Chapter Four
Hailey
It was Friday night, and I was looking to forget my crushed dreams for at least a little while. It was just one of those days that I needed to learn to get over and let loose for a little bit.
I was making light of the situation – when it came down to it, I was devastated that I didn’t get a role on the reality show. It could have meant everything to my career. What was saddening was that it was just a reality show. It wasn’t like I was depressed because I didn’t get cast in the next Leonardo DiCaprio flick.
What was I thinking, quitting school? The last thing I needed was to prove my parents right. I would never hear the end of it, and that alone was enough to send fear creeping through my veins. Being a movie star was something I had dreamed about my whole life. I remember explaining to my parents as a child that one day they would see me walking up on stage to accept my Oscar. Of course, I would tell them, of course, I will thank you in my Oscar speech.
In truth, they had never been supportive of acting, unless, of course, I was in school learning about it; then that was acceptable. So, they probably didn’t deserve a “thanks” when I won the Oscar. IF I ever won an Oscar. I was staring at myself in the mirror, my long brown hair curled around my shoulders. My green eyes had an intensity to them as I desperately tried to get myself into a better mood.
“You look great,” my sister Mandy said as she poked her head into the bathroom.
I smiled at my sister and then looked down at myself. I was wearing a tight red dress that hugged my curvy behind in all the right ways.
“Thanks, you don’t look so bad yourself.”
We were planning on going out for dinner and drinks; it was exactly what I needed to get my mind off the day. My sister was always very supportive of my career, and I wasn’t sure what I would have done without her.
Our parents lived in Europe, and when I chose to leave, I took Mandy with me. She had jumped at the opportunity to go with me, and considering her job, she could work anywhere. Mandy was a writer and freelanced often. I was glad to have her with me because that meant that I knew at least one person in the city. She helped me with my lines when I needed it, and I often gave her ideas for her writing – we were a team.
Although we shared the same green eyes and brown hair, we didn’t look much alike. I took more after my mother in looks, while she favored our father. We couldn’t look more different if we weren’t related at all. Although she could sometimes be overbearing and bossy, we shared a close bond.
“Let’s get going. You’re taking forever in there.”
“Well, excuse me. I’m trying not to fall into a depression.”
“Oh get over yourself; let’s get to it.”
We were feasting on an array of appetizers from the local Kelsey’s, and for the first time all day, I was starting to feel like myself again. I couldn’t believe the day I’d had, but considering Mandy was with me, things were starting to look up.
“Maybe you should start dating someone to get your mind off things.”
I laughed. “What are you talking about? That’s the last thing I need to do. I don’t have the time or the patience. I need to focus on my career, because right now, it’s falling apart.”
“Oh, c’mon! It’s not that bad. Plus, you probably would have hated being on reality TV, anyway. Just focus on TV and movies for now. Look at Kim Kardashian; do you really want to walk in the footsteps of that train wreck?”
Laughing, I said, “No, that wasn’t really my goal. But the thing is, it would have allowed me some exposure, and that has certainly launched a few careers.”
“Eh, who needs it?”
She was probably right. As much as I loved the idea of being an actress, reality TV would have completely taken me out of my comfort zone. I just wanted it all too much. Jillian was working on new gigs as we spoke, and for all I knew, I would be getting a call tomorrow for a new gig, a better gig than the last one.
“Let’s hit up the bar down the road for a few more drinks. I’m stuffed, so let’s get out of here.”
I nodded as I wiped my mouth with a napkin and set it down at the table. She waved the waiter over so that we could pay our bill. Once that was completed, we got up from the table and headed outside.
The bar was busy, but not overcrowded, so when we got up to the bar, we were served right away. We both ordered vodka drinks and sat at the bar. I followed Mandy’s gaze as she took in the room.
She wanted a boyfriend, while I could think of nothing but my career. I wanted so badly to be rich and famous, to have the kind of career that had my image splashed all over magazine covers. I couldn’t even begin to think of my personal life. I had too much at stake – a boyfriend would be too distracting.
“So, does Jillian have any new prospects for you?”
I focused back on her. “Not yet. It’s just a waiting game right now. She told me she would call me tomorrow...you never know.”
“I’m sure she will come up with something, and one day, I will be writing about your career. We were born for stardom, baby.”
I laughed, “Don’t you know it. I’m so glad you’re here.”
“Where else would I be? Have you talked to Mom and Dad lately?”
“No way. I don’t need to have another lecture at this point. Why don’t they bug you for your career choice; you’re an artist, too?”
“Because currently I’m bringing in a steady paycheck. They just want to make sure that you’re okay, that you can take care of yourself. Being an actor isn’t exactly a guarantee, and they are scared you aren’t going to make it.”
“Yeah, I know. Really supportive. I hate it. They know this is all I’ve ever wanted to do. It’s not something that’s going to happen overnight. I just didn’t want to be stuck in school when I could be focusing on what I really want out of life.”
“You don’t have to win me over; I know you want this, and I believe in you. We just need to get you the right role, and then you will be okay. I’m sure Jillian will call with something great.”
I looked out across the bar just when two men started pushing one another. I pointed them out to Mandy, and she started to laugh.
“Why do men fight like that? It just looks ridiculous. What could you be so mad about?”
“I think they’re drunk.”
“Probably.”
The men got into a full-blown fight, fists flying as they moved themselves all over the floor. They started to get close to us, and we had to get right out of our seats.
“Hey!” Mandy called out as one of them pushed her.
“Oh, this is getting ridiculous, let’s just get out of here,” I said.
“Sounds good. I’m likely to get punched out here.”
The bouncer showed up and tried to break up the fight, but it only escalated things more. We grabbed our purses and headed towards the door. I didn’t want to be in a bar that was getting out of control. As we made our way outside into the warm evening air, I took a deep breath and looked around. There was a line-up to get in the bar, but they wouldn’t find a great time if those boys didn’t get kicked out.
“That was ridiculous. I hate when that happens; it’s so dangerous. When they are tumbling around like that, they don’t even see the people around them.” Mandy rolled her eyes.
“They should have more control over what happens in there. I’m just glad we got out of there before anything worse happened. All I need is to go to the next audition with a black eye.”
She giggled, “That probably would have got you the role on the reality show.”
“Yeah, maybe.”
We hailed a cab back to our apartment. I was looking forward to getting out of the dress and having a beer before bed. When I came out of the bedroom, Mandy had cracked open a couple of beers, and we sat on the couch together.
It was great having someone close to me that I could talk to when things were going bad. I could always count on Mandy to be there when I needed her. I always pictured her writing for Vogue when I was featured on the cover, what more could two girls ask for? It was just a matter of time.
“Oh, man, this beer is good,” I said.
“I know, right?”
It felt good in be comfortable clothes and out of the bar. I was no longer in the mood to be around a lot of people, and I could always be myself with my sister.
“Well, I hope you had a good time tonight, despite the bar fight.”
“Yeah, of course I did,” I said. “We had good food and drinks; what more could a girl want.”
“Maybe a penis.”
I burst out laughing. “God, I haven’t had a decent date in awhile, never mind sex. I’m starting to wonder if I even know how to do it anymore.”
“That’s why you need to get back out there. Get your mojo flowing again.”
“Are you kidding me? No way. It would just be a distraction right now. I just want a break right now. It doesn’t have to be huge, just something to make it all worthwhile. Something to give me hope.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, I need some hope. I need to know that everything is going to be okay. That I’m not out here for nothing. I want to have a great career; I don’t want to be a failure.”
“Hailey, you couldn’t be a failure even if you tried.”
“That’s how I feel sometimes, though. I know it was just a reality show, but I really wanted it. I thought it was going to be the beginning of something. I just need something to hope for. I don’t want a man or even a million dollars; I just want something to be proud of. My career at this point is all that I care about – it’s the biggest thing that I want.”
“I know, Hailey; please don’t worry about it. I told you that it’s all going to work out. There is nothing to freak out about. You know you’re not a failure; how could you be? Anyone who is following their dreams as hard as you are can’t fail. Mom and Dad will see that one day, too; don’t doubt that. They love you. They are just scared for you right now. You have me by your side, and I certainly will not let anything happen to you.”
“Thanks, Mandy.” I smiled at her with tears in my eyes. She made me believe that I really could do anything that I wanted to. She believed in me no matter what, and that was so important when you felt like the world was falling apart all the time.
Tomorrow was a new day, and I was sure that Jillian would have something amazing for me. She was working as hard as any agent could to help me succeed.
I went to bed that night feeling sure of myself once again.