Rain

I missed him. I missed him and I ached all over with it. When I thought I’d lost Darcy forever I’d felt this kind of gnawing feeling of powerlessness in my gut, my chest, even in the muscles in my jaw. Now I felt that way again, except this time that pain was spiced with a burning longing.

And I hated him for it.

But I hated him because I really loved him.

It was my own fault, I decided. I knew from the moment I met him that Craig Lanaghan was the biggest flirt to grace God’s green earth. He was heartbreak waiting to happen. I knew it, I knew it, I knew it! Yet I’d walked into his open arms with a smile and practically set him up to disappoint me.

Where had all my promises to myself gone? They’d been so easily swept aside, and for what? Orgasms?

No. That wasn’t fair. Craig had given me more than that. He’d made me laugh, he listened, he was easier to be around than anyone I’d ever met, and he’d made me feel special for a time. Until he stopped, that is.

I winced, staring at my phone screen. It told me I had three missed calls from Craig.

The familiar burn of unshed tears stung my eyes. “Goddamnit!” I hissed and pressed the heels of my hands into my eyes. I’d cried for almost forty-eight hours non-stop and I was more than sick of it.

I was stronger than this. I was. But it would help if Craig would just stay out of my life completely from now on. I didn’t know why he was calling. Possibly because he’d left some clothes at my flat. I was going to get his stuff back to him, however, I’d planned to do it when I could face him without wanting to burst into tears.

“Leave me alone,” I whispered at my phone when it started to ring again.

I could just pick it up and see what the hell he wanted, I supposed, but again, I was afraid my voice would crack on a sob as soon as I heard his familiar voice.

The buzzer to my flat went off and I tensed in my chair.

The phone calls and now the buzzer? No one buzzed up to my flat during the day on a weekday. The very small handful of friends I had worked weekdays, and anyhow, I couldn’t imagine I was very popular with them these days since I’d broken the cardinal rule of friendship and let myself become so immersed in Craig I’d barely been in touch with them.

The only person it could be at my door . . . I looked at my phone. Surely he wouldn’t just turn up like that.

However, this was Craig after all. When he wanted something he didn’t back down. I had to wonder what the hell he still wanted from me.

My phone started ringing in conjunction with my buzzer.

I found myself getting more and more uptight, not knowing what was the best thing to do. My toes curled inside my socks in agitation.

And then the buzzer and the phone stopped.

I waited, tense, and after a moment I let myself sag with relief. That relief made me realize I’d done the right thing ignoring him. It was clear I really wasn’t ready to face him.

BANG! BANG! BANG!

I jumped and my heart jumped with me.

“Rain!” Craig’s voice shouted from the other side of my flat door.

One of my annoying neighbors had obviously let him in.

“Rain! Are you in there, darlin’? You’re worrying me!”

His concern attempted to pierce the hate I was determined to hold on to, but I wouldn’t let it. To my surprise, instead of falling apart at the sound of his voice like I thought I would, I found my anger thicken my skin.

I pushed away from my office desk and strode down the hallway to face him after all. And I did not care that I was wearing sweatpants and an ancient Daria T-shirt. Other than naked, Craig had never seen me dressed down without makeup on. In the past I’d have cared what my boyfriend thought of me without my armor on, but Craig was no longer my boyfriend so I could give two shits.

Almost.

When I yanked open the door he took me in from head to toe, his expression changing from annoyed concern to tender affection. He sighed, sounding relieved. “Thank God.”

“You’ve seen me, now go.” I moved to close the door and he put an arm out to halt me.

“Please, darlin’. We need to talk.”

Instead of seeing the pleading expression on his face or the loving tone in his voice, I remembered the stubborn anger in his eyes during our last meeting, and his absolutely selfish disregard for my feelings.

“Go home, Craig.”

“Not until you let me say what I came here to say.”

I looked down at the foot he now had wedged against my door so I couldn’t close it. “I could call the police.” I gestured to his foot. “Some might call this harassment.”

“And others might call it desperation.”

I narrowed my eyes on him. “Why are you here? I thought we said all we needed to say. You and I are not compatible.”

“Yes, we are. I’m just a clueless prick.” He pushed inside so I had no choice but to stumble back and let him in.

Even if he hadn’t pushed, his words might have done the trick. My pulse started to race even harder than it already was.

Was he here to try to win me back?

And why the hell did I suddenly feel so elated by that?

Flirting bastard, flirting bastard, flirting bastard, I chanted in reminder as I shut my door and followed him into the living room.

“I’ve missed you,” he said as soon as I entered the room.

“Craig—”

“And I know I was completely in the wrong.” He held up his hands in placation and took a tentative step toward me. “You were right. I shouldn’t have disrespected you like that by flirting with other women, even if it was just for my job. When I think about it, it seems like such a small, stupid thing, and I can’t lose you over something that idiotic. Something I can change. Because I can.”

Although his words soothed some of the hurt he’d caused me the other night, I found myself shaking my head. “You’re not all in the wrong, Craig. You’re right about me . . . I have issues and they would only become a problem between us. We’re too different. I’m a romantic, remember?”

“I am too.” He closed the gap between us and I felt his strong hands wrap around my biceps. I closed my eyes briefly, savoring his touch before pulling away. “Rain . . .”

“You’re not a romantic. You’re a realist. You tell me you want to be in a relationship with me but you can’t promise me the future. I’m not asking you to promise me the future—it’s impossible. But I want you to feel like I’m your future. And you obviously don’t.”

Craig gave a harsh bark of laughter, his expression incredulous. “You have no fucking clue, do you?”

Confused, I scowled at him. “What are you talking about?”

“The night we had sex in your hall . . . The morning after, actually. I realized I was in love with you. I watched you sleep for a couple of hours and I knew that you were it. My mum called that morning and the exact words I said were, ‘I’ve found her, Mum.’ So don’t stand there and tell me what I feel. Because, yes, I can’t promise you that this is forever but I can tell you that I hope to God it’s forever.” His eyes gleamed with emotion and I felt the answering burn of tears in my throat. I felt like my heart was going to smash out of my chest and my hands were shaking so hard. “I can’t imagine ever loving another woman the way that I love you.”

My tears escaped and I bit my lip to hold in a sob.

Craig closed the gap between us in less than a second and I found myself wrapped in his arms, holding on tight. I sucked in a breath, trying to collect myself, but I was overwhelmed with relief and a happiness I couldn’t remember ever feeling before. “I love you too,” I choked out, burying my nose against his neck. “I love you so much.”

“Thank God,” he whispered back, his hold on me tightening. “I don’t want to be without you ever. These last three days have been hell.”

“I know.” I pushed back a little so I could look into his handsome face. I clasped his cheeks in my hands and pressed my mouth to his. It started off as a gentle, loving kiss and then it turned desperate as he tasted the tears on my lips.

He broke away, voice hoarse as he said, “I’m going to try my hardest to never hurt you again.”

I nodded. “Me too.”

He ran his hands over my hair, then down my body, his touch just as desperate as his kiss had been. “I want to know everything about you. I want to love every little bit of you.”

My chest squeezed in a delicious ache at his romantic words. “Just get a couple of glasses of wine in me and I won’t shut up.”

He laughed at my teasing and suddenly swung me up into his arms. I gave a little squeal as I wrapped my arms around his neck, clinging onto him. “First I’m going to make love to you, then I’m going to fuck you, and then you can tell me everything there is to know about you.”

I grinned, feeling the familiar tingle of excited arousal between my legs. “Well the first two things will tell you a little something about me.”

“Oh darlin’, the first two things are going to last long enough to tell me a lot of something about you.”

I laughed happily, the moment feeling so surreal. This morning I’d felt heavy with despair and now I’d never felt lighter in life.

But then, I thought as Craig kissed me long and deep, the opposite extremes of emotion did make sense.

After all . . . I was in love.