Chapter 6
“It’s like a car crash . . . ” Adam sighed, rubbing a hand over his face as he passed me back the diary. “It’s painful reading this from your perspective, but I can’t look away.” He pointed to another diary. “I want to know more.”
Not liking the strain etched into his features, I shook my head. “Adam, we’re past all this. I didn’t mean for this to be painful. I just thought . . . well now that I have you, I can take a step back and look at the pieces of our history without it hurting. And you know me.” I shrugged. “The angst of it all seems romantic.” Then I frowned. “But you’re obviously not taking it that way, so I’m going to put these away.”
He clamped a large hand down on mine as I moved to pick up another journal. I glanced up at him and he shook his head with a small smile. “It’s painful to read how my stupidity hurt you at the time, but I like being inside your head. I like knowing that while I was struggling with the fact that I had fallen in love with my best friend’s little sister, she loved me back more than I could ever hope to deserve.”
I grinned at him. “One: You deserve it. And two,” I gestured to the diaries, to the story of us, “It is totally romantic, right?”
Adam laughed at my single-minded determination to turn us into a romance novel. “Maybe. But don’t tell anyone I said so. It’ll ruin my reputation.”
I sorted through the books, looking for the familiar purple leather cover of the last one. “Baby, you ruined that reputation when you told Braden Carmichael you were in love with me.”
“Cocky bastard knew all along,” Adam muttered unhappily. “Could have saved us a couple of months of worry.”
I found the diary and paged through it. “You mean, a couple of months of you being a mercurial pain in my arse?”
“Such a nice way to put it. But let’s not forget I wasn’t the only pain in the arse.”
“All I did was start dating again, and it took me ten months to do it after our little couch scene. You got off easy.” I thrust the diary at him and he took it with a scowl.
“I was staking my claim.”
“No, you were marking your territory without actually staking a claim.”
He chuckled and focused on the last page without responding. We both knew I was bloody right.
Sunday, August 13th
I haven’t had time to write anything down for a few days, partly because of studies and partly because my seething anger has been taking up quite a lot of my time. It all started on Friday afternoon when a casual conversation with Nicholas ended in me wanting to strangle Adam . . .
As Joss and I walked toward The Meadows where we were meeting Braden, Adam, Jenna, and Ed for a picnic, I considered telling her what I’d discovered about Adam yesterday while I was having coffee with my fellow student and friend, Nicholas. I hadn’t gotten the chance to tell her yet because she’d been working at Club 39. I knew Joss would be pissed off on my behalf. I needed that fire—that motivation—to put Adam at a distance and see how he liked it.
It had taken Adam and me several months to get past the awkwardness of almost having sex, and even then, things weren’t the same. The truth was that things hadn’t been the same for a long time, probably since the lip brush incidence when I was nineteen.
It was obvious that Adam had slept with other girls since he’d had me on his couch, and it hurt worse than I could ever explain. The whole incident made it difficult for me to move on. I hadn’t been on a single date in ten months.
That was all about to change, however. After making a crack to Nicholas about my dry spell, he’d told me maybe I’d have better luck getting a date if my friend Adam would stop going around intimidating men who might want to date me. Surprised and a little confused by this comment, I’d asked him to elaborate only to discover that Nicholas had wanted to ask me out months ago. Knowing how close I was to Braden and Adam, but thinking that Adam was the safer choice, Nicholas had called Adam and asked him for advice on where to take me out. Adam’s response had been, “Stay away from Ellie or I’ll break your face.”
What the hell was that?
Seriously?
I couldn’t even begin to process how not cool that was. I never knew that Adam had been warning perfectly nice guys to stay away from me. He was allowed to manwhore his way through Edinburgh, but I wasn’t allowed to go on a single date? I didn’t think so.
I wanted to tell Joss all about that. Despite being incredibly secretive about her past, Joss had proven herself to be a straightforward friend. I needed her to tell me if it was okay or not to play a little dirty with Adam. Honestly, I was just so tired of being the nice girl that he could just walk all over, knowing I’d still love him in the end. His actions had proven that he could be possessive of me, which meant he thought of me as “his” in some small way. I wanted to show him that I wasn’t his, that I would never be his unless he decided he wanted more than a one-night stand.
All this I wanted to confide in Joss that sunny Saturday as we strolled to The Meadows but Joss was distracted by something so I decided it wasn’t a good time. I was curious whether Joss’s distraction had something to do with Braden. She’d been acting strangely around him, strangely enough for even me to notice during the aftermath of one of my headaches. We’d been book shopping with Hannah when it happened. The headache hit me out of the blue like it had been doing for the last couple of months. It was horrible and usually accompanied by tingling and numbness in my arm. When it passed I was exhausted. In fact, lately my energy levels hadn’t been great. I kept meaning to go to the doctor but every time I got this ominous churning in my gut, and I put it off, promising myself I’d make an appointment the next day.
Anyway, the headache hit and Joss was concerned—she didn’t fool me with her ‘I don’t care about people’ rubbish—and taking me to get some food in me. We bumped into Braden and Vicky. While I was pissed off that Braden had slept with her again and brought her back into our lives (and Adam’s orbit), I still noticed the tension between Joss and Braden. Admittedly, when they’d first met, I’d had hopes of playing matchmaker, but recent revelations had spoiled those intentions. However, Braden still asked an awful lot of questions about Joss and he stared at her (a lot). I was beginning to suspect that despite denials from both of them, something was going on. I didn’t know how to feel about that now that I knew Joss wasn’t keen on being in a relationship. It was difficult to pin down her true feelings about anything and I didn’t want either Braden or her to get hurt.
Deciding to bite my tongue about a lot of things, I kept my conversation with Joss light and cheerful as we approached our friends in the park. Braden, Adam, Jenna, and Ed were there, sitting on a large chenille blanket with two picnic baskets beside them. My eyes immediately went to Adam and then quickly moved to Braden when I discovered Adam was watching me.
I laughed as Joss teased Braden upon our arrival, something not many people outside of our family dared to do. I think that secretly my big brother did too. Without thinking about it, I flopped down onto the blanket beside Adam. His strong arm came around me instantly and he squeezed me affectionately against his side. “Nice to see you, Els.”
The whole point of the picnic was to catch up with Adam and Braden. Since they’d been working so hard on the new development, we’d barely seen them at all. I missed them both, but I missed Adam in particular. Inhaling the familiar smell of him and feeling his strength pressed against my right side, I almost forgot for a moment my earlier resolve. Almost.
“Yeah, you too.” I gave him a half-hearted smile and pulled casually out of his embrace. I turned to Jenna and Ed to greet them properly, ignoring the sudden tension radiating from Adam. He knew me too well, and he immediately understood something was wrong.
Good.
I saw Joss reading a text message and overheard her telling Braden that she needed to take a rain check on the picnic. I gazed up at her in concern, suddenly wondering if there had been more to her distraction than I’d previously thought. “Is everything okay? Do you need me to come?”
Joss shook her head and waved her phone at me. “No, I’m okay. Rhian just really needs someone to talk to. It can’t wait. Sorry.” She seemed to be avoiding Braden’s eyes and when I glanced at my brother, I found him studying Joss in a weird way. Did he not believe her? Rhian was Joss’s best friend. She stayed in London and had been having personal problems lately, so it was completely plausible that she needed to talk.
“See you later.” Joss walked away, her long ponytail swaying across her back.
Looking back at Braden I watched him watch her in a way that unnerved me. It wasn’t just the fact that he had that determined, focused expression he got on his face when he was going after something—usually a development property, and rarely a woman—it was the glimmer of excitement in his eyes. I’d never seen him look at anybody that way. The romantic side of me was happy. The practical side of me worried her lip between her teeth, thinking Joss and Braden were either the perfect match or a disaster waiting to happen.
Later that afternoon, after having frozen Adam out to the point of seriously pissing him off, my suspicions over Braden’s interest were confirmed when he pestered me all the way home about Joss. I knew by the time he’d dropped me off on Dublin Street that he was going after her, and I knew from having grown up with him that when Braden really wanted something he was absolutely relentless—especially when he was reaching for the impossible. I could only hope Joss didn’t hurt him while he tried to reach for her.
***
I’d spent the picnic catching up with Jenna and laughing at Braden and Ed’s jokes. Maybe once in the entire three hours we hung out did I speak directly to Adam, and I avoided his gaze at all costs. That was difficult, considering he was constantly trying to catch it. Thankfully, there wasn’t a quiet moment for him to ask me what the hell was wrong with me, so my form of torture worked out even better than I’d planned.
I was gratified to discover it was a form of torture because by the time Braden and I left the park, Adam’s expression was dark. Normally, Braden would have noticed our behavior, but much like Joss, he was kind of distracted.
I was even more pleased to discover later, after having a discussion with Joss regarding Braden, that she agreed with me: Adam needed to be taught a lesson. If he didn’t want to be in my life in a romantic sense, then he needed to butt out of my romantic life. I was determined to continue my torture that evening.
***
Braden, Adam, and I were going out for drinks with Darren, the manager of Braden’s nightclub Fire, and Darren’s wife, Donna. I wore a black top that was backless. It was held together by a silk ribbon across the middle of the back, while the front was demure with a high neckline and draped chiffon panel that fell a good three inches past my waist. I’d matched the top with black skinny jeans that were so tight they might as well have been painted on. My hair was pulled up into a messy bun to give maximum impact to the top, and I was wearing four-inch silver heels to match my silver teardrop earrings.
It was a little more femme fatale than I usually went for, but I know it did the trick. Adam’s eyes flared when I turned around after greeting Donna, his gaze burning as he took in the full effect of my outfit.
That pissed me off.
What pissed me off even more was Braden’s choice of going to Club 39 that night. Knowing what he was up to regarding Joss, I didn’t feel comfortable letting him unleash his plan while she was busy working. However, Braden wouldn’t listen to me and Donna wanted to check out the bar.
My annoyance level increased when Adam held me back as we walked along George Street.
“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong or am I going to have to guess?” he asked, his words clipped.
I shrugged, not looking at him. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Ellie, don’t. Being a bitch doesn’t suit you.”
I flinched and kept walking. “You know what else doesn’t suit me? Being single. But apparently that’s not my choice.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” he said, his voice low since we’d gotten closer to Braden.
I kept my voice quiet, too, as I illuminated him. “You know exactly what I’m talking about, you overbearing arsehole.”
“Everything okay?” Braden asked .
I nodded sharply and hurried forward to walk beside him. As we approached Club 39, I sighed and said, “Braden, I hope you know what you’re doing.”
He shot me a wicked smile. “Always do. You know, Darren knows the doorman here.” Turning to Darren, Braden set his devious little plan in motion. “Darren, why don’t you go on in ahead and gets us drinks from the bar. We’ll find a table.”
Darren nodded and ignored the complaints from people standing in line as he made his way down the narrow steps to the basement bar. He greeted the big guy at the door and they spoke for a few minutes. He turned and pointed up to the street where we were standing and the next thing was we were being waved down the stairs. Darren disappeared inside the club and I watched Braden take Donna’s arm.
I glowered at his back. Donna was an attractive brunette and Braden was hoping to use her to make Joss jealous. I knew how Braden worked. He liked this idea because it meant that he could use a woman to make Joss jealous without actually getting entangled with another woman. My brother liked reaction, and I was guessing he wanted a big reaction from Joss. Part of me hoped she’d deal with it with her usual admirable self-confidence.
Unfortunately, my hopes were dashed. As soon as we got inside Club 39, I found Joss behind the bar and I watched her expression harden as Braden leaned down to whisper in Donna’s ear. He looked right through Joss and I saw a flicker of something I didn’t like pass in her eyes before she quickly turned away.
I really wanted to bash my brother’s head against Adam’s.
More than anything I just wanted to leave the two of them to themselves. But Adam wouldn’t let me. He pressed me forward as Braden managed to find us a table. I brushed off his hand, still playing it cool. I strode after Braden and stopped as he and Donna, followed by Adam, slid onto a couch. Standing over them, I couldn’t decide which one frustrated me more.
“Ellie, sit your arse down,” I heard Adam snap over the music.
I narrowed my eyes and shook my head.
Adam’s expression darkened and before I had a chance to maneuver away from him, he reached up, grabbed my arm, and yanked me down beside him. I felt his body pressed to my side and struggled to get away, but was halted by the sensual brush of his fingers across my bare back as his arm wound around my waist. His hand clamped down on my hip and he forced me closer, his mouth at my ear. “If you stop acting like a petulant child, I’ll stop being overbearing.”
I stopped resisting, but held myself tense so he’d know I was still angry with him. For the next hour, he kept me held against him, his grip possessive and definitely more than friendly.
Braden didn’t even notice. His eyes were burning holes in Joss and her colleague Craig who had started the night off by sharing a kiss, flirting, and having fun.
I liked this side of Joss.
Braden apparently did not. He did in theory; he just didn’t like that she was this way with another guy. The mini-drama playing out before me almost kept my mind off my own, but when Braden, who’d clearly had enough, got up and approached the bar when Joss went on break and somehow managed to talk the other bartender into letting him into the staffroom. I was then forced to consider my own situation.
Darren and Donna were up at the bar getting more drinks.
Adam and I were alone on the couch.
He caressed my hip soothingly, obviously trying to get me to relax. “So,” he spoke into my ear again, reinforcing the feeling that we were in our own little bubble inside the bar. “Are you going to tell me why you’re being a bitch to me?”
“Stop calling me that,” I snapped, turning my head so our noses were almost touching. I stared into his dark eyes and lost my breath so badly I had to look away.
“Stop acting like one.”
“I’m annoyed,” I explained. “I’m allowed to be annoyed.”
“Would you fill me in?”
I turned to him again, and this time I don’t think I managed to mask my hurt and confusion over his actions because his own expression softened with concern. “Why did you threaten Nicholas with physical violence when he came to you for advice about asking me out?”
Understanding dawned in his eyes and he sighed heavily. “He’s not good enough for you.”
“That’s not up to you to decide.”
His fingers dug into my hip as they curled in reflex to my response. “It’s up to me to protect you.”
I closed my eyes, his words hurting me. “I’m not yours to protect.”
We sat in silence for a moment.
The silence was broken when his arm loosened its hold around my waist. I was looking at him questioningly when I felt the touch of his fingers against my upper back. Slowly, torturously he skimmed them down my spine and I flushed feeling my nipples harden visibly against the fabric covering my chest. “You sure about that,” he murmured hoarsely in my ear.
My eyes widened as I stared into his, a flurry of confusion rioting in my head. When Donna and Darren took a seat next to us with our drinks, Adam’s arm came back around, his hand resting gently on my hip, and I sat there stunned, wondering what the hell he’d meant.