Avery
“Spill it, Momma,” Maddi says, her arms crossed and brows furrowed, all soft lines on her face hardened as she gives me the sweetest serious expression ever.
“Spill what?” I glance to her.
As promised, I was here when she woke up and we had breakfast together—Cinnamon Toast Crunch. The breakfast of childhood champions.
She cocks her head to the side, which in conjunction, moves her entire body. “You’ve been gone a lot and you’re never gone a lot, so I asked Aunt Rave and she said I had to ask you, which only means you’re doing something and I want to know what.”
Both my brows jump high onto my forehead. “Oh. We’re switching roles today? Like you’re the momma and I’m the daughter?” I look to the bowl and drop the wash rag. “In that case, you need to finish the dishes.”
She huffs and her whole face pinches tight. “Noooo. I can’t do the dishes. I’m seven, but you say I can’t. But I’m a big girl and you said keeping secrets from each other is bad, but I think you have a secret because you won’t tell me.”
Her damn smart brains…
I guess now is better than never to fill her part of the way in. I dry off my hands as I bring her to the table, pulling a chair directly in front of me, and make her sit.
“Okay, smarty pants. I have been doing something,” I start and instantly my nerves make it hard to breathe. “I met a man and we’ve gone on a few dates.”
Her blue eyes bulge. “No way!” she shrieks. “Do you like him? Does he like you? Has he given you a rose? Why haven’t I met him? Is he not cute? If he’s not, it’s okay ‘cause looks aren’t everything but they help.”
“Whoa. Whoa.” I crack up. “He is really, really cute, and he’s given me twelve roses, but I want to make sure we’re happy enough together before I introduce you to him. You’ll understand when you grow up.”
Her little mouth falls to the floor. “Twelve roses? Momma, he really likes you.”
That is what she caught out of the sentence…
“He does and I like him, but I want to make super duper sure we’re really happy together.”
“Are you going to marry him?”
I flinch. “No, baby. I haven’t been dating him that long to start thinking about that.”
“Andy said her parents got married like…” she looks up to the ceiling for her answer, “the same day they met. And they’re happy and Andy’s mom makes dinner and does the laundry. They sleep in the same room and sometimes they cuddle on the couch.”
I smile. “Sounds like Andy’s parents really love each other.”
“Do you love him?”
“I like him a whole bunch.”
“If you like him, then I’ll like him and I already like him because you smile more and I think you’re pretty when you smile. I bet he thinks you’re pretty too specially if he likes you. We should invite him for supper and I can see if I like him. I can give you thumbs up or down and if I don’t like him we can kick him out and eat his dessert. When will you bring him over?”
Her long-winded conversations always cause me to laugh. I’ve tried teaching her to pause, to put a damn period in there, but when she’s excited, mad, happy, or sad, her sentences run a paragraph long.
“A few more dates and I promise you’ll meet him as long as I’m still really happy.”
Her brows furrow and she narrows her eyes. “Promise?”
“I do.”
That pleases her and she shrugs. “Okay. Can we go to the park today? I showed Uncle Roo I can hang upside down and I want to show you and see if you can do it too because it’s fun. We can hang upside down and talk.”
What it would be like to have her energy again…
The weather, regardless if it’s barely in the fifties, is beautiful. The sun is shining, warming everything it touches, and the air is calm without a breeze. And my wild child is running around on the playground making sure I remember I’m getting old. We’ve played on the swings, hit the slides, hung upside down, and then made up an obstacle course involving every piece of equipment on the playground. The good news—it’s great for endurance. The bad news—I’m exhausted and relieved when another little girl catches Maddi’s attention.
After letting her run out her energy for an hour and a half, we head back home. Ryan’s cleaning out his flower bed when I pull back into my driveway. Maddi springs out the door, rushing over to him. And by the time I arrive, Ryan is getting an earful of all things playground play.
He peers up to me as Maddi takes off to the backyard. “She wore you out, huh?”
“Where the hell does she get all her energy?”
“She’s a spitting image of you. Where do you think?”
“She makes me feel old,” I snicker.
“You used to run around everyone for hours and still can depending on what you’re doing,” he says.
Max: My bed smells of your perfume.
Me: Are you saying you miss me?
Max: Most definitely.
Me: Are you always this sweet?
Max: When it’s worth my time, yes.
Ryan stands and nods at my phone. “Max?”
“Yeah.”
“Maddi’s starting to ask questions.”
“I know. She got me this morning. I answered them as safely as I could,” I tell him.
“You’re starting to be gone a lot. Do you think it’s fair to Maddi?” he says as I follow him to the garage where he puts his rake up.
“After the Kid’s Bazaar, I plan on telling him everything.”
Ryan spins toward me with frustration boring his eyes. “Why not before? Today? Tomorrow?”
I sigh. “Because if he leaves, I won’t be distracted on my run.”
“That’s a bullshit excuse and you know it.” He gruffs. “Where do you stand with him?”
“I really hate having these conversations with you. Between fatherly and brotherly… It feels like an interrogation.”
He suppresses a chuckle. “Because it is, Ave. I want what’s best for you.”
“I’m an adult, Ryan.”
He hardens his stare.
And I buckle. “I’ve tried telling him about her several times, but something keeps interrupting or I choke. I like him and if I’m being honest with myself, I’m starting to love him.”
His lips quirk up. “It’s been a while since I’ve heard those words from you.” But his comforting smile melts. “But how can you love him if all you’ve done is lie to him?”
“The only lie I’ve told him was about boarding and I came clean.”
“You realize he won’t see omitting Maddi that way? She’s a big piece of your life and you’re leaving that out.”
I nod, dropping my view. It’s the very thought that’s haunted me since realizing how I feel about Max. At first, I hid my daughter while I felt him out. Now I’m hiding her in solid fear of losing him. It’s not fair…to either of them.
Ryan shoves my shoulder, bringing me back to the conversation. “A few weeks and you’ll be reminding the world who’s the best of the best. You’re going to shatter the competition. Rumor is, it’s Emma Hughes.”
I grin. I love running with her. She always brings out the best in me. “It is.”
“Your training kicks in this week, right? After work?”
“Yeah. I’ll meet up with Tim after getting Maddi from school.”
“I’ll help you with her, but she’s really excited about watching you. She said she’s not as good as you on the board. It upsets her.”
I exhale, shaking my head. “She tries too hard to be where I am. Things that took me years, she thinks she can do.”
He hugs my shoulder. “She wants to be as good as her mother. I’m going to throw some steaks on the grill tonight. Wanna join?”
I poke his butt chin. “Count me in.”