EPILOGUE
Even after two years, I hadn’t gotten entirely accustomed to waking up to Sawyer. I didn’t know that I would ever get used to it, even with all of my things moved over to his place and my own quite well inhabited by someone else. A new family had taken residence in my old house, and I wished them the best of luck knowing that I was going somewhere better and, really, perfect in every way for my future.
I woke up and crept out of bed quietly, not wanting to wake Sawyer. He’d had a particularly long day the day before, not getting home until late. He worked hard and left little time for fun, but that was the case with myself as well. Psychiatry was going very well, and I had started a sort of group therapy for veterans to come and talk about their struggles abroad. It was still in the formative process, but it attracted a lot of attention, and the local newspaper had even done a column about it.
I went to the kitchen and started making some eggs and toast. I made enough for the both of us in case Sawyer woke up soon.
Sure enough, I heard footsteps down the hallway within a few moments of the smell of bacon hitting the air.
“Good morning,” he said, pulling me to him from behind and kissing the back of my neck.
“Good morning,” I agreed. Outside some birds chirped, and I didn’t know that anyone could prove to me that a world existed outside that house.
“I told Pete I’d help him with some new decorations in his house,” Sawyer said. “But I don’t know shit about decorations. Do you think you’d be willing to come up with me for a bit?”
“Sure,” I said. I got us some plates and we ate at the table, talking about whether we wanted to get another birdfeeder. The birds nearby were absolutely terrorizing the ones we had set up, but it was too much fun to have them to not want another.
We took a few moments to get dressed. I pulled on a sweater; it was beginning to get a bit chilly. It was uncharacteristic of Texas to get chilly in the fall, but in only early October, it seemed that I would need a sweater. We got in Sawyer’s truck and turned to different radio stations on the way to Pete’s house. I’d been acquainting Sawyer with all the new music styles and technological advances that had taken place in his absence.
When we pulled up to Pete’s house, something looked strange. Or, beautiful, but strange because Pete’s property usually looked humble. The trees had big bows tied around them, and there was a long carpet down the side of the hill covered in flower petals. I looked up the rug and saw a tree stump, one of the older ones that had been there since the first time I’d seen the property.
Sawyer came around and opened my door, and he took my hand and walked with me up to the carpet.
“Is Pete inside?” I asked.
“I brought you here to talk to you,” he told me.
I blushed. I didn’t know what was going on, and while I would usually panic at ‘I want to talk to you,’ the situation seemed far from dire. I set my hand on his arm and nodded. “Alright, then,” I managed, trying not to let my imagination run too wild.
“Since I got back two years ago,” he said, “my life has been indescribably good. I could never have hoped for the family, the friends, and the relationships that I have now. I have a house; I have a good relationship with my father; I have a job—I didn’t expect to have any of those things when I came back. I didn’t think I deserved them.
“But those things all happened because of you. You came into my life and made it something better than I could have ever dreamed. I have you to thank for everything good that’s happened to me, Quinn. I love you very much.” We were approaching the stump, and my heart started to pound.
“I don’t want to see this go,” he said. “I love you, and I want to share the rest of my life with you, if you’ll let me.”
We stopped in front of the stump. Something glinted and caught my eye; I peered and saw a ring, a small silver ring with a diamond-studded center.
“Will you marry me?” he asked.
I stared, dumfounded, at the ring. At the stump. The birds in the background filled the silence in the air. Slowly, I began to nod, pressured by the realization that I had to say something.
“Of course. Of course, I will marry you!” I picked the ring up off the stump and slipped it onto my finger.
He pulled me to him in a hug, squeezing me nearly too tight and yet somehow not tight enough. I wrapped my arms around him and bounced on my toes.
“I love you,” he whispered.
“I love you too.”
“Aww, that’s sweet,” said Pete—where had he come from? I turned around and saw him standing off to the side, along with Jesse and Janet and Sawyer’s parents. Babs waved at me too, hiding behind a tree.
“How did you get them all here? How did I not see them?” I was a laughing, crying mess. “Oh my God, Sawyer!”
“They’re good at hiding,” he said simply. He kissed the top of my head, and I turned around to poke him in the chest.
“I’ll get you back for this,” I promised him, the smile never fading from my face.
“You’ve got the rest of our lives,” he told me. He pulled me closer, and I let the world slip away.
STROKE IT
By Ivy Jordan
This book is a work of fiction. The names, characters, places and incidents are products of the writer's imagination or have been used fictitiously and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, actual events, locales or organizations is entirely coincidental.
Copyright © 2017 Ivy Jordan
Chapter One
Caleb
“Are you even listening to me, Caleb? Because your goddamn stance alone is making me absolutely crazy!”
I looked back at my golf coach, Gabriel, with fire in his eyes. We had been working on my swing all morning, and even though I was an excellent golfer, I was falling apart all morning long, to the exasperation of my coach. He looked like he was ready to murder me, and I really couldn’t blame him. My head hurt from partying the night before, and the last thing I wanted to do at that moment was to hit a ball repeatedly with an ornery man barking behind me. It was enough to make anyone crazy.
The man was a legend, no doubt, in his forties with short dark hair and angry brown eyes that were staring me down. Gabriel had been to the majors a few times when he was in his glory days, and he never let me forget it. He was an amazing coach and had been working with me for most of my career on my swing.
I just wasn’t in the mood for it today. I had been getting a lot of pressure from my parents lately, and I just felt like I was going to blow.
“Move it, Caleb!”
I threw my driver across the driving range, to the surprise of the person next to me, and threw my hands up in the air. “Fuck it. Let’s call it a day.”
Gabriel shook his head. “Yeah, good call there, Caleb. With that kind of attitude, you will win the majors for sure.”
“Don’t start. I get enough of that from my parents.”
“Well, maybe you need to hear it just a little bit more there, guy. Today, you are doing shit, and you need to consider working on your bad days because if you wake up on the wrong side of the bed at the majors, guess what? You still have to find a way to make it a good day.”
I stared out across the driving range. We had already been there all morning, and at that point, all I wanted to do was grab a drink somewhere. Stress was mounting to the point where I could barely stand it.
I knew why Gabriel was riding me hard. I had made it to the majors a few times in my career, but I always choked when it mattered. I was a choker, and it was ruining my career. Nothing was worse than hearing all about it on the nightly news, as well. People were laughing at the fact that I couldn’t seem to get my shit together. Especially since my father was a legend in their eyes.
Why can’t I just be like my dad? I wondered. He never choked, not once; he was always so cool and collected. Never doubted himself, but he had all the doubt in the world for his son these days.
I didn’t know why I choked, but it happened every single time. I had to break the streak, or my career would be over; I knew that much. I just didn’t know how. I had the talent and skill. I certainly had all the resources to get me to the top. I just had to get over the fear, the ever-mounting fear that grasped onto my throat and threatened to kill me as soon as I got to the majors.
Maybe it was because my father was a PGA Tour multi-champion, and he had all the expectations in the world that his son would be, too. My parents had sunk a lot of money, never mind the time and energy, into my career, and in four years, I had screwed it up every single time.
It was essential to my career that I make it this time. Otherwise I could lose everything. Then I would have to listen to my father rant about what a failure I was. That was too much to bear.
I rubbed at my eyes, wishing I was anywhere but there.
“Gabriel, man, give me a break.”
He sighed. “Caleb, what the hell is going on with you today? We really need to work on that swing of yours.”
“Long night.”
“Partying? C’mon, man, at least come to practice with a straight head. I know you want this – the desire to win is practically leaking out of your pores.”
“I do want it. I’ve never wanted anything more.”
“Then, what the hell are you doing partying so much? Can’t you just leave the celebrations until after you win? You need your head straight at all times. The tournament is just three months away.”
“No, I need the freedom. Blowing off steam is the only way I don’t lose my mind at this point.”
He nodded his head slowly. “Is your father giving you a hard time?”
“When is he not giving me a hard time? It’s a daily event.”
“He just wants what’s best for you.”
“No, he just doesn’t want me to embarrass him. He can’t figure out why his only son can’t make it to the top like he did.”
I turned when I heard a phone ringing. I made my way to the cart to dig around in my bag. Pulling out my phone, I saw it was a call from my father. Speak of the devil, and he appears, I thought. I clicked on the green button and said hello.
“Caleb, how are you?”
“I’m good, Dad; how’s it going?”
“Are you out with Gabriel right now?”
“You know I am.”
“Good. That’s good to hear.”
“What can I do for you, Dad?” I looked over my shoulder at Gabriel, who was watching me intensely.
“I’m just calling to let you know I would like you here tomorrow for dinner at the house.”
I groaned inwardly; I wasn’t in the mood for any of it. “I don’t know if I can make it.”
“Caleb, I insist. The majors are right around the corner, and I would like to have a game plan ready. I want to make sure that you are preparing for it properly.”
“Geez, Dad, I’m not a kid. Besides, Gabriel has it under control.”
“Oh, there is much more to it than just getting your swing ready. Be here at seven.”
I hung up the phone without another word. The man aggravated me to no end, but there was no point in dragging on the conversation longer than I had to. We both knew I would be at dinner the next evening whether I wanted to be or not. There was no point in arguing with my father – he got his way, no matter what.
I could just imagine the kind of plan he had in store for me. He was adamant that I was to go to the top at all costs. Maybe then he would be proud of me.
I sighed as I started walking back towards Gabriel. I was under a ton of pressure to perform in the majors, and if it didn’t go well for the fourth time, I wasn’t sure what I would do. I needed to get over the fear of failing; I just didn’t know how.
It came up on me so quickly, and no matter how much I wanted to win, I couldn’t get past the feeling. It seized me like a vice, and even though I knew I had the skill and talent to be the best, I would stand there frozen, unable to do exactly what I had been trained to do. It was the most helpless feeling in the world. When it was all said and done, I was just left with regrets, knowing I could have made the shot if I just didn’t choke on it.
That was my Achilles heel, and I didn’t know how to get past it. I would need to if I was ever going to win, however, and get a sense of accomplishment, not to mention make my father think he hadn’t wasted his time on me.
I was no hack – hell, no. I had led all the tournaments to greatness every single time. It was just the majors that killed me. It had been three years of embarrassments; three years that I could have seriously lived without.
This year had to go right. I wanted it so badly that I could feel it in my bones. The ache of wanting literally lived beneath my skin, and I needed this year to be different. I couldn’t stand any more embarrassments. I was not the “boy who choked.” Gabriel was right about one thing: I needed to get my head on straight and figure out why I was choking, what was stopping me from getting to the top.
I was rubbing my temples when I got back to where Gabriel stood.
“Was that your father?”
“How could you tell?” I said sarcastically.
Gabriel nodded; he knew what it was like to go to the top. The expectations involved, the stress. But he also knew how great it felt to win, to prove everyone wrong to stand there knowing that you were the best. I had no idea how that felt, despite all my accomplishments during tournaments.
Despite his barking, I was happy to have Gabriel at my side. He had been there with me from the beginning and genuinely wanted me to succeed. I wouldn’t be where I was in my career without him, and for that, I would always be grateful.
“I know your father can seem… Well, like a dick at times. But he loves you, Caleb; he just doesn’t have great ways of showing it.”
“Well, winning the majors would sure get him off my back.”
“Then that’s what we are going to do.”
I smiled. “Hey, Gabriel, why don’t you come out with me tonight? There’s a new club opening on the beach tonight, and it’s going to be one hell of a party. You would have a good time. Hey, you might even meet someone.”
He laughed. “Oh, I do pretty well for myself.”
“I bet you do. So, what do you say? Come; everyone is going to be there.”
“I’m not sure. Maybe. I’ll think about it. While we are talking about it, I should warn you to not get up to any shenanigans tonight. The closer we get to the majors, the more people will have their eye on you. If you are getting into anything nefarious, you could get yourself in some hot water – and not just with your dad.”
“C’mon, Gabriel, don’t lecture me after I invite you out.”
He chuckled. “I’m not. I just want you to protect your image, at least for the next three months. People are watching you, Caleb, whether you care or not.”
“I think you worry yourself too much.”
“Maybe. Maybe not. Let’s work on that swing for another thirty minutes, and I’ll think about your beach party.”
I smiled and got back into position. I could give Gabriel another thirty minutes of swinging if it meant I could have some freedom for the rest of the day. To hell with the people watching me. Who did they think they were, anyway?
I was in control of my own destiny; I was sure of it. I would get past my issues and win the majors. I had to. But I wasn’t about to let anything get in the way of feeling free and having my fun. It was the only thing that made me feel better these days, especially when people were talking about how I was going to play this year. They were all just sitting there waiting, wondering if I was going to choke again.
Well, they could talk all they want because this year was going to be different. It had to be; it just had to be.
I was going to go out that evening and not worry about anyone. Gabriel was way too overprotective. He could probably do with going out and having a good time. Fuck it all. They could watch me. In fact, I would let them watch me.