adam a smile of approval that made me blush to my roots.
“What can I get you?”
“I’ll have a Macallan and ginger ale. Sweetheart, what do you want?”
“I’ll have a mojito, please.”
Adam settled into the booth with me, his arm sliding along the back of the seat behind my head. For some reason I felt incredibly awkward and I struggled to find something to say.
“Sorry your date was rubbish.”
Adam shrugged. “I’ll just celebrate with you.”
“Celebrate?”
He gave me a small grin, looking boyishly pleased about something. That look hit me between my legs. I needed help. “I’m now a registered architect.”
My lips parted and I impulsively threw my arms around him. “Congratulations!”
He chuckled against my ear and I shivered, loving the press of those strong, creative hands against my back. “Thanks, sweetheart.”
“Does Braden know?” I asked, pulling away.
“Yeah. He congratulated me by giving me a permanent contract.”
I laughed. That was so Braden.
Adam had gotten his practical experience to complete his qualification by working alongside Braden’s architect. This last year, however, he’d been doing the work himself and having now achieved all the qualifications and experience he required, he’d applied to the Architects Registration Board.
“I’m really happy for you.”
“I know. That’s why I’d much rather be here with you than with Megan.”
“Meagan,” I corrected.
“Whatever,” Adam muttered.
Our drinks came and I asked him about the project he and Braden were working on. Adam then asked me about my classes. I had chosen to study History of Art and Fine Art with grand hopes of becoming a gallery curator one day, but while at the university, I was falling in love with the idea of a career in academia.
Clark, who was a professor of classical history at the same school, was extremely proud and excited that I wanted to follow in his footsteps. When I told Braden I was thinking of doing a PhD in Art History he’d given me Adam’s “are you daft?” look, but then kissed me on the forehead and told me to do whatever made me happy.
The night seemed to speed away from us, and before I knew it I was on my third mojito and snuggled much deeper into Adam’s side, laughing as he regaled me with stories of his and Braden’s antics at work and elsewhere.
To the outside world, the two of them were extremely mature young men in their mid-twenties.
I knew better.
I wiped tears of laughter from my eyes and reached for another sip of my drink. “You two are idiots.”
“Shh, that’s a secret.”
I grinned back at him and the smile he gave me suddenly froze.
“What?” I breathed, my heart stopping.
He swallowed and shook his head. “I just sometimes wonder where the time goes.”
“I know. We’re all grown up now,” I teased.
His eyes searched my face, his expression enigmatic. “Yes, we are,” he murmured, and something about the way he said it made the air between us suddenly become electric. I could swear that I stopped breathing altogether. His eyes were dark and focused, and I felt the heat of his look slide sensually down the center of my body. Nervously, I licked my lips and his gaze dropped to my mouth.
My gaze dropped to his.
I don’t know which one of us moved. Whichever one of us it was, our faces were so close that our lips were almost brushing. I could feel his breath on mine and he obviously could feel mine on his. The smell of Macallan and Adam played chaos with my hormones. My chest began to rise and fall with excited nerves and hopeful anticipation.
I moved my head that little bit closer and our lips brushed. Infinitesimally. Still, that slightest touch sent a bolt of lust straight through me.
Adam made a sound in the back of his throat and I swore he was about to close the distance between us . . .
But I’d never know for sure. His phone rang in his jacket pocket, throwing a bucket of ice-cold water over the moment. I jerked back and watched his face cloud over as he realized what had almost happened. Jaw clenched, he reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. It had already stopped ringing. He lifted his eyes to me and told me darkly, “Braden.”
I guessed he meant that Braden had been the one who’d called him, but I also imagined it had a double meaning. I knew I was right when he quickly paid for our drinks and put me in a taxi, abruptly ending our night together.
I was Ellie, Braden’s little sister. To Adam, I would always be Braden’s little sister, and that meant I was off limits.
When I lay in bed that night, I cursed Adam Sutherland to hell and back. If he hadn’t already ruined things for me before, he definitely had after tonight.
A brush against my lips.
One tiny touch and I felt that spark I’d been waiting for since I was fifteen. Whichever guy came next had a lot to live up to.