Chapter 20
Marley
The drive to Aunt Miranda’s was agonizing. Each mile seemed to be longer than the last as I made my way down the long, quiet highway. It was a beautiful night with the stars shining bright and a gorgeous full moon, but my mind was on getting back to Smokey, not the night sky. I wanted some time to gather my thoughts before I went to see him. There were so many things I needed to say, and I thought the drive to Tacoma would give me time to think. Unfortunately, it gave me too much time to think. By the time I pulled into her driveway, my mind was clouded with doubts. It’d been almost two months since I’d last seen him, and I had no idea how he’d feel about me coming back after being gone so long. I was lost in my own thoughts as I walked through Aunt Miranda’s front door, and I wasn’t expecting to find her standing on the kitchen counter wearing one of her Hawaiian print dusters with an old handkerchief scarf on her head.
I stepped into the kitchen. “What are you doing up there?”
She turned and smiled. “I got a wild hair and decided to do a little dusting. It’s been a month of Sundays since I’ve been up here.” She stepped down into the chair below, and I watched in horror as it started to wobble as she made her way down to the floor.
“Aunt Miranda!” I shouted as I rushed over to her, trying to catch her before she fell.
“Honey, I’m fine,” she told me as she planted her feet firmly on the floor. “That old chair has seen better days.”
“It’s not just the chair! You don’t need to be climbing up on the counters at your age,” I scolded.
“Don’t be silly, child. I do it all the time.”
I shook my head and said, “That doesn’t mean you need to be doing it. It isn’t safe, especially when you’re here alone.”
“I’m not alone,” she mocked. “You’re here.”
“I don’t know what I’m going to do with you,” I laughed.
“Don’t worry about me, dear. I’m a tough old bird.” She tossed her dusting rag into the sink. “I thought you weren’t coming back until tomorrow. Did things go okay with your father?”
“He wasn’t exactly thrilled to hear that I’m pregnant, but I think he actually listened to me this time.”
“That’s a start. He’ll come around. He just needs some time.”
“I hope so.” I felt my doubts clawing at me as I said, “Now, I just have to talk to Evan.”
“What’s with the glum look? I thought you’d be happy about that.”
I exhaled a deep breath. “I’m just worried. What if it’s too late? What if he doesn’t want to see me?”
“Nonsense,” she snickered. “That boy loves you. It broke my heart to see the hurt in his eyes when I told him he couldn’t see you. You’ve just got to talk to him and make him understand.”
“You make it sound so simple.”
“It is simple.” She smiled. “Now, go pack your things. Time’s a wastin’.”
I gave her a quick hug and said, “Thanks, Aunt Miranda… for everything.”
Once I’d packed my things, I rushed out to my car and headed to find Smokey. I reached for my phone so I could let him know that I was coming, but then I remembered that I’d deleted his number from my contacts, leaving me no way to get in touch with him. I would just have to take a chance that he’d actually be there when I made it out to the farm. So I pressed forward and tried to concentrate on the drive ahead, but it was almost impossible with all the anxiety that was fluttering around in my stomach. I turned on the radio and tried to listen to my favorite stations, but when that didn’t work, I stopped for gas and a quick bite to eat. Nothing was working, and after three hours of psyching myself out, I was a complete wreck. By the time I started down the long, dark driveway, my nerves were bouncing all over the place.
When I pulled up to the front of the house, the porch light was shining bright. I was so absorbed with thoughts of seeing Smokey, I almost missed the fact that the place looked completely different. The entire house had been painted with a fresh coat of white along with the newly renovated front columns. The tall shutters were now a pristine shade of black, and a white picket fence followed the curve of the yard and trailed to the back of the barn. There were big planters filled with gorgeous flowers and ferns scattered along the steps and front door. My heart nearly leapt out of my chest as I spotted the new swing at the end of the porch. It was perfect. I stood at the bottom of the steps, gaping at all of the changes, when I heard the screen door creak open.
He stood there staring at me with such intensity, I thought I would melt right on the spot. I wanted to say something—anything—but the words just wouldn’t come. Finally, he stepped out onto the porch and said, “I thought we had something. I thought things were different with you and me.”
The sound of his voice sent a jolt down my spine, making my breath catch in my throat. I looked over to him, trying my best to keep it together as I said, “We did… We do.”
“No,” he clipped. “If we really had something, you’d have come to me. You’d have talked to me about what was going on, but instead, you bolted.”
Panic surged through me as I said, “I didn’t have a choice.”
He shook his head. “There’s always a choice, MJ. You could’ve come to me… told me what was going on, but you didn’t trust me enough.”
I took a step forward as I pleaded, “You don’t understand. I couldn’t—”
“I understand completely. You left. That says it all,” he interrupted.
I had to make him see that he was wrong. I’d been through hell over the past couple of months, and I’d done it all for one reason: to protect him. I fought the urge to cry as I told him, “You’re wrong. I left for you.”
“You left because you were scared.”
“You’re right,” I admitted. “I was scared. I was scared for you. My father—”
“I know all about your father and his threats, MJ. That doesn’t change anything. You didn’t trust me.”
“Wait…” It took a minute for his words to sink in. I had no idea how he’d found out, so I looked up at him and asked, “You know about my father? How?”
“I went to see him earlier tonight.”
I gasped, remembering how livid my dad had been when I left there. I could only imagine how upset my father had been when Smokey came to see him. I looked up at him, knowing he was angry at me for not trusting him with my father’s threats and said, “Then you know… I didn’t have a choice. I was afraid he’d find a way to put you in jail, Smokey. He’s the Sheriff, and he had all these pictures and files on the club. I didn’t know what else to do.”
“I’ve had run-ins with the cops before, MJ. It’s nothing new. You would’ve known that if you’d just come to me.”
My eyes dropped to the ground as his words sunk in. Things could’ve been so different if I’d just talked to him from the start, but I let my fear get in the way. The thought of Smokey going to jail, the fear that he’d never forgive me, made it an impossible situation. But looking back, I knew I was wrong. I’d messed it all up, so I said, “You’re right. I should’ve talked to you and given you a chance to decide what you wanted me to do.”
“You’re goddamned right. Just so we’re clear, I’d never have chosen for you to go. That never would’ve been an option,” he growled.
I took several steps forward and looked at him pleadingly as I said, “I’m sorry. I let my fear get in the way, but it’s only because I love you so much! You have to know that… I didn’t want anything to happen to you.”
“MJ…” His voice was low and raspy, and there was almost no expression on his face when he spoke. I couldn’t move. I wanted to run to him, wrap my arms tightly around his neck and kiss him, but I just stood there frozen. My eyes locked on his, and my heart beat wildly in my chest. Finally, he said, “Come here.”
His expression hadn’t changed. He was still looking at me with the same heated intensity as I started slowly up the stairs. I never took my eyes off him as I said, “Please don’t be angry with me. I really am sorry.”
“Now, MJ,” he growled.
His eyes stayed on mine as I walked up the steps, stopping just a few inches away from him. I opened my mouth to speak, but before I could say a word, he slipped his arm around my waist and pulled me to him. He leaned towards me, pressing his mouth against mine, and kissed me. It was no gentle, welcome-home kiss—not even close. It was demanding and intense and filled with all the need and hurt that we’d both been holding onto for months. His fingers tangled into the hair at the nape of my neck, grasping it firmly as he pulled me even closer. He kissed me deeper and more passionately than ever before. I placed my hand on his chest, and as the fog of nervousness lifted, I felt his heart pounding beneath my fingertips. I realized the waiting was over. I didn’t have to miss him anymore. He was right there in front of me, holding me close, and kissing me like he’d done so many times before. Tears began to trickle down my face as happiness washed over me.
His hands slipped to my jaw as he pulled back from our embrace. He gently lifted my chin, forcing me to look at him. “Just so you know… now that you’re back… I’m never letting you go.”
“I’m not going anywhere. This is exactly where I want to be.” I wrapped my arms around him, holding him close as relief flooded through me. It was going to be okay. He was back in my arms. In my heart, I knew everything was going to be alright. I thought back over everything he’d said, and I knew he was right. I should’ve come to him from the start. I shouldn’t have let my father scare me like he had. I couldn’t help but wonder how his conversation with my father went, so I asked, “How did things go with my father? Was it as bad as I think it was?”
“Yeah… He pretty much land-blasted me as soon as I walked through the door,” he chuckled. “He wasn’t happy, but he had his reasons. Some of them weren’t exactly wrong.”
I took a step back so I could get a better view of his face when I asked, “You mean the things he told me about the club?”
“Yes.” He inhaled deeply. “You should know upfront… I’ll never be able to tell you everything that goes on in the club, but I will tell you this: my brothers are good people. They may not be my blood, but they are just as much my family as Emily and those kids. We all live by a code. They have my back and I have theirs, even if that means laying our lives down to do it. We do whatever it takes to protect the club, and while your father may say he doesn’t get it or thinks it’s wrong, he lives by the same code; he’s just on the other side of the law.”
He hadn’t told me anything I didn’t already know. I’d have liked to say that none of it bothered me, but it did. I wasn’t thrilled that the man I loved was part of a club that was involved in illegal activity, but that didn’t make me love him any less. I loved him for the man he was when he was with me. The man who smiled when he called my name and looked at me like I was the most important thing in the world to him. The man who held me close and listened—really listened. The man whose love never wavered when I left him without any real explanation. The man I loved, heart and soul. So I told him, “I understand.”
“Then we’re good.” He paused for a moment as his eyes roamed over the porch, and he asked, “So what do you think about the renovations?”
I looked up at him. “It’s amazing. Absolutely amazing.”
“I was hoping you’d like it. I wanted you to have a place you’d like to call home.”
“It’s perfect, but not because of the paint or the flowers… or even the swing. I’d want to call it home, because you’re here.” Thinking about a future with him made my heart soar. I was back where I belonged, and I was truly happy. Then I was hit with an overwhelming, gut-wrenching doubt: I hadn’t told him about the baby. Anxiousness washed over me as I wondered what he’d think of the news. I had no idea how he’d feel about starting a family so soon. We’d been through so much, and I wasn’t sure how he’d really feel about it.
I knew I had to tell him, but I was struggling to find the right words. I got a momentary reprieve when he said, “I’ll show you the rest tomorrow. For now, I’m going to take my woman inside and spend the night making love to her.” A mischievous grin curled across his face. “I’ve got a lot of lost time to make up for. You good with that?”
“I’m definitely good with that.” I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him close. Just before I kissed him, I said, “I’ve missed you.”
“Missed you, too, beautiful.” He took my hand and led me through the front door and into the house. As he closed the door behind us, he said, “I had some changes done in here, too, but we’ll have to wait ‘til morning to see those.”
“I can wait,” I laughed as we started up the stairs.
I ran my fingers through his hair as I kissed him lightly on the neck. He gave me a mischievous grin as he said, “On second thought, you might have to wait ‘til lunch… or maybe even dinner.”