Chapter Twenty-Three
Caleb
I was heading into a meeting with Aria, and it made me nervous. My future was held in Under Armour’s hands. I didn’t like anyone having control over my future, but I couldn’t deny the fact that a lost sponsorship would certainly affect my career. Who would want to sponsor me in the future after I was dropped by one sponsor for bad behavior?
As soon as I walked into the Under Armour office, the receptionist smiled warmly at me. They used to seeing me around...and I suspected the receptionist had a bit of a crush on me.
“Caleb, how are you?”
“Great, Lisa, how are you?”
“Oh, I’m great. Aria is expecting you, so go right in.”
I smiled as I passed her and went down the hallway towards her office. I smiled at a few people I knew but kept going. I wasn’t in the mood for chit-chat, and I was anxious to see what Aria wanted. The door to her office was closed, and I knocked on it before opening the door. Aria was sitting behind her desk and looked up from her laptop when I came in.
“Hello, Caleb, how are you?”
“Good, can’t complain.” I sat down across from her. I waited for her to finish something on her laptop before she closed it. It was agonizing to wait for her to tell me why I was there.
“Well, Caleb, I am very happy to report that my boss is quite pleased with you these days, which of course makes me tickled pink as well.”
I smiled in relief. “I’m glad to hear that, Aria. I did all this to make you guys happy, so I’m glad that’s where we are.”
She nodded. “Yes, everything is good on our end. We are thrilled with your turn around; it’s certainly done wonders for your reputation. Maybe you should consider getting a permanent girlfriend.”
I smirked. “Don’t push your luck, Aria.”
She smiled at me. “Okay, there is another matter that I wanted to discuss with you.”
“What’s that?”
“How do you plan on dealing with the anxiety you get during the majors?”
The smile disappeared from my face. “I’m not sure what you mean, Aria.”
She cleared her throat. “You choke, Caleb. I want to know if you have considered how to handle that this year.”
I shifted uncomfortably in my chair, wondering why she was getting so involved in my life. It wasn’t like a sponsorship to get into the personal aspects of a person’s life. It was usually all business, and right now, Aria was ruffling my feathers.
“I have that under control.”
“Do you?”
“Aria, what is the deal here? I don’t need to be counseled on every aspect of my life, I assure you of that much.”
She smiled softly. “There’s no need to get upset, Caleb. I’m not trying to get into your personal business. I just want to help you if there’s a chance that I can. Part of our sponsorship is to guide you in the best ways possible. If there is something holding you back when you get to the majors, then there may be a way that we can help you out.”
I sighed, “What do you have in mind?” I was becoming very irritated with Aria. She was asking more than what I was willing to give. I didn’t need the additional stress of pleasing my sponsors so close to the majors.
They usually stood in the background and didn’t bother me. Now they were breathing down my neck, even when I was doing well. I couldn’t imagine what she had in mind that she thought would help me, but it didn’t appear as if I would have a choice in the matter. I would be discussing things with my father, however, to make sure he didn’t think that they were taking things a little far. Though, he loved my new attitude about life, so he probably would agree with anything Aria suggested.
“I was thinking about having you meet with someone to talk through your issues regarding the majors.”
“I don’t have issues, Aria.”
She smiled sweetly. “I’m not suggesting that you do. But it is a problem that you have had every year. Maybe it’s something that you can talk about with a professional and work through it. Then when you get to the majors, it’s not something that you have to worry about.”
“I see.”
“Look, Caleb, we wouldn’t even be going through all this effort if we didn’t like you. We truly believe in your talents as a golf player, and we think we can help you – if you will just let us help you.”
“Okay, fine, Aria, whatever you want.”
“Great, I will set up an appointment for this afternoon if you aren’t busy and you can get started.”
“Wonderful. Do you mind if I go grab a coffee first?”
“Of course, go ahead. I will text you the information.”
I left the office without another word. I didn’t need to get into anything else. I headed out of the building, not even saying goodbye to Lisa, even though she waved at me. I was beyond annoyed and couldn’t even think straight.
I couldn’t believe they are sending me to a sports psychiatrist. It’s not like I was nuts. I didn’t have any issues that needed to be worked out. The whole thing was ridiculous. But if that’s what I needed to do in order to get what I wanted, then I would do it. It was important to keep Aria happy. The majors weren’t that far off, and I needed to focus and get it done.
I walked across the street and into a coffee shop. I was going to need all the help I could get in order to get through that session. It was best just to get it over with as soon as possible.
With coffee in hand, I walked into the building where the sports psychiatrist was located. Aria had texted me the address of a Dr. Wayne Brentwood, whose office was only down the block from Under Armour. I was looking forward to getting the session over with and going to have a drink. When I got to the reception area, I took a seat and waited. About ten minutes passed before the receptionist came out and motioned me to go with her. I followed her down a long hallway, where she opened a door.
“Your two o’clock is here, Dr. Brentwood.”
“Thank you, Patricia.”
I stood there awkwardly as she left the room.
“Please have a seat, Caleb.”
I was relieved to not see a black leather couch in the room. I didn’t have any intention of lying down and crying about all my imaginary problems. There was what could be considered a loveseat, and I went to sit on it. Sit. Not lay down.
“Well, it’s nice to meet you, Caleb. I’ve been watching your career for years and was pleased when Aria called and told me you wanted to talk.”
“I don’t want to talk. She forced me to come here.”
He chuckled. “I see. Well, fair enough. Let’s dig right in, then, and hopefully, we can find a solution to what makes you choke during the majors.”
I shifted uncomfortably. I hated talking about it; it was something that embarrassed me immensely, and I loathed the idea that I would have to discuss it with a doctor. “Okay.”
“So, Caleb, explain to me what happens when you choke up. Is it always at the same time? Is there something you think about that gets you wired?”
I thought back to the last time it happened. It was a terrible feeling. It was like all the pressure just built up like a volcano. Instead of bursting in a good way, however, and allowing me to win, it instead kept me frozen in the spot until I was forced to act. The result was always the most terrible shot I could ever make. It was so embarrassing.
“It’s hard to explain... There isn’t a particular thing that happens. I think it’s just a fear of failure that overtakes me, to the point where I can’t even think of a great shot. I just do the stupidest thing possible, which causes me to lose. It’s always as if I’m trying to lose, but I’m not. I swear, I really want this badly.”
“Oh, I believe you, Caleb. I don’t think that you would be going through all this if you didn’t want it badly.”
“It’s such a rookie move. I don’t know why I do it.”
“It can happen for a lot of reasons. It’s certainly a lot of pressure. If I were to guess, I would think the pressure gets to you. Some people thrive on pressure, while others will crumble underneath the weight of it. In your case, I think you have way more than you need, more than your fair share. I think when it counts, it’s easier to give up than to power through all that pressure.”
I nodded. I always believed the pressure was what got to me. But how do you fight something like that? It was more than I could stand sometimes. I didn’t have a chance against it. It’s not like the majors were going to suddenly become less stressful.
“So, how do I stop the pressure? It’s not like it’s just going to go away.”
“No, it’s not, but there are ways around that. You need to erase the pressure from your mind. It can’t be something you think about during the majors, at all. That’s how you get tripped up.”
I flung my hands in the air. “Are you kidding me? How am I supposed to do that? I can’t think of anything else but everyone’s expectations around me. I swear to God, I think my dad will disown me if I lose again.”
“Well, that’s not fair to you. You deal with enough pressure just as an athlete without worrying about your dad.”
“Yeah, well. Story of my life.”
“I would suggest you think about something else while at the majors. The goal here is to get you to focus on that other thing before the majors so that by the time you get there, you know how to focus your energy and mind on something positive, instead of something negative, like all that pressure.”
“Like what? It’s hard to focus on anything but all that fucking pressure that I have around me.”
“I know, Caleb, but you must try. Why don’t you focus on your new girlfriend? She is a very pretty girl. Or how about a reward that you can give yourself when you win? Like a new house or a car that you want. A reward is a great way to get you to focus on your goals, to give you something to work towards.”
“You really think it’s that easy? That I could just think of something else and it will all be okay?”
“Don’t underestimate the power of the mind, Caleb. For one thing, it’s not easy to ignore massive amounts of pressure. Focusing your mind on something else is going to take some time because it’s natural for people to focus on the negative. It’s much harder to focus on positive things during a stressful time.”
“So, what do you suggest?”
“I want you to think about something that makes you happy. Make it a daily event where you sort of meditate on this thing that makes you happy. Don’t let anything distract you from this feeling. Hopefully, by the time the majors come around, you will be used to thinking about the thing that makes you happy. That way, when things start to get stressful, you can quickly focus on something good.”
I nodded. I wasn’t sure if it was really going to work, but I was willing to try anything at that point.
“Okay, I’m willing to try. Thank you for your time. I guess I will see you next time.”
Dr. Brentwood nodded. “Find something that makes you happy, Caleb.”
“Okay.” I walked out of the office feeling at least a little bit better about things. Maybe there was a way that I could turn things around, erase the pressure that tried to suffocate me.
Just then my phone went off, and I pulled it out to check it. It was my father sending me an invite to an event that night. I looked at it with interest and an idea formed in my mind. I looked in my contacts until I found Hailey’s number. I clicked on it to call her and waited.
“Hello, Caleb. How are you?”
“I’m great. I was wondering if you were free tonight?”
“Sure, what do you have in mind?”
“Well, I just got an invite to a movie opening tonight from my father. He’s actually very good friends with the director of the movie. That sounded like something that would be right up your alley, and it would be a lot of fun. Obviously, there would be a ton of cool people for you to meet there, and I would be willing to introduce you to some of them. You never know, it might be open a few doors for you. Do you want to come meet me?”
“Oh my God, are you serious? I would love to go. That would be a dream come true.”
I laughed. I couldn’t help it; her passion was contagious.
“Don’t laugh. You have no idea how amazing this is. Thank you. I’m thrilled to go.”
“Oh, it’s my pleasure. Dress in something nice, and I’ll meet you later.”
She hung up the phone, and I smiled down at it. The idea of helping Hailey’s career warmed me up. I needed to head to my apartment, so I could change as well.