Avery
I won the freestyle. Came in third on the halfpipe. I was distracted, everything I tried so hard not to be from the get-go. Winning while losing the man I love is bitter sweet. I want to be happy and celebrate, but as my sadness entwines my soul, it dulls my elation. I fought like hell to keep my attention on my run, but Max was at my forefront, more so when I landed.
I should’ve known better. I should’ve told him. I should’ve done a lot of things differently. But being burned so many times has left me…stupid.
I smile as everyone congratulates me, but inside I’m fighting back tears. The crowd beings to move, splitting down the center and revealing Mr. Fred Underwood, Kid’s Bazaar’s president and a longtime family friend, strolling my way…with Max in his wake.
It makes my heart cramp.
It hurts.
My entire body feels like wilting.
“Congratulations, Aubrey,” Fred says fondly, privy to my secrets and winks before he kisses my cheek.
I’ve known him for as long as I can remember. He was a close friend of my dad’s and his wife, Rori, friends with my mother.
“Thank you.”
He steps to the side and introduces Max. “This is Max Lauder, our sponsor.”
Kill me now.
Max sticks his hand out, stoic and without any of the emotions I know he was feeling earlier. “Congratulations,” he says coolly and with an easy smile. A sliver of disappointment flickers in his eyes, but professionally he covers it up and stares back at me. The fracture in my heart widens as my throat begins to scratch.
“Thank you.” My voice strangles as I shake his hand. Sparks zip up my arm as his fingers wrap around mine. I feel them in my soul. In my heart. But if he felt it, he’s not showing it. He’s completely emotionless, powering only the disciplined professionalism within him.
“As we discussed this morning in the briefing, this year’s winners will be attending a dinner. Something different to say thank you,” Fred says. “Prior to it, we’ll hold a small conference for the reporters.” He tightens his smile and raises his brow expectantly. “I know you don’t like to do interviews…”
I flash a genuine smile. “I don’t like the prying vultures. But I’ve learned how to handle them.” The bottom of my throat burns like hell.
Max says nothing more to me. I can’t tell you if it hurts him to look at me as badly as it hurts me because I’m too scared to look at him. He retreats when Mr. Underwood does. It’s torture to watch his back, especially since he was the first person I wanted to celebrate with.
“I told him he could have my socks because his shoes looked really thin but he didn’t take them. I think he was really nice.”
Maddi hasn’t shut up about Max since Raven brought her by my hotel room. Everything she says pours salt into my wounds. She likes Max…I was so worried about it that I was too scared to introduce the two.
I roll my eyes to the ceiling for a miracle. Raven nudges me. “You all right?”
“No.” My voice cracks and I clear my throat warding it off. “I fucked up big time and now I don’t know how to fix it. I should’ve just listened to you and Ryan.”
“You did what you thought was best.” Her eyes are sympathetic and it makes my tears I’m fighting to keep at bay burn. “Right or wrong way, your intent wasn’t to hurt but to protect. Avery, you’re a mother first.”
I turn my back toward her. “Zip me, please.”
I’m a tomboy with fashion. I prefer jeans over dresses. Bras with my clothing. Flats over heels. So playing dress-up for a sponsored dinner sucks ass when all I want is to be comfortable. “This dress is over the top and I’m hating Celeste for making me wear it,” I grumble.
It’s deep red without a back and a v-neck that sinks low, which I hate. It has a split that strikes up to my side revealing way too much of my leg and hip. It’s stunning and gorgeous and I’m too fancy to be sad.
Raven swats my arm. “You’re stunning in it.”
“I have to go,” I tell her, drowning in melancholy. “How do I look?”
The smile on her lips hasn’t made it to her eyes and I know it’s because I’m hurting, even if it’s my own ridiculous fault. “You look great.”
I kiss Maddi goodbye and tell her I’ll be home tomorrow. She’s always been so patient and understanding when it comes to these sorts of things. She’s so good to me.
Walking into the banquet hall is chaos. Reporters are all over the place with their stupid microphones and recorders shoved out and their cameras flashing. It forces me to smile through the pain of not having Max beside me. He would’ve made an amazing date.
I follow the signs and make my way beside Emma, who is absolutely beautiful in her pink dress. She sits beside her boyfriend, Jason, who also won the men’s snowboarding freestyle.
“Ms. Neal.” My name is called out several times before I can get comfortable in my seat. “Yet another win. High scores with every run. Did you experience any nerves today?” a reporter shouts impatiently.
I nod. More than they’ll ever know. “I always get nervous before a run. Walking to the line is the worst, but once there, I find my confidence. Except when I have Emma as a competitor. She always makes me nervous. She’s so fierce and it forces me to concentrate on my every move.”
“Any ugly words exchanged between you two today?”
Instantly irked, I roll my eyes. “There’s never been any bad blood between us. You guys are the ones who fake that.”
They turn their attention to Emma and the others, and I’m relieved to be out of the hot seat. Anxiety digs into my spine, worrying about coming face to face with Max. I have to be professional when all I want to do is throw myself at him and beg him to understand my situation.
Fifteen minutes under the reporters’ scrutiny with all my perturbation feels like an eternity. So, when they finally announce the interview is over and it’s time for the dinner, I nearly sprint out the door to get away…except I don’t know which way I want to run. To the dinner to Max? Or out the door away from reality?
The room is large and elegant with several round tables placed throughout, all draped with silver satin tablecloths. Empty plates sit with silverware and empty glasses beside them.
Slowly, I walk alongside the tables, glancing at the names on the place cards. My heart beats out of my chest the closer I get to the head table, where I know Max will be sitting. And when I finally find my name, I want to vomit through a shattered heart. Max is seated next to me along with Fred and Rori across from us.
Maybe it’s from my emotional day or from my weak legs or from a broken heart, but I sit…at the table…alone. Out of nowhere a hand sets a glass of champagne in front of me. I can smell him and I close my eyes briefly before facing my fears.
“You’re going to need that to get through tonight,” he says, his tone dry and rigid, and he sits without casting another glance my way.
I gulp half of it down. He’s damn right I’m going to need it. This and about ten more.
Fred and Rori approach the table and Max stands. I don’t. I can’t. My ass is cemented to the cushion.
“One hundred and sixty-two thousand dollars we made today,” Fred announces to the room and it erupts in cheers and claps. “Thanks to you, athletes, and some great donations, this year has been our best thus far. On behalf of the board of directors and everyone at Kid’s Bazaar, I thank you. In the upcoming days, each of you will get a print out of where the money is going. I believe being transparent is important. Included in the envelope will be an invitation for you to participate in some of the lessons that will be given, the family days we will have, and also for you to join us again next year. Again, I thank each and every one of you. The families we’re able to help, the children’s lives you’ll brighten—that means the most.”
Everyone claps as he takes a seat and leans in to a kiss from his wife. Although she’s in her late fifties with gleaming gray hair, she doesn’t look a day over forty.
“And you, Mr. Lauder. I personally want to thank you for your sponsorship and your donation.” He tips his glass toward Max.
My hands are in my lap as I mindlessly watch my fingers pick at my nails.
“Ms. Taylor…”
Hearing my real name used in a professional atmosphere surprises me. But it’s not like Max doesn’t know. I lift my head, allowing a polite smile to rest on my lips. “That’s my mother, Freddie, and you know it.”
He beams. “How have you been? I haven’t seen or heard from you in several years. The last time I saw you was about two years ago when you dislocated your shoulder on the first run but still managed to win.”
The memory flashes. I miscalculated my landing and fell hard. Dislocating my shoulder hurt like hell, but with half a million dollars up for grabs, I wasn’t letting it take me down. I braced it, prayed, and went back out.
“I’ve been well,” I answer. “I’ve been helping Ryan out in the office for a few months.”
“How’s he doing?” he asks.
“The usual. Hardheaded, hardworking, and still has a butt chin,” I titter and it causes Fred to chuckle.
“How’s your arm?” He glances to the arm I broke when Aaron’s hitman tried taking me out.
I hold it up. “After two surgeries and too many hours of PT, I healed up just fine.”
“They got the guy who did it, right? Whatever happened to him?”
Apprehensively, I peek to Max, staring at me with wrinkles at the corners of his eyes. I shift, blinking back to Fred. “Prison.”
He nods, leaving it alone, and I’m assuming he heard my silent plea to not talk about it here. “And Maddi?”
I can’t help the smile she brings from me. “She’s great.”
“Did you receive my gift basket I sent after the handicap sledding event?”
Sweet relief causes a genuine smile. “I did. Thank you.”
“Your parents would be proud of you,” he says.
Fred and Rori Underwood knew my parents when they were younger, freshly married and toting around a nine and one-year-old. I can’t remember how Dad said they met, but I know they were close friends and spent a lot of time together even though Fred and Rori don’t have any children.
Fred looks to Max but points to me with a prideful grin. “I’ve known this girl since she was in diapers. I was there when she took her first step and her first time strapping up to ride. She was enthusiastic and determined even though she busted her tail so many times. The little thing kept getting back up.”
Embarrassed, I tuck my chin, looking back to my hands.
“Determination is the key to success,” Max says, impassively.
“I was also there when you landed your first big ten eighty. You remember that?” Fred asks.
It pulls a laugh out of me and I look up to him. “I bit the snow so many times that day. I was covered in bruises and barely able to walk the next day.”
“But look at you now. A household name.”
I blow a breath. “Not quite.”
“You’ve always been humble. That’s your mother shinning from you.”
I don’t respond. The last thing I want to talk about is my parents.
“Max,” Fred switches. “I heard you bought land to expand further. Again. Business must be doing well.”
“It is.” I don’t have to see him to know pride is billowing off him. “The plans are finalized. I’ll be expanding the vineyard and leaving some land open until I make up my mind as to what I want to do.”
Feeling jealous that I haven’t heard much about his plans with the land, I raise my view to him. “I bet your girlfriend could give you a few ideas.”
His fucking lips tic. “If I had one, I’m sure she could.”
Fire burns in my chest and I’m sure he feels my glare.
“It’s located close to the winery?”
“Actually, it borders my land.”
“Hmmm,” Fred grunts and then shifts, leaning up on his elbows. “Which side of you?”
“The east of me.”
“Do you know who you were bidding against?”
Max shakes his head. “I don’t. That information wasn’t available. Never good for business.”
“Was it a lot of land?”
“About eighty acres.”
When Fred’s eyes hit me, my stomach sinks and before I can stop myself, I ask, “Does it have a house sitting about an acre in?”
“Yeah. I think it sits off Fawn Creek Road.”
I gasp. I’ve been punched in the stomach. Disgust curls my lips. Hurt shatters my fucking soul. I can’t breathe. I can’t get enough air. “It was you,” I choke out, not even trying to hold the rage burning. “Excuse me,” I grit, slamming to my feet and storming off.
How damn satirical can the universe be. It was him. It was Max fucking Lauder who broke my heart months ago and bought my grandparents’ land out from under me. I tried so hard but he kept countering and then the final offer…I couldn’t touch it. And it killed me when I lost it. My family’s property was within my reach, and it fell just short of my fingers.
I stomp past my room and slam through the glass doors leading to the rooftop terrace, hoping it’s empty. Glancing around, only one couple is hiding in the corner enjoying their conversation. I go the opposite direction for my own privacy.
Dropping into the lounger, my body deflates. The city lights blur through my tears, reds and yellows, whites and oranges bleeding together and creating squiggly messes.
“I didn’t know,” Max says softly behind me.
I jump slightly, not expecting anyone, but I don’t turn and face him. Instead, I wipe the tears on my cheeks. “How’d you find me?”
He breathes out. “We’re on the same floor. Avery, I didn’t know it was you.”
I close my eyes. “I had my lawyer meet with you to explain…” Anger blasts through me and I stand, spinning toward him with my hands balled. And his normal stoic face…well, that just pisses me off even more. “For months, I begged and begged. That land was my grandmother’s. My dad built me a small practice area out back where I spent hours learning to board. When my parents died, my grandmother had to sell it. And to find out you ripped it away again…”
He arches his brow. “How do I know this wasn’t some elaborate plan of yours? A way to use me, to hurt me?”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I laugh through the animosity ripping from my throat. “If I had known it was you, I would’ve never given you a second glance. What kind of person hears the story behind it and then raises their bid?”
He shoves his hands in his pockets with his eyes crinkling at the sides. “I’ve had my eye on that land for years.”
“You’re fucking heartless,” I snap.
His jaw flexes. “Business is always heartless.”
Despair submerges me. “Well, congratulations on both your land and proving how callous you can be.”
Turning on my heel, I storm away, pushing back through the doors and into the hotel toward my room.
“Avery, stop.” Max snatches my wrist, spinning me toward him. “I didn’t—”
“Get your damn hands off me,” I snarl, and immediately he lets go.
Two more doors. I fish my keycard out of my clutch, swipe it, and shove through, slamming it behind me. Except Max stops it with his foot.
“Avery…”
“Get out,” I shout.
“No.” He moves closer. “You find out I bought the land, have me fall blindly in love with you, and then shred me. How do I know you didn’t purposely do it?”
His glare flicks to mine, so intense my soul feels it.
“You’ve hidden your entire life from me as I opened mine to you. How do I know this wasn’t your plans?”
“I’m not your type of heartless,” I blast back.
“Then tell me why I wasn’t good enough for you.” All the pain, all the hurt, bellows out of him.
And it breaks me. I look away.
“Fucking tell me something, Avery.”
“Everyone leaves me when I tell them about Maddi, including her worthless father,” I fume. “Fucking forgive me for being leery. Forgive me for wanting to protect my daughter and myself. We weren’t supposed to be serious, Max. I haven’t wanted a relationship in years.”
“Then why did you allow me to fall in love with you if you knew you didn’t want anything with me?” he gruffs, sardonically. “Why did you lead me to believe something else?
“Because I…” I stumble.
“Say it, Avery,” he grits.
I look him in the eyes. “Because I fell in love with you.”
He crushes into my lips, slipping a hand into my hair and pulling me closer, deepening the kiss. It’s desperate and urgent, and all my emotions I’ve experienced today come crashing into me. I kiss him back with all my might.
I’m frenzied, wild to feel him. I shove his suit jacket off his shoulders and rip open his shirt, buttons breaking and bouncing off the floor. Blindly, he finds the zipper at the back of my dress, lowers it, and pushes it off me. It puddles on the floor around my feet, leaving me naked in nothing but my thong and heels. I fumble on his pants but then release them, pushing them off his hips. He removes his mouth from mine, bends to pluck a condom from his pants, and then jerks me into his arms, lifting me.
He shoves my back into the wall, holding me with his body while he rolls his condom on underneath me. He lines up and slams me down onto him.
I hiss at the stretch, digging my nails into his shoulders as he gyrates his hips, moving in and out of me. His mouth stays on my chest as he bucks upward. I rock against the wall as he thrusts hard. His breath comes out in short spurts as he pushes deeper, and then by my ass he carries me to the bed where he lays me down gently before barreling back into me.
He’s standing with my ankles in his hands, plunging into me unrestrained. His unfocused eyes glazed over with passion, darker and more depraved than I’ve ever seen, sear me. Static electricity charges my skin. My muscles coil tightly. I grip the sheets, arching my back, and my mouth falls open as my mewl rushes out into the silence.
Ravenous, Max slams into me, bringing my orgasm more power, and it fiercely reels me into its wicked delight. Convulsions explode and I no longer can hold back my cries.
Max grits his teeth and closes his eyes, pumping into me. His grip on my ankles tightens and he leans back, rolling his hips and blessing me with deep dips and perfect drives.
Carnal and sinful eyes fall back on me with so much adoration and desperate with love, my chest feels heavy.
“Fuck,” he bites, rooting himself and groaning as he climaxes.
Every muscle in his body vibrates. He squeezes his eyes shut surrendering to a damn potent orgasm. His breathing is labored as he catches his breath, keeping his eyes closed.
Slowly he pulls out, rids himself of the condom and tosses it into the wastebasket beside the television before moving in beside me. He holds me, nestling his face against my neck.
We lie in silence, my satiated mind still racing. Being with him. Being without him. Loving him. Hating him. Exhausted from my high adrenaline emotional roller coaster, I fall into a slumber.
Something stirs me and my eyes spring open to see Max sleeping beside me. His breath is steady, face relaxed, lips without any tension. His handsome features are natural and not holding a drop of emotion. It’s just him…
My anger is still just under the surface and I can feel it beginning to boil my blood again. Quickly, I slip out of the bed, grab some of my clothes, and get dressed in the bathroom. I straighten up, wiping the mascara out from under my eyes, and run my fingers through my hair.
Pulling open the door quietly, Max has shifted to his back, one arm behind his head, the other holding the empty spot where I was. I sneak to my purse…
A damn Avery special in progress.
“Where are you going?”
His voice startles me. I yelp, clutching my chest. “Holy shit!”
He sits up. “Are you leaving?”
I try to swallow my tears but they spill over anyway. “You and I were over the moment I didn’t tell you about Maddi. You were right. I didn’t trust you enough, but more importantly, I didn’t trust myself. Now, you’ll never trust me.”
“Avery—”
“And knowing how cold-hearted you can be, regardless of the circumstances… I hate knowing you even possess that side. It’s contradictory to everything that made me fall in love with you. But worst of all… I hate you for it.”
“So, you’re leaving?” he says, begrudgingly. “Even after earlier?”
“Earlier was a mistake,” I admit, lying to myself.
His jaw is clenched as our stares linger and then I walk out the room…